Quote from Tez005 >>

I'm playing a Fairy character for a campaign of my friend's. How would these rules work in that setting? Especially the 'true name' thing. Someone mentioned being able to place curses/hexes/the like on people you know the true name of, but how would that work in practice? What if you don't have any spells that would enable you to do those things? I'm playing an artificer, so most of my spells are more of the practical type.

 I'd suggest looking into talking with your GM about any special houserules for True Fey Etiquette.

Quote from Song_of_Blues >>

In her Earthsea book series, the late Ursula Leguin also made use of the "do not use your true name" rule.  In that universe, the true name is not a name which can be chosen so much as a name in the original language of creation when the world was sung into being, a name attached to a creature that is unchangeable.

It goes back to Ancient Egypt, where people believed that if you knew someone's name, you could use magic against them. This is why Pharohs had a real name and then a name that they used publically.

They have power over you

It's like knowing the name of a devil

they gain power over you, whether it be full power/control or partial. 

Unless, of course, you've already gone through a labyrinth and made some important discoveries about yourself and the world...

Do not think it as only summoning(learning the true name), To understand what it can cause, look at the archived UA wizard subclass school of onomancy. Learning the true name of a person/entity can grant several benefits. I am currently playing in Forgotten Realms campaign, it is no where near Tehanu+Earthsea Triology when it comes to real names perhaps(who knows tho), but even my order of scribes wizard/knowledge Cleric does not use his real name (even players or DM does not know, though DM does know that he has his true name written safely under sticker backside of his character sheet, in case someone looks i written in Alzhedo using Thorass script as he is a Calishite.) his family knows his name yet they do call him with another name, and all members of the family have the same custom. They have no clue about feywild, but they are a family who study Arcane Arts/Tradition for generations especially divination and enchantment magic, so it is only natural for them to try and hide their names, i guess that would be even more important for conjurers... Though knowing a real name means not only knowing a sound or a set of symbols, but also the meaning, and the feeling/wish/expectation that was felt when that name was given to the owner, so that matter is a complicated one, that is why my pc's family uses homonymous words as names usually, to make it even more complicated. It is not about being one with the word or hiding behind words for them, it is about will, it sucks to have someone bend, twist your will and summon you to somewhere without your consent, thus summoning spells except familiar is a taboo in his family.   

to the best of my understanding, it's generally not an issue with them /knowing/ your name, but rather with you /giving them/ your name. a good way to avoid this is, when a fey asks you "may i have your name", respond with "you may /call me/ [name]". this allows them to have something to refer to you by but not gain power over you. for added security, you could try "no, but you may call me [name]" and for even more, use a nickname or fake name, though never try to pass that off as your true name, as fey take a lie to be a great offense, but a trick or withheld truth to be clever and even entertaining.

One thing that I've seen in a lot of lore and stories is that the Fae courts are consumed with power and position, and guard both very jealously.  The Fae would consider Machiavelli a charming amateur in terms of politics and maneuvering to achieve greater status and cut down their rivals.  I would expect that the Courts would be very willing to use non-Fae as pawns and tools to advance their goals and aims, regardless of the damage it does to the PCs.

Quote from GaherisMoonguard >>

One thing that I've seen in a lot of lore and stories is that the Fae courts are consumed with power and position, and guard both very jealously.  The Fae would consider Machiavelli a charming amateur in terms of politics and maneuvering to achieve greater status and cut down their rivals.  I would expect that the Courts would be very willing to use non-Fae as pawns and tools to advance their goals and aims, regardless of the damage it does to the PCs.

 Agreed. That’s how I’ve always played the fae, both Seelie and Unseelie.

An Arch Fey decides the rules of their domain.

Giving ANYONE your true name in magical terms gives the person the ability to use true name spells against you. In 5e I believe they got rid of these but in 2e true name spells were a set of magiks that if your true name was known by the caster you could not prevent or undo the magik they set upon you. For example if you know the true name of a demon you could banish it back to hell forever unless someone else who knew its true name summoned it back.

Interesting. Only recently found the Fairy Player Character option, ended up instinctively making a OC :P , and this has given me some useful information...

Designed a Fairy who's Father is a Human who was forced to give the Lady of the forest he trespassed into his firstborn child, not realizing that typically involved a 3rd party to create said child. Satisfied, she let him go, but they started a relationship and Burnscar is the oldest of their family. Living in both the Human world outside and his Mother's forest, he enjoys training at the Monk's Temple his Father gardens at as much as he enjoys getting up to mischief with the village children. He is both a Monk who also has learned some magical trickster moves (LVL 3 Magi-Thief), while his unique position allows him to act as a negotiator between the Fae & other species, sometimes as a Guide too. So hoping to find more info on the rules he has others abide by for their safety...

Quote from poison_hemlocke >>

to the best of my understanding, it's generally not an issue with them /knowing/ your name, but rather with you /giving them/ your name. a good way to avoid this is, when a fey asks you "may i have your name", respond with "you may /call me/ [name]". this allows them to have something to refer to you by but not gain power over you. for added security, you could try "no, but you may call me [name]" and for even more, use a nickname or fake name, though never try to pass that off as your true name, as fey take a lie to be a great offense, but a trick or withheld truth to be clever and even entertaining.

 I'm going with "I am known as Burnscar" as his introduction, in that he has a ladybug type wing setup (solid, protective outer wings + folding inner flying wings longer than his arms yet hidden completely while folded) but due to an accident when young, his outer wings were burnt & have since carried the scars. The fact they completely blend into his back (bit more scaring helps) and hide his wings means despite being 3 foot 7 inches (apparently near max height for a DND Fairy) he still passes as Human, regularly mistaken for a pre-teen in fact...

As for WHY not to give Fae your true name, I'm not a DM but maybe in-game, they could use it to Charm you in a special way? Learn their name, say their name as part of a sentence, they can't attack or directly harm you for a while, but they're more inclined than usual to do what they say (your Advantage on the social Ability check) without actually being "charmed" in the traditional sense? *X is getting grumpy, argumentative & disruptive at being held up in a Fae Forest while the secretly a Fairy themselves Guide is negotiating their passage, so the Guide turns to him* "Look, um, what was your name again?" "Theodore Logan, 3rd of my name and son of the Lord of ZZZ" "WELL, Theodore Logan, I would appreciate it if while I am trying to get you out of this forest ALIVE, that you would settle down and let me finish the negotiations without making things worse?!" "........Fine..." *Others surprised to see Theodore comply, checking for Charm Person or anything similar turns out unusual but seemingly negative...*

Quote from DemigirlDemigod568 >>

It is said that Fey customs/etiquette is weird and hard to keep up with. So when running into Fey or going to the Feywild there is a general set of rules you see with some variation: 

• Don't accept a gift from the fey.
• Don't consume the food or drink of the Feywild.
• Never dance with a fey.
• Never tell a fey your full name.
• Never stray from a path in the Feywild.
• Use your manners, but don't say "thank you" (or you owe them)
• Don't give a Fey (cheap) clothing
• Always keep your word.
• Don't repay more than you borrowed.

Than- I am grateful you've shared these with us :P . Never heard of the dancing rule before, but I can understand how it could lead to you being Charmed by them. Surprised by the clothing one, I'd think it was a gift thing but maybe it's has other elements? Unless that part is specifically for Pixies, their profile says they like to be complimented on their appearance & they like to make beautiful clothing out of silks & flowers.

I might also add several sources outside DND have mentioned the Fae don't like iron & iron based items since it harms them, but I can understand leaving that out of DND for the sake of game mechanics. Was going to give my Fairy/Human hybrid a Shortsword, but might have to find/create a weapon profile for Tonfa... :P

Quote from LordCastigator >>

Quote from poison_hemlocke >>

to the best of my understanding, it's generally not an issue with them /knowing/ your name, but rather with you /giving them/ your name. a good way to avoid this is, when a fey asks you "may i have your name", respond with "you may /call me/ [name]". this allows them to have something to refer to you by but not gain power over you. for added security, you could try "no, but you may call me [name]" and for even more, use a nickname or fake name, though never try to pass that off as your true name, as fey take a lie to be a great offense, but a trick or withheld truth to be clever and even entertaining.

 ....As for WHY not to give Fae your true name, I'm not a DM but maybe in-game, they could use it to Charm you in a special way? Learn their name, say their name as part of a sentence, they can't attack or directly harm you for a while, but they're more inclined than usual to do what they say (your Advantage on the social Ability check) without actually being "charmed" in the traditional sense? *X is getting grumpy, argumentative & disruptive at being held up in a Fae Forest while the secretly a Fairy themselves Guide is negotiating their passage, so the Guide turns to him* "Look, um, what was your name again?" "Theodore Logan, 3rd of my name and son of the Lord of ZZZ" "WELL, Theodore Logan, I would appreciate it if while I am trying to get you out of this forest ALIVE, that you would settle down and let me finish the negotiations without making things worse?!" "........Fine..." *Others surprised to see Theodore comply, checking for Charm Person or anything similar turns out unusual but seemingly negative...*

Had a bit of a rethink, thought of a potentially simpler way to in-game represent the control a Fae knowing your actual name gives, as well as how to explain my idea above. I'll go with that 1st...
X is getting grumpy, argumentative & disruptive at being held up in a Fae Forest while the secretly a Fairy themselves Guide is negotiating their passage, so the Guide turns to him.
"Look, um, what was your name again?" "Theodore Logan, 3rd of my name and son of the Lord of ZZZ" *Name acquired, control method now available...*
"WELL, Theodore Logan, I would appreciate it if while I am trying to get you out of this forest ALIVE, that you would settle down and let me finish the negotiations without making things worse?!" *I'm thinking a Persuade test with Advantage Vs either Wisdom or Charisma Skill Save - probably Charisma here...*
"........Fine..." *Guide wins roll, Theodore follows order without actually realizing they were magically encorouged to do so...*
Others surprised to see Theodore comply, checking for Charm Person or anything similar turns out unusual but seemingly negative... *Wasn't actually Charm Person, but there was some magic involved...*

The other option I came up with is for the Fae Being to be able to use something like Charm Person or a version of Command that uses a whole sentence, without using a Spell slot against someone who they know the true name of. I considered straight Command, but that only uses a single word, while Charm Person lasts for an hour and the creature KNOWS you Charmed it once the spell wears off. Command is probably the better example, only slightly altered so rather than a single word command, the Fae says a sentence which includes the instructions and their attempt at resistance (with Disadvantage maybe?) is them thinking about whether or not to follow the order, not realizing they are being controlled by the Fae using their name unless something reveals that info (it's done obviously, creature works it out, etc)...

Here is a word of advice. When traveling through fey country and things start to seem odd, turn your hat and coat inside out and wear them that way. Any fey magic should be dispelled, and many fey creatures won't attack you like that. 

Of course, this is heavily dependent on the DM and isn't official, but as a DM I use this because it is connected to real world mythology.

For true names, something like Command makes sense. Simply charming them doesn't really make sense. They should be under your control.

Quote from The_Summoning_Dark >>

Here is a word of advice. When traveling through fey country and things start to seem odd, turn your hat and coat inside out and wear them that way. Any fey magic should be dispelled, and many fey creatures won't attack you like that. 

Of course, this is heavily dependent on the DM and isn't official, but as a DM I use this because it is connected to real world mythology.

For true names, something like Command makes sense. Simply charming them doesn't really make sense. They should be under your control.

Forget Command. If one of the heavy hitters gets your name, think Dominate Person or Geas.

Quote from The_Ace_of_Rogues >>

Quote from The_Summoning_Dark >>

Here is a word of advice. When traveling through fey country and things start to seem odd, turn your hat and coat inside out and wear them that way. Any fey magic should be dispelled, and many fey creatures won't attack you like that. 

Of course, this is heavily dependent on the DM and isn't official, but as a DM I use this because it is connected to real world mythology.

For true names, something like Command makes sense. Simply charming them doesn't really make sense. They should be under your control.

 

Forget Command. If one of the heavy hitters gets your name, think Dominate Person or Geas.

 I went with Command cause I only really knew of those 2 spells & that was the closer to what I was thinking. Found Dominate Person, don't know if the telepathic link is how Real World Lore Fairies name-control people, but it does feel stronger and would get around any language barriers. Geas feels like a Fairy Queen kinda level control to me, Level 9 Spell Slot version...

But for your "average" Fae, Custom-Command would probably work in-game. LOL maybe when I find some time, I'll have to write up a "Fae Known Name Command" spell, just as something for the community to start working on, give feedback, evolve over time...

Another thing that I think should be added to the fey:

The Rule of Three

If you say the same thing thrice, most fey creatures will believe it to be truth, though they might not if they question whether you really said it three times. A fey won’t say a lie three times, and they may repeat themselves thrice to emphasize their truthfulness. If someone repeats a lie three times, the fey will become enraged by such profane speech.

This is really helpful, thank you!

The rules generally come from fairy tales.

• Don't accept a gift from the fey.
• Don't consume the food or drink of the Feywild.

These are often demonstrated in examples like pandora's box, the box given to Urashima Taro by the mermaids, etc. and the tales of the underworld like that of Orpheus and his wife.

• Never dance with a fey.
  
  

Never heard this one, but I have heard to never dance with the devil so...

• Never tell a fey your full name.

This is fey, but the truth is that there's a lot of different beliefs that put emphasis on names, from old jewish mysticism and so on. 

• Never stray from a path in the Feywild.

Hansel and gretel, red riding hood, many others... truthfully though, the woods are VERY dangerous and it's insanely easy to get lost...

• Use your manners, but don't say "thank you" (or you owe them)

This is more of an example of them being rules lawyers. In that they will reference some incurably arcane "code" which you should uphold or you owe them.

It's actually insanely common in media today for non fey. The criminals who fake insult or injury to gain what they really want, usually indebtedness and someone to suck the life out of..

• Don't give a Fey (cheap) clothing

Not cheap clothing, YOUR clothing. Sympathetic magics, dobbie the house elf being "freed", and honestly, the story of the old shoemaker and his brownies. As soon as he returned the favor of their kindness  by making them clothes (which he only learned shortly before), they were "freed"... Be wary of gifts from (monkey's paw) or to (something that can be used against you) the fey, but honestly, it's not a hard and fast rule here.... 

• Always keep your word.

Yes, the fey are insanely truthful, and so should you be. They, however, are the ultimate rules lawyer in that they will lie through half truths and particular phrases. This rules lawyering is about the many different interpretations of a word or a phrase and trust me when we say "we all know that player.."

• Don't repay more than you borrowed.

never heard this but sounds like a reiteration of the gifts.

Generally the fey are a reflection of the inner self and inner "goodness". They are good to good people, and evil to evil people... but it's not vengeance or retribution or judgement.. The fey realm is the emotional reflection to the material world and the fey that inhabit it are USUALLY a dark mirror of us peering into it. The fey are INSANELY dangerous, and have no self control unless having self control will somehow result in greater fun and enjoyment, but generally, if you leave food out for them to take, they'll rememeber your kindness and treat you the same in return of leave gifts as payment. If you're an a**hole to them, they'll tie knots in your hair at night or worse. 

The fey are almost an inverse of the trickster archetype, and yet sometimes that's exactly what they are.

The trickster  tends to be both foolish and wise. It's always a force of redistribution of an injustice to justice, though rarely through thought and intelligence, but rather just on the spot craftiness. 

I don't know if that makes sense but I really don't want a twelve page response.

Anyhow, if she's spent time in the feywild, she probably has a habit of leaving trails of rope or breadcrumbs, she'll whisper to the birds information (it can be anything), and she'll probably leave a portion of her food outside at every meal out of habit. She'll REFUSE to tell anyone her name, but she'll be incredibly honest even if she doesn't tell you everything (which she probably won't). She'll also always be sure to square up with any sot of promise, no matter how big or small, so if she promised she'd pass along a message from a barkeep 4 villages back to some random NPC in this village, she'll probably spend weeks looking until she is sure to find him and tell him that Barkeep John said hello. She will be very exacting with her money and making change,  and just forthe hell of it she'll probably also be wary of crossroads and will leave a gold coin at them for "for good luck" (more of the association of the fey realm with both the underworld and with the gods typically associated with magic, but also tricksters, if not trickery).

Feel free to use whatever you want of that.

when offered a gift, respectfully and politely decline, but if they continue to insist, it's best to accept the gift. Fae are easily offended, and to turn down a gift could bring their wrath down upon you. And while you should not seem ungrateful, you should *never* thank a faerie for a gift, as that would imply you owe them something in return.