"Just to clarify, I didn't know that was his familiar when I shot it."
"I'm not going to kill you. I'm just going to walk up to you and put my sword at your neck."
Wizard: "[the paladin]'s the only one who will survive this incident." Rogue/Warlock: "[the paladin]'s also the only one who can heal in this incident." Rogue: "You're going to have your work cut out for you." Paladin: ...
DM (to the wizard): "You eat the raw fish. Make a Constitution saving throw." Rogue: "He literally has 18 Intelligence! Why would he eat a raw fish?" Other DM: "He's very greedy; of course he would eat it!" Wizard: "I got a 12." DM: "You're poisoned for the next hour." Wizard: "..."
"I want to hang at the back of the group!" "You just want to stare at [NPC's] butt, don't you?" "Look at it and tell me you wouldn't do the same!" "...Good point - I also wish to hang near the back!"
Player 3: "Well, of course, I'm pulling that lever."
Player 1: "I step away." Player 4: "Me, too."
DM: Player 3 pulls the lever, and a wall immediately behind Player 4 and Player 1 begins to shudder, cascading ages old dust across the room as it starts to shift and wobble.
Player 4: "Well this was a bad idea."
DM: With a grinding noise, the wall slides down to reveal a dark passage with no light.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"Cue the random NPC generator."
"You do it."
*I'm posting these as I go along in my campaign.
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
"Just to clarify, I didn't know that was his familiar when I shot it."
"I'm not going to kill you. I'm just going to walk up to you and put my sword at your neck."
Wizard: "[the paladin]'s the only one who will survive this incident."
Rogue/Warlock: "[the paladin]'s also the only one who can heal in this incident."
Rogue: "You're going to have your work cut out for you."
Paladin: ...
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
DM (to the wizard): "You eat the raw fish. Make a Constitution saving throw."
Rogue: "He literally has 18 Intelligence! Why would he eat a raw fish?"
Other DM: "He's very greedy; of course he would eat it!"
Wizard: "I got a 12."
DM: "You're poisoned for the next hour."
Wizard: "..."
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
C-3p0 is resurrected as a magical unicorn!
No contex
"It's like a Squid with a body."
"Squids normally have bodies."
"...I know. More like a Squid head with a human body but it also has a squid body attached to its squid head."
-Me explaining Illithids to my layman brother.
Hi, I am not a chest. I deny with 100% certainty that I am a chest. I can neither confirm nor deny what I am beyond that.
I used to portray Krathian, Q'ilbrith, Jim, Tara, Turin, Nathan, Tench, Finn, Alvin, and other characters in various taverns.
I also do homebrew, check out my Spells and Magic Items
"That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange eons, even death may die"
I usually just describe it as a person with a squid for a head.
I have a weird sense of humor.
I also make maps.(That's a link)
Me: "Relax, it's just a squid-guy. What's the worst it can do?"
The Squid-guy: "I'm gonna suck your brains out through these bendy straws!"
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
"so wait- gordon ramsay and a mirror-?"
"yes. gordon ramsay banged a mirror. 9 months later, the mirror had a baby. and that is the furthest we will get into this topic."
"so the scorpion picks you up"
"wait how big is this scorpion-"
"i told you it was a big scorpion."
"I DIDN'T KNOW YOU MEANT /THAT/ BIG OF A SCORPION"
"DEPRESSION FLUTE!"
she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
current characters:
-Zalia Moonkeeper, tiefling abjuration wizard/alchemist artificer
-Philomena Silverthread, changeling assassin rogue
-Glass, kenku vengeance paladin
"I wonder what this button does."
....and that's how our Rogue wiped out a town with a Bag-of-Holding Astral Bomb.
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
"I want to hang at the back of the group!"
"You just want to stare at [NPC's] butt, don't you?"
"Look at it and tell me you wouldn't do the same!"
"...Good point - I also wish to hang near the back!"
*party solved a puzzle that revealed a lever*
Player 3: "Well, of course, I'm pulling that lever."
Player 1: "I step away."
Player 4: "Me, too."
DM: Player 3 pulls the lever, and a wall immediately behind Player 4 and Player 1 begins to shudder, cascading ages old dust across the room as it starts to shift and wobble.
Player 4: "Well this was a bad idea."
DM: With a grinding noise, the wall slides down to reveal a dark passage with no light.
Player 1: "Who wants to go first?"
Player 5: "You two are the closest."
Player 4: "I step away."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"Would a fox count as an equipment?"
Word for word transcript.
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
"You are now a painting."
"Should we put him back up on the wall?"
"I roll him up & tuck him under my arm."
"Do we know if this is permanent?"
"Ugh. I'm deleting all these pouches."
"Seriously, why did you waste your eight GP on them?"
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
"What cantrips should I get? Hmm...maybe Vicious Mockery?"
"That'd work; you're so good at it in real life!"
"I hate you."
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
Me, the DM: "I'll make my next quest all roleplay-based. That should be a nice break from killing demons."
Our newly murder-hobo Wizard: "We have to kill and eat our opponents. It's the only way out."
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
Context: Player just got turned into a potted plant.
Another player: "Hey if we put a hat on him, he could be a crime fighting secret agent."
The Fall of Realms:DM,
I play Eldrin Adbella, and more in the The Tavern at the End of the World come and join.
Co-Creator of the Great Elvin King Equipment;
Great Elvin King's Bow, Great Elvin King's Quiver, Great Elvin King's Blade; Yggdrasil, Great Elvin King's Blade; Ragnarok, Great Elvin King's Cloak and Armor,
As the sands of time flow, and we etch ever closer to the end, follow the heart to find your own truth.
I got another one I just remembered
Barbarian: Can I eat the goldfish?
The Fall of Realms:DM,
I play Eldrin Adbella, and more in the The Tavern at the End of the World come and join.
Co-Creator of the Great Elvin King Equipment;
Great Elvin King's Bow, Great Elvin King's Quiver, Great Elvin King's Blade; Yggdrasil, Great Elvin King's Blade; Ragnarok, Great Elvin King's Cloak and Armor,
As the sands of time flow, and we etch ever closer to the end, follow the heart to find your own truth.
I take it the first player was a Wild Magic sorcerer?
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
Joseph: *viscous mockery* Dragon.
DM: Dragon??
Joseph: Drag-on these nuts
DM and the rest of the party: *Cackles in French*
"Forgive the mess, I am trying to regain my sanity again."
[Taken by my gourmand boyfriend]