A bunch of actors playing D&D, thinking about what they're characters did over the course of the campaign.
Player 4: "Turns out we hate (1.) actors and (2.) nerds." *looks directly at the camera with an 'Isn't that ironic?' expression*
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"You just started a bar fight by inventing french fries!?"
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Pronouns: he/him/his.
My posting scheduled is irregular: sometimes I can post twice a week, sometimes twice a day. I may also respond to quick questions, but ignore harder responses in favor of time.
My location is where my character for my home game is (we're doing the wild beyond the witchlight).
"The Doomvault... Probably full of unicorns and rainbows." -An imaginary quote
Player 2: Babytalk counts as a language. If it can say, "Mama," and "Dada," and understands, "No," it knows at least one language. DM: I wasn't asking if you could cast it on the baby. I was asking why.
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Me: "So... Youre just going to... Stare at the unconscious kobold?"
Rogue: "Yes"
Me: "For an hour?"
Rogue: "Yes"
Me: "In the graveyard?"
Rogue: "Yes"
Me: "In the middle of a strange event causing undead to rise randomly??"
Rogue: "Yes"
Me: "[sigh]" muttering quietly: "Youre really frikin lucky I was stupid enough not to put undead in the graveyard of all places......"
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NNCHRIS: SOUL THIEF, MASTER OF THE ARCANE, AND KING OF NEW YORKNN Gdl Creator of Ilheia and her Knights of the Fallen Stars ldG Lesser Student of Technomancy [undergrad student in computer science] Supporter of the 2014 rules, and a MASSIVE Homebrewer. Come to me all ye who seek salvation in wording thy brews! Open to homebrew trades at any time!! Or feel free to request HB, and Ill see if I can get it done for ya! Characters (Outdated)
Player: "If it bleeds, we can kill it." DM: "Famous last words." Player: "What?" DM: "What?"
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Me, the DM: "Your kobold allies are attacked by 6 stirges"
Dragonborn Warlock: "Im going to use my breath weapon! I rolled 10 damage!!"
Me: "Alright, stirges have 2 HP, so theyre all dead. Lemme just roll the kobold's saves and check their HP..."
-1 succeeds the save. I let out a sigh of relief-
-Checks the statblock again. Kobolds, have exactly half of 10 HP. Panicked DM noise-
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NNCHRIS: SOUL THIEF, MASTER OF THE ARCANE, AND KING OF NEW YORKNN Gdl Creator of Ilheia and her Knights of the Fallen Stars ldG Lesser Student of Technomancy [undergrad student in computer science] Supporter of the 2014 rules, and a MASSIVE Homebrewer. Come to me all ye who seek salvation in wording thy brews! Open to homebrew trades at any time!! Or feel free to request HB, and Ill see if I can get it done for ya! Characters (Outdated)
Fighter #1 (OOC): "Who are the rogue and fighter attacking?" DM: "The bartender." Fighter #1 (OOC): "I pretend not to notice and order a drink." DM: "..." Fighter #1 (OOC): "In fact, the bartender seems preoccupied - I think I'll just pour a drink myself and ignore the blood on the floor."
Warlock: "Doesn't this cause climate change?" DM: "This is the medieval times. There was no climate back then."
*dragonborn rogue and fighter #1 trying to flex on everyone by rolling virtual dice*
Dragonborn Rogue (OOC): "I got a 25 on my sleight of hand check!" Fighter #1 (OOC): "Oh, yeah? Well, watch my athletics check!" *rolls a nat 1* Fighter #1 (OOC): "Ahem. Watch my intimidation check!" *rolls a 4* Fighter #1 (OOC): "Um...greataxe attack roll!" *rolls a 2* Fighter #1 (OOC): "I give up." *rolls a nat 20 on Constitution save on literally next roll*
DM: "I AM GOD, PUNY PLAYERS! I AM GOD!!! HEAR ME, MORTALS! YOU WILL BEND TO MY WILL!!!!!!"
Dragonborn Fighter (OOC): "Can I burn the tavern down?" DM: *sighs and slaps forehead* Fighter #1: "Let's face it, [DM]. You knew this would happen."
Dragonborn Fighter (OOC): "Fine, I'll go, but I want to shoot a random guy along the way." DM: "Fine. Roll for attack and damage." DM: "...actually it doesn't matter what you rolled."
Fighter #1 (OOC): "We are the worst party. We are an alcoholic human fighter, a homicidal rogue, a warlock who threatens to kill everyone he meets, a character from an anime who I'm not even sure how [name] homebrewed, and a fighter [Fighter #2] who is played by someone who has been watching One Piece this entire time."
Player: "What was the aarakocra skeleton doing in bed with my grandmother's corpse?!"
DM: "IT WAS UNDER THE BED, OKAY?!!"
Proud member of the Spider's Guild (y'all should join!)!
Join Cafe [Redacted], people! I play Treble in it. Isn't SCP stuff awesome?
Harry Potter stuff is cool.
Homebrew: The BloodBorn; GemBlade Soldiers; Soldier of The Silver Armies. (Comments, Improvements?)
Life is okay, but who knows how long that will last.
Not mine. From a stream:
A bunch of actors playing D&D, thinking about what they're characters did over the course of the campaign.
Player 4: "Turns out we hate (1.) actors and (2.) nerds." *looks directly at the camera with an 'Isn't that ironic?' expression*
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"You just started a bar fight by inventing french fries!?"
Pronouns: he/him/his.
My posting scheduled is irregular: sometimes I can post twice a week, sometimes twice a day. I may also respond to quick questions, but ignore harder responses in favor of time.
My location is where my character for my home game is (we're doing the wild beyond the witchlight).
"The Doomvault... Probably full of unicorns and rainbows." -An imaginary quote
"No, your familiar rabbit can't have a gun. They don't even have hands!"
"Mr. Turnips doesn't NEED hands!"
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
“Remember when you left us to hang?”
(kicks bad guy out the window, attached to a rope)
”Allow us to return the favor.”
DM: (rolls some dice) “The…ah…the rope snaps.”
”…what?”
“The rope wasn’t strong enough. He falls to his death.”
”…ruined my one-liner. That sonuva b*tch.”
Ok this was me and the DM: “who has gunpowder i need to make a bomb. there is some Alien xenomorph type shit happening in that hole.
I’m Purplyte. Silly little weirdo.
𝐷𝑂𝑁𝑇 𝑀𝐼𝑁𝐷 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝐹𝑂𝑁𝑇.
𝐴𝐿𝑊𝐴𝑌𝑆 𝐵𝑂𝑅𝐸𝐷
𝐹𝑒𝑒𝑙 𝑓𝑟𝑒𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑚𝑒 𝑎 𝑃𝑀. 𝑂𝑝𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑎𝑙𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑅𝑃!
edit to add context to who is saying each line:
A: Avery, human warlock (not by choice). Most responsible member of the party. Loves sheep.
H: Hyhelm, half-orc barbarian. Chaotic fun. Yells a majority of his lines.
Ak; Aka, tiefling variant bard. Girlboss.
DM (me)
(we have two more party members, these are only people featured)
DM: “Roll to eat sheep.”
———————————————
Ak: “THE SHEEP KILLED HIM!!!” Followed minutes later by “THE SHEEP KILLED HIS INTERNET!!”
————————————————
DM:“You do not have to be charismatic to pet a dog.”
H:” IM GONNA BE THE MOST CHARISMATIC DOG PETTER EVER!!!”
—————————————————
H:“It is time for eat sheep.”
—————————————————
Ak:“I wanna set the sheep on fire.”
——————————————————
A: (The sheep that was set on fire regenerates rapidly)
”I suddenly start reconsidering if thats a sheep or not.”
“Does pee rot?”
”Does pee expire?”
‘NO YOU CANNOT MORB AS A BONUS ACTION!”
"I want their ears. I need them."
⌜╔═════════════ The Board ══════════════╗⌝
...and started me on my way into my next chapter in life...
⌞╚════════════ Extended Signature ════════════╝⌟
I guess you can say that character felt.... sheepish. XD
Player 2: Babytalk counts as a language. If it can say, "Mama," and "Dada," and understands, "No," it knows at least one language.
DM: I wasn't asking if you could cast it on the baby. I was asking why.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"Oh great, the crab has a knife now..."
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
Me: "So... Youre just going to... Stare at the unconscious kobold?"
Rogue: "Yes"
Me: "For an hour?"
Rogue: "Yes"
Me: "In the graveyard?"
Rogue: "Yes"
Me: "In the middle of a strange event causing undead to rise randomly??"
Rogue: "Yes"
Me: "[sigh]" muttering quietly: "Youre really frikin lucky I was stupid enough not to put undead in the graveyard of all places......"
NNCHRIS: SOUL THIEF, MASTER OF THE ARCANE, AND KING OF NEW YORKNN
Gdl Creator of Ilheia and her Knights of the Fallen Stars ldG
Lesser Student of Technomancy [undergrad student in computer science]
Supporter of the 2014 rules, and a MASSIVE Homebrewer. Come to me all ye who seek salvation in wording thy brews!
Open to homebrew trades at any time!! Or feel free to request HB, and Ill see if I can get it done for ya!
Characters (Outdated)
New quotes from my first session as a dm in my schools club:
Warlock: I need my phone.
Paladin: “What’s a phone?”
1 of the three Warlocks: “It’s an anachronism, Charles.”
BTW the paladin’s name isn’t Charles.
———
“Wood Elf guard who is visibly pissed at the bard: “What did you see at the time if the crime?”
Bard: “The only crime I can see is you not having a girlfriend.”
———
Bard: “I’m not avoiding the law, the law is avoiding me.”
I am a conjurer, but the only thing I can summon is disappointment
Status: schools started, so weekday posting is limited.
I'm a member of the "oops I accidentally destroyed someone's brain cult"
I might be losing it at the rate of the heat death of the universe.
Extended Sig
Player: "If it bleeds, we can kill it."
DM: "Famous last words."
Player: "What?"
DM: "What?"
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
And…now I’m watching the opera parody of “The Predator” again. XD
Me, the DM: "Your kobold allies are attacked by 6 stirges"
Dragonborn Warlock: "Im going to use my breath weapon! I rolled 10 damage!!"
Me: "Alright, stirges have 2 HP, so theyre all dead. Lemme just roll the kobold's saves and check their HP..."
-1 succeeds the save. I let out a sigh of relief-
-Checks the statblock again. Kobolds, have exactly half of 10 HP. Panicked DM noise-
NNCHRIS: SOUL THIEF, MASTER OF THE ARCANE, AND KING OF NEW YORKNN
Gdl Creator of Ilheia and her Knights of the Fallen Stars ldG
Lesser Student of Technomancy [undergrad student in computer science]
Supporter of the 2014 rules, and a MASSIVE Homebrewer. Come to me all ye who seek salvation in wording thy brews!
Open to homebrew trades at any time!! Or feel free to request HB, and Ill see if I can get it done for ya!
Characters (Outdated)
Very important disclaimer: I am NOT the DM here.
Fighter #1 (OOC): "Who are the rogue and fighter attacking?"
DM: "The bartender."
Fighter #1 (OOC): "I pretend not to notice and order a drink."
DM: "..."
Fighter #1 (OOC): "In fact, the bartender seems preoccupied - I think I'll just pour a drink myself and ignore the blood on the floor."
Warlock: "Doesn't this cause climate change?"
DM: "This is the medieval times. There was no climate back then."
*dragonborn rogue and fighter #1 trying to flex on everyone by rolling virtual dice*
Dragonborn Rogue (OOC): "I got a 25 on my sleight of hand check!"
Fighter #1 (OOC): "Oh, yeah? Well, watch my athletics check!"
*rolls a nat 1*
Fighter #1 (OOC): "Ahem. Watch my intimidation check!"
*rolls a 4*
Fighter #1 (OOC): "Um...greataxe attack roll!"
*rolls a 2*
Fighter #1 (OOC): "I give up."
*rolls a nat 20 on Constitution save on literally next roll*
DM: "I AM GOD, PUNY PLAYERS! I AM GOD!!! HEAR ME, MORTALS! YOU WILL BEND TO MY WILL!!!!!!"
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
Dragonborn Fighter (OOC): "Can I burn the tavern down?"
DM: *sighs and slaps forehead*
Fighter #1: "Let's face it, [DM]. You knew this would happen."
Dragonborn Fighter (OOC): "Fine, I'll go, but I want to shoot a random guy along the way."
DM: "Fine. Roll for attack and damage."
DM: "...actually it doesn't matter what you rolled."
Fighter #1 (OOC): "We are the worst party. We are an alcoholic human fighter, a homicidal rogue, a warlock who threatens to kill everyone he meets, a character from an anime who I'm not even sure how [name] homebrewed, and a fighter [Fighter #2] who is played by someone who has been watching One Piece this entire time."
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her