A character that I have been working on (Lilly) recently is a complicated soul. She wants to be a good person, and do the right thing, but she also has a much darker side that keeps pushing her to be evil.
The thing is, she likes being evil, it excites her and makes her feel good on an almost primal level. Add to that, that she is a Warlock with a patron who is very manipulative and cunning and is pushing her towards acting on her darker, primal instinct to be evil and do evil things.
But, she is a person, with free will and a conscious mind who wants to be good and do good things, and so consciously makes that choice.
She chooses good, even if it goes against all the desires of her soul and hurts her because she wants to be a good person. But at the same time, she also wants to give in and be evil because of how good and powerful that makes her feel and the sheer joy she experiences from being so.
So, she wants to be both good and evil, but that's not possible as good and evil are the antithesis of each other.
It's like she's two people. There is the rational Lilly that exists in her conscious mind who is the good Lilly, and then there's the dark primal Lilly that exists within her soul who is the evil Lilly.
She is torn between the two, often to the point of inaction as her two selves battle each other for control.
How can you play a character whose rational conscious mind wants to be good, but whose soul derives so much pleasure from being evil?
So I was in an Out of the Abyss session - my fighter got permanent madness; and it was a voice constantly whispering bad ideas to him. I spoke to the DM and asked if we could flavor it as Demonic Possession (considering the theme of the module). He agreed. So I ended up - on my next level up - taking 1 level of Warlock that would allow me to do things like Eldritch Blast - this would represent when the demon was in control.
Sometimes, I'd just roll a dice to see which personality was dominate. On a D10, a 1 or 2 and the demonic side emerges, doing odd magic that my party wasn't aware I could do (and had never displayed). 3 through 10, I was the normal me.
You could do something like that for yourself; each morning roll to see which persona is going to be the dominate one. But have defining things that show there are two separate personalities there. To show the conflicted souls.
Maybe she does little bits of bad things like a relief valve. Sure, she’ll help save the kids from the burning orphanage, but she’ll pickpocket the adult who runs it on the way out. Or maybe she was the one who set the fire, and the good in her makes her come back to help people after she’s done the bad thing.
Maybe one or the other, depending on which you want to focus on. She can only be so good for so long before something snaps, or she does the bad things, but her conscious makes her try to right her mistake. Start with one or the other, then see how the character develops, maybe she switches, maybe she goes deeper in the initial direction.
If the character consistently chooses to do "Good" acts to the detriment of their personal desires, they're Good. Temptation is a part of the humanoid condition, and having urges does not automatically make you Evil.
Honestly, your description is a little contradictory. You say she consistently chooses to be good, and then say she's often paralyzed by inaction. Note that to a certain degree "indecisive" is a fairly negative trait to bring to a table, since the core premise of the game is that all of the PC's will be actively working to advance the plot in one way or another. Not saying it absolutely needs to be cut, but the classic example of someone who just stands there fretting as the rest of the party starts tackling a problem doesn't work so well in a tabletop setting as in a book, movie, etc.
Really, the Jekyll/Hyde archetype has a very iffy mileage in practice if the player is running both sides (also, Jekyll and Hyde is actually a poor example for a number for reasons, going by the original story). It's hard for a player to work at cross purposes with themselves, and if you get too arbitrary with the swings it can be more disruption than actual roleplay. If you're set on that personality type, I would workshop the dark side with your DM and work out certain conditions/triggers that temporarily cede control of your PC to them. They'll have a better perspective to work that angle so it meshes with the narrative rather than disrupting it. I actually saw a streamed campaign that executed this concept and that branch of the narrative culminated in the party having to kill the guiding daeva of one of their Aasimar party members when the daeva turned out to be a "burn it all" type zealot.
A character struggling in this manner is not overly difficult to play - and your post shows you understand how it would work. You have a person who wants to be something they are not, and though they are trying really hard to be one thing, their other side is still very much present.
It sounds like you are inclined toward an evil character trying to become good, who sometimes slips up along the way. That is a pretty common trope that all but the most frustratingly dull Lawful Stupid players can get behind, so it should generally work with a party.
For a pulp culture example, consider Jules from Pulp Fiction - he both understands he is a force for tyranny, but is trying to be the shepherd. Or, if you would prefer a real example, Saint Moses the Abyssinian, a murderer who walked a complex path and was canonised.
So, you do realize that there's an alignment called "neutral" that works very well for this kind of character? And that alignment chan change over time? If your hcaracter does a lot of bad things and enjoying them then their alignment should shift towards evil, if they change their behaviour then their alignment shifts towards good. And if it's too difficult fo ryou to play, have you considered playing a character that you don't find so compliacted?
Firstly, I would consider her to be Lawful Neutral. I would probably play her as being a good person with a tipping point. Think Robert Downey Junior's Sherlock Holmes in the fighting pit.
I would look to build her as having a very potent combination of attack powers, which can come out as a one-shot powermove, and a more consistent healing/buffing/supporting/utility role which she would fulfil in the group for the majority of the time.
So she would be healing and buffing and supporting, until something "tips" her. Something moves her from trying to keep everyone on her side alive to trying to make someone else dead. This might be one of her allies falling down, or the enemy laughing at them, or a flashback to a nightmare, but something will snap and cause her to go on the offensive rather than the defensive, causing her to listen to the voices rather than block them out.
The trick then is to limit your "evil" to "doing bad things to bad people". For example, a Good person might infiltrate a bandit lair to kill the leader, whilst an evil person would roll several barrels of lamp oil into the lair and then ignite it with a firebolt, then use Hold Person on the bandit leader as they try to flee the flames. The intent is to get the "right" thing done, in a manner which keeps your actions in line with those of your party, but in a way which makes people say "whoa, what just happened to you?".
Starting her as Neutral or Lawful Neutral and then allowing her alignment to develop naturally with her character, seems like a good idea.
That honestly seems like a better idea than the one I had.
Thanks.
So I don't like alignment in D&D in the sense that it pidgeon holes character choices. I think it's important for the DM in the sense of how they perceive the character and how that will influence what NPCs do around the character, but as far as the character itself? **** it, it's their character. They can do what they want, it's just they can do what they want with consequences. The younger generation simplifies this by saying **** around, Find out. FAFO.
I think the issues you'll run into aren't character development issues, but potentially table issues. If Lily is driven by the passion of the moment, that could be hard for other players to play with sometimes. This can become a table issue because while this character sounds like a ******* blast and has a lot of potential depth, is it a good party character? Is it a good teammate?
I don't want to sit here and drone on about how alignment works etc because I've seen enough of your posting that I know you know.
So I don't like alignment in D&D in the sense that it pidgeon holes character choices.
I never really make alignment pigeon hole anyone (as a DM) - it just helps give a basis of what type of character choices they might make and that make sense to a character. So for example, if someone says they're chaotic good - but a few sessions later, burn down an orphanage because the bad guy has locked himself in there with the kids... I could say, "I am not sure you'd let kids burn alive just to burn the bad guy." Where as if they'd selected Chaotic Evil, I'd understand that kind of basis of choice (though ideally the rest of the party would not allow such a thing to go down).
So I don't like alignment in D&D in the sense that it pidgeon holes character choices.
I never really make alignment pigeon hole anyone (as a DM) - it just helps give a basis of what type of character choices they might make and that make sense to a character. So for example, if someone says they're chaotic good - but a few sessions later, burn down an orphanage because the bad guy has locked himself in there with the kids... I could say, "I am not sure you'd let kids burn alive just to burn the bad guy." Where as if they'd selected Chaotic Evil, I'd understand that kind of basis of choice (though ideally the rest of the party would not allow such a thing to go down).
You could say it, for sure. That said, that is the textbook example of what I meant. "I'm not sure your character would do this" is the beginning of it. If that's as far as you take it and then let the character burn that puppy down? Neat, roll those attacks and we'll both see how fast this thing burns. Hope you have a way out of figuring out to get away from any sort of guards etc though. Hope you have a way to explain to your gods(if relevent) why you killed a bunch of kids. I think the DM asking for clarity in that situation is fine and dandy, as long as it doesn't actively prevent the player from doing the thing they wanted to do AND that player isn't actively trying to **** with the rest of the table and their game.
It's definitely group dependent in terms of the warning giving before doing something "stupid" though. My table has been playing pretty consistent for about 8 years now and we know the style of DM of each of the people who would be DMing. Universally, for us, that situation does not end well.
A character that I have been working on (Lilly) recently is a complicated soul. She wants to be a good person, and do the right thing, but she also has a much darker side that keeps pushing her to be evil.
The thing is, she likes being evil, it excites her and makes her feel good on an almost primal level. Add to that, that she is a Warlock with a patron who is very manipulative and cunning and is pushing her towards acting on her darker, primal instinct to be evil and do evil things.
But, she is a person, with free will and a conscious mind who wants to be good and do good things, and so consciously makes that choice.
She chooses good, even if it goes against all the desires of her soul and hurts her because she wants to be a good person. But at the same time, she also wants to give in and be evil because of how good and powerful that makes her feel and the sheer joy she experiences from being so.
So, she wants to be both good and evil, but that's not possible as good and evil are the antithesis of each other.
It's like she's two people. There is the rational Lilly that exists in her conscious mind who is the good Lilly, and then there's the dark primal Lilly that exists within her soul who is the evil Lilly.
She is torn between the two, often to the point of inaction as her two selves battle each other for control.
How can you play a character whose rational conscious mind wants to be good, but whose soul derives so much pleasure from being evil?
I'm finding this somewhat difficult.
:D
The thing is... that's a fairly normal person. Oh sure, you use the word "evil" which is more extreme than I'd describe the average person...but there are the same less altruistic parts to each of us. Who has never occasionally had an urge to hit someone during an emotional altercation? Who has never had the temptation to take something that doesn't belong to them? Who has never wanted to withhold help from someone?
Replace the word "evil" with "bad" in your description and you'll have a fairly normal person. Your character is just a more extreme version of normal, everyday folk. So, how do normal people react to it? They'd probably feel the temptation to do something evil, and struggle with it. If they succeed, they'd feel relief and perhaps a bit of guilt for having been tempted. If they fail, they'd probably enjoy the act of being evil while doing it, then feel guilt and shame afterwards as they wrestle with what they've done. I've not been there (but for the Grace of God, goeth I), but perhaps looking at how addicts who struggle with their addiction react to their repeated relapses might be helpful in understanding how a person feels.
Was there something specific you wanted advice on?
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If you're not willing or able to to discuss in good faith, then don't be surprised if I don't respond, there are better things in life for me to do than humour you. This signature is that response.
I think I got too caught up in the struggle between good and evil.
I thought that she was raised to be mostly a good person, but thanks to the method of conception, she has a soul marred by darkness and evil, and once she came of age and her patron started to interact with her through whispers and dreams, giving her powers whether she wanted them or not, that darkness in her soul started to wake up and started to push her to be evil, and to do evil things and would then make her feel good when she what she was told.
Think of the carrot and the stick.
The more evil she did, the better she would feel, and the more evil she would have to do to feel like that again, and her patron would whisper in her head, get her to do things that seemed hardly to matter and then reward her with power and pleasure, or punish her with sadness and despair and taunting if she did not do what she was asked.
So, there is this struggle between her generally good upbringing and desire to be a good person, and how much pleasure and enjoyment she would get out of acquiescing to her patron's "requests".
Seems that I got too caught up in trying to portray that struggle, and made it more complicated than it needed to be.
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A caffeinated nerd who has played TTRPGs or a number of years and is very much a fantasy adventure geek.
A character that I have been working on (Lilly) recently is a complicated soul. She wants to be a good person, and do the right thing, but she also has a much darker side that keeps pushing her to be evil.
The thing is, she likes being evil, it excites her and makes her feel good on an almost primal level. Add to that, that she is a Warlock with a patron who is very manipulative and cunning and is pushing her towards acting on her darker, primal instinct to be evil and do evil things.
But, she is a person, with free will and a conscious mind who wants to be good and do good things, and so consciously makes that choice.
She chooses good, even if it goes against all the desires of her soul and hurts her because she wants to be a good person. But at the same time, she also wants to give in and be evil because of how good and powerful that makes her feel and the sheer joy she experiences from being so.
So, she wants to be both good and evil, but that's not possible as good and evil are the antithesis of each other.
It's like she's two people. There is the rational Lilly that exists in her conscious mind who is the good Lilly, and then there's the dark primal Lilly that exists within her soul who is the evil Lilly.
She is torn between the two, often to the point of inaction as her two selves battle each other for control.
How can you play a character whose rational conscious mind wants to be good, but whose soul derives so much pleasure from being evil?
I'm finding this somewhat difficult.
:D
She sounds kinda like Two-Face, except she chooses to do good instead of evil.
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I really like D&D, especially Ravenloft, Exandria and the Upside Down from Stranger Things. My pronouns are she/they (genderfae).
The more evil she did, the better she would feel, and the more evil she would have to do to feel like that again, and her patron would whisper in her head, get her to do things that seemed hardly to matter and then reward her with power and pleasure, or punish her with sadness and despair and taunting if she did not do what she was asked.
So, there is this struggle between her generally good upbringing and desire to be a good person, and how much pleasure and enjoyment she would get out of acquiescing to her patron's "requests".
This sounds less like a good character struggling with wanting to do evil, and more like a good character struggling with an addiction. There is a drug (the patron’s power), a feedback loop (positive feelings when utilising the “drug”), and very possibly a withdrawal component (the patron being upset with a failure to engage in evil acts).
Those suffering from substance abuse disorder often know they are doing something they shouldn’t - they just can’t help themselves. The compulsion to do the very thing they want to stop feels insurmountable. They’re still often good people in their heart, but they’ll do whatever it takes to get that next hit, including things they know are morally wrong. That, in turn, causes guilt, which causes them to seek out the source of their addiction to make them feel better, which causes them to do more things that make them feel guilty, etc.
Overall, what you are hinting at could make for a pretty compelling and interesting take on a D&D patronage, and would give you a rather different way to explore good, evil, and compulsion within a character. The problem you might have is not that the character could work, but that it might work too well—addiction is rather prevalent in society, and a whole lot of folks either have suffered or know people whose lives have been shattered or ended thanks to addiction. That very easily could be triggering to someone at your table, which could result in a whole host of problems.
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Hi everyone,
A character that I have been working on (Lilly) recently is a complicated soul. She wants to be a good person, and do the right thing, but she also has a much darker side that keeps pushing her to be evil.
The thing is, she likes being evil, it excites her and makes her feel good on an almost primal level. Add to that, that she is a Warlock with a patron who is very manipulative and cunning and is pushing her towards acting on her darker, primal instinct to be evil and do evil things.
But, she is a person, with free will and a conscious mind who wants to be good and do good things, and so consciously makes that choice.
She chooses good, even if it goes against all the desires of her soul and hurts her because she wants to be a good person. But at the same time, she also wants to give in and be evil because of how good and powerful that makes her feel and the sheer joy she experiences from being so.
So, she wants to be both good and evil, but that's not possible as good and evil are the antithesis of each other.
It's like she's two people. There is the rational Lilly that exists in her conscious mind who is the good Lilly, and then there's the dark primal Lilly that exists within her soul who is the evil Lilly.
She is torn between the two, often to the point of inaction as her two selves battle each other for control.
How can you play a character whose rational conscious mind wants to be good, but whose soul derives so much pleasure from being evil?
I'm finding this somewhat difficult.
:D
A caffeinated nerd who has played TTRPGs or a number of years and is very much a fantasy adventure geek.
So I was in an Out of the Abyss session - my fighter got permanent madness; and it was a voice constantly whispering bad ideas to him. I spoke to the DM and asked if we could flavor it as Demonic Possession (considering the theme of the module). He agreed. So I ended up - on my next level up - taking 1 level of Warlock that would allow me to do things like Eldritch Blast - this would represent when the demon was in control.
Sometimes, I'd just roll a dice to see which personality was dominate. On a D10, a 1 or 2 and the demonic side emerges, doing odd magic that my party wasn't aware I could do (and had never displayed). 3 through 10, I was the normal me.
You could do something like that for yourself; each morning roll to see which persona is going to be the dominate one. But have defining things that show there are two separate personalities there. To show the conflicted souls.
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Check out my comedy web series - Neverending Nights: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Wr4-u9-zw0&list=PLbRG7dzFI-u3EJd0usasgDrrFO3mZ1lOZ
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Maybe she does little bits of bad things like a relief valve. Sure, she’ll help save the kids from the burning orphanage, but she’ll pickpocket the adult who runs it on the way out.
Or maybe she was the one who set the fire, and the good in her makes her come back to help people after she’s done the bad thing.
Maybe one or the other, depending on which you want to focus on. She can only be so good for so long before something snaps, or she does the bad things, but her conscious makes her try to right her mistake.
Start with one or the other, then see how the character develops, maybe she switches, maybe she goes deeper in the initial direction.
If the character consistently chooses to do "Good" acts to the detriment of their personal desires, they're Good. Temptation is a part of the humanoid condition, and having urges does not automatically make you Evil.
Honestly, your description is a little contradictory. You say she consistently chooses to be good, and then say she's often paralyzed by inaction. Note that to a certain degree "indecisive" is a fairly negative trait to bring to a table, since the core premise of the game is that all of the PC's will be actively working to advance the plot in one way or another. Not saying it absolutely needs to be cut, but the classic example of someone who just stands there fretting as the rest of the party starts tackling a problem doesn't work so well in a tabletop setting as in a book, movie, etc.
Really, the Jekyll/Hyde archetype has a very iffy mileage in practice if the player is running both sides (also, Jekyll and Hyde is actually a poor example for a number for reasons, going by the original story). It's hard for a player to work at cross purposes with themselves, and if you get too arbitrary with the swings it can be more disruption than actual roleplay. If you're set on that personality type, I would workshop the dark side with your DM and work out certain conditions/triggers that temporarily cede control of your PC to them. They'll have a better perspective to work that angle so it meshes with the narrative rather than disrupting it. I actually saw a streamed campaign that executed this concept and that branch of the narrative culminated in the party having to kill the guiding daeva of one of their Aasimar party members when the daeva turned out to be a "burn it all" type zealot.
A character struggling in this manner is not overly difficult to play - and your post shows you understand how it would work. You have a person who wants to be something they are not, and though they are trying really hard to be one thing, their other side is still very much present.
It sounds like you are inclined toward an evil character trying to become good, who sometimes slips up along the way. That is a pretty common trope that all but the most frustratingly dull Lawful Stupid players can get behind, so it should generally work with a party.
For a pulp culture example, consider Jules from Pulp Fiction - he both understands he is a force for tyranny, but is trying to be the shepherd. Or, if you would prefer a real example, Saint Moses the Abyssinian, a murderer who walked a complex path and was canonised.
So, you do realize that there's an alignment called "neutral" that works very well for this kind of character? And that alignment chan change over time? If your hcaracter does a lot of bad things and enjoying them then their alignment should shift towards evil, if they change their behaviour then their alignment shifts towards good. And if it's too difficult fo ryou to play, have you considered playing a character that you don't find so compliacted?
Firstly, I would consider her to be Lawful Neutral. I would probably play her as being a good person with a tipping point. Think Robert Downey Junior's Sherlock Holmes in the fighting pit.
I would look to build her as having a very potent combination of attack powers, which can come out as a one-shot powermove, and a more consistent healing/buffing/supporting/utility role which she would fulfil in the group for the majority of the time.
So she would be healing and buffing and supporting, until something "tips" her. Something moves her from trying to keep everyone on her side alive to trying to make someone else dead. This might be one of her allies falling down, or the enemy laughing at them, or a flashback to a nightmare, but something will snap and cause her to go on the offensive rather than the defensive, causing her to listen to the voices rather than block them out.
The trick then is to limit your "evil" to "doing bad things to bad people". For example, a Good person might infiltrate a bandit lair to kill the leader, whilst an evil person would roll several barrels of lamp oil into the lair and then ignite it with a firebolt, then use Hold Person on the bandit leader as they try to flee the flames. The intent is to get the "right" thing done, in a manner which keeps your actions in line with those of your party, but in a way which makes people say "whoa, what just happened to you?".
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Thanks, everyone.
Starting her as Neutral or Lawful Neutral and then allowing her alignment to develop naturally with her character, seems like a good idea.
That honestly seems like a better idea than the one I had.
Thanks.
A caffeinated nerd who has played TTRPGs or a number of years and is very much a fantasy adventure geek.
So I don't like alignment in D&D in the sense that it pidgeon holes character choices. I think it's important for the DM in the sense of how they perceive the character and how that will influence what NPCs do around the character, but as far as the character itself? **** it, it's their character. They can do what they want, it's just they can do what they want with consequences. The younger generation simplifies this by saying **** around, Find out. FAFO.
I think the issues you'll run into aren't character development issues, but potentially table issues. If Lily is driven by the passion of the moment, that could be hard for other players to play with sometimes. This can become a table issue because while this character sounds like a ******* blast and has a lot of potential depth, is it a good party character? Is it a good teammate?
I don't want to sit here and drone on about how alignment works etc because I've seen enough of your posting that I know you know.
I never really make alignment pigeon hole anyone (as a DM) - it just helps give a basis of what type of character choices they might make and that make sense to a character. So for example, if someone says they're chaotic good - but a few sessions later, burn down an orphanage because the bad guy has locked himself in there with the kids... I could say, "I am not sure you'd let kids burn alive just to burn the bad guy." Where as if they'd selected Chaotic Evil, I'd understand that kind of basis of choice (though ideally the rest of the party would not allow such a thing to go down).
Check out my publication on DMs Guild: https://www.dmsguild.com/browse.php?author=Tawmis%20Logue
Check out my comedy web series - Neverending Nights: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Wr4-u9-zw0&list=PLbRG7dzFI-u3EJd0usasgDrrFO3mZ1lOZ
Need a character story/background written up? I do it for free (but also take donations!) - https://forums.giantitp.com/showthread.php?591882-Need-a-character-background-written-up
You could say it, for sure. That said, that is the textbook example of what I meant. "I'm not sure your character would do this" is the beginning of it. If that's as far as you take it and then let the character burn that puppy down? Neat, roll those attacks and we'll both see how fast this thing burns. Hope you have a way out of figuring out to get away from any sort of guards etc though. Hope you have a way to explain to your gods(if relevent) why you killed a bunch of kids. I think the DM asking for clarity in that situation is fine and dandy, as long as it doesn't actively prevent the player from doing the thing they wanted to do AND that player isn't actively trying to **** with the rest of the table and their game.
It's definitely group dependent in terms of the warning giving before doing something "stupid" though. My table has been playing pretty consistent for about 8 years now and we know the style of DM of each of the people who would be DMing. Universally, for us, that situation does not end well.
The thing is... that's a fairly normal person. Oh sure, you use the word "evil" which is more extreme than I'd describe the average person...but there are the same less altruistic parts to each of us. Who has never occasionally had an urge to hit someone during an emotional altercation? Who has never had the temptation to take something that doesn't belong to them? Who has never wanted to withhold help from someone?
Replace the word "evil" with "bad" in your description and you'll have a fairly normal person. Your character is just a more extreme version of normal, everyday folk. So, how do normal people react to it? They'd probably feel the temptation to do something evil, and struggle with it. If they succeed, they'd feel relief and perhaps a bit of guilt for having been tempted. If they fail, they'd probably enjoy the act of being evil while doing it, then feel guilt and shame afterwards as they wrestle with what they've done. I've not been there (but for the Grace of God, goeth I), but perhaps looking at how addicts who struggle with their addiction react to their repeated relapses might be helpful in understanding how a person feels.
Was there something specific you wanted advice on?
If you're not willing or able to to discuss in good faith, then don't be surprised if I don't respond, there are better things in life for me to do than humour you. This signature is that response.
I think I got too caught up in the struggle between good and evil.
I thought that she was raised to be mostly a good person, but thanks to the method of conception, she has a soul marred by darkness and evil, and once she came of age and her patron started to interact with her through whispers and dreams, giving her powers whether she wanted them or not, that darkness in her soul started to wake up and started to push her to be evil, and to do evil things and would then make her feel good when she what she was told.
Think of the carrot and the stick.
The more evil she did, the better she would feel, and the more evil she would have to do to feel like that again, and her patron would whisper in her head, get her to do things that seemed hardly to matter and then reward her with power and pleasure, or punish her with sadness and despair and taunting if she did not do what she was asked.
So, there is this struggle between her generally good upbringing and desire to be a good person, and how much pleasure and enjoyment she would get out of acquiescing to her patron's "requests".
Seems that I got too caught up in trying to portray that struggle, and made it more complicated than it needed to be.
A caffeinated nerd who has played TTRPGs or a number of years and is very much a fantasy adventure geek.
She sounds kinda like Two-Face, except she chooses to do good instead of evil.
I really like D&D, especially Ravenloft, Exandria and the Upside Down from Stranger Things. My pronouns are she/they (genderfae).
This sounds less like a good character struggling with wanting to do evil, and more like a good character struggling with an addiction. There is a drug (the patron’s power), a feedback loop (positive feelings when utilising the “drug”), and very possibly a withdrawal component (the patron being upset with a failure to engage in evil acts).
Those suffering from substance abuse disorder often know they are doing something they shouldn’t - they just can’t help themselves. The compulsion to do the very thing they want to stop feels insurmountable. They’re still often good people in their heart, but they’ll do whatever it takes to get that next hit, including things they know are morally wrong. That, in turn, causes guilt, which causes them to seek out the source of their addiction to make them feel better, which causes them to do more things that make them feel guilty, etc.
Overall, what you are hinting at could make for a pretty compelling and interesting take on a D&D patronage, and would give you a rather different way to explore good, evil, and compulsion within a character. The problem you might have is not that the character could work, but that it might work too well—addiction is rather prevalent in society, and a whole lot of folks either have suffered or know people whose lives have been shattered or ended thanks to addiction. That very easily could be triggering to someone at your table, which could result in a whole host of problems.