My 4th grade son is the youngest in his grade. He's also the "smartest" (if you measure your smarts in an academic way.) He really struggles socially.
So basically he was me.
I'm currently in grad school getting my MA in TESL and applied linguistics and I'm taking an HCI class about game-based learning in which I learned about some really interesting longitudinal studies done on the benefits of D&D. This game deeply interested my son, and I really long for school life to not suck so much. Just one or two really close friends there would make a world of difference for him. I shelled out my $15, wrangled up some friends (and potential friends), his older sister and cousin, and we sat down to play the super insanely highly rated on Amazon Starter Set with the adventure called "the Lost Mine of Phandelver. I was the DM.
And it was awesome.
I would say it was a success because the kids all walked away feeling really happy. I am COMPLETELY new to D&D, like a total D&D virgin. I have not even seen any youtube clips or annnnnything. It was hard to start, and I didn't know all the rules, and all these kids were really silly (yeah yeah it's 12+ on the box, but...) I kinda improved a lot of the description, and guided their actions, and there were probably too many kids (6 total) for it to be very fast-paced. But! Between rolling the cool dice and the really colorful, over-the-top descriptive language I used, and the fact that they could all really easily imagine what was going on, everybody had fun. We barely got like three paragraphs into the story, but everybody wants to do it again.
So I have to read up on how to ACTUALLY be a good DM for this game.
Can you please share with me some encouraging words, advice, wisdom, ideas, whatever. My best friend was pretty negative about "mom as DM". But remember, these kids are too young for mom to be "uncool" yet. And none of them can be a good DM yet. If I want them to get into this cool game, and if I want to give my son a chance for middle school to not suck completely, I have to show them how. If you have negative or ageist thoughts/opinions about it, please just keep those trolly things to yourself.
That sounds great! I've been playing since I was about 15 years old (I'm now 40), but took a break for about the past 12 years. My experience with d&d was all 2nd edition so 5e was new to me. I recently started up a game for my 12 year old daughter, my husband, our neighbor, and our neighbor's son. I learned a lot from watching critical role... watching that gave me the itch to get back into d&d. Not that I recommend watching the show to learn how to dm as they are all voice actors with a lot of experience in improv so their game is very different than what your game will probably look like. But I did find the videos on their youtube channel to be helpful.
Other than that a lot of reading on these forums and other d&d forums such as reddit.
Good luck with your game. I'm sure it's something your son will be able to look back on and bring you closer together.
There's a guy named Matt Mercer who DMs a long-running and quite popular D&D game on Youtube. He's. made a series of short videos on how to be a good DM. Those are probably a good place to start.
Good luck with this, it sounds like you guys are having a lot of fun.
If you want to see some YouTube videos of people actually playing D&D, I highly recommend, rather than all the games with adults you can find (e.g., Critical Role) -- which I have nothing against at all -- that you might want to watch Bill Allan's videos where he teaches and plays D&D with high school kids. He plays with teenagers who have mostly not played D&D before (often one of the kids has, but the rest have not). He does an amazing job of DMing in a way that is fun for the kids, and several of them (like Heather) came back for multiple seasons until they graduated. You can start with the first episode and just watch how he handles the table and the kids. I know these kids are a little older than yours, but it will give you a good idea of how to do it with youngsters -- something that you won't really get from watching shows with grown-ups who have played D&D for years.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
You will probably not find many ageist or trolly responses here. Most of us are just happy to see the game begin the next leg of its legacy. There are a lot of guys still active who tell stories about playing in the 1st and 2nd edition days. That’s some 45 years now. Others of us are right there with you in your shoes, like me having picked the game up just over a year ago and trying to DM for our elementary and middle school kids. The biggest difference I see between us is. that after my wife got me hooked while she was trying to learn the game herself so she could DM for our family, I dove in and looked for stuff on my own until I felt I knew enough to join a forum like this without looking new to everyone else. Whereas you jumped right in leading with it asking for advice directly. But you did the right thing. Like I said, even the most seasoned players are just happy to see the game infect the next generation and they’ll give any support they can.
Yeah, it was my mom who got me into D&D when I was about your son's age, and my dad was my first DM. As you can see, I'm still enjoying it. :-) You are indeed an awesome mom and you're doing a great thing for your kid! Congratulations!
Matt Colville has amazing videos on running the game, so does Guy on How to be a great GM. These two channels have helped me the most, their are many more great Youtube Channels as well, this is the greatest time to get into D&D!
Your kid's lucky. I'm in my 20s and I'd have loved sharing D&D with my parents and other family members. He'll cherish the memories forever.
I see a lot of people recommending Matt Mercer as an indication of a fantastic DM, and whilst that is very true (and his DM tips are excellent), I've seen time and time again people setting themselves the expectation of having a game like Critical Role, and that's just not going to happen - these guys are professional actors, and now I guess professional D&D players. As long as you and the players are having fun you're doing an excellent job DMing. Fun is the key metric of being a good DM in my opinion.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
We are paratroopers, private. We are supposed to be surrounded.
In our household, Dad cooks dinner while Mum DMs. Only two players at present, and one of them is That Guy. Won't play unless there's food, complains that we curse his dice if we touch them, has hysterics every time his character gets hit, and at the one hour mark demands that we stop so he can go back to playing Fortnite. On his birth certificate it says he's my son, but sometimes I wonder.
My goal - besides wanting to have fun myself - is to show my kids that there is entertainment beyond the iPad. Which leads to a Catch 22 situation as the DDB online character sheet is just so handy (13yo explored it and taught me some of the features), and they can't resist the temptation to use the tablets for games at the same time.
BTW being able to build a character together on DDB is great. I just talked them through the meaning of the different character options and they could immediately see the effects of tweaking ability scores etc.
My next goal, now that we're a bit more comfortable with the rules, is to invite a couple of their friends to join us. It's just going to be very embarrassing if That Guy does his shtick in front of his mates...
One good thing about playing with kids is that they don't know when you get a rule wrong, fudge the result of combat, have poor pacing, etc. They're a good training ground. (I'm in the 'played a bit in 1st/2nd ed. days' category but due to unusual personal circumstances I didn't even know there was a 5th ed. until about a year ago.)
Not much to add for what other people have saied already. I wish all the best for you and your family. To me gaming and the people I played games with were very important part of my childhood / teenage years.
First off, it doesn't get much cooler than a mom who plays D&D. You rock, mama! I'm a D&D dad myself, and our group is all across the board agewise: my 11 year old daughter, (nearly) 13 year old son, my friend's 15 year old boy who happens to have Asperger's (our weekly sessions are his only social interaction), my 30-something friend and HIS parents who are both in their 50s... we're quite the motley crew. And though it can be difficult as a DM to keep the game running smoothly at times, there are a few things that I've learned over the last year we've been playing that might be helpful for you as well.
Most important rule of all: keep it fun! If you are stopping the game to refer to a sourcebook every few minutes, chances are your players are going to get bored. The rules are there to keep the story and gameplay moving forward, not to bog you down in technicalities. As DM (and Mom) you are the ultimate authority. It helps to streamline the rules or even dispense with them altogether if it keeps things moving. There does need to be some sort of structure, but just enough to keep it fair and fun. Those improv skills are what will save you, every time. Also, heavy on the action! Intrigue and roleplaying aren't as captivating to younger players as bashing bad guys is. I describe the action after each roll they make. If they miss an attack roll, describe how they missed: maybe their opponent got their shield up just in time, or their sword glanced off their heavily armored foe. This has been huge for me, my players absolutely love it. I also recommend a little comic relief from time to time, especially when the kids get silly. Manky, my goblin bard NPC, is always good for a laugh, and I have a penchant for turning failed ability checks into classic slapstick. Best of luck with your campaign!
I started DMing for my family 2 years ago, when my daughter was 12 and my son was 6. He struggled at first, but he's really improved in the last year. He asks NPCs questions, he tries to think things through in battle.
The best advice is to be encouraging. Nothing is a bad idea, let them try whatever comes into their heads. The consequences can be hilarious. Eventually, they'll start thinking outside the box.
When describing things, especially with the pre-made modules, words can be a little above what they can understand. So, bring the words down to the levels that they WILL understand. Instead of a musty tome, say an old, dusty book.
Welcome! If your players walked away happy, having had fun, then you already ARE a good DM! Congrats! But we're always here to help offer further advice and suggestions!
I'll add to the chorus that having Mom be the DM is awesome! The basic rules in the starter set are a fantastic resource to read through to help you get a handle on the basics of the game. Though it's always good to remember that the book itself says they are guidelines that should be ignored/broken if needed for fun to be had! The more you DM the better you'll get the feel for it, and have an easier time rolling with the wild ideas your players will throw out there.
There will also come a day when one of the kids, either your son or someone else, will want to take a turn at being the storyteller. My advice is to let them, no matter how ready you think they are. Ask them to run a one shot, something separate from your campaign, but then let the kids take over! None of us knew what we were doing when we started DMing, and many of us were kids when we did it. Those scenes in Stranger Things of the kids all playing D&D in the basement are snapshots of many of our D&D lives and history, and can be empowering and wonderful experiences! When one of your players is ready to take that plunge and asks to be the DM, rejoice and help them set up their own game, and then have fun yourself playing a character!
That's an awesome story! And trust me, while "parents are uncool" can be a bit of a trope in popular culture, and while they might not want you treating them like a little kid in public, I would love if my parents expressed interest in D&D :D
My boys are 5 and 8 years old. I am currently DMing them through the Dragon of icespire peak starter adventure. The characters and the story are all that really matter at the moment and I only introduce rules one at a time, as they are needed. They are having so much fun exploring their characters abilities and relationship that we have barely started their first full quest and I am in no hurry to push them forward. They find joy in every npc interaction, delight at every rumour heard and treasure promised. I may yet have to dumb down the combat when we eventually get there but then again they might just surprise me. Either way, I am hopeful that we will enjoy many stories as a family for many years to come.
My boys are 5 and 8 years old. I am currently DMing them through the Dragon of icespire peak starter adventure. The characters and the story are all that really matter at the moment and I only introduce rules one at a time, as they are needed. They are having so much fun exploring their characters abilities and relationship that we have barely started their first full quest and I am in no hurry to push them forward. They find joy in every npc interaction, delight at every rumour heard and treasure promised. I may yet have to dumb down the combat when we eventually get there but then again they might just surprise me. Either way, I am hopeful that we will enjoy many stories as a family for many years to come.
Nice. I've just started running a game for my 10-year old son and his friends and they don't even think to talk to anyone and murder everyone that's evil. And that's only because I laid out the rules that if they kill non-evil people there will be consequences. I hope the roleplaying comes... but one character is 'Bob the chicken who eats toes' and 'Bobby McBobface'. But they're having fun, so I'm not going to force anything.
You have a lot of good advice and resources here. Good for you. I'm a long time player (over 40 years), DM, and parent. I have had the pleasure of introducing many first timers, young and old, to D&D. I owned a gaming store and ran many intro games. One of the members of my current group (we now play online) has been running games for his kids and we've discussed the challenges.
My general advice is keep it fun. If you think of DMing as writing a story where you don't control the characters, it can make a little overall sense. If you can keep what's going on in the world in your head, then you just need to react to them. At their age, you will have a tough time predicting them, and you don't think like them. My son found it tough to deal with the wait between turns in initiative. He grew up with video games and things happening simultaneously. Encouraging them to react, comment, and enjoy the other players actions can keep them all engaged.
Enjoy it. Would love to hear some updates on how you and they are doing.
There's a guy named Matt Mercer who DMs a long-running and quite popular D&D game on Youtube. He's. made a series of short videos on how to be a good DM. Those are probably a good place to start.
Good luck with this, it sounds like you guys are having a lot of fun.
Not to confused with the YouTube series entitled "how to be a good DM". Though both series' are excellent by the way.
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A caffeinated nerd who has played TTRPGs or a number of years and is very much a fantasy adventure geek.
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Hey! I am an awesome mom.
My 4th grade son is the youngest in his grade. He's also the "smartest" (if you measure your smarts in an academic way.) He really struggles socially.
So basically he was me.
I'm currently in grad school getting my MA in TESL and applied linguistics and I'm taking an HCI class about game-based learning in which I learned about some really interesting longitudinal studies done on the benefits of D&D. This game deeply interested my son, and I really long for school life to not suck so much. Just one or two really close friends there would make a world of difference for him. I shelled out my $15, wrangled up some friends (and potential friends), his older sister and cousin, and we sat down to play the super insanely highly rated on Amazon Starter Set with the adventure called "the Lost Mine of Phandelver. I was the DM.
And it was awesome.
I would say it was a success because the kids all walked away feeling really happy. I am COMPLETELY new to D&D, like a total D&D virgin. I have not even seen any youtube clips or annnnnything. It was hard to start, and I didn't know all the rules, and all these kids were really silly (yeah yeah it's 12+ on the box, but...) I kinda improved a lot of the description, and guided their actions, and there were probably too many kids (6 total) for it to be very fast-paced. But! Between rolling the cool dice and the really colorful, over-the-top descriptive language I used, and the fact that they could all really easily imagine what was going on, everybody had fun. We barely got like three paragraphs into the story, but everybody wants to do it again.
So I have to read up on how to ACTUALLY be a good DM for this game.
Can you please share with me some encouraging words, advice, wisdom, ideas, whatever. My best friend was pretty negative about "mom as DM". But remember, these kids are too young for mom to be "uncool" yet. And none of them can be a good DM yet. If I want them to get into this cool game, and if I want to give my son a chance for middle school to not suck completely, I have to show them how. If you have negative or ageist thoughts/opinions about it, please just keep those trolly things to yourself.
Thanks!
Hahahaha I said that I improved the description. That should be IMPROV + ED. Improvisationed.
That sounds great! I've been playing since I was about 15 years old (I'm now 40), but took a break for about the past 12 years. My experience with d&d was all 2nd edition so 5e was new to me. I recently started up a game for my 12 year old daughter, my husband, our neighbor, and our neighbor's son. I learned a lot from watching critical role... watching that gave me the itch to get back into d&d. Not that I recommend watching the show to learn how to dm as they are all voice actors with a lot of experience in improv so their game is very different than what your game will probably look like. But I did find the videos on their youtube channel to be helpful.
Other than that a lot of reading on these forums and other d&d forums such as reddit.
Good luck with your game. I'm sure it's something your son will be able to look back on and bring you closer together.
Who remembers how TaCO works? ;)
There's a guy named Matt Mercer who DMs a long-running and quite popular D&D game on Youtube. He's. made a series of short videos on how to be a good DM. Those are probably a good place to start.
Good luck with this, it sounds like you guys are having a lot of fun.
Here's the playlist on youtube for Matt Mercer dm tips. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XikjjQok5Y&list=PL7atuZxmT9570U87GhK_20NcbxM43vkom
And here's a playlist for their Handbooker helper series which is also helpful for understanding some of the rules. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hD-LWHhiseE&list=PL1tiwbzkOjQyr6-gqJ8r29j_rJkR49uDN
Who remembers how TaCO works? ;)
If you want to see some YouTube videos of people actually playing D&D, I highly recommend, rather than all the games with adults you can find (e.g., Critical Role) -- which I have nothing against at all -- that you might want to watch Bill Allan's videos where he teaches and plays D&D with high school kids. He plays with teenagers who have mostly not played D&D before (often one of the kids has, but the rest have not). He does an amazing job of DMing in a way that is fun for the kids, and several of them (like Heather) came back for multiple seasons until they graduated. You can start with the first episode and just watch how he handles the table and the kids. I know these kids are a little older than yours, but it will give you a good idea of how to do it with youngsters -- something that you won't really get from watching shows with grown-ups who have played D&D for years.
WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
You will probably not find many ageist or trolly responses here. Most of us are just happy to see the game begin the next leg of its legacy. There are a lot of guys still active who tell stories about playing in the 1st and 2nd edition days. That’s some 45 years now. Others of us are right there with you in your shoes, like me having picked the game up just over a year ago and trying to DM for our elementary and middle school kids. The biggest difference I see between us is. that after my wife got me hooked while she was trying to learn the game herself so she could DM for our family, I dove in and looked for stuff on my own until I felt I knew enough to join a forum like this without looking new to everyone else. Whereas you jumped right in leading with it asking for advice directly. But you did the right thing. Like I said, even the most seasoned players are just happy to see the game infect the next generation and they’ll give any support they can.
Yeah, it was my mom who got me into D&D when I was about your son's age, and my dad was my first DM. As you can see, I'm still enjoying it. :-) You are indeed an awesome mom and you're doing a great thing for your kid! Congratulations!
Wizard (Gandalf) of the Tolkien Club
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-YZvLUXcR8&list=PLlUk42GiU2guNzWBzxn7hs8MaV7ELLCP_
https://www.youtube.com/user/Bon3zmann
Matt Colville has amazing videos on running the game, so does Guy on How to be a great GM. These two channels have helped me the most, their are many more great Youtube Channels as well, this is the greatest time to get into D&D!
Your kid's lucky. I'm in my 20s and I'd have loved sharing D&D with my parents and other family members. He'll cherish the memories forever.
I see a lot of people recommending Matt Mercer as an indication of a fantastic DM, and whilst that is very true (and his DM tips are excellent), I've seen time and time again people setting themselves the expectation of having a game like Critical Role, and that's just not going to happen - these guys are professional actors, and now I guess professional D&D players. As long as you and the players are having fun you're doing an excellent job DMing. Fun is the key metric of being a good DM in my opinion.
We are paratroopers, private. We are supposed to be surrounded.
In our household, Dad cooks dinner while Mum DMs. Only two players at present, and one of them is That Guy. Won't play unless there's food, complains that we curse his dice if we touch them, has hysterics every time his character gets hit, and at the one hour mark demands that we stop so he can go back to playing Fortnite. On his birth certificate it says he's my son, but sometimes I wonder.
My goal - besides wanting to have fun myself - is to show my kids that there is entertainment beyond the iPad. Which leads to a Catch 22 situation as the DDB online character sheet is just so handy (13yo explored it and taught me some of the features), and they can't resist the temptation to use the tablets for games at the same time.
BTW being able to build a character together on DDB is great. I just talked them through the meaning of the different character options and they could immediately see the effects of tweaking ability scores etc.
My next goal, now that we're a bit more comfortable with the rules, is to invite a couple of their friends to join us. It's just going to be very embarrassing if That Guy does his shtick in front of his mates...
One good thing about playing with kids is that they don't know when you get a rule wrong, fudge the result of combat, have poor pacing, etc. They're a good training ground. (I'm in the 'played a bit in 1st/2nd ed. days' category but due to unusual personal circumstances I didn't even know there was a 5th ed. until about a year ago.)
Not much to add for what other people have saied already. I wish all the best for you and your family. To me gaming and the people I played games with were very important part of my childhood / teenage years.
First off, it doesn't get much cooler than a mom who plays D&D. You rock, mama! I'm a D&D dad myself, and our group is all across the board agewise: my 11 year old daughter, (nearly) 13 year old son, my friend's 15 year old boy who happens to have Asperger's (our weekly sessions are his only social interaction), my 30-something friend and HIS parents who are both in their 50s... we're quite the motley crew. And though it can be difficult as a DM to keep the game running smoothly at times, there are a few things that I've learned over the last year we've been playing that might be helpful for you as well.
Most important rule of all: keep it fun! If you are stopping the game to refer to a sourcebook every few minutes, chances are your players are going to get bored. The rules are there to keep the story and gameplay moving forward, not to bog you down in technicalities. As DM (and Mom) you are the ultimate authority. It helps to streamline the rules or even dispense with them altogether if it keeps things moving. There does need to be some sort of structure, but just enough to keep it fair and fun. Those improv skills are what will save you, every time. Also, heavy on the action! Intrigue and roleplaying aren't as captivating to younger players as bashing bad guys is. I describe the action after each roll they make. If they miss an attack roll, describe how they missed: maybe their opponent got their shield up just in time, or their sword glanced off their heavily armored foe. This has been huge for me, my players absolutely love it. I also recommend a little comic relief from time to time, especially when the kids get silly. Manky, my goblin bard NPC, is always good for a laugh, and I have a penchant for turning failed ability checks into classic slapstick. Best of luck with your campaign!
I started DMing for my family 2 years ago, when my daughter was 12 and my son was 6. He struggled at first, but he's really improved in the last year. He asks NPCs questions, he tries to think things through in battle.
The best advice is to be encouraging. Nothing is a bad idea, let them try whatever comes into their heads. The consequences can be hilarious. Eventually, they'll start thinking outside the box.
When describing things, especially with the pre-made modules, words can be a little above what they can understand. So, bring the words down to the levels that they WILL understand. Instead of a musty tome, say an old, dusty book.
Good luck!
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InsiderWelcome! If your players walked away happy, having had fun, then you already ARE a good DM! Congrats! But we're always here to help offer further advice and suggestions!
I'll add to the chorus that having Mom be the DM is awesome! The basic rules in the starter set are a fantastic resource to read through to help you get a handle on the basics of the game. Though it's always good to remember that the book itself says they are guidelines that should be ignored/broken if needed for fun to be had! The more you DM the better you'll get the feel for it, and have an easier time rolling with the wild ideas your players will throw out there.
There will also come a day when one of the kids, either your son or someone else, will want to take a turn at being the storyteller. My advice is to let them, no matter how ready you think they are. Ask them to run a one shot, something separate from your campaign, but then let the kids take over! None of us knew what we were doing when we started DMing, and many of us were kids when we did it. Those scenes in Stranger Things of the kids all playing D&D in the basement are snapshots of many of our D&D lives and history, and can be empowering and wonderful experiences! When one of your players is ready to take that plunge and asks to be the DM, rejoice and help them set up their own game, and then have fun yourself playing a character!
Find me on Twitter: @OboeLauren
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ModeratorThat's an awesome story! And trust me, while "parents are uncool" can be a bit of a trope in popular culture, and while they might not want you treating them like a little kid in public, I would love if my parents expressed interest in D&D :D
My boys are 5 and 8 years old. I am currently DMing them through the Dragon of icespire peak starter adventure. The characters and the story are all that really matter at the moment and I only introduce rules one at a time, as they are needed. They are having so much fun exploring their characters abilities and relationship that we have barely started their first full quest and I am in no hurry to push them forward. They find joy in every npc interaction, delight at every rumour heard and treasure promised. I may yet have to dumb down the combat when we eventually get there but then again they might just surprise me. Either way, I am hopeful that we will enjoy many stories as a family for many years to come.
Nice. I've just started running a game for my 10-year old son and his friends and they don't even think to talk to anyone and murder everyone that's evil. And that's only because I laid out the rules that if they kill non-evil people there will be consequences. I hope the roleplaying comes... but one character is 'Bob the chicken who eats toes' and 'Bobby McBobface'. But they're having fun, so I'm not going to force anything.
You have a lot of good advice and resources here. Good for you. I'm a long time player (over 40 years), DM, and parent. I have had the pleasure of introducing many first timers, young and old, to D&D. I owned a gaming store and ran many intro games. One of the members of my current group (we now play online) has been running games for his kids and we've discussed the challenges.
My general advice is keep it fun. If you think of DMing as writing a story where you don't control the characters, it can make a little overall sense. If you can keep what's going on in the world in your head, then you just need to react to them. At their age, you will have a tough time predicting them, and you don't think like them. My son found it tough to deal with the wait between turns in initiative. He grew up with video games and things happening simultaneously. Encouraging them to react, comment, and enjoy the other players actions can keep them all engaged.
Enjoy it. Would love to hear some updates on how you and they are doing.
Everyone is the main character of their story
Not to confused with the YouTube series entitled "how to be a good DM". Though both series' are excellent by the way.
A caffeinated nerd who has played TTRPGs or a number of years and is very much a fantasy adventure geek.