Granted. The Ravens follows you until they decide to pick any ""shiny"" thing they spot.

I wish I could tell I'm the next Jesus.

you have the power to check whether or not your name is Jesus. as of now, it is not

i wish to have omnipresence for all of time with none of the drawbacks of omnipresence

You die. I wish to have a pair of socks.

Granted. You have an old and torn pair of socks.

I wish for a genie

You get a genie that then immediately attacks and kills you. I GOT SOCKS!!!

I wish for a scoop of sorbet

You get a giant scoop which you suffocate in. I wish for the players handbook.

you get the user manual for risk, but not the game itself

Granted, your unspoken wish comes true! The results of it are also unspoken

I wish to become a great DJ like Alan Walker and K-391

Granted, your name becomes DJ. Alan Walker and K-391's names also become DJ.

I wish for free access to everything on D&D Beyond.

After you pay me 1,000,000,000,000 dollars.

I wish for 1,000,000,000,000 dollars. 

Wish granted, you don't know where the 1,000,000,000,000 dollars are but you own them.

I wish for the coronavirus to be gone forever.

granted, earth dissapears and is gone forever, thus removing the possibillity of coronavirus ever comming back by re-evolving

i wish that hencefourth when a sentient being dies, they become a ghost who is able to perceve and alter the world arround you and haunt both locations and places

Not granted. The genie you requested before, just smiles and while he tickles his fingers, he cast a Portal just to move you to a random place you never seen before.

I wish I could date with a female Siren.

Quote from Dertinus >>

Not granted. The genie you requested before, just smiles and while he tickles his fingers, he cast a Portal just to move you to a random place you never seen before.

I wish I could date with a female Siren.

 granted, but she will kill and eat you after the first date (also like what the heck it is twist the wish not deny the wish you cannot just say "the wish does not happen becuase the genie disagrees and also i will teleport you somewhere")

i wish for all babies and human infants to be transported sepperately from adults while in airplanes and cars

Granted, but due to plane crashes and car wrecks, both are now illegal. 

I wish that no one would twist my wish.

Okay, my name becomes no one for this one post.

I wish that I could be someone again. 

granted, you are now jared, 19

i wish somebody else comes up with an better wish

Quote from LeviRocks >>

Okay, my name becomes no one for this one post.

I wish that I could be someone again. 

 But you didn't twist my wish. you just became the person who was supposed to.

Quote from ArtificeMeal >>

granted, you are now jared, 19

i wish somebody else comes up with an better wish

 Granted, see below.

I wish for murderhoboism to be replaced by great RP

Granted, no one plays D&D anymore.

I wish for a set of dice.