Ninth level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Venn (tiefling sorcerer), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger), Al (halfling cleric), and Pin the kobold.
About five minutes into the session, Nu's player is reviewing her inventory...
Nu: "I have something called a dinner coin from grave robbing..." Ferrin: "We told you this would happen!" Serena: "I thought it would be longer, but yes, we did."
===
Talking about trying to cure Ferrin's weird magical curse/disease that manifests more as he casts more spells in a day.
Serena: "You're a really valuable ally, but you could be better." Ferrin: "When you put it that way it doesn't sound very good." Serena: "Um, I mean, in my professional opinion as a healer, you're not at your best." Nu: "Just stop talking, Serena, you're digging deeper."
===
We need to keep a low profile to not get drafted into fighting on the front (we want to go to a different part of the conflict, both to pursue leads on a cure for Ferrin and to find the commando team Phillip led out during our Feywild absence), so Mikhail (NPC) is providing us with civilian clothes. Worth noting is that Xanlar has an aversion to bathing.
DM: "Xanlar is taking off his armor for the first time since you've met him so there's this loud shlick sound." Ferrin: "As he peels off his armor I'm casting prestidigitation to cancel out the smell." Xanlar: "My skin feels weird" Ferrin: "You've lost the protective layer." DM: "And as Ferrin cleans you with his magic, you realize that you didn't have a suntan after all!"
Serena changes out of her chainmail into a dress, first shooing the others out of the room then letting them back in once she's done. This is also the first time the others have seen her like this.
Mikhail: "Wow, you look a lot different." Serena: "Yes. I am, in fact, a girl." Nu: "Where'd Serena go?"
===
Pin returns from having gone out earlier, now all jacked up with stab wounds. As Serena heals him he starts to explain that he was previously complicit in a plan by the smuggler captain that brought us downriver attempting to transport some yet unspecified creature that has apparently taken up residence in the town's sewers and grown quite a bit.
Pin: "I found the thing." Serena: "What is the thing?" Pin: "I don't know what the thing is." Ferrin: "Then why did you bring it?" Serena: *ooc* "I cross my arms and do my best impression of a disapproving teacher." Pin: "You aren't nearly as scary without your armor."
Pin explains that "the thing" is now very large, has a bunch of tendrils and many big teeth. Also there is apparently a cult of wererats worshipping it, one of which had discovered him sneaking about with a guard beast.
Serena: "Rat dog? And it was barking? Somehow with wererats worshipping some kind of tentacle monster I find that disturbing."
After a conversation in which Serena applauds pin for growing a conscience but pointing out he still has a ways to go, we decide that we should get rid of the "thing" before leaving town. Serena and Xanlar change back into their armor and Nu summons a swarm of pixies to polymorph us into pigeons so we can get to the sewer entrance unnoticed. As we're flying out the window...
Xanlar: "Can I poop on the people walking under us?" DM: "Roll dex."
About five minutes into the session, Nu's player is reviewing her inventory...
Nu: "I have something called a dinner coin from grave robbing..." Ferrin: "We told you this would happen!" Serena: "I thought it would be longer, but yes, we did."
I love drow, rogues and Chinese weapons. I mean come on, rope darts are awesome.
My current character is a drow shadow monk, with a "unique" honor code (give him some time, he's working through some stuff). He also sucks on the socialization side of interacting with all other living creatures. which is very fun to RP.
DM: "...one coin the size of a dinner plate..." Nu: "One dinner coin..." Serena: "A month and a half from now you're going to be reading through your inventory..." Nu: "I'm also putting 'from coffin chest.'"
Now...
About five minutes into the session, Nu's player is reviewing her inventory...
Nu: "I have something called a dinner coin from grave robbing..." Ferrin: "We told you this would happen!" Serena: "I thought it would be longer, but yes, we did."
Hahaha! That's why I always note SO MUCH MORE when adding stuff in inventory! :D
DM: “As you are navigating the dense rows of crops, you come across a humanoid figure affixed to a wooden post.”
Player 1: “I would like to investigate.” (Rolls)
DM: “It is a scarecrow.”
Player 2: “KILL IT…!!!”
(two players proceed to knock the scarecrow off the post, and repeatedly bash it on the ground, while the others look on, confused)
…in our previous campaign, a scarecrow had magically animated, and attacked with razor claws. The two players were playing as the same characters from that campaign, so canonically, they were VERY paranoid around scarecrows.
today, only a small fraction of the party was here, we were playing descent into avernus and had already (accidentally) derailed the campaign
so:
5th level party of Petra (half hobgoblin cleric), Aria (air genasi druid who's usually a bear), Ozz (goblin ranger), Sandra (dragonborn bard), and Tivian (dragonborn zombie rogue)
wEll. we were in a beholder's shop and he was selling some... stuff, including the Xanathar's goldfish. Naturally, since we have already exploited the deck of many things to get a pouch of infinite money, we bought it.
And then... the cleric snapped.
Lawful good to chaotic evil.
Avernus madness, it'll get to you, ya know?
Aaaaanyways, she grabs the goldfish and casts Sending to send a message to the Xanathar itself.
Cleric: "Hey, Xanathar! We have your fish and we're going to kill it! Come and get it, hahA!"
She proceeded to scream some very rude insults about the Xanathar, the fish, and the Xanathar's mother. The party tries to stop her, kill her, anything, but this cleric was the unhittable AC 21 tank, so no one could.
She BIT THE GOLDFISH'S HEAD OFF and then attacked the party (she was under the DM's control by this point)
Nat 1.
She hits herself and gets knocked out. They then spend forever trying to kill her while she is unconscious but still can't hit her.
Finally, someone does.
The ranger. The non-revised, vanilla, terrible stats Beast Master who hasn't hit anything at all this entire adventure. He finally hits. And kills the real BBEG of the campaign.
Suddenly, however, loud thumping. It's Zariel. And her armies. Our time has run out. The party basically gets nuked :)
The cleric's soul gets dissolved in the Styx along with the warforged who was a jerk, the rest of the party ends up in Limbo except Ozz (our ranger) and Lulu (the hollyphant NPC), who go to Elysium as they deserve.
Idk if this really fits here, it was kinda depressing and i still sort of hate myself (i was the cleric) but like idk it seemed funny to us
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she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
So after the thing i just posted we started a new campaign we'd been looking forward to. A Strixhaven campaign! So rn we're just picking up the people on the way to college and stuff. The way i'm DMing this, it's very chaotic and silly but pretty dark as well. So. They're picked up by Ms. Frizzle in the Magic School Bus. First off, she picks up two characters from your average Forgotten Realms setting. Our Coffeelock and one of our Artificers.
Then, she shouts "Seatbelts, everyone!"
and drives them to the setting of our last campaign.
Your average universe, but now entirely overtaken by Avernus because sOmE people failed to save it. Also the Xanathar is flying around disintegrating stuff and screaming about its goldfish.
We pull up to a small, average suburban neighborhood. In Avernus. One of the houses gets disintegrated before our eyes, and someone leans out of the window next door to laugh and be glad it wasn't their house.
Ms. Frizzle begins talking casually to some demons. It's clear this is her home plane, and that she is actually the current ruler of Avernus.
Ms. Frizzle: "Oh hey Bloodcrusher, how's it going?"
Bloodcrusher: "Actually, amazing! We just got married!"
(Looks at the other demon next to him and they hug each other and hold up their hands which have wedding rings on)
Ms. Frizzle: "Oh, I'm so happy for you!"
Xanathar: *disintegrates Bloodcrusher's wife and half of their friends*
Bloodcrusher: *starts sobbing, kneeling on the ground next to the pile of dust that was his wife*
We can hear the faint sounds of cooking and also screaming coming from the house in front of us. Finally, out comes our third student and his parents. His parents are Gordon Ramsay and a mirror whom he married named Ramsay Gordon. This student is a tiefling who dresses like an early 2000's college student. Ms. Frizzle greets Gordon Ramsay and talks to him for a while before we drive off again.
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she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
Ninth level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger), Al (halfling cleric), and Pin the kobold.
The party enters the sewers to "take care of" an unspecified tentacle monster and the wererats and their pet rats (which are really big rats) and also a swarm of rats. Nu leads the way in and promptly rolls a low initiative, resulting in a giant rat attacking them twice missing both times before Ferrin and Serena kill it.
DM: "Okay, Nu, now it's your turn. What do you do?" Nu: "Well I don't think I even noticed this guy so I'm going to move over here and conjure eight big axolotls with giant lizard stats all around the rat swarm."
===
Xanlar: "I'll move over here..." DM: "Into the water?" Ferrin: "No! I just cleaned you!" Serena: "Can we tell how deep the water is?" Xanlar: "Wait, is this poop?"
===
Serena: "I will jump across the water to here." DM: "Roll athletics" *6* DM: "That's where Serena was trying to jump to, but she actually lands here in the water." Serena: "Ack! Agh! Gross!"
===
Having gotten to the tentacle monster, Serena uses her Radiant Soul transformation.
Serena: "Pelor bless me with your holy radiance!" Ferrin: *Hums/sings the Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt transformation music* Serena: "Serena's transformation is not like Panty and Stocking's!" DM: "Now I'm imagining it as exactly that." Serena: "I'm definitely not removing any articles of clothing to activate my celestial blessing!"
===
DM: "Two giant octopi appear out of the air and at first you are alarmed but then you notice they are pink." Ferrin: Someday we're going to run into a monster that's actually just pink and we're going to immediately trust it because we think Nu summoned it."
===
Xanlar kills the huge tentacle monster with a critical thunderous smite while Serena is on the other side of it. She was over there for flanking purposes but with it being smote by massive concussive force...
DM: "Serena, you know what that means! Reflex save!" *6* DM: "Yeah, that's guts everywhere and a messy piece of tentacle right to the face." Serena: "Ackphbth! Every time!"
===
Pin: "Okay, I've learned my lesson. No more smuggling weird live creatures, especially when I don't know how big they'll grow." Ferrin: "Maybe just don't smuggle things any more." Pin: "But I like money." Serena: "This is what happens when you associate with shady characters! You get tentacle monsters!" Pin: "YOU'RE a shady character!" Serena: "I am shining with holy radiant light right now, that is the opposite of shady by all definitions of the word!"
===
Upon investigation, the sewers appear to be repurposed as such from some old ruins the town is built on top of. In a nearby chamber the party discovers some notes from one of the wererats predicting deliverance and blessings from the great and mighty tentacle monster.
Nu: "If the tentacle thing was only here for two months, what were they worshipping before that?" Serena: "It could have been anything, or even nothing until they found it. The notes sound desperate and afraid, and they were also clearly crazy. Desperation will make people do weird things and plenty of people can be stupid and irresponsible in choosing what they worship in the first place. It was probably just something big and scary that promised them whatever they wanted if they worshipped it." Xanlar: "Well, I think we just killed somebody's god." Serena: "That thing wasn't a god." Xanlar: "They sure thought it was." Serena: "Remember what I just said about stupid and irresponsible?" Pin: "Well it was a god to them." Serena: "Stupid and irresponsible. Not a god." Pin: "It was bigger and more powerful than them. I mean, isn't that just what gods are to people?" Serena: "No. Gods are a specific type of divine being, and that thing wasn't even close." Pin: "Oh really? How do you know what they're like? Have you ever actually seen your god?" Serena: "No, but I can and have spoken to him and other people, such as great heroes, have actually met him." Pin: "Well some of my people worship dragons. They're big and powerful and can live for thousands of years so that's pretty much the same." Serena: "It isn't the same! Dragons aren't gods! They don't empower their followers with divine magic like Pelor does with me! They even have their own gods that they worship!" DM: "At this point Pin is walking away, is Serena just following him and yelling at him some more?" Ferrin: "Serena seems to have some strong opinions on this." Serena: "Yes! As a cleric I have very strong opinions on this! I'm going into a full on Theology 101 lecture at him as we walk back through the sewer!"
===
Worth noting that during the big fight at one point Pin had a natural one while trying to stab a wererat through Xanlar's legs that was ruled as stabbing Xanlar in the butt.
Pin: "I have a theory..." Xanlar: "I have a theory that you're a pain in the ass!"
===
Upon preparing to leave the sewers, the party discovers troops from the militant order running the town at the grate we came in through, apparently attracted by the noise of the battle. Apparently all the screaming wasn't very low key and the shatter spell that was cast directly beneath the center of town probably didn't help. Nu takes the lead as was originally planned, summoning pixies to polymorph everyone into pigeons and a series of hijinks dubbed "pigeon pandemonium" ensues as Nu, keeping their intelligence via wildshape as opposed to the rest with pigeon intelligence, chases the rest around town to gather them up and lead them back to the inn with the polymorph wearing off just as everyone flies into the window and falls all over the room.
Nu: "We did it!"
Ferrin starts cleaning the sewage and guts off of everybody with prestidigitation.
Serena: "Thank you so much, Ferrin." Ferrin: "I want to start cleaning Xanlar, too, but I'm not sure if he'll let me." Xanlar: "Nah, I'm good." Serena: "I will cast a holding spell on you if I have to!"
===
Our musings and deliberations on what to do next are interrupted by insistent banging on the door and threats of violence if we don't come out. Apparently the town patrol has figured out where we went to, probably because somebody reported the ruckus upstairs as we came crashing through the window.
Nu: "I have one more spell left I can use to polymorph everybody with pixies!" Ferrin: "But we don't want to end up being scattered all over the place again because we literally have bird brains." DM: "What form are you going to use? They're about to break down the door." Serena: "Geese! They have a strong flocking instinct so we'll naturally follow Nu's lead!" Ferrin: "Yeah, but geese are also so chaotic..." Serena: "They're collectively chaotic as a group. [Nu's player] can back me up on this, she's Canadian!"
third level party of a human coffeelock, a zombie wizard, and a drow artificer. (we have 6 other players, but they were not there at the time. i'm dming.)
They were playing through the 'no tears over spilled coffee' free adventure to get them introduced to strixhaven before we start the campaign. Currently, they were fighting two magma mephits. It was the wizard's turn.
Wizard: "I'm going to cast minor illusion to convince these mephits that Magma Jesus has come to save them and he wants them to fight to the death."
DM: ... alright, roll deception, cause this is pretty out ther-
*nat 20*
DM: "...OH. So. You cast minor illusion, and you are so convincing with this that not only are the mephits completely convinced this is Magma Jesus, the entire party has now been converted, including you."
Coffeelock: "PRAISE MAGMA JESUS!"
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she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
third level party of a human coffeelock, a zombie wizard, and a drow artificer. (we have 6 other players, but they were not there at the time. i'm dming.)
They were playing through the 'no tears over spilled coffee' free adventure to get them introduced to strixhaven before we start the campaign. Currently, they were fighting two magma mephits. It was the wizard's turn.
Wizard: "I'm going to cast minor illusion to convince these mephits that Magma Jesus has come to save them and he wants them to fight to the death."
DM: ... alright, roll deception, cause this is pretty out ther-
*nat 20*
DM: "...OH. So. You cast minor illusion, and you are so convincing with this that not only are the mephits completely convinced this is Magma Jesus, the entire party has now been converted, including you."
Coffeelock: "PRAISE MAGMA JESUS!"
What is a coffeelock? is it a Warlock who's patron is a sentient Bottle of Boundless Coffee?
third level party of a human coffeelock, a zombie wizard, and a drow artificer. (we have 6 other players, but they were not there at the time. i'm dming.)
They were playing through the 'no tears over spilled coffee' free adventure to get them introduced to strixhaven before we start the campaign. Currently, they were fighting two magma mephits. It was the wizard's turn.
Wizard: "I'm going to cast minor illusion to convince these mephits that Magma Jesus has come to save them and he wants them to fight to the death."
DM: ... alright, roll deception, cause this is pretty out ther-
*nat 20*
DM: "...OH. So. You cast minor illusion, and you are so convincing with this that not only are the mephits completely convinced this is Magma Jesus, the entire party has now been converted, including you."
Coffeelock: "PRAISE MAGMA JESUS!"
What is a coffeelock? is it a Warlock who's patron is a sentient Bottle of Boundless Coffee?
Although that would be awesome, unfortunately it is not. It's a common multiclass where you multiclass warlock and sorcerer, converting warlock spellslots into sorcery points and back into spell slots. As long as you never take a long rest, (the exhaustion from which can be mitigated by Greater Restoration, which can be obtained by Divine Soul sorcerers), you can gain infinite spellslots.
Health is a problem, but you can remove that through cure wounds and other heal spells, also available to Divine Soul's.
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This isn't actually a signature, just something I copy and paste onto the bottom of all my posts. Or is it? Yep, it is. Or is it..? I’m a hobbit, and the master cranial imploder of the "Oops, I Accidently Destroyed Someone's Brain" cult. Extended sig. I'm actually in Limbo, it says I'm in Mechanus because that's where I get my WiFi from. Please don't tell the modrons, they're still angry from the 'Spawning Stone' fiasco. No connection to Dragonslayer8 other than knowing them in real life.
third level party of a human coffeelock, a zombie wizard, and a drow artificer. (we have 6 other players, but they were not there at the time. i'm dming.)
They were playing through the 'no tears over spilled coffee' free adventure to get them introduced to strixhaven before we start the campaign. Currently, they were fighting two magma mephits. It was the wizard's turn.
Wizard: "I'm going to cast minor illusion to convince these mephits that Magma Jesus has come to save them and he wants them to fight to the death."
DM: ... alright, roll deception, cause this is pretty out ther-
*nat 20*
DM: "...OH. So. You cast minor illusion, and you are so convincing with this that not only are the mephits completely convinced this is Magma Jesus, the entire party has now been converted, including you."
Coffeelock: "PRAISE MAGMA JESUS!"
What is a coffeelock? is it a Warlock who's patron is a sentient Bottle of Boundless Coffee?
Although that would be awesome, unfortunately it is not. It's a common multiclass where you multiclass warlock and sorcerer, converting warlock spellslots into sorcery points and back into spell slots. As long as you never take a long rest, (the exhaustion from which can be mitigated by Greater Restoration, which can be obtained by Divine Soul sorcerers), you can gain infinite spellslots.
Health is a problem, but you can remove that through cure wounds and other heal spells, also available to Divine Soul's.
Cool! I might make one....
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Dm: The Plant rolls Tolerance.
Dm: *cackles* The planet see's you poking it and backhands you forcibly.
"Forgive the mess, I am trying to regain my sanity again."
[Taken by my gourmand boyfriend]
Ninth level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Venn (tiefling sorcerer), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger), Al (halfling cleric), and Pin the kobold.
About five minutes into the session, Nu's player is reviewing her inventory...
Nu: "I have something called a dinner coin from grave robbing..."
Ferrin: "We told you this would happen!"
Serena: "I thought it would be longer, but yes, we did."
===
Talking about trying to cure Ferrin's weird magical curse/disease that manifests more as he casts more spells in a day.
Serena: "You're a really valuable ally, but you could be better."
Ferrin: "When you put it that way it doesn't sound very good."
Serena: "Um, I mean, in my professional opinion as a healer, you're not at your best."
Nu: "Just stop talking, Serena, you're digging deeper."
===
We need to keep a low profile to not get drafted into fighting on the front (we want to go to a different part of the conflict, both to pursue leads on a cure for Ferrin and to find the commando team Phillip led out during our Feywild absence), so Mikhail (NPC) is providing us with civilian clothes. Worth noting is that Xanlar has an aversion to bathing.
DM: "Xanlar is taking off his armor for the first time since you've met him so there's this loud shlick sound."
Ferrin: "As he peels off his armor I'm casting prestidigitation to cancel out the smell."
Xanlar: "My skin feels weird"
Ferrin: "You've lost the protective layer."
DM: "And as Ferrin cleans you with his magic, you realize that you didn't have a suntan after all!"
Serena changes out of her chainmail into a dress, first shooing the others out of the room then letting them back in once she's done. This is also the first time the others have seen her like this.
Mikhail: "Wow, you look a lot different."
Serena: "Yes. I am, in fact, a girl."
Nu: "Where'd Serena go?"
===
Pin returns from having gone out earlier, now all jacked up with stab wounds. As Serena heals him he starts to explain that he was previously complicit in a plan by the smuggler captain that brought us downriver attempting to transport some yet unspecified creature that has apparently taken up residence in the town's sewers and grown quite a bit.
Pin: "I found the thing."
Serena: "What is the thing?"
Pin: "I don't know what the thing is."
Ferrin: "Then why did you bring it?"
Serena: *ooc* "I cross my arms and do my best impression of a disapproving teacher."
Pin: "You aren't nearly as scary without your armor."
Pin explains that "the thing" is now very large, has a bunch of tendrils and many big teeth. Also there is apparently a cult of wererats worshipping it, one of which had discovered him sneaking about with a guard beast.
Serena: "Rat dog? And it was barking? Somehow with wererats worshipping some kind of tentacle monster I find that disturbing."
After a conversation in which Serena applauds pin for growing a conscience but pointing out he still has a ways to go, we decide that we should get rid of the "thing" before leaving town. Serena and Xanlar change back into their armor and Nu summons a swarm of pixies to polymorph us into pigeons so we can get to the sewer entrance unnoticed. As we're flying out the window...
Xanlar: "Can I poop on the people walking under us?"
DM: "Roll dex."
This is awesome and so true
I love drow, rogues and Chinese weapons. I mean come on, rope darts are awesome.
My current character is a drow shadow monk, with a "unique" honor code (give him some time, he's working through some stuff). He also sucks on the socialization side of interacting with all other living creatures. which is very fun to RP.
Hahaha! That's why I always note SO MUCH MORE when adding stuff in inventory! :D
Hyrkali
Full DNDBeyond.com in Dark Mode? Yes please!
"I paid one silver for bees."
Hombrew: Way of Wresting, Circle of Sacrifice
“I ned to wreit thes doun”
"why does the Dragonborn a better seducer than me? I can change my gender!"
a hobbit of the tolkeinite cult
a frequenter of taverns
mainly an Emerald half-dragon with a psudodragon pet
haven't been on because mobile sucks and wifi sucks
Self-proclaimed Non-Binary Diety of bad writing and Lizardfolk Monks
"I love drop kicking twig blights back into the burning bushes." - a rouge
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"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." - Oscar Wilde
DM: “As you are navigating the dense rows of crops, you come across a humanoid figure affixed to a wooden post.”
Player 1: “I would like to investigate.” (Rolls)
DM: “It is a scarecrow.”
Player 2: “KILL IT…!!!”
(two players proceed to knock the scarecrow off the post, and repeatedly bash it on the ground, while the others look on, confused)
…in our previous campaign, a scarecrow had magically animated, and attacked with razor claws. The two players were playing as the same characters from that campaign, so canonically, they were VERY paranoid around scarecrows.
WELL. we had a... fun adventure today
today, only a small fraction of the party was here, we were playing descent into avernus and had already (accidentally) derailed the campaign
so:
5th level party of Petra (half hobgoblin cleric), Aria (air genasi druid who's usually a bear), Ozz (goblin ranger), Sandra (dragonborn bard), and Tivian (dragonborn zombie rogue)
wEll. we were in a beholder's shop and he was selling some... stuff, including the Xanathar's goldfish. Naturally, since we have already exploited the deck of many things to get a pouch of infinite money, we bought it.
And then... the cleric snapped.
Lawful good to chaotic evil.
Avernus madness, it'll get to you, ya know?
Aaaaanyways, she grabs the goldfish and casts Sending to send a message to the Xanathar itself.
Cleric: "Hey, Xanathar! We have your fish and we're going to kill it! Come and get it, hahA!"
She proceeded to scream some very rude insults about the Xanathar, the fish, and the Xanathar's mother. The party tries to stop her, kill her, anything, but this cleric was the unhittable AC 21 tank, so no one could.
She BIT THE GOLDFISH'S HEAD OFF and then attacked the party (she was under the DM's control by this point)
Nat 1.
She hits herself and gets knocked out. They then spend forever trying to kill her while she is unconscious but still can't hit her.
Finally, someone does.
The ranger. The non-revised, vanilla, terrible stats Beast Master who hasn't hit anything at all this entire adventure. He finally hits. And kills the real BBEG of the campaign.
Suddenly, however, loud thumping. It's Zariel. And her armies. Our time has run out. The party basically gets nuked :)
The cleric's soul gets dissolved in the Styx along with the warforged who was a jerk, the rest of the party ends up in Limbo except Ozz (our ranger) and Lulu (the hollyphant NPC), who go to Elysium as they deserve.
Idk if this really fits here, it was kinda depressing and i still sort of hate myself (i was the cleric) but like idk it seemed funny to us
she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
current characters:
-Zalia Moonkeeper, tiefling abjuration wizard/alchemist artificer
-Philomena Silverthread, changeling assassin rogue
-Glass, kenku vengeance paladin
So after the thing i just posted we started a new campaign we'd been looking forward to. A Strixhaven campaign! So rn we're just picking up the people on the way to college and stuff. The way i'm DMing this, it's very chaotic and silly but pretty dark as well. So. They're picked up by Ms. Frizzle in the Magic School Bus. First off, she picks up two characters from your average Forgotten Realms setting. Our Coffeelock and one of our Artificers.
Then, she shouts "Seatbelts, everyone!"
and drives them to the setting of our last campaign.
Your average universe, but now entirely overtaken by Avernus because sOmE people failed to save it. Also the Xanathar is flying around disintegrating stuff and screaming about its goldfish.
We pull up to a small, average suburban neighborhood. In Avernus. One of the houses gets disintegrated before our eyes, and someone leans out of the window next door to laugh and be glad it wasn't their house.
Ms. Frizzle begins talking casually to some demons. It's clear this is her home plane, and that she is actually the current ruler of Avernus.
Ms. Frizzle: "Oh hey Bloodcrusher, how's it going?"
Bloodcrusher: "Actually, amazing! We just got married!"
(Looks at the other demon next to him and they hug each other and hold up their hands which have wedding rings on)
Ms. Frizzle: "Oh, I'm so happy for you!"
Xanathar: *disintegrates Bloodcrusher's wife and half of their friends*
Bloodcrusher: *starts sobbing, kneeling on the ground next to the pile of dust that was his wife*
We can hear the faint sounds of cooking and also screaming coming from the house in front of us. Finally, out comes our third student and his parents. His parents are Gordon Ramsay and a mirror whom he married named Ramsay Gordon. This student is a tiefling who dresses like an early 2000's college student. Ms. Frizzle greets Gordon Ramsay and talks to him for a while before we drive off again.
she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
current characters:
-Zalia Moonkeeper, tiefling abjuration wizard/alchemist artificer
-Philomena Silverthread, changeling assassin rogue
-Glass, kenku vengeance paladin
Player 1: “The problem with you, Strahd, is that you have your head up your own *ss.”
Strahd: “…pardon? I do not understand your phrasing.”
Player 2: “Oh, I get it! THAT’S why the sun doesn’t shine!”
PC: "Can i buy a bag of holding?"
Beholder running the shop: "Oh yes, come look at our selection."
PC: "uhhhh... why do they all smell like sewage?"
Beholder: "Well, if you turn a bag of holding inside out, it will launch whatever it contains at top speeds."
PC: "So wait... that smell... did they..?"
Beholder: *grim nod*
she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
current characters:
-Zalia Moonkeeper, tiefling abjuration wizard/alchemist artificer
-Philomena Silverthread, changeling assassin rogue
-Glass, kenku vengeance paladin
"Can I use puppy dog eyes?"
"No, this man hates puppies"
Hombrew: Way of Wresting, Circle of Sacrifice
- A character gets a casting of wish -
Player: "I wish to get drunk!"
DM: "Seriously?"
Player: "Ok, fine. I wait for everyone to get drunk!"
i can roll nat 1s on command
my homebrew thingies
Magic Items - Monsters - Subclasses
Ninth level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger), Al (halfling cleric), and Pin the kobold.
The party enters the sewers to "take care of" an unspecified tentacle monster and the wererats and their pet rats (which are really big rats) and also a swarm of rats. Nu leads the way in and promptly rolls a low initiative, resulting in a giant rat attacking them twice missing both times before Ferrin and Serena kill it.
DM: "Okay, Nu, now it's your turn. What do you do?"
Nu: "Well I don't think I even noticed this guy so I'm going to move over here and conjure eight big axolotls with giant lizard stats all around the rat swarm."
===
Xanlar: "I'll move over here..."
DM: "Into the water?"
Ferrin: "No! I just cleaned you!"
Serena: "Can we tell how deep the water is?"
Xanlar: "Wait, is this poop?"
===
Serena: "I will jump across the water to here."
DM: "Roll athletics"
*6*
DM: "That's where Serena was trying to jump to, but she actually lands here in the water."
Serena: "Ack! Agh! Gross!"
===
Having gotten to the tentacle monster, Serena uses her Radiant Soul transformation.
Serena: "Pelor bless me with your holy radiance!"
Ferrin: *Hums/sings the Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt transformation music*
Serena: "Serena's transformation is not like Panty and Stocking's!"
DM: "Now I'm imagining it as exactly that."
Serena: "I'm definitely not removing any articles of clothing to activate my celestial blessing!"
===
DM: "Two giant octopi appear out of the air and at first you are alarmed but then you notice they are pink."
Ferrin: Someday we're going to run into a monster that's actually just pink and we're going to immediately trust it because we think Nu summoned it."
===
Xanlar kills the huge tentacle monster with a critical thunderous smite while Serena is on the other side of it. She was over there for flanking purposes but with it being smote by massive concussive force...
DM: "Serena, you know what that means! Reflex save!"
*6*
DM: "Yeah, that's guts everywhere and a messy piece of tentacle right to the face."
Serena: "Ackphbth! Every time!"
===
Pin: "Okay, I've learned my lesson. No more smuggling weird live creatures, especially when I don't know how big they'll grow."
Ferrin: "Maybe just don't smuggle things any more."
Pin: "But I like money."
Serena: "This is what happens when you associate with shady characters! You get tentacle monsters!"
Pin: "YOU'RE a shady character!"
Serena: "I am shining with holy radiant light right now, that is the opposite of shady by all definitions of the word!"
===
Upon investigation, the sewers appear to be repurposed as such from some old ruins the town is built on top of. In a nearby chamber the party discovers some notes from one of the wererats predicting deliverance and blessings from the great and mighty tentacle monster.
Nu: "If the tentacle thing was only here for two months, what were they worshipping before that?"
Serena: "It could have been anything, or even nothing until they found it. The notes sound desperate and afraid, and they were also clearly crazy. Desperation will make people do weird things and plenty of people can be stupid and irresponsible in choosing what they worship in the first place. It was probably just something big and scary that promised them whatever they wanted if they worshipped it."
Xanlar: "Well, I think we just killed somebody's god."
Serena: "That thing wasn't a god."
Xanlar: "They sure thought it was."
Serena: "Remember what I just said about stupid and irresponsible?"
Pin: "Well it was a god to them."
Serena: "Stupid and irresponsible. Not a god."
Pin: "It was bigger and more powerful than them. I mean, isn't that just what gods are to people?"
Serena: "No. Gods are a specific type of divine being, and that thing wasn't even close."
Pin: "Oh really? How do you know what they're like? Have you ever actually seen your god?"
Serena: "No, but I can and have spoken to him and other people, such as great heroes, have actually met him."
Pin: "Well some of my people worship dragons. They're big and powerful and can live for thousands of years so that's pretty much the same."
Serena: "It isn't the same! Dragons aren't gods! They don't empower their followers with divine magic like Pelor does with me! They even have their own gods that they worship!"
DM: "At this point Pin is walking away, is Serena just following him and yelling at him some more?"
Ferrin: "Serena seems to have some strong opinions on this."
Serena: "Yes! As a cleric I have very strong opinions on this! I'm going into a full on Theology 101 lecture at him as we walk back through the sewer!"
===
Worth noting that during the big fight at one point Pin had a natural one while trying to stab a wererat through Xanlar's legs that was ruled as stabbing Xanlar in the butt.
Pin: "I have a theory..."
Xanlar: "I have a theory that you're a pain in the ass!"
===
Upon preparing to leave the sewers, the party discovers troops from the militant order running the town at the grate we came in through, apparently attracted by the noise of the battle. Apparently all the screaming wasn't very low key and the shatter spell that was cast directly beneath the center of town probably didn't help. Nu takes the lead as was originally planned, summoning pixies to polymorph everyone into pigeons and a series of hijinks dubbed "pigeon pandemonium" ensues as Nu, keeping their intelligence via wildshape as opposed to the rest with pigeon intelligence, chases the rest around town to gather them up and lead them back to the inn with the polymorph wearing off just as everyone flies into the window and falls all over the room.
Nu: "We did it!"
Ferrin starts cleaning the sewage and guts off of everybody with prestidigitation.
Serena: "Thank you so much, Ferrin."
Ferrin: "I want to start cleaning Xanlar, too, but I'm not sure if he'll let me."
Xanlar: "Nah, I'm good."
Serena: "I will cast a holding spell on you if I have to!"
===
Our musings and deliberations on what to do next are interrupted by insistent banging on the door and threats of violence if we don't come out. Apparently the town patrol has figured out where we went to, probably because somebody reported the ruckus upstairs as we came crashing through the window.
Nu: "I have one more spell left I can use to polymorph everybody with pixies!"
Ferrin: "But we don't want to end up being scattered all over the place again because we literally have bird brains."
DM: "What form are you going to use? They're about to break down the door."
Serena: "Geese! They have a strong flocking instinct so we'll naturally follow Nu's lead!"
Ferrin: "Yeah, but geese are also so chaotic..."
Serena: "They're collectively chaotic as a group. [Nu's player] can back me up on this, she's Canadian!"
third level party of a human coffeelock, a zombie wizard, and a drow artificer. (we have 6 other players, but they were not there at the time. i'm dming.)
They were playing through the 'no tears over spilled coffee' free adventure to get them introduced to strixhaven before we start the campaign. Currently, they were fighting two magma mephits. It was the wizard's turn.
Wizard: "I'm going to cast minor illusion to convince these mephits that Magma Jesus has come to save them and he wants them to fight to the death."
DM: ... alright, roll deception, cause this is pretty out ther-
*nat 20*
DM: "...OH. So. You cast minor illusion, and you are so convincing with this that not only are the mephits completely convinced this is Magma Jesus, the entire party has now been converted, including you."
Coffeelock: "PRAISE MAGMA JESUS!"
she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
current characters:
-Zalia Moonkeeper, tiefling abjuration wizard/alchemist artificer
-Philomena Silverthread, changeling assassin rogue
-Glass, kenku vengeance paladin
What is a coffeelock? is it a Warlock who's patron is a sentient Bottle of Boundless Coffee?
Although that would be awesome, unfortunately it is not. It's a common multiclass where you multiclass warlock and sorcerer, converting warlock spellslots into sorcery points and back into spell slots. As long as you never take a long rest, (the exhaustion from which can be mitigated by Greater Restoration, which can be obtained by Divine Soul sorcerers), you can gain infinite spellslots.
Health is a problem, but you can remove that through cure wounds and other heal spells, also available to Divine Soul's.
This isn't actually a signature, just something I copy and paste onto the bottom of all my posts. Or is it? Yep, it is. Or is it..? I’m a hobbit, and the master cranial imploder of the "Oops, I Accidently Destroyed Someone's Brain" cult. Extended sig. I'm actually in Limbo, it says I'm in Mechanus because that's where I get my WiFi from. Please don't tell the modrons, they're still angry from the 'Spawning Stone' fiasco.
No connection to Dragonslayer8 other than knowing them in real life.
Cool! I might make one....