So I have a campaign with now 9 player, don't do that it's stupid, cap at 6. Anyway, I don't run sessions unless at least half a party shows up. Well most of them just never show up. How can I gently remove them from the party without hurting their feelings? Because it's throwing off my math for half-party sessions.
is it always the same ones? then just stop talking about them. you've got a big enough crowd that it's likely no one would argue. maybe they stay with the horses or hang out at the inn. and if the players show up, then oh we forgot they came to the dungeon but here they just caught up from their nap. i mean, why not let them sit in if they're friends and not disruptive? yeah, it's not overly immersive solution, sure, but it's better than saying "gosh, we can't possibly enjoy a dungeon with only four players tonight."
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unhappy at the way in which we lost individual purchases for one-off subclasses, magic items, and monsters?
tell them you don't like features disappeared quietly in the night: providefeedback!
To me as DM it depend of a few factors such as if absences was discussed before campaign start, if the player makes it an habbit or not, if it advise you in advance or not. A player that rarely miss a session and tell me in advance i wouldn't mind that much, but one that regularly miss without a word, it get removed as i make sure during session 0 to discuss these sorts of things and i put time and effort into my campaign and the minimum i expect from my players in return is to try to attend most sessions and when they cannot, to advise as soon as possible since if i miss half or more players i don't run a session and we all have busy lives and changing plans is better known ASAP.
To be honest with you, i truly believe it's a question of respect and committment and that those MIA without notice are a plague to D&D and other RPGs in general, wether its one shot pick-up games or full blown campaign. Even worse when its the DM that do that and schedule one shots and don't even show nor advise they cancel or reschedule.
All you can do is tell them. You can’t control if their feelings will be hurt or not. Who know, maybe they’ve already, mentally, dropped out, but don’t want to hurt your feelings. Either way, just be honest and straight with them. Don’t be passive aggressive. Tell them you need to cut the size of the group, and they haven’t been coming. Sorry it didn’t work out, maybe they’ll find better luck with another group’s schedule.
If they never show up it probably wont bother them very much.
Just be honest, don't make it personal and make an excuse for them not showing up for them as you tell them, no ask them that they are being removed.
Something like: "Hey man, it seems like it's gotten hard for you make game regularly. It's a lot of work for me as the GM to prep for this many people, especially if I don't know who is going to show up. It's nothing personal or anything but I going to remove you from the game for now. If things change for you in the future and you can make games consistently then just let me know, I'd totally be down to GM for you again."
You've already received plenty of good advice. Instead of repeating the same things, I'll give you some strategies on how to avoid this problem in the future.
Strategy #1: Treat D&D Like a Job
Explain to your players that they should treat coming to sessions as if it was a job. As soon as someone fails to show up without giving a valid reason beforehand, they're fired. In-game, that means their character dies in a way that fits the current plot of the campaign. The same goes if they're late. Don't bother notifying them, they didn't have the courtesy of doing the same. If they show up later, tell them they're fired and ask them to leave. Too many absences, even if justified, will also result in their termination of employment. In this case however, you really need to give them a notice. They had the courtesy of notifying you each time they were going to be absent or late, so you should do the same. In the case of a force majeure, e.g. the player crashed their car en route to the game and was unable to notify you because they were comatose, re-hire them. In-game, that means their character wasn't really dead after all. For this reason, make sure their "death" can be easily retconned in a way that doesn't kill the immersion. They were decapitated? That was an illusion created by the dungeon's evil wizard. The real deal was simply captured. They fell down a cliff? They managed to land inside a crevice on the cliffside.
Strategy #2: Absentees Pay a Fine
Make your players pay a deposit as a guarantee they won't miss the next game session. If they miss it, you keep the money and they have to pay another deposit before they can play again. At the end of a session, they may ask to be refunded, but doing so means leaving the campaign entirely. If you decide to end the campaign, you have to refund each player's deposit. This essentially amounts to paying a fine when you fail to show up to the game, but paid in advance to avoid any hassle. The deposit must be significant enough to act as a deterrent, but not too much to completely scare off players. Make sure you and your players sign an agreement to those terms, and have both parties keep a copy.
Strategy #3: Pay to Play with Raffles
Make your players pay a subscription to play in your campaign. The subscription fee must be paid monthly and is valid for a predetermined number of game sessions, which means you can only do this with a fixed schedule. Each time a player shows up to a session, they gain a raffle d20. At the end of each month (or more if the money collected isn't enough), you hold a raffle with the D&D themed prize going to whoever rolls the highest with their raffle dice. The prize can be miniatures, dice, books, etc. Losers get an extra raffle d4 to increase their chance of winning in the next raffle. Each time they lose, they upgrade their extra raffle die to the next denomination: a d4 becomes a d6, a d6 becomes a d8, and so on. Should it upgrade all the way to d20, they get an additional d4, which in turn can be upgraded, the next time they lose. Winners lose their extra raffle dice. This way, everyone is bound to win eventually. Raffle prizes are obviously paid with the subscription money. At the end of the campaign, you refund any leftovers.
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Age: 33 | Sex: Male | Languages: French and English | Roles: DM and Player
I echo what a mate of mine has had to say to one of his players: "the next session is going to be a campaign session [as opposed to one-shots when there's a no-show], will you be able to attend or do you want to be a guest player going forward?" It's not removing them from the group per se, but the game is going forward with or without them in a more permanent capacity.
The thing is you have to do this sooner rather than later, because otherwise you're going to lose the other players who attend. The no-shows aren't impacted as much as those who do (you included), and if there's constant cancellations, eventually those players have to seriously look at moving to another table which will respect the time they've put aside to play.
Once you put your foot down on not showing up, the others might start taking you and your players' scheduling more seriously. After which, have a Campaign M.O.T: ask everyone how they're feeling, air out any frustrations or feedback or whatever, and talk about it. Those who don't turn up have made known their priorities and need not attend future sessions, and those who do can say if they want to continue attending. By that point you should have a much more manageable group. If you've got no group left by the end, you can safely start over.
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Zero is the most important number in D&D: Session Zero sets the boundaries and the tone; Rule Zero dictates the Dungeon Master (DM) is the final arbiter; and Zero D&D is better than Bad D&D.
"Let us speak plainly now, and in earnest, for words mean little without the weight of conviction."
You've already received plenty of good advice. Instead of repeating the same things, I'll give you some strategies on how to avoid this problem in the future.
Strategy #1: Treat D&D Like a Job
Strategy #2: Absentees Pay a Fine
Strategy #3: Pay to Play with Raffles
I'm sorry to say that I don't think any of those are a good strategy. The best plan is to talk to the players, find out who is really interested in playing, find out why folks miss sessions and see if they are likely to be more regular in attendance in the future. If you are having that much of an issue with absenteeism then there are lots of possibilities.
- the players aren't having fun in such a huge group where they never or rarely get to contribute to the story or express their ideas
- some of the players are more vocal than others so the quieter ones just aren't having much fun because they don't like to interrupt but never get to say anything if they don't. This one is on the DM to make sure that they ASK players for input on a regular basis to prevent the noisy ones from dominating play.
- the players may have lots of real life commitments so D&D just doesn't fit in their schedule very well.
- some players may not want to commit to playing D&D just in case something better comes up.
These can only be solved by talking to the players.
Anyway, after chatting with them all, describe D&D as a fun group social event but because it has an on-going storyline, it is important for players to be available regularly. Ask them if they can commit to playing each week. Come up with some rules for playing ...
1) If you say you want to play then it means you will try to be there.
2) If you won't be there then let the DM know at least 24 hours in advance.
3) If you do not make two sessions while also failing to let the DM know in advance then you will be asked not to play.
4) If you regularly can not make sessions (like missing 3 out of 5 sessions) even if you do let the DM know, there will be a discussion as to whether the player is really available to play D&D and may be asked to leave if this will continue.
After the conversation with the players, start over from scratch with a clean slate. Now that all the players understand the situation they can decide if they want to play, whether they will be available and whether committing to playing regularly will fit their schedule.
1) If you say you want to play then it means you will try to be there.
2) If you won't be there then let the DM know at least 24 hours in advance.
3) If you do not make two sessions while also failing to let the DM know in advance then you will be asked not to play.
4) If you regularly can not make sessions (like missing 3 out of 5 sessions) even if you do let the DM know, there will be a discussion as to whether the player is really available to play D&D and may be asked to leave if this will continue.
This is pretty much a more lenient version of my first strategy, so I don't get why you're saying it's a bad one. I've had to deal with so many chokers (no shows) for live action games, that my strategies have been of tremendous help. I literally spent days worth of free time helping new players make their characters and understand the rules, only for them to not show up at the game. Once I began applying my second strategy, I suddenly stopped having problems. Sure, I've had plenty of potential players refusing to give me a guarantee, but that only served as filtering out the unreliable jerks. I'll give you some examples.
Choker #1: The Thief
After hearing that I played in live action role playing games and that I was helpful to new players, an acquaintance of mine asked me for help and if he could join my group. A group consists of several players camping and working together. It's kind of like a party, but unlike in tabletop games splitting up happens a lot. Anyway, I happily scheduled a meeting with him at a gaming store that is partnered with the association that organizes the live action games. I spent a few hours with him there helping him make his character, going through the rules, explaining how my group works, and finding ways to make his character fit with my group. He was very excited about the game and wanted to min-max, so I helped him make the most overpowered fighter imaginable. He didn't want to spend a fortune on equipment, so he would be unarmored and have to play with spare swords from my collection. One of the organizers was at the store accepting payment for signing up to the upcoming game. Because he forgot his money, I had to pay for both of us. He promised to reimburse me. He didn't. He also didn't show up at the game.
Choker #2: The Sick
I asked my friends if they would be interested to join an upcoming live action game. Among the ones who were interested was this guy. Unlike the one above, we met at my place instead of the store. He's not the sharpest tool in the shed, so I had to be patient while I guided him through the same process I described above. I made sure his character wasn't difficult to play, which coincided with his preferred playstyle of just hitting things for high damage. He found the idea of raging very appealing, so I made him a barbarian. He wasn't sure if he would like the game enough to warrant investing in expensive equipment right away, so I told him I would ask other players if they had a two-handed weapon to lend him, because all I had were short swords. It took me a while to find someone willing to do so, but I did. Exceptionally, the next game was free of charge. The gaming association is a non-profit organization, but there was a surplus in its treasury due to a very lucrative previous year. The organizers were legally required to spend that money, so they decided to make one free game. The amount of players was massive during that weekend, but my friend wasn't among them. He called a few hours before the game claiming to be sick while he faked coughing. At one point he even forgot to cough.
Choker #3: The Liar
This one involves a friend. Unlike the two guys above, this one was actually willing to buy her own equipment, hence why I chose to meet her at the store from the first story. When my friend was late, I called her. She told me on the phone that she was waiting for the bus to come, and that she was sorry for being late. I estimated the time it would get for her to arrive and waited. When she still didn't show up, I called her again but she didn't answer. I tried a few more times but she still wouldn't answer. I left the store after having wasted two hours. I also lost a friend that day.
After those experiences, I promised myself to stop investing time to help new players join a role playing game unless my time is compensated. I consider participation in the game as a reward in itself, so I don't need monetary compensation in that case. If someone wants to join a game I'm playing or DM'ing, I'm not going to spend any of my time helping them or preparing for them unless I'm getting paid in advance. I'll give their money back if they actually show up at the game. The amount depends on the time I have to spend.
Apart from helping new players join a game, I never actually fined my players for not showing up at a game. Once they've actually gone past the first session, the strategy I've employed has been the first one. It was the strategy employed by a gaming restaurant and bar I used to play at. Because games are meant to attract and keep customers, players who don't show up are bad for business. If you aren't taking the game seriously, you leave the opportunity for another player to take your seat. I actually never witnessed someone being replaced, as most customers were reliable.
I planned on using a variation of the third strategy when I was in the process of gathering players for a new campaign that would have been hosted in a community center. I planned on using the money primarily for content sharing on this website. Considering I owned all of the books and would continue to buy new ones, it was a pretty sweet deal. Any leftovers would go toward a raffle. I had one or two interested players (one serious and one maybe), but unfortunately this was back in March 2020. I don't need to explain why it had to be canceled.
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Age: 33 | Sex: Male | Languages: French and English | Roles: DM and Player
I am very curious about your whole "they didn't want to buy their equipment" milarky - are they being stingy with in-game money before they even start, or are they actually expected to pay actual money in your games for the word "greatsword" on a piece of paper?
"I've been having a hard time with so many players. 9 is a lot of players. Even 6 would be a lot. We have also been missing quite a few players most of the time, so I thought I'd ask everyone to check who still wants to continue playing. I'm sending this same message to everyone. I figured this would be a great point for anyone to quit the group if they don't have enough time or energy to play in the campaign actively. There will possibly be other campaigns in the future if now is a bad time.
I also decided that I want everyone to commit to playing regularly from now on, because juggling between characters is a bit stressful as a DM. If everyone commits, then I'll keep running the campaign with 9 players, so everyone who wants to stay can stay. But I'd also appreciate people being honest if they are not interested anymore or if their IRL situation just doesn't allow such a commitment. We can continue playing with fewer players, so you don't need to feel bad if you can't continue"
"So is the game still something that you want to continue or do you want to quit the current campaign?"
"I want to continue." -> "Great! Just let me know at any point if you can't continue playing anymore. It's a lot easier that way."
"I've actually been really busy and tired from work and all. Maybe now is not a good time for playing." - "I understand. Like I said, we have enough players, so you don't need to feel bad about not being able to continue."
This is actually a conversation I've had maybe a year ago. It went really well. The person had actually been thinking about quitting, so it was an easy decision for them. Phrase it for your own mouth and friends, but the basic principle is:
1. Give them room and a chance to quit without losing their face. Like someone pointed out, they may have already been thinking about quitting, but couldn't say it out loud. So make them see that they're actually doing you a favor by quitting, if they can't commit.
2. Send it to everyone and make it general enough, so they don't feel targeted. You probably already know who are the ones to definitely say yes and who are the ones who probably don't want to or cannot commit. Allow them to be the one to decide. They are more likely to take it well if they are the ones who make the decision to leave the group, even if it comes from your prompt.
3. Set your DM boundaries with the same message while you're at it.This is for the future. You say that you're doing this to make sure that you yourself can keep DMing for a long time, so you need to make sure you're not overworked. And because of that you need everyone in the party to commit to playing regularly. Now from now on, if someone decides to stay but doesn't get more active, you have established that it doesn't work and it's easier to bring it up more personally and ask them to quit in a more direct way.
I am very curious about your whole "they didn't want to buy their equipment" milarky - are they being stingy with in-game money before they even start, or are they actually expected to pay actual money in your games for the word "greatsword" on a piece of paper?
I'll drop by here to point out that they mentioned Live Action Role Playing aka LARPing. Kind of like theater and RP combined. We use actual physical props and equipment for that. I think that's the confusion. :)
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So I have a campaign with now 9 player, don't do that it's stupid, cap at 6. Anyway, I don't run sessions unless at least half a party shows up. Well most of them just never show up. How can I gently remove them from the party without hurting their feelings? Because it's throwing off my math for half-party sessions.
is it always the same ones? then just stop talking about them. you've got a big enough crowd that it's likely no one would argue. maybe they stay with the horses or hang out at the inn. and if the players show up, then oh we forgot they came to the dungeon but here they just caught up from their nap. i mean, why not let them sit in if they're friends and not disruptive? yeah, it's not overly immersive solution, sure, but it's better than saying "gosh, we can't possibly enjoy a dungeon with only four players tonight."
unhappy at the way in which we lost individual purchases for one-off subclasses, magic items, and monsters?
tell them you don't like features disappeared quietly in the night: provide feedback!
To me as DM it depend of a few factors such as if absences was discussed before campaign start, if the player makes it an habbit or not, if it advise you in advance or not. A player that rarely miss a session and tell me in advance i wouldn't mind that much, but one that regularly miss without a word, it get removed as i make sure during session 0 to discuss these sorts of things and i put time and effort into my campaign and the minimum i expect from my players in return is to try to attend most sessions and when they cannot, to advise as soon as possible since if i miss half or more players i don't run a session and we all have busy lives and changing plans is better known ASAP.
To be honest with you, i truly believe it's a question of respect and committment and that those MIA without notice are a plague to D&D and other RPGs in general, wether its one shot pick-up games or full blown campaign. Even worse when its the DM that do that and schedule one shots and don't even show nor advise they cancel or reschedule.
All you can do is tell them. You can’t control if their feelings will be hurt or not. Who know, maybe they’ve already, mentally, dropped out, but don’t want to hurt your feelings.
Either way, just be honest and straight with them. Don’t be passive aggressive. Tell them you need to cut the size of the group, and they haven’t been coming. Sorry it didn’t work out, maybe they’ll find better luck with another group’s schedule.
If they never show up it probably wont bother them very much.
Just be honest, don't make it personal and make an excuse for them not showing up for them as you tell them, no ask them that they are being removed.
Something like:
"Hey man, it seems like it's gotten hard for you make game regularly. It's a lot of work for me as the GM to prep for this many people, especially if I don't know who is going to show up. It's nothing personal or anything but I going to remove you from the game for now. If things change for you in the future and you can make games consistently then just let me know, I'd totally be down to GM for you again."
You've already received plenty of good advice. Instead of repeating the same things, I'll give you some strategies on how to avoid this problem in the future.
Strategy #1: Treat D&D Like a Job
Explain to your players that they should treat coming to sessions as if it was a job. As soon as someone fails to show up without giving a valid reason beforehand, they're fired. In-game, that means their character dies in a way that fits the current plot of the campaign. The same goes if they're late. Don't bother notifying them, they didn't have the courtesy of doing the same. If they show up later, tell them they're fired and ask them to leave. Too many absences, even if justified, will also result in their termination of employment. In this case however, you really need to give them a notice. They had the courtesy of notifying you each time they were going to be absent or late, so you should do the same. In the case of a force majeure, e.g. the player crashed their car en route to the game and was unable to notify you because they were comatose, re-hire them. In-game, that means their character wasn't really dead after all. For this reason, make sure their "death" can be easily retconned in a way that doesn't kill the immersion. They were decapitated? That was an illusion created by the dungeon's evil wizard. The real deal was simply captured. They fell down a cliff? They managed to land inside a crevice on the cliffside.
Strategy #2: Absentees Pay a Fine
Make your players pay a deposit as a guarantee they won't miss the next game session. If they miss it, you keep the money and they have to pay another deposit before they can play again. At the end of a session, they may ask to be refunded, but doing so means leaving the campaign entirely. If you decide to end the campaign, you have to refund each player's deposit. This essentially amounts to paying a fine when you fail to show up to the game, but paid in advance to avoid any hassle. The deposit must be significant enough to act as a deterrent, but not too much to completely scare off players. Make sure you and your players sign an agreement to those terms, and have both parties keep a copy.
Strategy #3: Pay to Play with Raffles
Make your players pay a subscription to play in your campaign. The subscription fee must be paid monthly and is valid for a predetermined number of game sessions, which means you can only do this with a fixed schedule. Each time a player shows up to a session, they gain a raffle d20. At the end of each month (or more if the money collected isn't enough), you hold a raffle with the D&D themed prize going to whoever rolls the highest with their raffle dice. The prize can be miniatures, dice, books, etc. Losers get an extra raffle d4 to increase their chance of winning in the next raffle. Each time they lose, they upgrade their extra raffle die to the next denomination: a d4 becomes a d6, a d6 becomes a d8, and so on. Should it upgrade all the way to d20, they get an additional d4, which in turn can be upgraded, the next time they lose. Winners lose their extra raffle dice. This way, everyone is bound to win eventually. Raffle prizes are obviously paid with the subscription money. At the end of the campaign, you refund any leftovers.
Age: 33 | Sex: Male | Languages: French and English | Roles: DM and Player
I echo what a mate of mine has had to say to one of his players: "the next session is going to be a campaign session [as opposed to one-shots when there's a no-show], will you be able to attend or do you want to be a guest player going forward?" It's not removing them from the group per se, but the game is going forward with or without them in a more permanent capacity.
The thing is you have to do this sooner rather than later, because otherwise you're going to lose the other players who attend. The no-shows aren't impacted as much as those who do (you included), and if there's constant cancellations, eventually those players have to seriously look at moving to another table which will respect the time they've put aside to play.
Once you put your foot down on not showing up, the others might start taking you and your players' scheduling more seriously. After which, have a Campaign M.O.T: ask everyone how they're feeling, air out any frustrations or feedback or whatever, and talk about it. Those who don't turn up have made known their priorities and need not attend future sessions, and those who do can say if they want to continue attending. By that point you should have a much more manageable group. If you've got no group left by the end, you can safely start over.
Zero is the most important number in D&D: Session Zero sets the boundaries and the tone; Rule Zero dictates the Dungeon Master (DM) is the final arbiter; and Zero D&D is better than Bad D&D.
"Let us speak plainly now, and in earnest, for words mean little without the weight of conviction."
- The Assemblage of Houses, World of Warcraft
I'm sorry to say that I don't think any of those are a good strategy. The best plan is to talk to the players, find out who is really interested in playing, find out why folks miss sessions and see if they are likely to be more regular in attendance in the future. If you are having that much of an issue with absenteeism then there are lots of possibilities.
- the players aren't having fun in such a huge group where they never or rarely get to contribute to the story or express their ideas
- some of the players are more vocal than others so the quieter ones just aren't having much fun because they don't like to interrupt but never get to say anything if they don't. This one is on the DM to make sure that they ASK players for input on a regular basis to prevent the noisy ones from dominating play.
- the players may have lots of real life commitments so D&D just doesn't fit in their schedule very well.
- some players may not want to commit to playing D&D just in case something better comes up.
These can only be solved by talking to the players.
Anyway, after chatting with them all, describe D&D as a fun group social event but because it has an on-going storyline, it is important for players to be available regularly. Ask them if they can commit to playing each week. Come up with some rules for playing ...
1) If you say you want to play then it means you will try to be there.
2) If you won't be there then let the DM know at least 24 hours in advance.
3) If you do not make two sessions while also failing to let the DM know in advance then you will be asked not to play.
4) If you regularly can not make sessions (like missing 3 out of 5 sessions) even if you do let the DM know, there will be a discussion as to whether the player is really available to play D&D and may be asked to leave if this will continue.
After the conversation with the players, start over from scratch with a clean slate. Now that all the players understand the situation they can decide if they want to play, whether they will be available and whether committing to playing regularly will fit their schedule.
This is pretty much a more lenient version of my first strategy, so I don't get why you're saying it's a bad one. I've had to deal with so many chokers (no shows) for live action games, that my strategies have been of tremendous help. I literally spent days worth of free time helping new players make their characters and understand the rules, only for them to not show up at the game. Once I began applying my second strategy, I suddenly stopped having problems. Sure, I've had plenty of potential players refusing to give me a guarantee, but that only served as filtering out the unreliable jerks. I'll give you some examples.
Choker #1: The Thief
After hearing that I played in live action role playing games and that I was helpful to new players, an acquaintance of mine asked me for help and if he could join my group. A group consists of several players camping and working together. It's kind of like a party, but unlike in tabletop games splitting up happens a lot. Anyway, I happily scheduled a meeting with him at a gaming store that is partnered with the association that organizes the live action games. I spent a few hours with him there helping him make his character, going through the rules, explaining how my group works, and finding ways to make his character fit with my group. He was very excited about the game and wanted to min-max, so I helped him make the most overpowered fighter imaginable. He didn't want to spend a fortune on equipment, so he would be unarmored and have to play with spare swords from my collection. One of the organizers was at the store accepting payment for signing up to the upcoming game. Because he forgot his money, I had to pay for both of us. He promised to reimburse me. He didn't. He also didn't show up at the game.
Choker #2: The Sick
I asked my friends if they would be interested to join an upcoming live action game. Among the ones who were interested was this guy. Unlike the one above, we met at my place instead of the store. He's not the sharpest tool in the shed, so I had to be patient while I guided him through the same process I described above. I made sure his character wasn't difficult to play, which coincided with his preferred playstyle of just hitting things for high damage. He found the idea of raging very appealing, so I made him a barbarian. He wasn't sure if he would like the game enough to warrant investing in expensive equipment right away, so I told him I would ask other players if they had a two-handed weapon to lend him, because all I had were short swords. It took me a while to find someone willing to do so, but I did. Exceptionally, the next game was free of charge. The gaming association is a non-profit organization, but there was a surplus in its treasury due to a very lucrative previous year. The organizers were legally required to spend that money, so they decided to make one free game. The amount of players was massive during that weekend, but my friend wasn't among them. He called a few hours before the game claiming to be sick while he faked coughing. At one point he even forgot to cough.
Choker #3: The Liar
This one involves a friend. Unlike the two guys above, this one was actually willing to buy her own equipment, hence why I chose to meet her at the store from the first story. When my friend was late, I called her. She told me on the phone that she was waiting for the bus to come, and that she was sorry for being late. I estimated the time it would get for her to arrive and waited. When she still didn't show up, I called her again but she didn't answer. I tried a few more times but she still wouldn't answer. I left the store after having wasted two hours. I also lost a friend that day.
After those experiences, I promised myself to stop investing time to help new players join a role playing game unless my time is compensated. I consider participation in the game as a reward in itself, so I don't need monetary compensation in that case. If someone wants to join a game I'm playing or DM'ing, I'm not going to spend any of my time helping them or preparing for them unless I'm getting paid in advance. I'll give their money back if they actually show up at the game. The amount depends on the time I have to spend.
Apart from helping new players join a game, I never actually fined my players for not showing up at a game. Once they've actually gone past the first session, the strategy I've employed has been the first one. It was the strategy employed by a gaming restaurant and bar I used to play at. Because games are meant to attract and keep customers, players who don't show up are bad for business. If you aren't taking the game seriously, you leave the opportunity for another player to take your seat. I actually never witnessed someone being replaced, as most customers were reliable.
I planned on using a variation of the third strategy when I was in the process of gathering players for a new campaign that would have been hosted in a community center. I planned on using the money primarily for content sharing on this website. Considering I owned all of the books and would continue to buy new ones, it was a pretty sweet deal. Any leftovers would go toward a raffle. I had one or two interested players (one serious and one maybe), but unfortunately this was back in March 2020. I don't need to explain why it had to be canceled.
Age: 33 | Sex: Male | Languages: French and English | Roles: DM and Player
I am very curious about your whole "they didn't want to buy their equipment" milarky - are they being stingy with in-game money before they even start, or are they actually expected to pay actual money in your games for the word "greatsword" on a piece of paper?
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Example, something like:
"I've been having a hard time with so many players. 9 is a lot of players. Even 6 would be a lot. We have also been missing quite a few players most of the time, so I thought I'd ask everyone to check who still wants to continue playing. I'm sending this same message to everyone. I figured this would be a great point for anyone to quit the group if they don't have enough time or energy to play in the campaign actively. There will possibly be other campaigns in the future if now is a bad time.
I also decided that I want everyone to commit to playing regularly from now on, because juggling between characters is a bit stressful as a DM. If everyone commits, then I'll keep running the campaign with 9 players, so everyone who wants to stay can stay. But I'd also appreciate people being honest if they are not interested anymore or if their IRL situation just doesn't allow such a commitment. We can continue playing with fewer players, so you don't need to feel bad if you can't continue"
"So is the game still something that you want to continue or do you want to quit the current campaign?"
"I want to continue." -> "Great! Just let me know at any point if you can't continue playing anymore. It's a lot easier that way."
"I've actually been really busy and tired from work and all. Maybe now is not a good time for playing." - "I understand. Like I said, we have enough players, so you don't need to feel bad about not being able to continue."
This is actually a conversation I've had maybe a year ago. It went really well. The person had actually been thinking about quitting, so it was an easy decision for them. Phrase it for your own mouth and friends, but the basic principle is:
1. Give them room and a chance to quit without losing their face. Like someone pointed out, they may have already been thinking about quitting, but couldn't say it out loud. So make them see that they're actually doing you a favor by quitting, if they can't commit.
2. Send it to everyone and make it general enough, so they don't feel targeted. You probably already know who are the ones to definitely say yes and who are the ones who probably don't want to or cannot commit. Allow them to be the one to decide. They are more likely to take it well if they are the ones who make the decision to leave the group, even if it comes from your prompt.
3. Set your DM boundaries with the same message while you're at it.This is for the future. You say that you're doing this to make sure that you yourself can keep DMing for a long time, so you need to make sure you're not overworked. And because of that you need everyone in the party to commit to playing regularly. Now from now on, if someone decides to stay but doesn't get more active, you have established that it doesn't work and it's easier to bring it up more personally and ask them to quit in a more direct way.
Finland GMT/UTC +2
I'll drop by here to point out that they mentioned Live Action Role Playing aka LARPing. Kind of like theater and RP combined. We use actual physical props and equipment for that. I think that's the confusion. :)
Finland GMT/UTC +2