So i’ve been a DM for my first campaign for about 2 months now with 3 players (we use Discord + real maps with my video). 2 of them have told me many times they’re having a great time and actually heavily participate (though it is their first time too so we’re all trying you know) however my third player have been... distracted.
At first I thought he was just shy (not really RPing) so I didn’t want to force him to do anything - however we all recently realised that he actually was watching videos/playing video games all the while we play (we can hear it). That led to of course him not understanding what just happened in the game 2 secs prior and having to repeat everything to him several times during each session. Not mentioning that he made us reschedule a few times without a sorry last minute and he’s almost always late.
I did confront him nicely and he ended up admitting he was playing and watching videos but that “it did not distract him”, he just thought many dialogues could be shorter and that I made them do too many checks (which i will keep in mind of course cause I do like feedback). Thing is I find his attitude a bit rude and disrespectful but I also don’t really know what more to do about it, do you guys have some tips?
If you want to keep being nice, explain that you put in a lot of effort prepping for each session, and it is rude of him to be ignoring you. And that he’s taking time from everyone else by forcing you to repeat things and compensate for his lack of attention span. If he wants to keep playing in your game, he’ll need to stop trying to multi-task.
Or stop trying to be nice, boot him from the game and recruit someone who actually wants to play. The vibe I’m getting from your post seems like that’s where this is headed either way. Better to just get it over with and move on.
And too many checks? If he doesn’t want to rp, and he doesn’t want to make checks, that’s pretty much the whole game. Maybe D&D isn’t for him.
Give one more chance. Tell him you understand that some people need to text back people near-immediately for social/professional reasons, but that doesn't give him license to disrespect your carefully crafted adventure or the other players. His reaction to this statement will probably inform your final decision.
Start with the nice approach mentioned above by Xalthu, and let him know that you won't be repeating things for him anymore. He needs to know whats going on. If it gets to his turn and he doesn't know what to do, then he does nothing. That's his turn. If you want to be SUPER HELPFUL when in combat let people know when their turn is next. It may help him focus at least when it's important and not bog the game down.
Bottom line, he IS being rude. It's disrespectful to the table.
I think all of you are right, i’ll give him one more chance and talk to the other players as well to have their feedback too. I’ll keep track next session of how involved he is and determine based on that what the next move might be, nice or not.
Not everyone has the same preference when it comes to playing D&D, some people like fast paced games focussing a lot on combat and making their character the ultimate fighting machine. Or they picked up that D&D is great somewhere but aren't really into the lore, or they watched some online streaming sessions and are now disappointed because it's now what they imagined.
I really like that you're being nice but if it isn't a personal friend I would quickly move on to finding another more involved player who will value the efforts you put in to running the game. I have had to let people down before and it really helps if you steer away from any personal remarks but stick to "our preferred play style is different'.
I am one of those players, as much as it bothers me. I find that whenever things start to drag on for example because people are erupting into rules discussions, play focusses on someone else for a while or the DM needs to look something up, I grow bored/annoyed incredibly quickly and turn to other things. (We play via FG) Due to my hardened ability to tune out everything else while I focus (trained due to years in an office with loud colleagues), I end up missing the spot when the scene progresses and eventually need to get shouted at to realize it's my turn to do things. Quite embarassing and bothersome.
There isn't much the DM can do to solve the issue because the source of the problem lies with me. There will always be discussions, distractions and exclusive scenes. It is my fault that I am bored by them and can't keep my hands off other forms of entertainment.
Thus I advise you to talk with your player and appeal to his conscience, as others above have already said. Ask him why exactly he turns to other forms of entertainment. Ask about the reasons and the circumstances. Is there something you can do to avoid creating those circumstances? Is there something you can do to help him focus? Is there a way to involve him constantly so his attention remains fixed on the game? Perhaps make him your resident rules expert and have him constantly on his toes so you can ask him questions and get pistol-shot answers. Perhaps assign one of the other two players to keep an eye on him and reprimand him when he gets distracted again. Attention, though. If he is distracted because he was reading up on D&D stuff, don't chew him out, it'll have the reverse effect depending on how stubborn he is.
That being said, if the first thing he does is boot up a video game as soon as the session starts... you might want to consider looking for a different player.
Ah thank you very much for this response!! I will try to ask him to be a bit more specific about what I might be able to do to help.
And to be fair, I completely get that people might get bored when other people RP and stuff (recently got killed in the first round in a “dream” fight while the others played for 10 more minutes sooooo) however trying to include him directly doesn’t seem to work... i’ve tried and i’ve noticed the other players tried too but he literally only say one word and stops talking. Even when it’s about planning for a fight, deciding what to do next... At first I thought he was shy but I just think he’s not into RP?
I will take all of your answers into consideration, y’all are super duper helpful, thank you sm.
That does sound a little suspicious. I mean, yes, I do get distracted and divert my attention sometimes but when it's my turn to play I pile action and character onto the table. If I didn't want to experience an adventure, craft and play a character and defeat evil villains, I wouldn't play tabletop. If your player constantly seems like he's not at all invested in the ongoings of the adventure, doesn't engage with the other players and reacts to prompts like a robot "I hit it with my club!" then you might need to think about confronting him with an ultimatum. Clearly he is not interested in the game at all and seems more interested in the idea of the game. He might think D&D is quite cool and oh yeah, so many cool adventures are to be had! But he doesn't want to actually experience them first hand.
Even our shiest player on the table engages with way more than just haphazard reponses (and damn, he is really shy) and involves himself in the story. Such a complete disregard for your work and the fun of the other players is overall just detrimental to the group. Think about cutting your losses if you cannot get him to change his ways at least somewhat.
Given that your other players seem to be really engaged by the game you are running, it is clear that this table isn't right for the video gamer. He would be better off watching Critical Role whilst he's gaming instead as he isn't participating. If he doesn't cut out the distractions he'll just be spoiling the experience for you and the other players who are invested in the sessions.
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Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately 3,720 to 1!
There are some players that sit back and more or less just watch the game and roll dice when needed and then there are those who are engaged. But sitting there and doing something other then focusing on the D&D game would bother me. Texting someone I would be fine with but something that draws attention away from the game I would not be fine with. Now if the player could be both engaged with the D&D game and still manage to play a game on their phone I might be ok with it. I would have a talk with them about it. If he really is not wanting to play the game and is there just to hang out with his buds then he could just sit there and not play a character and do whatever he likes. I dont know. I have never had this situation to deal with but Im pretty sure I would not be ok with it. Having someone asking far to often as to what is going on would bug the hell out of me. I like my players getting evolved in the game and conversing over the matter at hand. Having someone chime in 30 min later with absolutely no clue as to what happened or what is going on. It would bother me. They are there to play D&D.
Even in Discord, Roll20, or Fantasy Grounds or other VTT type game the idea is that you are engaging in a shared experience. This is not about attention span or lack of entertainment. It is about selfishness, a "if the scene is not about me or my PC why should I care?" That is so rude I had to retract the curse word I typed twice. As a player in the game you are supposed to be fully invested in everything that occurs at the "table". If the Cleric goes to the monastery of the blood god and your PC is just drinking at the tavern, you as a player should still be engaged in what is going on with that cleric PC. It is just polite! Most DMs learn very early on that splitting the party creates boredom, so they will limit it, using separation only when required. But the problem as described is that the player, and similar ones, are only in the game for their immediate enjoyment.
No one has to put up with selfish people like that.
As a player, especially in loud environments or lots of people talking, I will sometimes have trouble focusing. I really try not to let it show at the table or on mic. I will usually use an idle game on my phone (like Idle Heroes) to mindlessly tap to keep my attention centered. I've never had a DM have to repeat something to me or snap me out of a trance thankfully but I always worry about it happening.
Maybe he would benefit from a fidget toy or an idle game that isn't that mentally taxing. Something with timers like Cookie Clicker (hopefully he will be smart enough to mute his mic to do that one or play it on mobile).
When you have focus problems, you need to be managing yourself. It's not other people's job to constantly bother you to show up. It's rude he's also showing up late and not making an effort a lot of the time. If he doesn't want to use the opportunity to improve his behavior, I agree with the suggestion he'd do better with Critical Role or some other D&D podcast rather than at a live table.
If after letting him know that his being distracted and needing everything repeated is disrespectful he still doesn't improve, then this might be one to let go. Also if he is so preoccupied with other media during the game, its not a stretch to assume he isn't that into it. So it might just be a bad fit situation, and would be a better use of everyone's time to part ways.
I have this problem too - with my whole table. They are more interested in talking to one another, looking at minis, or randomly wandering off than actually paying attention to the player whose turn it is. Granted, most of them are just bad at paying attention, but on the whole it's disrespectful and makes everything take forever, especially since we have short sessions as is. Since they kind of encourage each a little bit, I'm at a loss for what to do. I've wondered if it's my DM'ing, but they're equally inattentive during roleplaying and combat situations and I've tried many strategies. In addition, they don't take it seriously and make many bad decisions. Beyond just telling them D&D isn't for them and kicking them all to the curb, I'm out of ideas. Suggestions?
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Will everyone stop calling him "The Demogorgon"? It's his name, not a title!
I have this problem too - with my whole table. They are more interested in talking to one another, looking at minis, or randomly wandering off than actually paying attention to the player whose turn it is. Granted, most of them are just bad at paying attention, but on the whole it's disrespectful and makes everything take forever, especially since we have short sessions as is. Since they kind of encourage each a little bit, I'm at a loss for what to do. I've wondered if it's my DM'ing, but they're equally inattentive during roleplaying and combat situations and I've tried many strategies. In addition, they don't take it seriously and make many bad decisions. Beyond just telling them D&D isn't for them and kicking them all to the curb, I'm out of ideas. Suggestions?
I might point out that your players' version of fun can be vastly different from your own. What you find riveting and fun, others may care less about. The inverse is also very much possible. Also, framing the decisions the party makes as "bad" might be inaccurate considering you enjoy perfect knowledge that the PCs and players don't have.
If this is recent behavior, I might suggest trying to determine what changed to cause it. If it's always been there, maybe consider politely explaining that you'll be moving on, or try to accept their playstyles are what they are, and they have fun this way.
A conversation is most likely warranted.
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“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.” - Mark Twain - Innocents Abroad
Sorry, and this may be my background talking here (teacher, theatre maker, etc) but it's very simple...it is disrespectful to be giving any attention to something other than the social activity that you are engaged in.
I say this as someone who is neurodivergent myself and understand the problems with getting restless, figity or unfocused. Phones, or any devices not actively being used to help play the game are banned at my tables. We can talk about making tables accessible of course, and that is something we should do, but the burden of accessibility in this form are two sided not one. The neurodiverse person has a responsibility to assimilate into the social dynamic just as much as the social group has the responsibility to try and break down the barriers to accessibility. Incidentally, I honestly believe that my oddball brain and attention issues are what allow me to function effectively as a DM because I'm constantly engaged and stimluated with information that I can connect and process in a weird way.
In short, the conversation I would have with that player would be one warning, and then they're gone.
Just like the child in a classroom distracted by their phone...just like the audience member in the theatre...one warning then they are out, or have the phone confiscated.
Fact is though, there is an attention issue among digital natives (people who have grown up knowing digital technologies all their lives). The overstimulation and oversaturation of choices means that sitting still and listening presents a genuine challenge. I've seen it in those I teach as a growing and more common thread. Sadly, functioning effectively as part of a society (even with ADD, ASD, or any similar neurodiverse traits) requires showing respect to others by paying attention to them. It is, to be frank a life skill that some people have not yet learnt.
D&D and for that matter most tabletop gaming is a hobby that hinges on social interaction. If they don't want that social interaction, why are they playing D&D and not a computer game?
So, if you really want to be kind and generous, I'd ask why they want to play D&D and make it clear that paying attention at all times is essential as part of the game. If they can't agree to that, then they will need to leave. If they can agree to try, then there may still be a place for them. If they (and I've had this happen) claim a disability for which they need adaptations to be able to access the game, then that needs to be discussed. However, see what I've already said to judge my beliefs on that.
With players that are often distracted, not taking things seriously, and "making bad decisions," you could always try leaning into the silliness a little bit as the DM. I have no idea what your campaign is like, but if it's fairly serious and your players just don't want to be serious, putting some silly details around the edges of your main story might do the trick.
Have them find a "hat of invisibility" that only makes their head invisible. Let their next quest come from a wizard with a man-bun and a tattoo of the draconic symbol for "soup" on his arm (he thinks it means "love"). Give them a "town under siege by skeletons" sidequest, but the skeletons are mostly just being rowdy, joyriding through the streets, pushing people into the fountain in the town square, and throwing bottles at passers-by.
You said you tried "different strategies" but sometimes a DM just has a mismatch between their campaign's tone and their group. It's disheartening, especially if you've put a lot of work into your current campaign, but it's worth checking out if you haven't already.
I don't think they have a problem with the tone of the campaign so much as just paying attention to other players (and me), and just a general disrespect for everyone. I'll certainly try these things, but it might just prompt them to goof off more. Not that I mind characters being silly, but when players act silly to excess, it takes away from general engagement. There's a difference there, and that's the problem I'm having.
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Will everyone stop calling him "The Demogorgon"? It's his name, not a title!
I've tried talking to them about it some, and that's helped for a little while, but frankly I think they find it amusing to watch me try and shepherd them when they wander off or start side-conversations. It's hard to get them to listen to me about this when they actively enjoy making me exasperated. I'd impose consequences, but a) this is a school club and I don't really have that authority, and b) I don't want to make this seem like a class. People want to play this for fun, so I'm looking for a way to have it be a focused fun without being strict.
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Will everyone stop calling him "The Demogorgon"? It's his name, not a title!
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Hey there!
So i’ve been a DM for my first campaign for about 2 months now with 3 players (we use Discord + real maps with my video). 2 of them have told me many times they’re having a great time and actually heavily participate (though it is their first time too so we’re all trying you know) however my third player have been... distracted.
At first I thought he was just shy (not really RPing) so I didn’t want to force him to do anything - however we all recently realised that he actually was watching videos/playing video games all the while we play (we can hear it). That led to of course him not understanding what just happened in the game 2 secs prior and having to repeat everything to him several times during each session. Not mentioning that he made us reschedule a few times without a sorry last minute and he’s almost always late.
I did confront him nicely and he ended up admitting he was playing and watching videos but that “it did not distract him”, he just thought many dialogues could be shorter and that I made them do too many checks (which i will keep in mind of course cause I do like feedback). Thing is I find his attitude a bit rude and disrespectful but I also don’t really know what more to do about it, do you guys have some tips?
If you want to keep being nice, explain that you put in a lot of effort prepping for each session, and it is rude of him to be ignoring you. And that he’s taking time from everyone else by forcing you to repeat things and compensate for his lack of attention span. If he wants to keep playing in your game, he’ll need to stop trying to multi-task.
Or stop trying to be nice, boot him from the game and recruit someone who actually wants to play. The vibe I’m getting from your post seems like that’s where this is headed either way. Better to just get it over with and move on.
And too many checks? If he doesn’t want to rp, and he doesn’t want to make checks, that’s pretty much the whole game. Maybe D&D isn’t for him.
Give one more chance. Tell him you understand that some people need to text back people near-immediately for social/professional reasons, but that doesn't give him license to disrespect your carefully crafted adventure or the other players. His reaction to this statement will probably inform your final decision.
V/R.
I.T.
Start with the nice approach mentioned above by Xalthu, and let him know that you won't be repeating things for him anymore. He needs to know whats going on. If it gets to his turn and he doesn't know what to do, then he does nothing. That's his turn. If you want to be SUPER HELPFUL when in combat let people know when their turn is next. It may help him focus at least when it's important and not bog the game down.
Bottom line, he IS being rude. It's disrespectful to the table.
Thank you very much for your answers guys!
I think all of you are right, i’ll give him one more chance and talk to the other players as well to have their feedback too. I’ll keep track next session of how involved he is and determine based on that what the next move might be, nice or not.
Thanks again!
Hi,
Not everyone has the same preference when it comes to playing D&D, some people like fast paced games focussing a lot on combat and making their character the ultimate fighting machine. Or they picked up that D&D is great somewhere but aren't really into the lore, or they watched some online streaming sessions and are now disappointed because it's now what they imagined.
I really like that you're being nice but if it isn't a personal friend I would quickly move on to finding another more involved player who will value the efforts you put in to running the game. I have had to let people down before and it really helps if you steer away from any personal remarks but stick to "our preferred play style is different'.
Kr,
Rob.
I am one of those players, as much as it bothers me. I find that whenever things start to drag on for example because people are erupting into rules discussions, play focusses on someone else for a while or the DM needs to look something up, I grow bored/annoyed incredibly quickly and turn to other things. (We play via FG) Due to my hardened ability to tune out everything else while I focus (trained due to years in an office with loud colleagues), I end up missing the spot when the scene progresses and eventually need to get shouted at to realize it's my turn to do things. Quite embarassing and bothersome.
There isn't much the DM can do to solve the issue because the source of the problem lies with me. There will always be discussions, distractions and exclusive scenes. It is my fault that I am bored by them and can't keep my hands off other forms of entertainment.
Thus I advise you to talk with your player and appeal to his conscience, as others above have already said. Ask him why exactly he turns to other forms of entertainment. Ask about the reasons and the circumstances. Is there something you can do to avoid creating those circumstances? Is there something you can do to help him focus? Is there a way to involve him constantly so his attention remains fixed on the game? Perhaps make him your resident rules expert and have him constantly on his toes so you can ask him questions and get pistol-shot answers. Perhaps assign one of the other two players to keep an eye on him and reprimand him when he gets distracted again. Attention, though. If he is distracted because he was reading up on D&D stuff, don't chew him out, it'll have the reverse effect depending on how stubborn he is.
That being said, if the first thing he does is boot up a video game as soon as the session starts... you might want to consider looking for a different player.
Let chaos rain... uh, reign!
Ah thank you very much for this response!! I will try to ask him to be a bit more specific about what I might be able to do to help.
And to be fair, I completely get that people might get bored when other people RP and stuff (recently got killed in the first round in a “dream” fight while the others played for 10 more minutes sooooo) however trying to include him directly doesn’t seem to work... i’ve tried and i’ve noticed the other players tried too but he literally only say one word and stops talking. Even when it’s about planning for a fight, deciding what to do next... At first I thought he was shy but I just think he’s not into RP?
I will take all of your answers into consideration, y’all are super duper helpful, thank you sm.
That does sound a little suspicious. I mean, yes, I do get distracted and divert my attention sometimes but when it's my turn to play I pile action and character onto the table. If I didn't want to experience an adventure, craft and play a character and defeat evil villains, I wouldn't play tabletop. If your player constantly seems like he's not at all invested in the ongoings of the adventure, doesn't engage with the other players and reacts to prompts like a robot "I hit it with my club!" then you might need to think about confronting him with an ultimatum. Clearly he is not interested in the game at all and seems more interested in the idea of the game. He might think D&D is quite cool and oh yeah, so many cool adventures are to be had! But he doesn't want to actually experience them first hand.
Even our shiest player on the table engages with way more than just haphazard reponses (and damn, he is really shy) and involves himself in the story. Such a complete disregard for your work and the fun of the other players is overall just detrimental to the group. Think about cutting your losses if you cannot get him to change his ways at least somewhat.
Let chaos rain... uh, reign!
Given that your other players seem to be really engaged by the game you are running, it is clear that this table isn't right for the video gamer. He would be better off watching Critical Role whilst he's gaming instead as he isn't participating. If he doesn't cut out the distractions he'll just be spoiling the experience for you and the other players who are invested in the sessions.
Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately 3,720 to 1!
Never tell me the DC.
There are some players that sit back and more or less just watch the game and roll dice when needed and then there are those who are engaged. But sitting there and doing something other then focusing on the D&D game would bother me. Texting someone I would be fine with but something that draws attention away from the game I would not be fine with. Now if the player could be both engaged with the D&D game and still manage to play a game on their phone I might be ok with it. I would have a talk with them about it. If he really is not wanting to play the game and is there just to hang out with his buds then he could just sit there and not play a character and do whatever he likes. I dont know. I have never had this situation to deal with but Im pretty sure I would not be ok with it. Having someone asking far to often as to what is going on would bug the hell out of me. I like my players getting evolved in the game and conversing over the matter at hand. Having someone chime in 30 min later with absolutely no clue as to what happened or what is going on. It would bother me. They are there to play D&D.
Even in Discord, Roll20, or Fantasy Grounds or other VTT type game the idea is that you are engaging in a shared experience. This is not about attention span or lack of entertainment. It is about selfishness, a "if the scene is not about me or my PC why should I care?" That is so rude I had to retract the curse word I typed twice. As a player in the game you are supposed to be fully invested in everything that occurs at the "table". If the Cleric goes to the monastery of the blood god and your PC is just drinking at the tavern, you as a player should still be engaged in what is going on with that cleric PC. It is just polite! Most DMs learn very early on that splitting the party creates boredom, so they will limit it, using separation only when required. But the problem as described is that the player, and similar ones, are only in the game for their immediate enjoyment.
No one has to put up with selfish people like that.
As a player, especially in loud environments or lots of people talking, I will sometimes have trouble focusing. I really try not to let it show at the table or on mic. I will usually use an idle game on my phone (like Idle Heroes) to mindlessly tap to keep my attention centered. I've never had a DM have to repeat something to me or snap me out of a trance thankfully but I always worry about it happening.
Maybe he would benefit from a fidget toy or an idle game that isn't that mentally taxing. Something with timers like Cookie Clicker (hopefully he will be smart enough to mute his mic to do that one or play it on mobile).
When you have focus problems, you need to be managing yourself. It's not other people's job to constantly bother you to show up. It's rude he's also showing up late and not making an effort a lot of the time. If he doesn't want to use the opportunity to improve his behavior, I agree with the suggestion he'd do better with Critical Role or some other D&D podcast rather than at a live table.
If after letting him know that his being distracted and needing everything repeated is disrespectful he still doesn't improve, then this might be one to let go. Also if he is so preoccupied with other media during the game, its not a stretch to assume he isn't that into it. So it might just be a bad fit situation, and would be a better use of everyone's time to part ways.
I have this problem too - with my whole table. They are more interested in talking to one another, looking at minis, or randomly wandering off than actually paying attention to the player whose turn it is. Granted, most of them are just bad at paying attention, but on the whole it's disrespectful and makes everything take forever, especially since we have short sessions as is. Since they kind of encourage each a little bit, I'm at a loss for what to do. I've wondered if it's my DM'ing, but they're equally inattentive during roleplaying and combat situations and I've tried many strategies. In addition, they don't take it seriously and make many bad decisions. Beyond just telling them D&D isn't for them and kicking them all to the curb, I'm out of ideas. Suggestions?
Will everyone stop calling him "The Demogorgon"? It's his name, not a title!
I might point out that your players' version of fun can be vastly different from your own. What you find riveting and fun, others may care less about. The inverse is also very much possible. Also, framing the decisions the party makes as "bad" might be inaccurate considering you enjoy perfect knowledge that the PCs and players don't have.
If this is recent behavior, I might suggest trying to determine what changed to cause it. If it's always been there, maybe consider politely explaining that you'll be moving on, or try to accept their playstyles are what they are, and they have fun this way.
A conversation is most likely warranted.
“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.” - Mark Twain - Innocents Abroad
Sorry, and this may be my background talking here (teacher, theatre maker, etc) but it's very simple...it is disrespectful to be giving any attention to something other than the social activity that you are engaged in.
I say this as someone who is neurodivergent myself and understand the problems with getting restless, figity or unfocused. Phones, or any devices not actively being used to help play the game are banned at my tables. We can talk about making tables accessible of course, and that is something we should do, but the burden of accessibility in this form are two sided not one. The neurodiverse person has a responsibility to assimilate into the social dynamic just as much as the social group has the responsibility to try and break down the barriers to accessibility. Incidentally, I honestly believe that my oddball brain and attention issues are what allow me to function effectively as a DM because I'm constantly engaged and stimluated with information that I can connect and process in a weird way.
In short, the conversation I would have with that player would be one warning, and then they're gone.
Just like the child in a classroom distracted by their phone...just like the audience member in the theatre...one warning then they are out, or have the phone confiscated.
Fact is though, there is an attention issue among digital natives (people who have grown up knowing digital technologies all their lives). The overstimulation and oversaturation of choices means that sitting still and listening presents a genuine challenge. I've seen it in those I teach as a growing and more common thread. Sadly, functioning effectively as part of a society (even with ADD, ASD, or any similar neurodiverse traits) requires showing respect to others by paying attention to them. It is, to be frank a life skill that some people have not yet learnt.
D&D and for that matter most tabletop gaming is a hobby that hinges on social interaction. If they don't want that social interaction, why are they playing D&D and not a computer game?
So, if you really want to be kind and generous, I'd ask why they want to play D&D and make it clear that paying attention at all times is essential as part of the game. If they can't agree to that, then they will need to leave. If they can agree to try, then there may still be a place for them. If they (and I've had this happen) claim a disability for which they need adaptations to be able to access the game, then that needs to be discussed. However, see what I've already said to judge my beliefs on that.
DM session planning template - My version of maps for 'Lost Mine of Phandelver' - Send your party to The Circus - Other DM Resources - Maps, Tokens, Quests - 'Better' Player Character Injury Tables?
Actor, Writer, Director & Teacher by day - GM/DM in my off hours.
With players that are often distracted, not taking things seriously, and "making bad decisions," you could always try leaning into the silliness a little bit as the DM. I have no idea what your campaign is like, but if it's fairly serious and your players just don't want to be serious, putting some silly details around the edges of your main story might do the trick.
Have them find a "hat of invisibility" that only makes their head invisible. Let their next quest come from a wizard with a man-bun and a tattoo of the draconic symbol for "soup" on his arm (he thinks it means "love"). Give them a "town under siege by skeletons" sidequest, but the skeletons are mostly just being rowdy, joyriding through the streets, pushing people into the fountain in the town square, and throwing bottles at passers-by.
You said you tried "different strategies" but sometimes a DM just has a mismatch between their campaign's tone and their group. It's disheartening, especially if you've put a lot of work into your current campaign, but it's worth checking out if you haven't already.
I don't think they have a problem with the tone of the campaign so much as just paying attention to other players (and me), and just a general disrespect for everyone. I'll certainly try these things, but it might just prompt them to goof off more. Not that I mind characters being silly, but when players act silly to excess, it takes away from general engagement. There's a difference there, and that's the problem I'm having.
Will everyone stop calling him "The Demogorgon"? It's his name, not a title!
I've tried talking to them about it some, and that's helped for a little while, but frankly I think they find it amusing to watch me try and shepherd them when they wander off or start side-conversations. It's hard to get them to listen to me about this when they actively enjoy making me exasperated. I'd impose consequences, but a) this is a school club and I don't really have that authority, and b) I don't want to make this seem like a class. People want to play this for fun, so I'm looking for a way to have it be a focused fun without being strict.
Will everyone stop calling him "The Demogorgon"? It's his name, not a title!