DM: You see a giant *ss (VERY NOTICABLE PAUSE) platform.
Me: WAIT A MINUTE HOLD ON ARE THOSE TWO SEPARATE THINGS?
I'm reminded of two things I saw in streams:
Player 1 was handed a legal document. Player 2: "No. We need someone who can read—" Player 2: "—legalese." Player 4 imitating 2: "'We need someone who can read—' and period."
Goliath Barbarian rallying the team: "We're going to **** him—" Goliath Barbarian rallying the team: "— up!" Gnome Druid: "I'm so glad you finished that sentence."
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"Gods. We're all dying before we meet each other."
So, for context, some new players were joining, and a giant squirrel of a CR much higher than they were ready for was on its way to destroy a town thanks to the party's actions. But then the squirrel used its Furious Chatter to wipe out over half the crew of the skyship and two of the players (one on the skyship, one in the nearby forest) failed their saves and went down to death saves. The artificer, who was using Medicine checks to help the Mystic, got a nat. 20, giving him advantage on the death saves, which then gave him a nat. 20 after two failed death saves. The guy in the forest fell from a tree and got an auto-fail, but then also managed a nat. 20. Honestly, I have no idea how they survived that, but if it means I don't have to think of a way to introduce even more new characters, it's fine by me.
Eleventh level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard/artificer), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger), and Pin the kobold (rogue). Newly joining the party is Grom'Dar (half orc barbarian).
To Nu, who physically resembles a tailless humanoid axolotl but is, per backstory, actually a mutated gnome (we had a multi-session mini-arc explaining this a while back).
Grom'dar: "What kind of person are you?" Ferrin: "They're a gnome." DM: "You've seen gnomes before and Nu doesn't really look anything like one." Serena: "Technically."
Grom'dar and Xanlar handshake and both roll 19 Athletics
DM: "Yeah, so it's pretty much that Fullmetal Alchemist meme of the two huge muscle guys meeting."
After defeating some monsters that mysteriously appeared in the middle of the city, shortly after delivering a package of Grom'Dar's trophy hides to a tanner/craftsman).
Nu: "Are you gonna skin these guys, too?" Grom'dar: "Can I?" Serena: "As disturbing as it is to say this, most things have skin."
Ferrin: "Um, Serena, weren't you trying to go do something before all this happened?" Serena: "Yes! It's almost as if some antagonistic force is attempting to prevent me from accomplishing my goals!" DM: "I have no idea what you're talking about."
===
Grom'dar: "I really need to pee!" Ferrin: "I want to cast sanctuary on myself."
DM: "You hear the pixies chattering a lot but it's all in Sylvan so you don't understand any of it." Ferrin: "Actually, I speak Sylvan." DM: "Oh, well then they're cussing like sailors." *squeaky voice stream of profanity*
Nu: "The pixies are going to carry the turtle up outside the wall and it's gonna fall when I drop concentration to summon sixteen anklebiters instead." DM: "Okay, the turtle takes seven damage and turns back into a giant crab monster. And Serena can see it because it's outside the wall!" Serena: "Okay, now I know where everybody is."
Serena activates her Radiant Soul racial feature, prompting Ferrin's player to start singing the transformation song from the anime "Panty and Stocking," as is custom. A link to a YouTube video is posted in Discord to let Grom'Dar's player in on the long running joke.
Serena: "Please note that Serena's transformation sequence does not involve any form of disrobing. Also no stripper poles." Ferrin: "The stripper poles are actually just the elongated handles of maces." DM: "You have being in the internet too long lady." Ferrin: "That's a subjective opinion."
Serena: "So Serena comes flying over the gate, glowing in the night with big angelic wings made out of sunshine, you all feel a wave of healing wash over you, and she shouts 'What now? I can't leave you guys alone for an hour!'"
Nu: "Now can my raptors make a tower on top of each other to reach the top of this wall?"
===
Serena finally checks in at the temple of Pelor that she ran away from against instructions to join help with the country's war effort. The high priest is less than pleased and chews her out for several minutes with the DM going into a very entertaining in character rant. The following is from the Roll20 chat.
Sister Serena blushes again Sister Serena blushes again Ferrin is going to awkwardly sink onto the other bench. Nu *ooc*: "F***ing barbequing Serena out here." Sister Serena looks very indignant Ferrin looks even more awkward.
===
Nu: "What's a dragon?" Serena: "Worst druid ever." Ferrin: "No Nature proficiency whatsoever."
===
Grom'dar: "Is Serena now pregnant with Pelor's baby?" Serena: "If so that would be an awkward conversation next time she sees her boyfriend."
===
Planning to deliver a message to Phillip's mother, which includes the information that his twin brother is dead (happened the session before Serena joined the campaign). Serena is nervous.
Ferrin: "Serena?" Serena: "I'm thinking. I'm not sure what I'm even supposed to say." Pin: "How about, 'Hello lady, I am mating your son.'" Ferrin: "Don't you mean dating?" Pin: "I guess that too."
===
Grom'Dar: "What, does he have herpes or something?" Nu: "Who's peas?"
===
Master breaking and entering skills being demonstrated...
*From other side of a locked door* Nu: "I think I'm stuck."
Looking for the cranky golem librarian.
Ferrin: "Do you think he finally kicked himself out of the library?"
===
We meet Ferrin's brother, who asks Serena out on a date only to learn she already has a boyfriend.
Ferrin's Brother: "He's a lucky guy." Serena: "He knows."
===
Fighting a bunch of relatively weak enemies who we think are under some sort of control or compulsion. Nu steers their mount/pet (named Alma) away from the fight.
Nu: "I'm going to take this turn to explain to Alma that she can only attack people when she's older."
DM: "After you have her that treat, Alma seems magically well. Like she's high." Nu: "Did I give her catnip?"
Serena: "Stop it! I don't want to hurt you!" *whacks him with her mace*
…in all seriousness; this is one of those “it’s so ridiculous; but it’s absolutely serious” sort of things…canonically, the yak-men dominate the mountainous regions that separates entire land-based campaign settings in Toril…they have mastered the terrain; and so the adventurers that dare to wander to the edge of the DM’s map will have to face the horrors of a yakkity-yak attack.
When the chaotic neutral changeling cleric has a dead druid on his hands, a mute barbarian in tow, finds the druid's supposedly dead girlfriend. "How is she going to help us?" The druid... was not amused.
Eleventh level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard/artificer), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger), and Pin the kobold (rogue). Newly joining the party is Grom'Dar (half orc barbarian).
To Nu, who physically resembles a tailless humanoid axolotl but is, per backstory, actually a mutated gnome (we had a multi-session mini-arc explaining this a while back).
Grom'dar: "What kind of person are you?" Ferrin: "They're a gnome." DM: "You've seen gnomes before and Nu doesn't really look anything like one." Serena: "Technically."
Grom'dar and Xanlar handshake and both roll 19 Athletics
DM: "Yeah, so it's pretty much that Fullmetal Alchemist meme of the two huge muscle guys meeting."
After defeating some monsters that mysteriously appeared in the middle of the city, shortly after delivering a package of Grom'Dar's trophy hides to a tanner/craftsman).
Nu: "Are you gonna skin these guys, too?" Grom'dar: "Can I?" Serena: "As disturbing as it is to say this, most things have skin."
Ferrin: "Um, Serena, weren't you trying to go do something before all this happened?" Serena: "Yes! It's almost as if some antagonistic force is attempting to prevent me from accomplishing my goals!" DM: "I have no idea what you're talking about."
===
Grom'dar: "I really need to pee!" Ferrin: "I want to cast sanctuary on myself."
DM: "You hear the pixies chattering a lot but it's all in Sylvan so you don't understand any of it." Ferrin: "Actually, I speak Sylvan." DM: "Oh, well then they're cussing like sailors." *squeaky voice stream of profanity*
Nu: "The pixies are going to carry the turtle up outside the wall and it's gonna fall when I drop concentration to summon sixteen anklebiters instead." DM: "Okay, the turtle takes seven damage and turns back into a giant crab monster. And Serena can see it because it's outside the wall!" Serena: "Okay, now I know where everybody is."
Serena activates her Radiant Soul racial feature, prompting Ferrin's player to start singing the transformation song from the anime "Panty and Stocking," as is custom. A link to a YouTube video is posted in Discord to let Grom'Dar's player in on the long running joke.
Serena: "Please note that Serena's transformation sequence does not involve any form of disrobing. Also no stripper poles." Ferrin: "The stripper poles are actually just the elongated handles of maces." DM: "You have being in the internet too long lady." Ferrin: "That's a subjective opinion."
Serena: "So Serena comes flying over the gate, glowing in the night with big angelic wings made out of sunshine, you all feel a wave of healing wash over you, and she shouts 'What now? I can't leave you guys alone for an hour!'"
Nu: "Now can my raptors make a tower on top of each other to reach the top of this wall?"
===
Serena finally checks in at the temple of Pelor that she ran away from against instructions to join help with the country's war effort. The high priest is less than pleased and chews her out for several minutes with the DM going into a very entertaining in character rant. The following is from the Roll20 chat.
Sister Serena blushes again Sister Serena blushes again Ferrin is going to awkwardly sink onto the other bench. Nu *ooc*: "F***ing barbequing Serena out here." Sister Serena looks very indignant Ferrin looks even more awkward.
===
Nu: "What's a dragon?" Serena: "Worst druid ever." Ferrin: "No Nature proficiency whatsoever."
===
Grom'dar: "Is Serena now pregnant with Pelor's baby?" Serena: "If so that would be an awkward conversation next time she sees her boyfriend."
===
Planning to deliver a message to Phillip's mother, which includes the information that his twin brother is dead (happened the session before Serena joined the campaign). Serena is nervous.
Ferrin: "Serena?" Serena: "I'm thinking. I'm not sure what I'm even supposed to say." Pin: "How about, 'Hello lady, I am mating your son.'" Ferrin: "Don't you mean dating?" Pin: "I guess that too."
===
Grom'Dar: "What, does he have herpes or something?" Nu: "Who's peas?"
===
Master breaking and entering skills being demonstrated...
*From other side of a locked door* Nu: "I think I'm stuck."
Looking for the cranky golem librarian.
Ferrin: "Do you think he finally kicked himself out of the library?"
===
We meet Ferrin's brother, who asks Serena out on a date only to learn she already has a boyfriend.
Ferrin's Brother: "He's a lucky guy." Serena: "He knows."
===
Fighting a bunch of relatively weak enemies who we think are under some sort of control or compulsion. Nu steers their mount/pet (named Alma) away from the fight.
Nu: "I'm going to take this turn to explain to Alma that she can only attack people when she's older."
DM: "After you have her that treat, Alma seems magically well. Like she's high." Nu: "Did I give her catnip?"
Serena: "Stop it! I don't want to hurt you!" *whacks him with her mace*
Ah yes, nothing like a half-orc barbarian to pump the funniness and stupidity to 11.
It definitely gave us an even split between competent(debatable) party members and simple(endearing) party members. Which we found out shortly after when the party split and all the low INT characters somehow ended up in the same group, lol.
It definitely gave us an even split between competent(debatable) party members and simple(endearing) party members. Which we found out shortly after when the party split and all the low INT characters somehow ended up in the same group, lol.
It's worth noting that Serena has an Int mod of zero, even though that technically does put her in the upper half of the party for that.
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Has anyone here ever flattened the bbeg with a metal bird?
Long live the dragon slayers, long live the spider guild, long live the forums.
I want you to know. You are going to lose. You are going to lose badly. You’re going to lose badly and it’s going to be awesome.
I'm reminded of two things I saw in streams:
Player 1 was handed a legal document.
Player 2: "No. We need someone who can read—"
Player 2: "—legalese."
Player 4 imitating 2: "'We need someone who can read—' and period."
Goliath Barbarian rallying the team: "We're going to **** him—"
Goliath Barbarian rallying the team: "— up!"
Gnome Druid: "I'm so glad you finished that sentence."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Like, him who has a metal bird, or with one? Also, in D&D exclusively or would another RPG count?
I totally dove into the new playtest content; and I made an Ardling who is a Corgi Paladin:
Rogue: (mockingly) “Hey, Lucky!”
Paladin: (in deep, Kratos-like voice) “…what?”
Rogue: (mockingly) “Who’s a good boi? Are YOU a good boi?”
Paladin: (snorts) “Do not be foolish…I am ALWAYS a good boi.”
(a young, village girl walks up to an armored Ardling, Corgi Paladin)
Village Girl: (hugs the Ardling) “Doggie!”
(table proceeds to go “Aaww” in perfect unison)
DM: I'm going to cross "libertarian gnome" of my 2022 bingo list. (in response to a characters introduction)
Said Libertarian Gnome: I'm setting them free of life. That is the final freedom they can have!
"Gods. We're all dying before we meet each other."
So, for context, some new players were joining, and a giant squirrel of a CR much higher than they were ready for was on its way to destroy a town thanks to the party's actions. But then the squirrel used its Furious Chatter to wipe out over half the crew of the skyship and two of the players (one on the skyship, one in the nearby forest) failed their saves and went down to death saves. The artificer, who was using Medicine checks to help the Mystic, got a nat. 20, giving him advantage on the death saves, which then gave him a nat. 20 after two failed death saves. The guy in the forest fell from a tree and got an auto-fail, but then also managed a nat. 20. Honestly, I have no idea how they survived that, but if it means I don't have to think of a way to introduce even more new characters, it's fine by me.
Looking for a campaign? Or, perhaps, trying to start one? Come join Rolegate! Just send me a friend request (same name as here) and I'll help you get started!
Ducks are just geese lite. Focus on the future. It'll become the past soon enough.
Istari and White Counsel in Club. Not the wish-granter of a thread.
Become a Plague Doctor today!
Join the Knights of the Random Table and Calius and Kothar Industries!
Homebrew: Artifact, Dungeon
May be offline due to school
"I crawl along the ceiling and watch the banans fly into the dark archway."
you shall have no context. unless you ask.
⌜╔═════════════ The Board ══════════════╗⌝
...and started me on my way into my next chapter in life...
⌞╚════════════ Extended Signature ════════════╝⌟
I just started a Spelljammer campaign.
"I kick it three times, once with each of my feet."
"Plothookspace was discovered by the explorer McGuffin."
"What does AC mean?"
I have a weird sense of humor.
I also make maps.(That's a link)
Me: Describes Nanny Pu'Pu fro ToA
Monk: I punch her in the back and then stab her and use flurry of blows. 20 NATURAL 20s!
Rogue: Its like the pinata when the older kids go first
Barbarian: Lets hang her on a rope and hit her with a bat.
Back in black baby
Player 1: "Yeah, he's... basically ... like just a butt cheek and two wheels."
Player 2: Hey don't describe me that way!
Player 1: That's what she's saying.
Player 2: Oh c'mon...
Player 1: You're not here. You can't object.
Player 2: But seriously... [Player proceeds to look at the DM imploringly.]
DM: Players choose what their characters say. The two butt cheeks and a wheel stand.
Player 1: A butt cheek and two wheels.
DM: I stand corrected.
Okay, I have to ask...
Eleventh level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard/artificer), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger), and Pin the kobold (rogue). Newly joining the party is Grom'Dar (half orc barbarian).
To Nu, who physically resembles a tailless humanoid axolotl but is, per backstory, actually a mutated gnome (we had a multi-session mini-arc explaining this a while back).
Grom'dar: "What kind of person are you?"
Ferrin: "They're a gnome."
DM: "You've seen gnomes before and Nu doesn't really look anything like one."
Serena: "Technically."
Grom'dar and Xanlar handshake and both roll 19 Athletics
DM: "Yeah, so it's pretty much that Fullmetal Alchemist meme of the two huge muscle guys meeting."
After defeating some monsters that mysteriously appeared in the middle of the city, shortly after delivering a package of Grom'Dar's trophy hides to a tanner/craftsman).
Nu: "Are you gonna skin these guys, too?"
Grom'dar: "Can I?"
Serena: "As disturbing as it is to say this, most things have skin."
Ferrin: "Um, Serena, weren't you trying to go do something before all this happened?"
Serena: "Yes! It's almost as if some antagonistic force is attempting to prevent me from accomplishing my goals!"
DM: "I have no idea what you're talking about."
===
Grom'dar: "I really need to pee!"
Ferrin: "I want to cast sanctuary on myself."
DM: "You hear the pixies chattering a lot but it's all in Sylvan so you don't understand any of it."
Ferrin: "Actually, I speak Sylvan."
DM: "Oh, well then they're cussing like sailors." *squeaky voice stream of profanity*
Nu: "The pixies are going to carry the turtle up outside the wall and it's gonna fall when I drop concentration to summon sixteen anklebiters instead."
DM: "Okay, the turtle takes seven damage and turns back into a giant crab monster. And Serena can see it because it's outside the wall!"
Serena: "Okay, now I know where everybody is."
Serena activates her Radiant Soul racial feature, prompting Ferrin's player to start singing the transformation song from the anime "Panty and Stocking," as is custom. A link to a YouTube video is posted in Discord to let Grom'Dar's player in on the long running joke.
Serena: "Please note that Serena's transformation sequence does not involve any form of disrobing. Also no stripper poles."
Ferrin: "The stripper poles are actually just the elongated handles of maces."
DM: "You have being in the internet too long lady."
Ferrin: "That's a subjective opinion."
Serena: "So Serena comes flying over the gate, glowing in the night with big angelic wings made out of sunshine, you all feel a wave of healing wash over you, and she shouts 'What now? I can't leave you guys alone for an hour!'"
Nu: "Now can my raptors make a tower on top of each other to reach the top of this wall?"
===
Serena finally checks in at the temple of Pelor that she ran away from against instructions to join help with the country's war effort. The high priest is less than pleased and chews her out for several minutes with the DM going into a very entertaining in character rant. The following is from the Roll20 chat.
Sister Serena blushes again
Sister Serena blushes again
Ferrin is going to awkwardly sink onto the other bench.
Nu *ooc*: "F***ing barbequing Serena out here."
Sister Serena looks very indignant
Ferrin looks even more awkward.
===
Nu: "What's a dragon?"
Serena: "Worst druid ever."
Ferrin: "No Nature proficiency whatsoever."
===
Grom'dar: "Is Serena now pregnant with Pelor's baby?"
Serena: "If so that would be an awkward conversation next time she sees her boyfriend."
===
Planning to deliver a message to Phillip's mother, which includes the information that his twin brother is dead (happened the session before Serena joined the campaign). Serena is nervous.
Ferrin: "Serena?"
Serena: "I'm thinking. I'm not sure what I'm even supposed to say."
Pin: "How about, 'Hello lady, I am mating your son.'"
Ferrin: "Don't you mean dating?"
Pin: "I guess that too."
===
Grom'Dar: "What, does he have herpes or something?"
Nu: "Who's peas?"
===
Master breaking and entering skills being demonstrated...
*From other side of a locked door*
Nu: "I think I'm stuck."
Looking for the cranky golem librarian.
Ferrin: "Do you think he finally kicked himself out of the library?"
===
We meet Ferrin's brother, who asks Serena out on a date only to learn she already has a boyfriend.
Ferrin's Brother: "He's a lucky guy."
Serena: "He knows."
===
Fighting a bunch of relatively weak enemies who we think are under some sort of control or compulsion. Nu steers their mount/pet (named Alma) away from the fight.
Nu: "I'm going to take this turn to explain to Alma that she can only attack people when she's older."
DM: "After you have her that treat, Alma seems magically well. Like she's high."
Nu: "Did I give her catnip?"
Serena: "Stop it! I don't want to hurt you!" *whacks him with her mace*
“Beware the yak-men.”
…in all seriousness; this is one of those “it’s so ridiculous; but it’s absolutely serious” sort of things…canonically, the yak-men dominate the mountainous regions that separates entire land-based campaign settings in Toril…they have mastered the terrain; and so the adventurers that dare to wander to the edge of the DM’s map will have to face the horrors of a yakkity-yak attack.
When the chaotic neutral changeling cleric has a dead druid on his hands, a mute barbarian in tow, finds the druid's supposedly dead girlfriend. "How is she going to help us?" The druid... was not amused.
The Boy, the Legend
I play as Yagrea the sassy monk in the Twinkling Stars Tavern!
Quott, the amnesiac Tortle Chronurgy Wizard.
gnoll vampire: I am tekelili and you hae desturbed my slumber.
fighter:sorry about that. well tekelili was it? you have to die now.
bard:5 level thunderwave.
fighter: three crits with an artifice sword dealing 98 damage in one turn.
gnoll vampire: well that did not go as I expected.
me fred.
Me also like seven hundred other characters that I don´t want to go through.
I am currently writing a collection of short stories called ¨tales from the pocket realm.¨
Ah yes, nothing like a half-orc barbarian to pump the funniness and stupidity to 11.
It definitely gave us an even split between competent(debatable) party members and simple(endearing) party members. Which we found out shortly after when the party split and all the low INT characters somehow ended up in the same group, lol.
It's worth noting that Serena has an Int mod of zero, even though that technically does put her in the upper half of the party for that.