Twist the Wish

Quote from Goosetifer13 >>

Wish granted! Instantly, the cards appear in your dishwasher while it's running. You find the cards while unloading it, soggy and soapy.

I wish the crabs knew EVERY dance move. 

 Granted! This time, "the crabs" refers to a group of ill-tempered people that happened to walk by. Because they know every dance, they always have people asking them to do certain moves and never get a moment of peace.

Quote from Justdomyidea >>

Granted! But the numbers are for last year's lottery 

I wish for a pet axolotl

 Granted, however it is a P.E.T axolotl, with P.E.T standing for "Pretending Even Though (it's not actually a)". The axolotl is rather just a goldfish in an axolotl costume.

I wish for one singular dollar.

Wish granted! 100 pennies fall ontop of you.

I wish the crabs (like the animal) knew EVERY dance.

*not that bad actually, I could probably take 100 pennies*

Granted! This time, "the crabs" refers to the group of crabs who don't dance on public beaches and only do it where nobody can easily find them. The public beach crabs are still lacking in dance knowledge.

I wish for exactly 547 pennies to appear around me.

Exactly 546 pennies appear around you

I wish for the next persons wish to not be twisted 

Granted!

I wish for $999,999,999

I don't even need to twist this one the police will see your bank account 

I wish for a wish

Granted! You just used it.

I wish the next wish is twisted, but to make it even better rather then to make it worse

Granted 

I wish for the ability to enter video games 

Granted! Ontop of that, the game physics applies to you while your in the game.

I wish that people would stop twisting my wishes.

Granted! People will not twist your wishes for 1 second after your post.

I wish I was fluent in German

Wish granted! You are instantly teleported to a classroom where you learn German. It takes a few, years, but your wish IS granted in the end.

I wish the next wish didn't get twisted.

Granted! But I don't think Jeff from accounting will forget what you did in April...

I wish for a single fully assembled pre-loaded S-12k semi automatic Russian shotgun to be shipped completely legally, safely, and responsibly to my house; without consequences or negative effects stemming from my possession, use, or anything else relating/coming from or with the shotgun.

Granted! But it's painted hot pink with splotches of the color you hate most, and all the bullets are also that color. Also, it takes 7 years to arrive due to the requirements involved in it being "shipped completely legally, safely, and responsibly to my house; without consequences or negative effects stemming from my possession, use, or anything else relating/coming from or with the shotgun." 

I wish for a Needoh that doesn't leak. 

Granted, you appear in a large airtight tank of water labeled Needoh. It has no way to leak and is completely sealed

I wish to have a white-out pen I can use for my art

Granted! Anything the pen touches turns, bright, glowing light and quickly destroys your vision.

I wish for Jeff the Evil Roomba to see the error in his ways and become Jeff the Benevolent Roomba.

Jeff is beyond the effect of such meager spells 

I wish for 100.⅜pounds of clay

Wish granted! Unfortunately, the clay is so tightly packed that it collapses into a Black Hole.

I wish for Jeff to see the error in his ways and completely switch his alignment to neutral good.

Quote from Justdomyidea >>

Jeff is beyond the effect of such meager spells 

I wish for 100.⅜pounds of clay

Granted! There is now a thin layer of clay covering every surface in your house.

I wish i had a mechanical pencil that never ran out of graphite

Granted! A mechanical pencil appears, but the infinitely long graphite stick does the same thing as the table from earlier.

I wish that TheMadGibber would post on I CAST...! again.