Hey guys, need some help here. I'm a relatively new DM (little over a year) and I've been playing with a great group of three people including my husband. Recently, we began a new campaign and my hubby decided he wanted to try something alone, since the other guys had created new characters and were just having fun getting low level goofballs. So I obliged, and hubby's PC set off on his own.
Now it feels like every time we sit down, he's fighting me every step of the way. He questions rolls, questions rules, fact checks each thing I say. It's becoming intolerable and I've told him so. I just don't know how to deal with a player like this.
Lucky for you, it's easy to have a one-on-one conversation with him. Find out what his character's goals are. There's no point in keeping you in the dark since you are the DM. If you can come to understand what he is after, you can help him achieve his objectives in an interesting way and hopefully restore harmony to the party.
So do you have 2 different groups? one with 2 people and another group with just your husband?
If that's the case, how do you balance time between the two? the greatest misdirection or "suspension of disbelief" in most DnD games is that the players (and their characters) quickly choose to work together and stick together (for the most part). I'd recommend against one player going off and doing their own thing consistently as it takes away from the party/group feel at the table. From a psych perspective you can get a feel of party/unity/community (like you would on a sports team or in religious service) from participating in a shared group collaborative experience. Personally, I like encouraging that, there needs to be a team, not a collection of individuals.
On a down note, make sure that "real life" isn't impacting the experience and see if your husband isn't bringing real life problems into the game.
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"An' things ha' come to a pretty pass, ye ken, if people are going to leave stuff like that aroound where innocent people could accidentally smash the door doon and lever the bars aside and take the big chain off'f the cupboard and pick the lock and drink it!"
My first thought is that if his character has gone off alone for any length of time then you probably should be running separate sessions for the loner and for the others. There is no need to have everyone sat around if there is no interaction between the characters, because at that point you are functionally running 2 sessions and each player spends a lot longer uninvolved.
Also an especially close relationship with a player does not give them extra leeway for being problematic in game... but it does give much more opportunity to have an out of game discussion about the disruptive behavior. Maybe he is bringing in real life drama, has no idea he is being so difficult, or feels like your calls in the past have been overly harsh. Knowing exactly how to address issues will depend on the outcome of that conversation, but as a last resort I would be equally prepared to eject a friend or a spouse from a game if they refuse to collaborate.
Ultimately the DM is free to do whatever you want, it is your job to be responsible and adjudicate in a manner that is fair and fun so it often helps to make your players aware that they can bring up queries and concerns. But if someone is constantly questioning everything then you can just shut them down entirely and refuse to humour their constant interruptions, or let him note down every point of contention to look things up after the session. But whichever person is usually mistaken should probably sit down and read through the PHB again.
How long have you been married? Seriously, the answer may depend on this.
Newly married: "I want you to be able to play the way you want to and have fun, but I'm not enjoying the game when you question my DM rulings that much." Repeat as needed.
Married for a few years: "We need to talk about this. I'm started to not want to DM anymore."
Married for decade+: "You're being a jerk. Knock it off."
Honestly, if you've talked to him about it, why does he keep doing it? That seems like a bigger problem--him ignoring it when you've told him that it's bothering you. How you does with it will depend on the kind of relationship you have, but you possibly need to be more forceful. "I don't want to DM anymore if you're going to be like this."
Hey guys, need some help here. I'm a relatively new DM (little over a year) and I've been playing with a great group of three people including my husband. Recently, we began a new campaign and my hubby decided he wanted to try something alone, since the other guys had created new characters and were just having fun getting low level goofballs. So I obliged, and hubby's PC set off on his own.
Now it feels like every time we sit down, he's fighting me every step of the way. He questions rolls, questions rules, fact checks each thing I say. It's becoming intolerable and I've told him so. I just don't know how to deal with a player like this.
Lucky for you, it's easy to have a one-on-one conversation with him. Find out what his character's goals are. There's no point in keeping you in the dark since you are the DM. If you can come to understand what he is after, you can help him achieve his objectives in an interesting way and hopefully restore harmony to the party.
"Not all those who wander are lost"
(disclaimer: never been married)
So do you have 2 different groups? one with 2 people and another group with just your husband?
If that's the case, how do you balance time between the two? the greatest misdirection or "suspension of disbelief" in most DnD games is that the players (and their characters) quickly choose to work together and stick together (for the most part). I'd recommend against one player going off and doing their own thing consistently as it takes away from the party/group feel at the table. From a psych perspective you can get a feel of party/unity/community (like you would on a sports team or in religious service) from participating in a shared group collaborative experience. Personally, I like encouraging that, there needs to be a team, not a collection of individuals.
On a down note, make sure that "real life" isn't impacting the experience and see if your husband isn't bringing real life problems into the game.
"An' things ha' come to a pretty pass, ye ken, if people are going to leave stuff like that aroound where innocent people could accidentally smash the door doon and lever the bars aside and take the big chain off'f the cupboard and pick the lock and drink it!"
My first thought is that if his character has gone off alone for any length of time then you probably should be running separate sessions for the loner and for the others. There is no need to have everyone sat around if there is no interaction between the characters, because at that point you are functionally running 2 sessions and each player spends a lot longer uninvolved.
Also an especially close relationship with a player does not give them extra leeway for being problematic in game... but it does give much more opportunity to have an out of game discussion about the disruptive behavior. Maybe he is bringing in real life drama, has no idea he is being so difficult, or feels like your calls in the past have been overly harsh. Knowing exactly how to address issues will depend on the outcome of that conversation, but as a last resort I would be equally prepared to eject a friend or a spouse from a game if they refuse to collaborate.
Ultimately the DM is free to do whatever you want, it is your job to be responsible and adjudicate in a manner that is fair and fun so it often helps to make your players aware that they can bring up queries and concerns. But if someone is constantly questioning everything then you can just shut them down entirely and refuse to humour their constant interruptions, or let him note down every point of contention to look things up after the session. But whichever person is usually mistaken should probably sit down and read through the PHB again.
How long have you been married? Seriously, the answer may depend on this.
Newly married: "I want you to be able to play the way you want to and have fun, but I'm not enjoying the game when you question my DM rulings that much." Repeat as needed.
Married for a few years: "We need to talk about this. I'm started to not want to DM anymore."
Married for decade+: "You're being a jerk. Knock it off."
Honestly, if you've talked to him about it, why does he keep doing it? That seems like a bigger problem--him ignoring it when you've told him that it's bothering you. How you does with it will depend on the kind of relationship you have, but you possibly need to be more forceful. "I don't want to DM anymore if you're going to be like this."
Looking for new subclasses, spells, magic items, feats, and races? Opinions welcome :)
I did this with my wife. She soon brought it to my attention I was being a feckwit, and I adjusted.
Just talk to him. Come to an understanding, set the parameters of your DM/player roles. If you're both adults things will go fine from then on.