Hi! Thanks for taking a look at my thread.

I've been running an adventure for about a year now. I've been playing and running DnD and Pathfinder for the last 8 years or so. I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 27 and went on prescription drugs and counseling therapy for 6 years, when I got better.

It's my practice to email my players a DM evaluation after a year. A year is past and I also reached out to each player to ask how they're doing, what's going on in their lives, that sort of thing. My newbie player (I call him that as this is his 1st DnD group) revealed to me that my sessions are his mental health therapy. He says that he's struggled with depression off and on for years. This alarms me! 1st, cuz depression is serious. 2nd, my group and I didn't sign up to be therapy tools. 3rd, it isn't fair to the other players that they fulfill his need for attention.

AITA? I let him know that our sessions are not a substitute for professional help. He deflected and I encouraged him to talk to someone.

What should I do?

I would continue playing as normal unless you notice newbie starting to behave differently or problematically towards the other players. I definitely wouldn't treat them any differently in-game, since maybe being able to deal with and overcome confrontation in a risk-free way is one of the reasons they find it therapeutic. 

If it makes you uncomfortable, maybe have a private discussion (no judgements obvs) just going over what "dnd as therapy" entails and what their expectations are, and just make sure it's properly contextualized in a way you are comfortable with. If you still are not comfortable with it, and you tried all that, then I think it's safe to say that you tried, and maybe this isn't the group for newbie. Everyone should be comfortable at the table. 

As far as your AITA; it depends on your response. I can understand how learning that they're using your sessions as therapy might make you feel responsible for their well-being in a way you didn't sign on for, but as long as everyone's an adult about it, it sounds like something you both have a decent chance of working it out. 

Good luck! 

There are different levels of what people think of as mental health issues.

Hisr use of the gaming sessions as his "mental health therapy" might just be that he likes the companionship of talking/interacting with other people, and this is enough to satisfy his good mental health requirements.

There's nothing wrong with any (non-harmful) activity being used to help mental health - so long as it's not being used as literal therapy absent the guidance of a qualified therapist. It speaks volumes that you didn't know until they told you. If the player is a normal player in all other ways, and if they rest of the group don't find them disruptive in any way, I don't see why anyone should care. People go running for their mental health also, that doesn't mean they are using their running partner as a therapist.

Now, if they start actively seeking to roleplay specific scenes obviously targeted at working through some sort of specific trauma, that's a different story. You are NTA if you ask them to desist in that case, if it's making the group generally uncomfortable. As you say, you didn't sign up to be therapists.

But if they've not done it, and they've not asked to do it, then you are the A if you leap to the conclusion that that's their intention.

TL;DR - address specific issues if they arise, don't jump to conclusions.

I'm confused to your reaction in that you've been playing with this player for a year.  In their evaluation was there some sort of further demand asked of you or the group?  No?  Keep doing what you're doing as far as the game goes.  

While you have experience with mental health care and possibly share a diagnosis with the player, you're not a clinician, so aren't really in the position to evaluate what the player needs beyond the good game you provide (which you're still going to do and is being done for the good of the game not as a social or clinical service as you acknowledge).  

I wouldn't make it an issue at table, but it might be a responsible thing for a side conversation with the player.  Something like "hey, that stuff you said about your mental health got me concerned.  While I enjoy you playing the game and I'm glad you're getting something out of it" etc. explaining that if he really does think he has an mental health concern requiring help, he should really see a professional service of some sort so it can be properly evaluated.  

It's entirely possible the player was being complimentary along the lines of "you're a life saver" speaking of how the game gives him opportunities for connection otherwise lacking because of COVID etc.  But outside of game, it's also good for someone who's 'been there' to tip off someone struggling that taking the step to getting 'real help' from professionals.  

So you might want to research the concepts of Personal Medicine by Pat Deegan as well as the concept of Self Care.

Both involve doing something that promotes joy, well being, and happiness.

I consider DnD both self care and Personal Medicine. I can cope better with stress and anxiety after enjoying a few hours of playing DnD with friends.

It is certainly not a substitute for therapy and medication but perhaps the individual you refer to is not at that level of need for care.

Quote from Defender501 >>

.AITA? I let him know that our sessions are not a substitute for professional help. He deflected and I encouraged him to talk to someone.

Since you asked... yeah, it kind of sounds like it. 

This person didn't ask you to do anything different from what you've been doing, it sounds like. So what's the problem?

> , it isn't fair to the other players that they fulfill his need for attention

This is such a strange statement. Who said anything about attention? And what harm is it to the player is they're psychologically helping this guy in some way?

I don't think anyone is being an jerk here. You definitely have this guy's best interests at heart, and I imagine now, because you care about him, there's a lot of pressure you feel to run (and keep running) a good game, where before it was just for fun. I'm a social work/psych student myself, and I have some "friendships" that feel like I'm just there to listen to the other person when they need it, which can replace fun with worry and make me nervous about what'll happen to the other person's mental health if I let them down or take a personal break. I'm honestly not sure how to solve this myself: it's different in every relationship, and there's no easy answer.

That said, your situation doesn't sound too bad, and the newbie did you a really good turn by being honest with you. It's tricky to know whether he just means your sessions are something fun that helps his mental health (which is great!) or whether he actually sees them as therapy (which is not so good for him)—especially when you're his friend and not his counselor, and this whole thing takes a toll on your own mental health because you want the best for him. The good news is that it doesn't sound like you need to change anything in-game. If the guy got very upset when his character dies or made the story all about him, those could be red flags for both the game and his depression, but it sounds like he's having the same experience as you or any other player who might be at a brighter place in their life right now. As you and I know, people fighting depression are very much people, and enjoy games and hangout times the same way as anyone else. That much is great! So just go on being a regular DM and friend, running the game the exact same way, unless something changes.

Besides that, though, you might just have to do the difficult thing and recognize that there's only so much you can do to help a friend. Recommending that he get help, especially drawing on your own personal experiences, was a very thoughtful thing to do. But, for your own mental health, you have to remember that even if he's shared some of his troubles with you, that doesn't make them your responsibility. In fact, he's probably happier with you being a just DM with whom he has fun that helps him have a more positive view of life. Recognizing that is hard. It's something I personally have been struggling with a lot lately. I wish you luck!

I dont see any serious issue with this. For example when you go out with a friend for a beer it can also be "therapy". People also talk much more openly about mental health stuff nowadays.

I know lots of people who see DnD as a form Of therapy, they don’t ask there fellow players to provide anything more then just being mates round a table but they find it is a safe space to explore things about themselves by roleplaying someone who is totally different to them in real life. I had a friend who overcame his issues with public speaking by playing a high charisma bard who become the party spokesperson. He said that imagining he was talking to a group of villagers and then role playing that out helped him then realize that if he could talk to a fictional crowd about a fictional thing, he could talk to a real crowd about a thing he knew. 

I have also seen players process grief, anger, fear of loneliness, a bad break up all round the game table by processing similair things in game. They didn’t need professional help the game was just enough to help them, I imagine he isn’t the only player you have played with, he is just being open and honest. 

It wasn't a problem until he revealed this, so why make it a problem now? It doesn't sound like he's asking for anything.

Any activity is good for your mental health. This doesn't mean it's a substitute for treatment or expecte to be.

Thanks, everyone, for your advice and sharing your experiences. I read every reply and appreciate the feedback.

There have been a few concerns with his behaviour that have been brought to me from other players. I have had to talk with him about boundaries. We have been playing remotely but we started off playing in person; I bring this up because I have had suspicions that he cheats, but without proof, I've let it slide. This points to a need to always be successful, a coping mechanism for people with depression. He has a very difficult time recalling details, even when descriptions were given 2 minutes before (this isn't an exaggeration). He has issues focusing and concentrating. These are indicators of depression as well. I have talked with him about being part of a cooperative team when other players have complained that he pushes his character as a saviour and forces in-character discussions with his character that become awkward. All this to say, I suspected that something was going on that I didn't know about, and now I know that he struggles with depression.

I can appreciate that D&D is good for mental health. I rely on D&D for social interaction, especially in this time.

I have said my piece to him. He knows that I support him and want him to have fun at our game. I will continue running the game as I have been doing. If he starts making problems, I will address the situation. 

We don't know what he situation of the "Newbie player" is.or something else

To do something for your mental health does not mean you necessarilly have a mental illness, it can just as easily a preventative measure.  You can play sport or eat a vbalanced diet for  for your physical heath without being ill.

I live alone and over 200 miles from my immediate family, over the last year F2F social contact has been greatly limited, my sports actiities have all stopped and physical exercise is limited to walking alone, there has been no church for 6 weeks and before that there was much less social interaction, team calls at work are mostly work related.  D&D is one of my main interactions with other people, I asm playing much more than pre-covid and the main reason is for my mental health. That does not mean I should be seeing a professional just that if I stopped playing D&D I would be at higher risk of mental illness.

The newbie player could be in a similar situation, he could have been adviced by a professional to spend more time socially with other people (or something else like find a way of using his imagination) and D&D is a suitable way of doing that. If the player only mentioned this after you had been playing for a year I don't think he is expecting you to be a health care professional I would just carry on as you were before.