I am currently running a game for some of my friends at school. They are having fun with it, and are really engaging in it(but for the first time in my life, I’m kind of getting tired from talking about D&D) Anyways, two of my players are identical twins. They participate in almost everything together. When they first joined with everyone else, I could immediately see a few problems.
1. This ones minor, but they share the same PHB
2. They contribute 2 people, while only pulling the weight of one. (They host the same amount of times as everyone else, despite contributing 2 members)
3. When one is absent, usually the other is as well. (Significant power drop in the parties capabilities)
We have been coping with these problems just fine. No one really complained about them contributing two members, and it’s been going fine. However, their Mother has recently started to stir up some issues. She has been contacting the other parents (not me) about trying to switch our weekly games into twice a month. I’m not sure what the other parents have said yet, but I can garuntee that neither me, or any of the players want to see that happen. I considered a possible compromise, where the twins only show up every other week, but I see that as a lose-lose situation. Our party will have a huge variability in terms of power, and the twins will probably feel left out when they hear the other players talking about our sessions that they weren’t able to attend.
I don’t know their mother very well. I’m not super close friends with either of the twins, and I am afraid to cross her path. In this situation I feel very helpless, because I know there is a fair chance she, and the other parents will disregard my opinions.
The other alternatives are to kick them out (this is probably the worst solution by far) or accept defeat and start to meet twice a month.
I don’t want to punish my players based on factors outside of their control, and I also have no interest in angering someone’s mom. It’s one thing to kick a player, but you can’t cant really kick a parent.
Hmm. I don't know how old you and your group are, but I'm assuming it's somewhere in the high school range.
So, a few things:
1) you mention your fear of doing this, but you should try if your age is approaching the higher end of your teens: try talking to the mother to work out the reason/s why she would like to change the arrangements. in general, people will listen and have normal conversations where both parties are able to assert themselves reasonably. you may not have to have the issue conversation right away, but it may start with simply saying hi and reducing any barriers by showing confidence and the willingness to engage.
2) this is your (plural) game. if all the players want to play weekly, that's your group's decision. At most, a parent may ground/ban someone from coming, but that enters a whole murky realm that is far beyond the remit of this humble forum.
3) you mention some sort of rotating hosting arrangement. this is fine if it works, but you may want to try having just one hosting arrangement, particularly if it is with a sympathetic parent. I don't know your situation, so YMMV.
Having a pair of players is pretty normal at a certain point. You play long enough and you'll eventually have couples (whether just casual or married) that play in your group and will face the same situations throughout your D&D career. You just have to decide whether you want to have sessions without them or not. Changing encounter levels/CRs can be a pain sometimes, but it gets easier the more you do it. (I've had to do it more times than I can count.)
The problem you have (I am guessing) is that their mom probably didn't realize what she was getting into. If she drives them, that's two trips she has to make (drop off and pick up) once a week for a game. Luckily for me years ago, my weekly gaming sessions were with friends that all lived a bike ride away so we didn't have to worry about getting rides. Of course, there could be any number of reasons why she doesn't want a weekly commitment. Like JCAUDM said, try asking her. It could be as simple as trying to find a ride for them once or twice a month.
Here's a thought I had for if you do capitulate to a bi-monthly game--could your group split into two separate campaigns? The current campaign, played weekly, and a second campaign with the twins involved. Also, I think if the parents are insisting that the game schedule be changed, they should be the ones to host the group.
Like JCAUDM mentioned, we don't know your group's exact situation and age, but honest communication with all parents involved is key, I think.
Ignore problem 1. It's probably more common for an entire group to share 1 set of books than it is for every person to have their own copy. As long as they have separate character sheets (and they are writing out their spells and features on it), they are fine.
Problem 2 is something you and your group need to work out together. When my high school friends got together, the one with the biggest, nicest house naturally played host, and there wasn't even a discussion. If rotating locations is the way you want to do it, I honestly don't see a reason to force the twins to host more if they (or their family) don't want to.
If the problem 3 persists, you may want to have a second campaign with fewer people (also a good idea if the twins switch to biweekly). Alternatively, you can control their characters while they are absent, or dynamically adjust difficulty according to number of players.
As a parent of teens who game, I would suggest you speak with the twins mom. My guess is that she’s experiencing mom of teen gamers burn out. Families get to be so busy with school activities, family stuff and plain old life stuff that sometimes limits need to be set. Honestly it sounds a bit like you’re starting to burn out too with your comment about getting tired of talking about D&D. Talk to the mom, talk to your friends, find some kind of middle ground that makes you feel less stressed and set up a gaming plan that keeps it enjoyable for you. Good luck and happy gaming!
As most people have said, talk with the parents to figure something out. You said you weren't very close friends with the twins, so you probably don't know much about their family life. Their mom could just want to spend more time with them, or some other reason that you don't know about. As long as you are mature about everything most parents will be okay with everything. You will also find out the reasoning behind why she wants to cut down the number of times they meet.
Generally speaking, either the DM or the person with the most space to play would host the game. I don't know how long you play or what the situation is with that, but if you play long enough where you all eat dinner at hosts house I understand the rotation. You could have it where everybody pitches some money and orders a pizza or something. If it is too big of an issue try to find a game store to game at then so then nobody has to worry about hosting.
Sharing books isn't that big a deal as you said, so don't worry about it. Players will often share books with other players. As long as it doesn't affect gameplay, it shouldn't be a big deal.
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Remember this is a game and it's suppose to be fun for everybody. Let's all have fun and kill monsters.
I was thinking of making a “general game fund” for our group. This would just mean everyone pitch about 10-20 bucks a month or so. I’m pretty sure no one in a financial crisis, and if it does happen, we can just waive payments for a while. It would go towards things like miniatures, more books, extra dice, and maybe even a nice legendary bundle and a subscription from D&D beyond. (I’m using it free as of now). Splitting it up 7 ways is more manageable. But then comes the problem, do we force the family to pay twice as much?
There are a few compromises that might be coming up. The first is carpool. We have another player that lives fairly close to them. I was hoping that they work something out. (One parent drives one week, the other drives the next). Finally, we could find a general meeting place. The problem is, where. It would be unfair to force someone to host, because our sessions now entail food. It wasn’t my intent, but after one parent fed us, everyone else started to. It works fine, but if we do have a permanent host, we should probably at least cover the costs of food. Unfortunately, we have completely resorted to pizza. We have extreme restrictions, as one is a vegetarian, and the twins are very picky (cheese pizza, pasta, and a few other things) usually, I get home at 9:30 and eat a second dinner (usually a salad) because I don’t feel so hot. I think this can tie in with the “general funds” later.
There is a potential for a permenent hosting spot. One our members can’t host, because his house is too small, and there isn’t much space (he said we could do it in his garage, but last week it hit below -50 Fahrenheit, so that’s probably not a good idea. But he has a house in construction. His parents are upsizing, and they are planning on the new house to be their retirement home. They are pretty chill, and my friend said that that they could host a lot to make up for all the lost weeks.
Do you usually pay the host? Anything else I should do? Thanks for all the help.
I think I would be right in saying that most of us here would be adults with jobs or other means, and so hosting tends not to be the issue that it is for someone your age (whatever that is). The best thing to do might simply be to ask one or more parents whether they are cool with the current arrangements, and whether they do or do not want some sort of recompense. Some people have the means to contribute more than others and are entirely happy doing so. It may be worth it establishing happy consistency over what may be a false equality - I don't know the individual circumstances, but talking helps! As I said before, in general, people are normally reasonable and understanding, and talking is how we normally deal with stuff.
When it comes to general funds, you can ask but don’t be surprised if you find resistance. I think most people support the idea that moneys raised end up buying the food that the group shares. Especially if one home hosts the sessions more than others do. But you get into murky territory expecting people to pay for supplies that you get to keep and they may not have access to after a limited amount of time.
I was thinking of making a “general game fund” for our group. This would just mean everyone pitch about 10-20 bucks a month or so. I’m pretty sure no one in a financial crisis, and if it does happen, we can just waive payments for a while. It would go towards things like miniatures, more books, extra dice, and maybe even a nice legendary bundle and a subscription from D&D beyond. (I’m using it free as of now). Splitting it up 7 ways is more manageable. But then comes the problem, do we force the family to pay twice as much?
There are a few compromises that might be coming up. The first is carpool. We have another player that lives fairly close to them. I was hoping that they work something out. (One parent drives one week, the other drives the next). Finally, we could find a general meeting place. The problem is, where. It would be unfair to force someone to host, because our sessions now entail food. It wasn’t my intent, but after one parent fed us, everyone else started to. It works fine, but if we do have a permanent host, we should probably at least cover the costs of food. Unfortunately, we have completely resorted to pizza. We have extreme restrictions, as one is a vegetarian, and the twins are very picky (cheese pizza, pasta, and a few other things) usually, I get home at 9:30 and eat a second dinner (usually a salad) because I don’t feel so hot. I think this can tie in with the “general funds” later.
There is a potential for a permenent hosting spot. One our members can’t host, because his house is too small, and there isn’t much space (he said we could do it in his garage, but last week it hit below -50 Fahrenheit, so that’s probably not a good idea. But he has a house in construction. His parents are upsizing, and they are planning on the new house to be their retirement home. They are pretty chill, and my friend said that that they could host a lot to make up for all the lost weeks.
Do you usually pay the host? Anything else I should do? Thanks for all the help.
I might be a little to late but **** it.
As the DM/Host for pretty much every game I run (only 1 game where it's my family) I can say that expecting food is very... I don't wanna say rude. But it's slightly rude. Sure you need something to keep going but a host/DM has to keep track of so many things that is happening, and will happen, so if he also has to find a place to stop the game, and go make food, that can quickly become (as it has for me) a set back and a major decrease in game time. I got together 5 people who all knew each other very well that had spoken to me a few times and I convinced them to play D&D. Not even all the characters were introduced, and one of them asked me when food was. So if a single player/DM is hosting every time, don't make them cough up food every single time. Sometimes bring your own. OR! If it's the DM hosting, he will greatly appreciate the sacrifice of a player, giving food :P.
Also. Give those parents a good d&d game slap in the face! Forcing their own kids to something is their decision, but while they may think they are "the elders and that means the rulers", in this case. No. They aren't. This is a complete collective effort. Each and every player has to contribute to something. So saying that your gaming group has to play twice a month isn't fair. Because it hits others too. It's not okay to make a decision like that if it effects others, especially not on that scale. Missing two players can mean A LOT. That basilisk over there? Pfft no problem. We four (maybe even 5) can no problem take that thing down! Minus 2 players? That thing can suddenly be the reason for a new campaign! The parents here have to know/learn that d&d is a team effort to play. And that forcing 1 or two players to do something, can very easily damage everyone.
Hope I helped! Even though you probably forgot about this two months ago! xD
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I am currently running a game for some of my friends at school. They are having fun with it, and are really engaging in it(but for the first time in my life, I’m kind of getting tired from talking about D&D) Anyways, two of my players are identical twins. They participate in almost everything together. When they first joined with everyone else, I could immediately see a few problems.
1. This ones minor, but they share the same PHB
2. They contribute 2 people, while only pulling the weight of one. (They host the same amount of times as everyone else, despite contributing 2 members)
3. When one is absent, usually the other is as well. (Significant power drop in the parties capabilities)
We have been coping with these problems just fine. No one really complained about them contributing two members, and it’s been going fine. However, their Mother has recently started to stir up some issues. She has been contacting the other parents (not me) about trying to switch our weekly games into twice a month. I’m not sure what the other parents have said yet, but I can garuntee that neither me, or any of the players want to see that happen. I considered a possible compromise, where the twins only show up every other week, but I see that as a lose-lose situation. Our party will have a huge variability in terms of power, and the twins will probably feel left out when they hear the other players talking about our sessions that they weren’t able to attend.
I don’t know their mother very well. I’m not super close friends with either of the twins, and I am afraid to cross her path. In this situation I feel very helpless, because I know there is a fair chance she, and the other parents will disregard my opinions.
The other alternatives are to kick them out (this is probably the worst solution by far) or accept defeat and start to meet twice a month.
I don’t want to punish my players based on factors outside of their control, and I also have no interest in angering someone’s mom. It’s one thing to kick a player, but you can’t cant really kick a parent.
Hmm. I don't know how old you and your group are, but I'm assuming it's somewhere in the high school range.
So, a few things:
1) you mention your fear of doing this, but you should try if your age is approaching the higher end of your teens: try talking to the mother to work out the reason/s why she would like to change the arrangements. in general, people will listen and have normal conversations where both parties are able to assert themselves reasonably. you may not have to have the issue conversation right away, but it may start with simply saying hi and reducing any barriers by showing confidence and the willingness to engage.
2) this is your (plural) game. if all the players want to play weekly, that's your group's decision. At most, a parent may ground/ban someone from coming, but that enters a whole murky realm that is far beyond the remit of this humble forum.
3) you mention some sort of rotating hosting arrangement. this is fine if it works, but you may want to try having just one hosting arrangement, particularly if it is with a sympathetic parent. I don't know your situation, so YMMV.
Having a pair of players is pretty normal at a certain point. You play long enough and you'll eventually have couples (whether just casual or married) that play in your group and will face the same situations throughout your D&D career. You just have to decide whether you want to have sessions without them or not. Changing encounter levels/CRs can be a pain sometimes, but it gets easier the more you do it. (I've had to do it more times than I can count.)
The problem you have (I am guessing) is that their mom probably didn't realize what she was getting into. If she drives them, that's two trips she has to make (drop off and pick up) once a week for a game. Luckily for me years ago, my weekly gaming sessions were with friends that all lived a bike ride away so we didn't have to worry about getting rides. Of course, there could be any number of reasons why she doesn't want a weekly commitment. Like JCAUDM said, try asking her. It could be as simple as trying to find a ride for them once or twice a month.
I agree with JCAUDM's advice.
Here's a thought I had for if you do capitulate to a bi-monthly game--could your group split into two separate campaigns? The current campaign, played weekly, and a second campaign with the twins involved. Also, I think if the parents are insisting that the game schedule be changed, they should be the ones to host the group.
Like JCAUDM mentioned, we don't know your group's exact situation and age, but honest communication with all parents involved is key, I think.
Ignore problem 1. It's probably more common for an entire group to share 1 set of books than it is for every person to have their own copy. As long as they have separate character sheets (and they are writing out their spells and features on it), they are fine.
Problem 2 is something you and your group need to work out together. When my high school friends got together, the one with the biggest, nicest house naturally played host, and there wasn't even a discussion. If rotating locations is the way you want to do it, I honestly don't see a reason to force the twins to host more if they (or their family) don't want to.
If the problem 3 persists, you may want to have a second campaign with fewer people (also a good idea if the twins switch to biweekly). Alternatively, you can control their characters while they are absent, or dynamically adjust difficulty according to number of players.
As a parent of teens who game, I would suggest you speak with the twins mom. My guess is that she’s experiencing mom of teen gamers burn out. Families get to be so busy with school activities, family stuff and plain old life stuff that sometimes limits need to be set. Honestly it sounds a bit like you’re starting to burn out too with your comment about getting tired of talking about D&D. Talk to the mom, talk to your friends, find some kind of middle ground that makes you feel less stressed and set up a gaming plan that keeps it enjoyable for you. Good luck and happy gaming!
As most people have said, talk with the parents to figure something out. You said you weren't very close friends with the twins, so you probably don't know much about their family life. Their mom could just want to spend more time with them, or some other reason that you don't know about. As long as you are mature about everything most parents will be okay with everything. You will also find out the reasoning behind why she wants to cut down the number of times they meet.
Generally speaking, either the DM or the person with the most space to play would host the game. I don't know how long you play or what the situation is with that, but if you play long enough where you all eat dinner at hosts house I understand the rotation. You could have it where everybody pitches some money and orders a pizza or something. If it is too big of an issue try to find a game store to game at then so then nobody has to worry about hosting.
Sharing books isn't that big a deal as you said, so don't worry about it. Players will often share books with other players. As long as it doesn't affect gameplay, it shouldn't be a big deal.
Remember this is a game and it's suppose to be fun for everybody. Let's all have fun and kill monsters.
I was thinking of making a “general game fund” for our group. This would just mean everyone pitch about 10-20 bucks a month or so. I’m pretty sure no one in a financial crisis, and if it does happen, we can just waive payments for a while. It would go towards things like miniatures, more books, extra dice, and maybe even a nice legendary bundle and a subscription from D&D beyond. (I’m using it free as of now). Splitting it up 7 ways is more manageable. But then comes the problem, do we force the family to pay twice as much?
There are a few compromises that might be coming up. The first is carpool. We have another player that lives fairly close to them. I was hoping that they work something out. (One parent drives one week, the other drives the next). Finally, we could find a general meeting place. The problem is, where. It would be unfair to force someone to host, because our sessions now entail food. It wasn’t my intent, but after one parent fed us, everyone else started to. It works fine, but if we do have a permanent host, we should probably at least cover the costs of food. Unfortunately, we have completely resorted to pizza. We have extreme restrictions, as one is a vegetarian, and the twins are very picky (cheese pizza, pasta, and a few other things) usually, I get home at 9:30 and eat a second dinner (usually a salad) because I don’t feel so hot. I think this can tie in with the “general funds” later.
There is a potential for a permenent hosting spot. One our members can’t host, because his house is too small, and there isn’t much space (he said we could do it in his garage, but last week it hit below -50 Fahrenheit, so that’s probably not a good idea. But he has a house in construction. His parents are upsizing, and they are planning on the new house to be their retirement home. They are pretty chill, and my friend said that that they could host a lot to make up for all the lost weeks.
Do you usually pay the host? Anything else I should do? Thanks for all the help.
I think I would be right in saying that most of us here would be adults with jobs or other means, and so hosting tends not to be the issue that it is for someone your age (whatever that is). The best thing to do might simply be to ask one or more parents whether they are cool with the current arrangements, and whether they do or do not want some sort of recompense. Some people have the means to contribute more than others and are entirely happy doing so. It may be worth it establishing happy consistency over what may be a false equality - I don't know the individual circumstances, but talking helps! As I said before, in general, people are normally reasonable and understanding, and talking is how we normally deal with stuff.
When it comes to general funds, you can ask but don’t be surprised if you find resistance. I think most people support the idea that moneys raised end up buying the food that the group shares. Especially if one home hosts the sessions more than others do. But you get into murky territory expecting people to pay for supplies that you get to keep and they may not have access to after a limited amount of time.
I might be a little to late but **** it.
As the DM/Host for pretty much every game I run (only 1 game where it's my family) I can say that expecting food is very... I don't wanna say rude. But it's slightly rude.
Sure you need something to keep going but a host/DM has to keep track of so many things that is happening, and will happen, so if he also has to find a place to stop the game, and go make food, that can quickly become (as it has for me) a set back and a major decrease in game time. I got together 5 people who all knew each other very well that had spoken to me a few times and I convinced them to play D&D. Not even all the characters were introduced, and one of them asked me when food was. So if a single player/DM is hosting every time, don't make them cough up food every single time. Sometimes bring your own. OR! If it's the DM hosting, he will greatly appreciate the sacrifice of a player, giving food :P.
Also. Give those parents a good d&d game slap in the face! Forcing their own kids to something is their decision, but while they may think they are "the elders and that means the rulers", in this case. No. They aren't. This is a complete collective effort. Each and every player has to contribute to something. So saying that your gaming group has to play twice a month isn't fair. Because it hits others too. It's not okay to make a decision like that if it effects others, especially not on that scale. Missing two players can mean A LOT. That basilisk over there? Pfft no problem. We four (maybe even 5) can no problem take that thing down! Minus 2 players? That thing can suddenly be the reason for a new campaign!
The parents here have to know/learn that d&d is a team effort to play. And that forcing 1 or two players to do something, can very easily damage everyone.
Hope I helped! Even though you probably forgot about this two months ago! xD