Do puns count? Because I have a bunch. (I don't claim ownership to many of these. Most were from my DM. We sat around creating monsters that he wanted to use at some point in a campaign.)
A grasslands druid gnoll: a grassy gnoll! A gnoll that was cursed with flatulence: a gassy gnoll A giant bird with pincers: a roc lobster A crimson skeleton that attacks people with Vicious Mockery in the form of old jokes: a Red Skeleton A large snake on a horse in a red outfit: a Mounty Pyton A scary pirate fools-gold golem named Robets: the dread pyrite Roberts. Giant leach in a crown: Leach King A fungus with a PHD: Doctor Shroom A rodent with a PHD: Doctor Shrew A giant horned horse that eats planets: the Unicron. The Manataur: half man, half man.
A high elf, halfling and human are locked up in a dwarvish stronghold and are sentenced to one year in private cells. The dwarves, as an act of kindness, decide they should allow the prisoners one request before their long year in solitary. The high elf asks for a years supply of fine wine; the dwarves begrudgingly provide him with several hundred bottles. The halfing asks for a years supply of whisky; the dwarves provide him with thousands of bottles. The human asks for a years supply of fine cigars which the Dwarves gladly provide.
After a year the prisoners are released. First, the door to the Elves cell is opened, he staggers out and, with the last bottle of wine in his hands collapses on the ground dead from alcohol poisoning. Then, they open the halflings cell to find that she has already met a similar fate. Now, by this time every dwarve in the whole mountain is excited to see what sort of state the human is in. After all the various bets have been made the door to the cell is opened. The human strides out and asks, "Have any of you got a light?"
My group's hobo monk has been catching bats and stuffing them in his bag. Last session he whipped one out at this one bad Vistani (this is a Curse of Strahd campaign) that was chasing a woman and got a critical hit. That's right, he committed assault and Batterry.
My friend told me about a campaign he DMed where they were in a library and the books formed a monster called a "book wyrm" It was a dragon made of books. His players didn't get it.
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DM, player, and worshipper of dragons. Hi!
Serifey Maladaela, dragonborn monk-Beyond This Earthly Realm "My name means angel of vengeance in Draconic. It describes me well."
"Well met, adventurer. You seem like a curious sort who enjoys the finer things. Permit me to thrust upon you my latest masterwork, years in the making." Volothamp Geddarm
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D&D Beyond FoundersLike the title says - DnD based jokes!
I bet you can find some that are better than this one:
Q: What's nine feet long, has six legs, and flies?
A: Three dead halflings!
Pun-loving nerd | Faith Elisabeth Lilley | She/Her/Hers | Profile art by Becca Golins
If you need help with homebrew, please post on the homebrew forums, where multiple staff and moderators can read your post and help you!
"We got this, no problem! I'll take the twenty on the left - you guys handle the one on the right!"🔊
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InsidersDo puns count? Because I have a bunch. (I don't claim ownership to many of these. Most were from my DM. We sat around creating monsters that he wanted to use at some point in a campaign.)
A grasslands druid gnoll: a grassy gnoll!
A gnoll that was cursed with flatulence: a gassy gnoll
A giant bird with pincers: a roc lobster
A crimson skeleton that attacks people with Vicious Mockery in the form of old jokes: a Red Skeleton
A large snake on a horse in a red outfit: a Mounty Pyton
A scary pirate fools-gold golem named Robets: the dread pyrite Roberts.
Giant leach in a crown: Leach King
A fungus with a PHD: Doctor Shroom
A rodent with a PHD: Doctor Shrew
A giant horned horse that eats planets: the Unicron.
The Manataur: half man, half man.
A dwarf with a canoe on his back? What could go wrong?
What kind of sword did Rorik's father give to him when he left for his grand adventure?
A SON-BLADE!
A high elf, halfling and human are locked up in a dwarvish stronghold and are sentenced to one year in private cells. The dwarves, as an act of kindness, decide they should allow the prisoners one request before their long year in solitary. The high elf asks for a years supply of fine wine; the dwarves begrudgingly provide him with several hundred bottles. The halfing asks for a years supply of whisky; the dwarves provide him with thousands of bottles. The human asks for a years supply of fine cigars which the Dwarves gladly provide.
After a year the prisoners are released. First, the door to the Elves cell is opened, he staggers out and, with the last bottle of wine in his hands collapses on the ground dead from alcohol poisoning. Then, they open the halflings cell to find that she has already met a similar fate. Now, by this time every dwarve in the whole mountain is excited to see what sort of state the human is in. After all the various bets have been made the door to the cell is opened. The human strides out and asks, "Have any of you got a light?"
Here's a joke; my party's survival rate!
"When I finally find a pen I have nothing to say..." ~Some graffiti I found once.
My group's hobo monk has been catching bats and stuffing them in his bag. Last session he whipped one out at this one bad Vistani (this is a Curse of Strahd campaign) that was chasing a woman and got a critical hit. That's right, he committed assault and Batterry.
My friend told me about a campaign he DMed where they were in a library and the books formed a monster called a "book wyrm" It was a dragon made of books. His players didn't get it.
DM, player, and worshipper of dragons. Hi!
Serifey Maladaela, dragonborn monk-Beyond This Earthly Realm "My name means angel of vengeance in Draconic. It describes me well."
Why can't a fallen paladin walk straight?
He's out of alignment.
What's the difference between an insane asylum and a band of dragon hunters?
Magic weapons.
How do you get a chord from half-orc bards?
Ask them to play the same note.
How do you get a one-armed goblin out of a tree?
Wave!
Q: Why does everybody love hit points?
A: Because they're the life of the party!
"Well met, adventurer. You seem like a curious sort who enjoys the finer things. Permit me to thrust upon you my latest masterwork, years in the making." Volothamp Geddarm
Why wouldn't the Werebat go out side?
Because every cloud had a "silver Lining"!
You failed a strength save against Lightning Lure What happens next will shock you!
Rangers.
"The Epic Level Handbook wasn't that bad, guys.
Guys, pls."
Why should you never offer Demon Lords Alcohol...? Because they usually end up out of Ba'al-ance.....
Why should you be worried about Drow Paladins? Because they are Lloth-ful Evil....
What happens when a Giant Monster attacks the Kingdom? They Organise a Tarrasque-force....
Good and Evil are different sides of the Same Coin. One Cannot Exist without the other.
Always Looking for Feedback and Critique on anything I Publish, IM me if you have suggestions.
What do you call a were-tarrasque?
A Lycan-NOPE!
A party walk into a tavern and sit down. The waitress asked why they have their weapons on them in a tavern. One replies: "mimics".
The waitress laughed, the party laughed, the table laughed, they killed the table.
Not sure it counts but I used this in a D&D game once -
"Throwing acid is wrong, in some people's eyes."
In the form of vicious mockery:
I love your skin! It will make a lovely jacket..
Are you a minotaur or a mini-taur?
Throw lime in my eyes, burn out the Sea hags hideousness- oh, its not a sea hag, just regular ugly.
This is why warlocks are viewed with suspicion - they are Hex predators.
Use your flame attacks, we can sell the meat as Orc Scratchings
Deadly, silent but so, so slow, you ooze you lose.
Beware! Drow are so desperate to get out of the house, dying on our blades seems preferable to them.
I am no mere bard, but a master ranger, fear my Hunters Snark.
Zombies make better career choices than you.
Why do rogues prefer leather armour?
It's literally made of hide
What's the name of a lich's favourite gym?
Azalin Flex
How do liches stay warm in the winter?
Lairs
What happens when a dark elf casts sleep on you? You get Drow-sy.
Best name for an armor shop that delivers? Chain Mail. The favorite possessions of a Drow priestess? Chained Males.
When sized for Humans it's a quarterstaff, so if it's sized for Halflings is it an eigthstaff?
I see you've just returned from Malbolge. You have that Glaysa'd look in your eye.
Says to the dragon, “you’re twice as likely to die on your birthday. Happy birthday!”