There is this kid in my group who only messes around. I tell him to stop and I discussed it with the party but he still does. My party is also way too big and it slows down the game. What should I do????
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Nobody the cleric RIP, lasted 2 sessions
Akmenos the warlock RIP, killed by tidal wave
Adrian the bard, cleaning the sewers for the water cult
If a player is causing disruption and is not receptive to polite conversation suggesting a change of behavior, removing them from the group is what should be done for the good of the group.
Size of group is not an issue so long as everyone is having fun, but things can be sped up by the group collectively working to keep the game flowing (i.e. being mindful of when they are slowing things down by side conversations, or preparing for their turn before it comes around to "Ok, go.").
If you've already talked to the person about what you expect at your table, and that person continues to ignore you, then you are absolutely correct in kicking them out of your group.
My best man in my wedding didn't like the way the entire rest of my group played (they consider game night to be a social time rather than a serious gaming session, since many of them live miles away from each other and they rarely see each other except for game night). After I explained to him that the rest of the group's desire isn't the same as his, we agreed that he should just sit this campaign out. If the person is a reasonable adult, they'll understand that their style isn't meshing well with the rest of the group. If not, meh... you don't need that kind of drama in your life.
So, if it's good enough for my best man, it's gonna be good enough for this guy (who seems like hes' not really that great of a guy to begin with).
For reference, we still play video games together, so it's not like I was throwing one of my best friends out on his ass because my wife and our friends aren't into hardcore gaming.
“It is a better world. A place where we are responsible for our actions, where we can be kind to one another because we want to and because it is the right thing to do instead of being frightened into behaving by the threat of divine punishment.” ― Oramis, Eldest by Christopher Paolini.
A suggestion - When you discuss this with him make sure to use language that avoids creating, or focusing on, blame or a sense of "Someone is wrong and that someone is you."
D&D is many things to many people. His version of fun isn't invalid, but it's not meshing well with the version of fun that everyone else at the table enjoys. That just means he needs to be able to play D&D at a table of gamers who enjoy the version of fun he derives from the game. Don't use that kind of language but avoid a "You suck" or a "It's not you it's us" and focus more on "Hey, I'm glad you are having fun but it's not working with the version of fun we are trying to have. I'd like you to sit this campaign out. I think you'd have more fun in a different group and these folks will have more fun too."
Also when you remove him, no matter how polite you are, there's always a chance that they can take it horribly- some people use the perception that you're somehow wronging or betraying them when they don't like what they're hearing and might use that to fight you and make you feel horrible... be ready to stand your ground and make it clear you aren't reversing yoru decision- I suggest doing it during a point in time when you can easily remove yourself from the situation. It's not certain to go badly, but I have had it happen, so you need to be ready to resist what might become an intense push for you to do what the other person wants.
A suggestion - When you discuss this with him make sure to use language that avoids creating, or focusing on, blame or a sense of "Someone is wrong and that someone is you."
This times ten.
It's no one's fault that his desired play style doesn't mesh with the group's. It's common and bound to happen. It's important that truth is reflected in the discussion with him.
It's your job as the DM to look out for the good of the group as a whole and this is just one of those unfortunate situations where the job of DM gets a little stressful.
:)
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If he’s constantly fooling around and its disrupting the entire party, then kicking him out is completely legitimate. If you feel he doesn’t really want to be here, then kicking him out is the way to go.
Also when you remove him, no matter how polite you are, there's always a chance that they can take it horribly- some people use the perception that you're somehow wronging or betraying them when they don't like what they're hearing and might use that to fight you and make you feel horrible... be ready to stand your ground and make it clear you aren't reversing yoru decision- I suggest doing it during a point in time when you can easily remove yourself from the situation. It's not certain to go badly, but I have had it happen, so you need to be ready to resist what might become an intense push for you to do what the other person wants.
Exactly. There’s a strong chance he’ll push back. HARD. I’ve had it happen.
It's a bit too late for suggestions to thread necro back from 2017 the chance he push back are slim to none he must be long gone and the party may not even still play together.
I'll counter that this is an eternal conversation and while I felt no personal need for it to be brought back from the dead thread pile, it sure doesn't hurt anything and may help a new DM who's struggling with this challenge now.
1. Moderation is for the moderators. The rest of us should trust in them to do what's best.
2. FoxyDM joined us less than a month ago and is new to the community. Do we want to be the community telling new folks, "Hey, that wasn't great." when they attempt to contribute? That's the fast path to getting folks to walk because we aren't welcoming.
We may differ, but I hope we can agree on the community goal of being welcoming to new folks, not demanding perfection.
I agree with Agile_DM and furthermore if thread necromancy is cause for moderation. The Moderators need to start combing through the forums and closing old threads.
There is this kid in my group who only messes around. I tell him to stop and I discussed it with the party but he still does. My party is also way too big and it slows down the game. What should I do????
Nobody the cleric RIP, lasted 2 sessions
Akmenos the warlock RIP, killed by tidal wave
Adrian the bard, cleaning the sewers for the water cult
vivizyx the warlock/rogue serving the fire cult
scarelion shadowsbane the paladin, not dead yet
If a player is causing disruption and is not receptive to polite conversation suggesting a change of behavior, removing them from the group is what should be done for the good of the group.
Size of group is not an issue so long as everyone is having fun, but things can be sped up by the group collectively working to keep the game flowing (i.e. being mindful of when they are slowing things down by side conversations, or preparing for their turn before it comes around to "Ok, go.").
If you've already talked to the person about what you expect at your table, and that person continues to ignore you, then you are absolutely correct in kicking them out of your group.
My best man in my wedding didn't like the way the entire rest of my group played (they consider game night to be a social time rather than a serious gaming session, since many of them live miles away from each other and they rarely see each other except for game night). After I explained to him that the rest of the group's desire isn't the same as his, we agreed that he should just sit this campaign out. If the person is a reasonable adult, they'll understand that their style isn't meshing well with the rest of the group. If not, meh... you don't need that kind of drama in your life.
So, if it's good enough for my best man, it's gonna be good enough for this guy (who seems like hes' not really that great of a guy to begin with).
For reference, we still play video games together, so it's not like I was throwing one of my best friends out on his ass because my wife and our friends aren't into hardcore gaming.
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“It is a better world. A place where we are responsible for our actions, where we can be kind to one another because we want to and because it is the right thing to do instead of being frightened into behaving by the threat of divine punishment.” ― Oramis, Eldest by Christopher Paolini.
thank you guys (: (:
Nobody the cleric RIP, lasted 2 sessions
Akmenos the warlock RIP, killed by tidal wave
Adrian the bard, cleaning the sewers for the water cult
vivizyx the warlock/rogue serving the fire cult
scarelion shadowsbane the paladin, not dead yet
A suggestion - When you discuss this with him make sure to use language that avoids creating, or focusing on, blame or a sense of "Someone is wrong and that someone is you."
D&D is many things to many people. His version of fun isn't invalid, but it's not meshing well with the version of fun that everyone else at the table enjoys. That just means he needs to be able to play D&D at a table of gamers who enjoy the version of fun he derives from the game. Don't use that kind of language but avoid a "You suck" or a "It's not you it's us" and focus more on "Hey, I'm glad you are having fun but it's not working with the version of fun we are trying to have. I'd like you to sit this campaign out. I think you'd have more fun in a different group and these folks will have more fun too."
Also when you remove him, no matter how polite you are, there's always a chance that they can take it horribly- some people use the perception that you're somehow wronging or betraying them when they don't like what they're hearing and might use that to fight you and make you feel horrible... be ready to stand your ground and make it clear you aren't reversing yoru decision- I suggest doing it during a point in time when you can easily remove yourself from the situation. It's not certain to go badly, but I have had it happen, so you need to be ready to resist what might become an intense push for you to do what the other person wants.
This times ten.
It's no one's fault that his desired play style doesn't mesh with the group's. It's common and bound to happen. It's important that truth is reflected in the discussion with him.
It's your job as the DM to look out for the good of the group as a whole and this is just one of those unfortunate situations where the job of DM gets a little stressful.
:)
If he’s constantly fooling around and its disrupting the entire party, then kicking him out is completely legitimate. If you feel he doesn’t really want to be here, then kicking him out is the way to go.
Exactly. There’s a strong chance he’ll push back. HARD. I’ve had it happen.
It's a bit too late for suggestions to thread necro back from 2017 the chance he push back are slim to none he must be long gone and the party may not even still play together.
I'll counter that this is an eternal conversation and while I felt no personal need for it to be brought back from the dead thread pile, it sure doesn't hurt anything and may help a new DM who's struggling with this challenge now.
Thread Nercomancy is a cause for moderation.
Two thoughts on that response:
1. Moderation is for the moderators. The rest of us should trust in them to do what's best.
2. FoxyDM joined us less than a month ago and is new to the community. Do we want to be the community telling new folks, "Hey, that wasn't great." when they attempt to contribute? That's the fast path to getting folks to walk because we aren't welcoming.
We may differ, but I hope we can agree on the community goal of being welcoming to new folks, not demanding perfection.
I agree with Agile_DM and furthermore if thread necromancy is cause for moderation. The Moderators need to start combing through the forums and closing old threads.
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