Twist the Wish

Granted! A very real stone tablet appears in front of you, ready to use for art

I wish for Wheatley to exist

He tries to convince you to jump into a hole and die

I wish I was alive

Granted! You are alive, but you have chronic pain and cannot die. 

I wish I could travel to my imagination. 

Granted but you can only travel to your intrusive thoughts 

I wish I could cast magic 

Wish granted! You are the ultimate wizard, but with absolutely no training. You accidentally turn your arm to solid ice when trying to cool yourself down during a hot summer and you explode when trying to thaw it out.

I wish crabs would dance IRL.

They're capable of dancing, alright. I hear they're quite good, too. A real shame they only choose to dance in complete isolation, in the middle of the night, and at the bottom of the deepest, darkest caves.

I wish my classmates weren't all so foolish.

Wish granted! Unfortunately, they're all so ridiculously smart that they get into university within days, leaving you completely alone in your class until the next school year.

I wish the crabs would dance where people could actually see them.

The crabs already dance in places where people would theoretically be able to see them; it's just very difficult. Nothing changes.

I wish to shift every object in the universe five centimeters to the left.

Wish granted! Unfortunately, this also results in you getting shifted partially into a wall because living things don't count as objects. This also causes you to noclip into the Backrooms due to being partially clipped into an object.

I wish the crabs danced on the beaches, in broad daylight, with music in the background.

Granted but only on remote islands that are illegal to visit 

I wish for world domination 

Granted! You now have complete control over a dwarf planet in the outer solar system and are instantly teleported there, suffocating and freezing you in the vacuum of space.

I wish for the crabs to dance on the beaches that people are allowed to visit for free.

Impossible to grant, as nothing is truly free. To go to an island you'd have to pay for a boat, to move you'd have to spend energy, and anything that takes any amount of time has a fee because time is money. 

I wish for 4 "FORE"s to be yelled by a golfer 'fore flooring a golf ball.

Wish granted! "FORE" is repeatedly yelled at 999999999999999999 decibels, turning the Earth and everything on it to dust. The dust cloud is rapidly heated up and thus expands, eventually reaching the ISS, which is incinerated by the dust that is actually plasma because it's so hot. The only survivors are SCP-682 and the guy yelling "FORE". SCP-682 adapts by becoming pure energy. After the fourth "FORE" the energy becomes great enough to collapse the bubble of plasma into a black hole. By that point SCP-682 has left the bubble so we didn't even terminate it.

I wish the crabs would dance on public beaches.

Granted! Unfortunately, "the crabs" refers to a specific group of crabs that threatened to show their dancing technique to the world, and thus had the knowledge of how to do so stripped away from them. Now the only dance they can do is the crab walk. (Which is just them walking)

I'm running low on ideas so let's go with a classic one, I wish to know the winning lottery numbers.

Granted! You bask in your new-found knowledge, feeling happy and hopeful. Eventually though, you realize that you still have to get the card with the matching numbers.

I wish I had a table that had infinite space

Wish granted! An infinitely long table appears. Unfortunately it's so long that it's bigger than the universe and thus the universe rips open, spilling the stuff inside directly into a place known as the Backrooms.

I wish the crabs knew more dance moves.

Granted! "The Crabs" decide to hold a world dancing competition. Everybody shows off their best dance moves, and it turns out, The Crabs only know the crab dance, the worm, and the Grizzly Bear.

I wish I had ideas for this thread. 

Quote from Jorge_200 >>

Granted! You bask in your new-found knowledge, feeling happy and hopeful. Eventually though, you realize that you still have to get the card with the matching numbers.

 ...I walked right into that one didn't I?

Granted! You get so many new ideas, they're all so good! You truly can't believe how good these wish ideas are.

I wish to find a lottery card with the winning numbers on it.

Wish granted! Instantly, the cards appear in your dishwasher while it's running. You find the cards while unloading it, soggy and soapy.

I wish the crabs knew EVERY dance move. 

Granted! But the numbers are for last year's lottery 

I wish for a pet axolotl