Why you survive

imma turn into the Gun Devil and kill everything within a five hundred mile radius in one second.

you roasted cabbage, ate earwax, and looked on the dark side of like, and Angela is trying to kill you by manipulating time

Quote from Golden_Axolotl_Dragon >>

But it turns out time can't be manipulated.

You are surrounded by all the people you are a fan of, but all of them are convinced you betrayed them.

 i plead guilty because in all honesty, if im in that situation i probably did. and because i plead guilty, i am not killed

i dunno if youve read the whole inheritance cycle, so im not gonna spoil anything about angela)

Murtagh "Jierda"s you into oblivion 

You survive because we are in a room with reversed magical conditions, so all magic does the opposite of what the caster intended.

You get turned into a 2d shape and are lowered into a shredder by a giant.

Quote from DryRuinss >>

You survive because we are in a room with reversed magical conditions, so all magic does the opposite of what the caster intended.

You get turned into a 2d shape and are lowered into a shredder by a giant.

 fortunately, the giant's shredder is too big and i am not shredded

a watermelon the size of the moon falls onto your head

The Hill Giant has an injury by stubbing their toe on a witch's house, and I nurse them back to health. The Hill Giant does not want to kill me anymore.

You were in that house, and all the potions are splashing around, including illegal ones banned by the round council because it turns you into a square and forces you to join the Square Council. The transformation usually kills you and replaces you with a square version of you.

Quote from DryRuinss >>

The Hill Giant has an injury by stubbing their toe on a witch's house, and I nurse them back to health. The Hill Giant does not want to kill me anymore.

You were in that house, and all the potions are splashing around, including illegal ones banned by the round council because it turns you into a square and forces you to join the Square Council. The transformation usually kills you and replaces you with a square version of you.

 none of it hits me

you are trapped in that one vault that is like the matrix, 87 i think

i pause the game

you are a average human and vecna is trying to kill you with all his abilitys at once

I'm wearing armor composed entirely of the Telekill Alloy, which nullifies his powers. I then begin channeling my magical energy to create an antimagic field so powerful the the entire upside-down is neutralized (the SCP term for rendering a formerly anomalous object non-anomalous).

You got turned into a homunculus and Jeff the Evil Roomba sees you.

I simply vanish.

Your soul is torn from your body

I cast counterspell, afterwhich I cast Wire Bolt upon the attacker.

You said an internet slang term in front of the Great Dictionary.

I apologize profusely for my lack of decorum and employ the use of my extensive vocabulary while simultaneously extricating my personage from the presence of the Great Dictionary, taking care not to articulate that I consulted a thesaurus preceding my tarriance with it.

You find a strange database with the name of every person in the world, each name being an OS stored in that database. As you look around in your files, you accidentally delete 80% of your system 32 files

I simply cast undo, afterwhich I destroy the machine so nobody can access this potentially detrimental store of info.

Your caught in the crossfire of a battle with the Cult of Jeff on one side and the Cults of Grammar and Cats on the other side.

And you CANNOT just simply vanish.

I am the messenger, and if either side kills me, they have to find a new messenger. 

Edit: I forgot the situation, so...

You are falling from the sky during the battle of Seven Pottters.

Quote from Goosetifer13 >>

I'm wearing armor composed entirely of the Telekill Alloy, which nullifies his powers. I then begin channeling my magical energy to create an antimagic field so powerful the the entire upside-down is neutralized (the SCP term for rendering a formerly anomalous object non-anomalous).

You got turned into a homunculus and Jeff the Evil Roomba sees you.

 Gang, you gotta stop necoposting. 

Quote from AshTheEvil >>

Quote from Goosetifer13 >>

I'm wearing armor composed entirely of the Telekill Alloy, which nullifies his powers. I then begin channeling my magical energy to create an antimagic field so powerful the the entire upside-down is neutralized (the SCP term for rendering a formerly anomalous object non-anomalous).

You got turned into a homunculus and Jeff the Evil Roomba sees you.

 Gang, you gotta stop necoposting. 

 This thread ain't dead. 

Anyways:

I'm an Air Genasi and they I can fly.

You saw SCP-096's face.

SCP-096 doesn't exist in D&D and if we're going to make up abilities based of random creepypastas then Imma just trigger a K-class Scenario really quick

You die. Why do you survive?

I have unfinished business.

Cthulhu attacks your village.

I am also an eldritch entity and so do not die

Cthulu attacks you