hey DM's, this is sort of a vent post/also asking for advice. so back in July I invited a couple of friends to join a new campaign idea I had, and was very excited about getting it started. three of them have played D&D before, one of them has never played. first, I asked them in the Discord server to throw out some character personality ideas. no dice - as in, one of them responded "yes ma'am" and that was it, no character ideas were given
a few days later, I decided I'd help guide them along by doing a step-by-step character building format instead, to give a little more structure for building their ideas. especially because a majority of the character sheet would be homebrewed, I thought guiding them along would be helpful. two weeks passed, I'd only received some emote reactions on my first step explanation and no responses. I sent a Wiki article for some reading to help decide. again, only emote reactions and no characters being started. a few days later, I gave a gentle reminder again, telling them it would be a step-by-step process so they'd understand that we wouldn't move on to the next part until this one was done. no response
two weeks later, in August, I decided on another new strategy. I asked them in the Discord server to describe the character they have in mind in only two sentences, so it'd be short and sweet and we could build their character sheets around their ideas. I finally got one character idea, and then a question about the setting. we had a fun discussion about the setting, and everyone seemed to be excited. a week later, I said now that we had our time period decided, it was time for them to think about the characters they wanted to play, and to give us the two-sentence description. I got emote reactions and no responses
a month and a half later, it was the end of September. I pinged the three players who had yet to give their character description. I told them me and the fourth player would be happy to help with ideas if they were having trouble coming up with their characters. no responses
two weeks later, it was October. it was starting to really hurt my feelings now, having put so much thought and excitement into this game that everyone seemed so excited to play when I invited them, but weren't participating at all. it hadn't even gotten off the ground yet. unfortunately, I let this emotion get the better of me, and wrote a message telling them that I feel they don't want to play as much as I do. I told them it was fine if they didn't want to play, they just needed to let me know because I'd kept my hopes up so long for no reason
now they responded, apologizing for being busy and life getting in the way. they told me they appreciated my effort and that they still wanted to play. I told them it's alright, I know we're all busy. that I just didn't know they still wanted to play since they hadn't given any input on creating their characters. after that, the conversation came to a standstill again
I don't know what I should do. I don't know if it's even worth trying to continue having them participate when they just haven't. and now that I've spilled my emotions to them, I now worry that if they do participate, it will only be out of pity. honestly, I feel so lonely and haven't played D&D in so long, it was a great form of escapism and imagination for me before, but now I've tried to share it with the people I love most and they don't want to put in any effort. it sucks. I wish I started this campaign in a different way - I keep thinking that maybe if I had, they would've participated. I don't know where to go from here
Do you have to play with them? Why not go to a local game store, or find a different group online here?
Enthusiasm is important for D&D. If you aren't getting it from your friends, then you shouldn't force the issue. Get your fill elsewhere and let them come to you, if they ever get motivated.
Do you have to play with them? Why not go to a local game store, or find a different group online here?
Enthusiasm is important for D&D. If you aren't getting it from your friends, then you shouldn't force the issue. Get your fill elsewhere and let them come to you, if they ever get motivated.
This.
So many people WANT to play DnD. Don't waste your time with people who are ambivalent.
But also, don't take it personally if people don't engage. People have stuff, and if they don't have the time or energy then it is best for everyone that they don't join in and that's ok!
For these people I would just... Not bring it up again. Gracefully let it go. And start asking around to see if you can find people who want to play. Just maybe only ask each person once :p
It seems like your players have no interest in giving character descriptions, or personalities. They must just want to run dungeons, slay monsters, and snag loot. That's great though. Just make a real meat grinder mega dungeon where they change characters like socks anyways, so who cares about personalities and such.
thank you guys, you're totally right. I really wanted to have faith that they would play with me, but I should find others who are genuinely invested. I really needed to hear that from fellow D&D enthusiasts! it'll be sad letting go of the hopes I had for this group, but in the end I kept getting disappointed. I'll try my best not to take it too personally, though, knowing my friends have busy lives
It seems like your players have no interest in giving character descriptions, or personalities. They must just want to run dungeons, slay monsters, and snag loot. That's great though. Just make a real meat grinder mega dungeon where they change characters like socks anyways, so who cares about personalities and such.
this is a good idea too! I was planning on running Strixhaven for this group, in which there'd be a lot less dungeon crawling and more roleplaying. but you're right, if they aren't interested in the character development part of the game, I could base the campaign around the parts they enjoy. I think for now I'll be looking for another group, and if my friends ever reach out to me about wanting to play, I'll go with a different idea like this one. thank you
From your description, I feel that the chances of the game getting off the ground are small.
I have no idea what anyone's circumstances might be, school, work/jobs, relationships (wife/children), other activities (sports, other games, computers ...). The demands of real life are real. Everything takes time and sometimes after a day of work all folks want to do is chill. You also didn't mention whether these are real life friends or internet friends. It can make a significant difference sometimes.
The problem here seems to be that folks might want to play but almost everything else comes first. On top of that, the players need to come up with character concepts and ideas and don't seem to want or be able to put in the time required to do that. This sounds like friends who would more or less like to play, don't want to disappoint you because you are a friend, say yes, and then don't really have the time or motivation to do anything because they don't really have the time available and may not really desire to play - it sounds like they lack your enthusiasm.
It can be really hard to judge what is going on even for you let alone a bunch of forum posters offering up some internet advice. However, forcing folks to play will very rarely work in the long run. A good game relies on people wanting to be at the table playing the game and spending the time with their friends. If they are only there to spend time with friends then its easy for the game to get side tracked.
I wouldn't take anything personally, the odds are very good it isn't about you.
Finally, if this is online only then it may be that interest/availability is low and because it is online and folks may not know you in person, there can be a tendency to just not reply when requests are made (sort of just hoping that the request will go away) then they forget the request until another one shows up. Essentially the same as ghosting but not the person necessarily, just the specific topic they don't really want to engage with, but when someone calls them on the behavior they don't want to look bad so they try to explain it away.
P.S. If you really want to see if a game is possible with them then I'd ask them what they are looking for in a D&D game, what kinds of role playing games they like, what kinds of situations they like to face, whether they are more into the combat and tactics or whether role playing interests them much. It could be that the style of game they'd like doesn't appear to be what you are offering which might damp their interest.
So I'd suggest going back to the beginning talking about what they like, whether they have the time, whether they are really interested to play or maybe just a bit interested.
If they seem to still be interested then set up a session 0 where everyone comes together and creates characters at the same time. Ideally in person, if not then use a video and voice connection so you can at least see each other and get a bit more visual feedback on what the other folks might be thinking.
You also mentioned a completely custom/homebrewed character sheet. It's possible that they want to play a particular version of D&D and not necessarily a heavily customized version that requires a completely homebrewed character sheet. The only reason I can think of for that requirement is that the game may not be D&D but a heavily modified home brew variant and the players may be less interested in that and having to learn a new play system.
As @SireSamuel mentioned, just set them up for rolling dice and gathering goodies and points. Perhaps you could create a stack of semi-randomly created characters, ready to go, and hand them out as the players kill 'em off.
As mentioned by others here, these friends don't appear to have much enthusiasm for the game. They might rather play Monopoly, or cards, or just hang out in front of the TV. In that case, find folks who like to play and add a few new friends.
Based on the "yes ma'am" comment, I'm guessing that you may identify as female. I just wanted to greet you with a smile and polite applause. I have only ever shared a table with one female; that was almost 30 years ago. She was an enthusiastic and smart player, who just couldn't take the time away from her kids to play regularly. I for one am happy to make your acquaintance.
I have no idea what anyone's circumstances might be, school, work/jobs, relationships (wife/children), other activities (sports, other games, computers ...). The demands of real life are real. Everything takes time and sometimes after a day of work all folks want to do is chill. You also didn't mention whether these are real life friends or internet friends. It can make a significant difference sometimes.
these are real life friends, and one of them is actually my cousin. whenever I've seen them in person, they've never spoken about the D&D game and I didn't ask about it outside of Discord either. we all have busy lives, one of them being a nurse practitioner and the rest of us being college students. so I agree, I think they may want to play, but don't have the time and aren't as enthusiastic about it as I am. and I don't want to force them to
because I've gotten so little reciprocation from them, I plan on finding another group to play with for now. and as Memnosyne said, if they reach out to me about wanting to play, then I'll definitely have that discussion asking what they'd like most in a D&D game and how we can create an idea that involves what interests them most. as of right now, I don't think I'll be pushing them one more time, just waiting for them to reach out with a desire to play to ensure they really want to. thank you for the advice!
Based on the "yes ma'am" comment, I'm guessing that you may identify as female. I just wanted to greet you with a smile and polite applause. I have only ever shared a table with one female; that was almost 30 years ago. She was an enthusiastic and smart player, who just couldn't take the time away from her kids to play regularly. I for one am happy to make your acquaintance.
nice to meet you too! I am indeed a woman, and I was actually introduced to D&D by playing with my all-girl friend group back in high school. not only that, but in my other D&D group (one much more successful than the group I'm talking about in this thread, but also a very busy group), we have an equal number of guys and women! it's great to see that times have changed with ladies enjoying our nerdy games much more freely than when you started. thank you for your advice, too!
I get the feeling that you want your players to come up with concept and goals before you start playing. Which is perfectly fine as you probably want to engage in good role play.
Some of the problem is that for new players PC conception can be a totally new thing. Tabletop RPGs are entirely different from any other gaming platform. So new players have no idea what to do.
I would suggest making them roll dice or use whatever creation system you want. Because as this dude says people want to PLAY. They want to show up, roll dice, and kick ass. Don't ask for concept, just tell them to make a character and you can steer the content after the game starts.
Anyway as if this guy needs more play:
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
"Sooner or later, your Players are going to smash your railroad into a sandbox."
-Vedexent
"real life is a super high CR."
-OboeLauren
"............anybody got any potatoes? We could drop a potato in each hole an' see which ones get viciously mauled by horrible monsters?"
It of course might be as earlier stated that they simply are not very eager to play, and that you should look for other players
But...
If you just threw out your original question like that, it's not that easy to answer, and is very easy to "forget". Why not just have a hour talk with each players? Then they can ask questions, and get answers to things they are wondering about. You can ask questions and see what their reactions are. You can do this individually, or as a group (both have it's ups and downs).
I don't know how much you "pitched" the campaign to the players since you don't mention that in the OP. You should first paint a picture of what kind of campaign you envision, then ask the players what kind of characters they want to play in such a campaign.
I am amazed that nobody has suggested a "Session 0" yet!
However you plan to run this game - online or in-person - set up session 0 in that format. "Everyone, we need to agree a date and a time for session 0. This will cover character creation, what you want out of the game, and probably a lot of chatting and banter. And if in person, pizza."
If they come together for an actual session, then you have a group which may well go on to complete an entire campaign. If there is trouble arranging it, and people flake out or don't show up, then you have a problem. I suggest throwing a date out directly - "How is everyone for having session 0 at 6pm this Saturday?". If using discord, tag them individually as well, so they get a notification for it. Throw out the link or the location and get them all in one place, at the same time, and judge it from there. As others have said, we don't know their schedule and other ties, so they might need to allocate time for this in order for it to work. Asking these questions outside of any organised time-slot is liable to see them missed, forgotten, or misinterpreted as instructions for homework not requests for immediate answers.
The other option is to just give them a level for their characters and say "I'm starting this at this time on this day, be there with a level 4 character or you're missing the train. Let me know as soon as you can if you can't make it so I can try to find someone else". Much more aggressive and not recommended, really, but it could work. You don't have to cut them all out to make it happen - just the ones who don't have the drive.
hey DM's, this is sort of a vent post/also asking for advice. so back in July I invited a couple of friends to join a new campaign idea I had, and was very excited about getting it started. three of them have played D&D before, one of them has never played. first, I asked them in the Discord server to throw out some character personality ideas. no dice - as in, one of them responded "yes ma'am" and that was it, no character ideas were given
a few days later, I decided I'd help guide them along by doing a step-by-step character building format instead, to give a little more structure for building their ideas. especially because a majority of the character sheet would be homebrewed, I thought guiding them along would be helpful. two weeks passed, I'd only received some emote reactions on my first step explanation and no responses. I sent a Wiki article for some reading to help decide. again, only emote reactions and no characters being started. a few days later, I gave a gentle reminder again, telling them it would be a step-by-step process so they'd understand that we wouldn't move on to the next part until this one was done. no response
two weeks later, in August, I decided on another new strategy. I asked them in the Discord server to describe the character they have in mind in only two sentences, so it'd be short and sweet and we could build their character sheets around their ideas. I finally got one character idea, and then a question about the setting. we had a fun discussion about the setting, and everyone seemed to be excited. a week later, I said now that we had our time period decided, it was time for them to think about the characters they wanted to play, and to give us the two-sentence description. I got emote reactions and no responses
a month and a half later, it was the end of September. I pinged the three players who had yet to give their character description. I told them me and the fourth player would be happy to help with ideas if they were having trouble coming up with their characters. no responses
two weeks later, it was October. it was starting to really hurt my feelings now, having put so much thought and excitement into this game that everyone seemed so excited to play when I invited them, but weren't participating at all. it hadn't even gotten off the ground yet. unfortunately, I let this emotion get the better of me, and wrote a message telling them that I feel they don't want to play as much as I do. I told them it was fine if they didn't want to play, they just needed to let me know because I'd kept my hopes up so long for no reason
now they responded, apologizing for being busy and life getting in the way. they told me they appreciated my effort and that they still wanted to play. I told them it's alright, I know we're all busy. that I just didn't know they still wanted to play since they hadn't given any input on creating their characters. after that, the conversation came to a standstill again
I don't know what I should do. I don't know if it's even worth trying to continue having them participate when they just haven't. and now that I've spilled my emotions to them, I now worry that if they do participate, it will only be out of pity. honestly, I feel so lonely and haven't played D&D in so long, it was a great form of escapism and imagination for me before, but now I've tried to share it with the people I love most and they don't want to put in any effort. it sucks. I wish I started this campaign in a different way - I keep thinking that maybe if I had, they would've participated. I don't know where to go from here
Beginner DM & Barbarian
Do you have to play with them? Why not go to a local game store, or find a different group online here?
Enthusiasm is important for D&D. If you aren't getting it from your friends, then you shouldn't force the issue. Get your fill elsewhere and let them come to you, if they ever get motivated.
This.
So many people WANT to play DnD. Don't waste your time with people who are ambivalent.
But also, don't take it personally if people don't engage. People have stuff, and if they don't have the time or energy then it is best for everyone that they don't join in and that's ok!
For these people I would just... Not bring it up again. Gracefully let it go. And start asking around to see if you can find people who want to play. Just maybe only ask each person once :p
It seems like your players have no interest in giving character descriptions, or personalities. They must just want to run dungeons, slay monsters, and snag loot. That's great though. Just make a real meat grinder mega dungeon where they change characters like socks anyways, so who cares about personalities and such.
thank you guys, you're totally right. I really wanted to have faith that they would play with me, but I should find others who are genuinely invested. I really needed to hear that from fellow D&D enthusiasts! it'll be sad letting go of the hopes I had for this group, but in the end I kept getting disappointed. I'll try my best not to take it too personally, though, knowing my friends have busy lives
this is a good idea too! I was planning on running Strixhaven for this group, in which there'd be a lot less dungeon crawling and more roleplaying. but you're right, if they aren't interested in the character development part of the game, I could base the campaign around the parts they enjoy. I think for now I'll be looking for another group, and if my friends ever reach out to me about wanting to play, I'll go with a different idea like this one. thank you
Beginner DM & Barbarian
From your description, I feel that the chances of the game getting off the ground are small.
I have no idea what anyone's circumstances might be, school, work/jobs, relationships (wife/children), other activities (sports, other games, computers ...). The demands of real life are real. Everything takes time and sometimes after a day of work all folks want to do is chill. You also didn't mention whether these are real life friends or internet friends. It can make a significant difference sometimes.
The problem here seems to be that folks might want to play but almost everything else comes first. On top of that, the players need to come up with character concepts and ideas and don't seem to want or be able to put in the time required to do that. This sounds like friends who would more or less like to play, don't want to disappoint you because you are a friend, say yes, and then don't really have the time or motivation to do anything because they don't really have the time available and may not really desire to play - it sounds like they lack your enthusiasm.
It can be really hard to judge what is going on even for you let alone a bunch of forum posters offering up some internet advice. However, forcing folks to play will very rarely work in the long run. A good game relies on people wanting to be at the table playing the game and spending the time with their friends. If they are only there to spend time with friends then its easy for the game to get side tracked.
I wouldn't take anything personally, the odds are very good it isn't about you.
Finally, if this is online only then it may be that interest/availability is low and because it is online and folks may not know you in person, there can be a tendency to just not reply when requests are made (sort of just hoping that the request will go away) then they forget the request until another one shows up. Essentially the same as ghosting but not the person necessarily, just the specific topic they don't really want to engage with, but when someone calls them on the behavior they don't want to look bad so they try to explain it away.
P.S. If you really want to see if a game is possible with them then I'd ask them what they are looking for in a D&D game, what kinds of role playing games they like, what kinds of situations they like to face, whether they are more into the combat and tactics or whether role playing interests them much. It could be that the style of game they'd like doesn't appear to be what you are offering which might damp their interest.
So I'd suggest going back to the beginning talking about what they like, whether they have the time, whether they are really interested to play or maybe just a bit interested.
If they seem to still be interested then set up a session 0 where everyone comes together and creates characters at the same time. Ideally in person, if not then use a video and voice connection so you can at least see each other and get a bit more visual feedback on what the other folks might be thinking.
You also mentioned a completely custom/homebrewed character sheet. It's possible that they want to play a particular version of D&D and not necessarily a heavily customized version that requires a completely homebrewed character sheet. The only reason I can think of for that requirement is that the game may not be D&D but a heavily modified home brew variant and the players may be less interested in that and having to learn a new play system.
As @SireSamuel mentioned, just set them up for rolling dice and gathering goodies and points. Perhaps you could create a stack of semi-randomly created characters, ready to go, and hand them out as the players kill 'em off.
As mentioned by others here, these friends don't appear to have much enthusiasm for the game. They might rather play Monopoly, or cards, or just hang out in front of the TV. In that case, find folks who like to play and add a few new friends.
Based on the "yes ma'am" comment, I'm guessing that you may identify as female. I just wanted to greet you with a smile and polite applause. I have only ever shared a table with one female; that was almost 30 years ago. She was an enthusiastic and smart player, who just couldn't take the time away from her kids to play regularly. I for one am happy to make your acquaintance.
these are real life friends, and one of them is actually my cousin. whenever I've seen them in person, they've never spoken about the D&D game and I didn't ask about it outside of Discord either. we all have busy lives, one of them being a nurse practitioner and the rest of us being college students. so I agree, I think they may want to play, but don't have the time and aren't as enthusiastic about it as I am. and I don't want to force them to
because I've gotten so little reciprocation from them, I plan on finding another group to play with for now. and as Memnosyne said, if they reach out to me about wanting to play, then I'll definitely have that discussion asking what they'd like most in a D&D game and how we can create an idea that involves what interests them most. as of right now, I don't think I'll be pushing them one more time, just waiting for them to reach out with a desire to play to ensure they really want to. thank you for the advice!
nice to meet you too! I am indeed a woman, and I was actually introduced to D&D by playing with my all-girl friend group back in high school. not only that, but in my other D&D group (one much more successful than the group I'm talking about in this thread, but also a very busy group), we have an equal number of guys and women! it's great to see that times have changed with ladies enjoying our nerdy games much more freely than when you started. thank you for your advice, too!
Beginner DM & Barbarian
I get the feeling that you want your players to come up with concept and goals before you start playing. Which is perfectly fine as you probably want to engage in good role play.
Some of the problem is that for new players PC conception can be a totally new thing. Tabletop RPGs are entirely different from any other gaming platform. So new players have no idea what to do.
I would suggest making them roll dice or use whatever creation system you want. Because as this dude says people want to PLAY. They want to show up, roll dice, and kick ass. Don't ask for concept, just tell them to make a character and you can steer the content after the game starts.
Anyway as if this guy needs more play:
"Sooner or later, your Players are going to smash your railroad into a sandbox."
-Vedexent
"real life is a super high CR."
-OboeLauren
"............anybody got any potatoes? We could drop a potato in each hole an' see which ones get viciously mauled by horrible monsters?"
-Ilyara Thundertale
"Sooner or later, your Players are going to smash your railroad into a sandbox."
-Vedexent
"real life is a super high CR."
-OboeLauren
"............anybody got any potatoes? We could drop a potato in each hole an' see which ones get viciously mauled by horrible monsters?"
-Ilyara Thundertale
It of course might be as earlier stated that they simply are not very eager to play, and that you should look for other players
But...
If you just threw out your original question like that, it's not that easy to answer, and is very easy to "forget". Why not just have a hour talk with each players? Then they can ask questions, and get answers to things they are wondering about. You can ask questions and see what their reactions are. You can do this individually, or as a group (both have it's ups and downs).
I don't know how much you "pitched" the campaign to the players since you don't mention that in the OP. You should first paint a picture of what kind of campaign you envision, then ask the players what kind of characters they want to play in such a campaign.
Ludo ergo sum!
I am amazed that nobody has suggested a "Session 0" yet!
However you plan to run this game - online or in-person - set up session 0 in that format. "Everyone, we need to agree a date and a time for session 0. This will cover character creation, what you want out of the game, and probably a lot of chatting and banter. And if in person, pizza."
If they come together for an actual session, then you have a group which may well go on to complete an entire campaign. If there is trouble arranging it, and people flake out or don't show up, then you have a problem. I suggest throwing a date out directly - "How is everyone for having session 0 at 6pm this Saturday?". If using discord, tag them individually as well, so they get a notification for it. Throw out the link or the location and get them all in one place, at the same time, and judge it from there. As others have said, we don't know their schedule and other ties, so they might need to allocate time for this in order for it to work. Asking these questions outside of any organised time-slot is liable to see them missed, forgotten, or misinterpreted as instructions for homework not requests for immediate answers.
The other option is to just give them a level for their characters and say "I'm starting this at this time on this day, be there with a level 4 character or you're missing the train. Let me know as soon as you can if you can't make it so I can try to find someone else". Much more aggressive and not recommended, really, but it could work. You don't have to cut them all out to make it happen - just the ones who don't have the drive.
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