Having a rough week and need some laughs. I'll start with a couple of my own fails.
Druid in hyppogryph (sp?) form. Tried to pick up a member of the party with my claws to carry her across the lake. Missed. Landed in the water and was knocked unconscious. I rolled a series of 1, 1, 1, (dice change) 2, 1. Yes, I changed dice and still rolled crap. I drowned.
We were discussing a 'hunger games' type pvp game. I stated, out loud, that I would just play a druid and wait around in a tree in owl form until everyone was dead. Well, now that everyone knows my strategy, I need to come up with a new character.
Husbands fail - Sorcerer, kept bragging about mage hand or whatever and how he doesn't have to be anywhere near the fighting. 5 minutes later he runs into the middle of combat, and tries to use a freeze spell on a giant's genitals. The giant did not appreciate this and the sorcerer was promptly squished. If only he had a way to deliver touch spells without actually touching enemies. . .
I've played with several people that always fudge their rolls so they can be epic. I love my epic fails. :-P
The players came a foul of a vampire they had previously allied with and invaded his domain, he summoned a horde of skeletons and the players took up a defensive line, however for whatever reason one character decided to run to the back and then the skeletons started to flank them. The fighter in the group tried to save the day but rolled a crit fail and broke his (magical) sword, which happened to be the only light source available, the vampire and his minions made short work of the blind party.
The elf mage was wandering on his own for some reason and was ambushed, he took life threatening wounds but managed to dispatch the ambushers, however he was bleeding out, then their ranger friend (NPC) came across his battered body, "Help me" the mage asked with hope in his eyes. The ranger looked at his wounds and replied "I can make it quick", as he drew his dagger, the elf nodded. We laughed and laughed and laughed.
Had an armored Paladin who was getting the snot kicked out of him and he was complaining that he seemed to be the target of all the attacks, "It's only whittling damage", I replied, "But you broke both me legs." After that encounter he was forever known as "Bruise in a can."
The character had a special companion "Starwind" who was a pegasus, he would shout out "Starwind" and in short order he would turn up to "medi-vac" them out, they joked about this in front of Starwind and he took offense, so after a particularly nasty encounter the character called his name and Starwind never turned up, they had to walk back to town. The character apologized profusely and bought a barrel of apples for Starwind, he was most pleased.
(AD&D)
Playing a module and they were in the boss fight, the monk ran forward to do combat, but fell prey to the trap set in front of the boss, he died, the boss cast fireball and many players failed their saving throws, the cleric and wizard died, so all their magic items had to make saving throws, dismal failures, so no magic weapons, no magic armor, they died horrible deaths except for one character who surrendered and offered his services, he made a nice meal for the bosses minions.
Party entered a room which two other exits (doors), they stepped on a pressure plate and gas was released, they had a few rounds before they all died, and rather than exit the way they came they went for one of the unknown doors, which all turned out to be fake. They all died, except for the Cleric, who had an Ioun stone where he didn't need to breath, and he cast animate dead on all the corpses and herded the zombies back to town for resurrection. The look on the towns peoples faces as he walked into town leading a rope tied around the zombies necks like a train.
In AD&D if you rolled an 18 for strength you also got to roll % dice, so you could have and 18/01-100 strength stat, my friends first ever character he decided to take a Ranger, Ulric of the Wild, I sat him down to roll his stats, Strength roll "18", gave him a D10, "This is the tens" I said, he rolls a "0", "Oh dear" I thought, I asked him to roll it again "This is the ones", he rolls a "0". So his first ever character had a 18/00 Strength score, the highest possible score you could get in AD&D. His other stats were pretty good too, he was a bit of an uber character but all legit. He was one of the casualties in the boss fight and one of the zombies in the story above.
In a game session I ran earlier this month, the Warlock in the party managed to injure two party members (everyone is 3rd level) with friendly fire, one critically (1 HP left). The rest of the party was ready to toss him over the cliff by the time they were done. 6 total hits on the party during the whole fight and THREE of them were from friendly fire.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
To post a comment, please login or register a new account.
Having a rough week and need some laughs. I'll start with a couple of my own fails.
Druid in hyppogryph (sp?) form. Tried to pick up a member of the party with my claws to carry her across the lake. Missed. Landed in the water and was knocked unconscious. I rolled a series of 1, 1, 1, (dice change) 2, 1. Yes, I changed dice and still rolled crap. I drowned.
We were discussing a 'hunger games' type pvp game. I stated, out loud, that I would just play a druid and wait around in a tree in owl form until everyone was dead. Well, now that everyone knows my strategy, I need to come up with a new character.
Husbands fail - Sorcerer, kept bragging about mage hand or whatever and how he doesn't have to be anywhere near the fighting. 5 minutes later he runs into the middle of combat, and tries to use a freeze spell on a giant's genitals. The giant did not appreciate this and the sorcerer was promptly squished. If only he had a way to deliver touch spells without actually touching enemies. . .
I've played with several people that always fudge their rolls so they can be epic. I love my epic fails. :-P
In a game I ran (not D&D):
The players came a foul of a vampire they had previously allied with and invaded his domain, he summoned a horde of skeletons and the players took up a defensive line, however for whatever reason one character decided to run to the back and then the skeletons started to flank them. The fighter in the group tried to save the day but rolled a crit fail and broke his (magical) sword, which happened to be the only light source available, the vampire and his minions made short work of the blind party.
The elf mage was wandering on his own for some reason and was ambushed, he took life threatening wounds but managed to dispatch the ambushers, however he was bleeding out, then their ranger friend (NPC) came across his battered body, "Help me" the mage asked with hope in his eyes. The ranger looked at his wounds and replied "I can make it quick", as he drew his dagger, the elf nodded. We laughed and laughed and laughed.
Had an armored Paladin who was getting the snot kicked out of him and he was complaining that he seemed to be the target of all the attacks, "It's only whittling damage", I replied, "But you broke both me legs." After that encounter he was forever known as "Bruise in a can."
The character had a special companion "Starwind" who was a pegasus, he would shout out "Starwind" and in short order he would turn up to "medi-vac" them out, they joked about this in front of Starwind and he took offense, so after a particularly nasty encounter the character called his name and Starwind never turned up, they had to walk back to town. The character apologized profusely and bought a barrel of apples for Starwind, he was most pleased.
(AD&D)
Playing a module and they were in the boss fight, the monk ran forward to do combat, but fell prey to the trap set in front of the boss, he died, the boss cast fireball and many players failed their saving throws, the cleric and wizard died, so all their magic items had to make saving throws, dismal failures, so no magic weapons, no magic armor, they died horrible deaths except for one character who surrendered and offered his services, he made a nice meal for the bosses minions.
Party entered a room which two other exits (doors), they stepped on a pressure plate and gas was released, they had a few rounds before they all died, and rather than exit the way they came they went for one of the unknown doors, which all turned out to be fake. They all died, except for the Cleric, who had an Ioun stone where he didn't need to breath, and he cast animate dead on all the corpses and herded the zombies back to town for resurrection. The look on the towns peoples faces as he walked into town leading a rope tied around the zombies necks like a train.
In AD&D if you rolled an 18 for strength you also got to roll % dice, so you could have and 18/01-100 strength stat, my friends first ever character he decided to take a Ranger, Ulric of the Wild, I sat him down to roll his stats, Strength roll "18", gave him a D10, "This is the tens" I said, he rolls a "0", "Oh dear" I thought, I asked him to roll it again "This is the ones", he rolls a "0". So his first ever character had a 18/00 Strength score, the highest possible score you could get in AD&D. His other stats were pretty good too, he was a bit of an uber character but all legit. He was one of the casualties in the boss fight and one of the zombies in the story above.
Ah, good times!!!
In a game session I ran earlier this month, the Warlock in the party managed to injure two party members (everyone is 3rd level) with friendly fire, one critically (1 HP left). The rest of the party was ready to toss him over the cliff by the time they were done. 6 total hits on the party during the whole fight and THREE of them were from friendly fire.