It's possible that I am not understanding what you are looking for, but here goes:
a sword that cries every time it kills someone a wand of [something] that gets longer each time it is used a ring of truth that shocks the user each time they are dishonest a helm of flying that has exceedingly difficult mental operations to control flight correctly a flask that randomly/unpredictably produces: water, wine, ale or mayonnaise boots of excessive flatulence (cursed item, for everyone involved really) amulet of health that occasionally catches fire "the screaming shield"
The Dreamscribe's Bookmark You may read books this marker is in while sleeping as long as the book is within 20 ft of you while you do so.
Had some fun with this in my campaign and my players, give it to the wizard to study in their sleep! Give it to the rogue to sneak it into a journal of a known enemy and buy the room next to him at the inn to read it while no one is the wiser.
Hide & Seek Dual rings, that while you wear one you know the location of the other.
Give one to your party and let them piece together who's coming after them for months on end not knowing what will happen when they finally meet the grizzled mad man in a loincloth who's only possession was the other ring. Managed to keep his true identity hidden for months in my campaign only for them to finally come face to face with a 15th-level monk from one of their backstories that had "mysteriously disappeared" years prior.
The Dead Man's Doorstop Holding this to a door or box for 60 seconds will magically lock them and make them exceedingly more difficult to break open
A million uses come to mind for Arcane Lock on a stick but the best use I've saw was my party taking a whole keep on a small island and magically locking down every door to rest easy for the night and avoid the hordes of orcs I had planned to get them with. Lucky for me it backfired on them in the morning when they realised they had no way of unlocking those doors themselves and caused them huge delays in dealing with the task they were on a bit of a clock for. Which brings me onto the final dumb item.
The C.O.G.L The Coin Operated Gnomish Locksmith or C.O.G.L is a small metal box with a winch on the back side and a coin slot on the top. Once a gold coin has been inserted after 60 seconds of cranking the winch the C.O.G.L will open any door. Magically enchanted doors will require a DC set by the DM and regardless will still take the full 60 seconds.
An item I offered to the party around 4th-level from a travelling salesman, they were quick to throw it to the wayside and have never returned to pick it up, apparently brute force becomes the answer to locked doors and chests somewhere around 7th or 8th-level.
Hope this is the type of thing you were after, I know it's not the funniest items but can lead to some very silly situations ina world taht revolves around magic and if you choose to use any, have fun.
Ring of Profanity — Ring Must be worn on a middle finger for the ring to work; ring will not work if an arm has an even number of fingers. While the ring is worn: - You can cast Vicious Mockery - You have expertise and advantage in Intimidation (Charisma) checks, and on Performance (Charisma) checks if profanity is used to entertain others - You have penalty of -6 and disadvantage in all other Charisma ability checks - Creatures have advantage in saving throws against being charmed by you
Legbow — Short Bow When you score a hit against a creature with knees, roll a d20. On a 20, the arrow hits the creature's knees, shattering their knee joint, reducing their speed to 0 feet for one turn, their speed is permanently reduced to 5 feet until they heal their knee, and it takes 1d10 tendays for them to heal their knee. Once healed, their speed is permanently reduced by 5 feet. If Regenerate is cast on them, their speed goes back to normal.
Karma Sutra — Book, requires attunement You can cast Charm Monster at will, and creatures have disadvantage on saving throws against being charmed by you. You have disadvantage on saving throws against being charmed. When you successfully charm a creature, or when a creature successfully charms you, roll a d20; on a 1, you and the creature are charmed by each other.
Banana Heels This is a mimic that functions as a semi-cursed, sentient magical item that looks like an ordinary pair of heels with illusion magic. As a creature, the mimic uses the Juvenile Mimic stat block.
A creature that wanders within 10 feet of the mimic that is not being worn must make an DC 15 Intelligence, Wisdom, or Charisma saving throw (whichever saving throw has the lowest modifier), and on a failure, the creature must attempt to wear the mimic. On a success, the creature sees through the illusion magic and sees the mimic being made of bananas. The creature then must make another DC 15 Intelligence, Wisdom, or Charisma saving throw (whichever saving throw has the lowest modifier), and on a failure, the creature must attempt to eat the mimic. On a success the creature does not attempt eat the mimic and will automatically succeed on all future saving throws regarding encounters with other banana heels mimic; creatures that do not need to eat or drink automatically succeed on the saving throw.
When worn, a creature does not want to part with the heels. At the start and end of their turn, they must make a DC 15 Dexterity saving throw, and on failure, the creature slips and becomes prone. After 1d4 days, the mimic will detach itself from the creature after consuming enough foot sweat. If the mimic detaches itself while the creature is awake, the creature will see the mimic being made of bananas, must make a saving throw as outlined in the above paragraph, and attempt to eat the mimic on a failure.
The mimic does not want to be eaten, and will attempt to persuade the creature to not eat it. The mimic makes a Persuasion (Charisma) check and succeeds on a 15, adding the total Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma modifiers of the creature to the roll.
When the mimic is eaten, the creatures suffers from exhaustion level 4 due to the pain the mimic causes while it is in the creature's digestive system. In 1d4 days, the creature defecates the mimic out, and the creature will automatically succeed on all future saving throws regarding encounters with other banana heels. When the mimic gets defecated out, the mimic imprints on the creature and considers the creature its mother and is friendly to the creature and its allies. If a creature has lost their legs, a friendly mimic can act as prosthetic legs for the creature. When wearing a friendly mimic or when the mimic is acting as prosthetic legs, the creature doubles its walking speed and is immune to magical effects that reduces its walking speed.
I think the Librum of Ineffable Damnation is funny for a DM because most players won't know what you just described.
I also have something that I suppose could be found as a magic item: The Dues Ex Machina. It was inspired by someone this summer in this forum repeatedly misspelling "deus ex machina" so I just ran with it. Basically the Dues Ex Machina is sort of an infernal ATM/pay station that operates with the communication clarity of fast food drive thru intercom. There's a magical "pneumatic tube" canister system and the canister basically has bag of holding properties. If the operator of the Dues Ex is expecting payment, they have a garbled conversation with the system, and receive their payment, guaranteed to be inaccurate based on the distorted communication. If they are paying dues as part of some infernal toll they have over their head, same process goes through, and likely the system will misunderstand things and not adequately credit the player's account. It's a bit high concept but it's fun to play "drive thru" role playing at my table. Don't ask for the large orange drink.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Jander Sunstar is the thinking person's Drizzt, fight me.
My uncle ran a campaign before my time, but he told me of one of the epic scenarios they came across. The DM allowed one of the characters to find a magical ring that resisted identification, though it was clearly magical. In reality, it was a ring of minor wish-granting, but here's the thing: it would only work as long as the character didn't know what it did and just happened to wish for something out loud. It would grant minor wishes (not DnD terminology, just basic minor things) by means that would keep the owner from immediately recognizing that the ring was the source of the thing wished for. But if the character ever figured out that the ring was granting the wishes, it would stop working. Apparently, it all came to a hilarious climax when everyone in the party figured out what was happening except the person who was wearing the ring, and then that person, understanding that they were the only one who didn't get it, exclaimed out loud (in real life), "Man, I wish I knew what this ring did!" And so the DM told him. And now it didn't work for anyone because they all already knew!
In my own campaigns I had some other goofy things:
- The Amulet of Hiyah! - used as a starter item for a beginner monk player who was nervous about roleplaying. So I gave her this amulet that would giver her +1 to her attack rolls as long as she yelled "Hiyah!" as she rolled.
- The Boots of "Very Dangerous Over Short Distances" was given to a dwarven fighter. It would grant an extra 5 feet of movement as long as the player made a melee attack at the conclusion of the move.
- The Wristbane of Uh-Oh was given to an incredibly low WIS barbarian that was prone to making stupid decisions. So as the DM, I would start muttering "uh-oh" and get louder and louder the more ridiculously stupid the player started being as he talked about the actions he wanted his character to try.
- And perhaps my favorite was The Black Arrow of Critical Exasperation that I gave to a rather cocky elf rogue. It was a cursed item, a single arrow that had an expanded critical range, 18-20, where it did 3x damage, but it would automatically miss if it didn't critical. It would also automatically teleport back to the character's quiver after being shot and would leap into the character's hand whenever he reached for another arrow and could not in any way be discarded/dispossessed without a Remove Curse spell. That one was a fun one. Especially because the entire first session after getting it, the rogue character legit either missed his shot naturally or rolled a critical 18-20, so that first session he never even had an opportunity to experience the magic misses.
- Also, one time I played a Bard and I received a guitar pick that would let me use a lower level spell slot to cast a higher level spell but then I had to roll on a mishap table to see what kind of janky effects went along with the spell I had cast.
Oh I forgot to ask earlier, is it ok if I make these in homebrew but just credit you guys?
I would just use private homebrew and not publish it. You do not need to publish homebrew to share them. If you do not publish it and just keep it private, there is no need to worry about legal matters.
In terms of practicality, it is also better to simply not publish anything. Making changes to published homebrew is a hassle.
Yeah, I don't know if you'd really run with the Dues Ex Machina, but keep it private if you do. I've discussed it enough that it's clear it's my idea and I do intend to put it into a project at some point. But I have no problem if you use it for laughs.
A lot of the stuff being put up are a mix of original stuff and stuff that's shown up in old cartoons in Dragon, etc. So yeah, probably best for pvt homebrew.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Jander Sunstar is the thinking person's Drizzt, fight me.
one cursed item idea that has always stuck with me was a bracer that filled you with a sense of power and confidence when you wore it. if you miniced the motion of pulling back a bow string the bracer would start to glow. unpon releasing the string, the bones in your forearm shot out of your arm, doing incredible damage to the enemy but also yourself. 1d4 days for the bones to grow back.
The Dadstache, a fake mustache which, when put on, allows the player to cast vicious mockery as a cantrip, but they must do so through a dad-joke. Curse - the wearer finds themselves attracted to wearing socks & sandals, cargo shorts, and a fanny pack. They also insist on putting out any torches or candles if they are leaving a room, and insist on lighting the campfire every night, in the belief that they are the only ones who know how to do so properly.
hi, I'm doing a campaign that revolves around magic items, so if you might put the ideas down below, that would be extremely helpful!
thanks, Bender
I am a conjurer, but the only thing I can summon is disappointment
Status: schools started, so weekday posting is limited.
I'm a member of the "oops I accidentally destroyed someone's brain cult"
I might be losing it at the rate of the heat death of the universe.
Extended Sig
This is all you will need.
I have a weird sense of humor.
I also make maps.(That's a link)
It's possible that I am not understanding what you are looking for, but here goes:
a sword that cries every time it kills someone
a wand of [something] that gets longer each time it is used
a ring of truth that shocks the user each time they are dishonest
a helm of flying that has exceedingly difficult mental operations to control flight correctly
a flask that randomly/unpredictably produces: water, wine, ale or mayonnaise
boots of excessive flatulence (cursed item, for everyone involved really)
amulet of health that occasionally catches fire
"the screaming shield"
The Dreamscribe's Bookmark
You may read books this marker is in while sleeping as long as the book is within 20 ft of you while you do so.
Had some fun with this in my campaign and my players, give it to the wizard to study in their sleep! Give it to the rogue to sneak it into a journal of a known enemy and buy the room next to him at the inn to read it while no one is the wiser.
Hide & Seek
Dual rings, that while you wear one you know the location of the other.
Give one to your party and let them piece together who's coming after them for months on end not knowing what will happen when they finally meet the grizzled mad man in a loincloth who's only possession was the other ring. Managed to keep his true identity hidden for months in my campaign only for them to finally come face to face with a 15th-level monk from one of their backstories that had "mysteriously disappeared" years prior.
The Dead Man's Doorstop
Holding this to a door or box for 60 seconds will magically lock them and make them exceedingly more difficult to break open
A million uses come to mind for Arcane Lock on a stick but the best use I've saw was my party taking a whole keep on a small island and magically locking down every door to rest easy for the night and avoid the hordes of orcs I had planned to get them with. Lucky for me it backfired on them in the morning when they realised they had no way of unlocking those doors themselves and caused them huge delays in dealing with the task they were on a bit of a clock for. Which brings me onto the final dumb item.
The C.O.G.L
The Coin Operated Gnomish Locksmith or C.O.G.L is a small metal box with a winch on the back side and a coin slot on the top. Once a gold coin has been inserted after 60 seconds of cranking the winch the C.O.G.L will open any door. Magically enchanted doors will require a DC set by the DM and regardless will still take the full 60 seconds.
An item I offered to the party around 4th-level from a travelling salesman, they were quick to throw it to the wayside and have never returned to pick it up, apparently brute force becomes the answer to locked doors and chests somewhere around 7th or 8th-level.
Hope this is the type of thing you were after, I know it's not the funniest items but can lead to some very silly situations ina world taht revolves around magic and if you choose to use any, have fun.
thanks a lot people, this is exactly what I need!
I am a conjurer, but the only thing I can summon is disappointment
Status: schools started, so weekday posting is limited.
I'm a member of the "oops I accidentally destroyed someone's brain cult"
I might be losing it at the rate of the heat death of the universe.
Extended Sig
Ring of Profanity — Ring
Must be worn on a middle finger for the ring to work; ring will not work if an arm has an even number of fingers. While the ring is worn:
- You can cast Vicious Mockery
- You have expertise and advantage in Intimidation (Charisma) checks, and on Performance (Charisma) checks if profanity is used to entertain others
- You have penalty of -6 and disadvantage in all other Charisma ability checks
- Creatures have advantage in saving throws against being charmed by you
Legbow — Short Bow
When you score a hit against a creature with knees, roll a d20. On a 20, the arrow hits the creature's knees, shattering their knee joint, reducing their speed to 0 feet for one turn, their speed is permanently reduced to 5 feet until they heal their knee, and it takes 1d10 tendays for them to heal their knee. Once healed, their speed is permanently reduced by 5 feet. If Regenerate is cast on them, their speed goes back to normal.
Karma Sutra — Book, requires attunement
You can cast Charm Monster at will, and creatures have disadvantage on saving throws against being charmed by you. You have disadvantage on saving throws against being charmed. When you successfully charm a creature, or when a creature successfully charms you, roll a d20; on a 1, you and the creature are charmed by each other.
Banana Heels
This is a mimic that functions as a semi-cursed, sentient magical item that looks like an ordinary pair of heels with illusion magic. As a creature, the mimic uses the Juvenile Mimic stat block.
A creature that wanders within 10 feet of the mimic that is not being worn must make an DC 15 Intelligence, Wisdom, or Charisma saving throw (whichever saving throw has the lowest modifier), and on a failure, the creature must attempt to wear the mimic. On a success, the creature sees through the illusion magic and sees the mimic being made of bananas. The creature then must make another DC 15 Intelligence, Wisdom, or Charisma saving throw (whichever saving throw has the lowest modifier), and on a failure, the creature must attempt to eat the mimic. On a success the creature does not attempt eat the mimic and will automatically succeed on all future saving throws regarding encounters with other banana heels mimic; creatures that do not need to eat or drink automatically succeed on the saving throw.
When worn, a creature does not want to part with the heels. At the start and end of their turn, they must make a DC 15 Dexterity saving throw, and on failure, the creature slips and becomes prone. After 1d4 days, the mimic will detach itself from the creature after consuming enough foot sweat. If the mimic detaches itself while the creature is awake, the creature will see the mimic being made of bananas, must make a saving throw as outlined in the above paragraph, and attempt to eat the mimic on a failure.
The mimic does not want to be eaten, and will attempt to persuade the creature to not eat it. The mimic makes a Persuasion (Charisma) check and succeeds on a 15, adding the total Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma modifiers of the creature to the roll.
When the mimic is eaten, the creatures suffers from exhaustion level 4 due to the pain the mimic causes while it is in the creature's digestive system. In 1d4 days, the creature defecates the mimic out, and the creature will automatically succeed on all future saving throws regarding encounters with other banana heels. When the mimic gets defecated out, the mimic imprints on the creature and considers the creature its mother and is friendly to the creature and its allies. If a creature has lost their legs, a friendly mimic can act as prosthetic legs for the creature. When wearing a friendly mimic or when the mimic is acting as prosthetic legs, the creature doubles its walking speed and is immune to magical effects that reduces its walking speed.
Check Licenses and Resync Entitlements: < https://www.dndbeyond.com/account/licenses >
Running the Game by Matt Colville; Introduction: < https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-YZvLUXcR8 >
D&D with High School Students by Bill Allen; Season 1 Episode 1: < https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52NJTUDokyk&t >
thats ok i guess. just no profanity rings
I am a conjurer, but the only thing I can summon is disappointment
Status: schools started, so weekday posting is limited.
I'm a member of the "oops I accidentally destroyed someone's brain cult"
I might be losing it at the rate of the heat death of the universe.
Extended Sig
I think the Librum of Ineffable Damnation is funny for a DM because most players won't know what you just described.
I also have something that I suppose could be found as a magic item: The Dues Ex Machina. It was inspired by someone this summer in this forum repeatedly misspelling "deus ex machina" so I just ran with it. Basically the Dues Ex Machina is sort of an infernal ATM/pay station that operates with the communication clarity of fast food drive thru intercom. There's a magical "pneumatic tube" canister system and the canister basically has bag of holding properties. If the operator of the Dues Ex is expecting payment, they have a garbled conversation with the system, and receive their payment, guaranteed to be inaccurate based on the distorted communication. If they are paying dues as part of some infernal toll they have over their head, same process goes through, and likely the system will misunderstand things and not adequately credit the player's account. It's a bit high concept but it's fun to play "drive thru" role playing at my table. Don't ask for the large orange drink.
Jander Sunstar is the thinking person's Drizzt, fight me.
ok thank
I am a conjurer, but the only thing I can summon is disappointment
Status: schools started, so weekday posting is limited.
I'm a member of the "oops I accidentally destroyed someone's brain cult"
I might be losing it at the rate of the heat death of the universe.
Extended Sig
i will not ask for the orange drink
I am a conjurer, but the only thing I can summon is disappointment
Status: schools started, so weekday posting is limited.
I'm a member of the "oops I accidentally destroyed someone's brain cult"
I might be losing it at the rate of the heat death of the universe.
Extended Sig
Oh I forgot to ask earlier, is it ok if I make these in homebrew but just credit you guys?
I am a conjurer, but the only thing I can summon is disappointment
Status: schools started, so weekday posting is limited.
I'm a member of the "oops I accidentally destroyed someone's brain cult"
I might be losing it at the rate of the heat death of the universe.
Extended Sig
My uncle ran a campaign before my time, but he told me of one of the epic scenarios they came across. The DM allowed one of the characters to find a magical ring that resisted identification, though it was clearly magical. In reality, it was a ring of minor wish-granting, but here's the thing: it would only work as long as the character didn't know what it did and just happened to wish for something out loud. It would grant minor wishes (not DnD terminology, just basic minor things) by means that would keep the owner from immediately recognizing that the ring was the source of the thing wished for. But if the character ever figured out that the ring was granting the wishes, it would stop working. Apparently, it all came to a hilarious climax when everyone in the party figured out what was happening except the person who was wearing the ring, and then that person, understanding that they were the only one who didn't get it, exclaimed out loud (in real life), "Man, I wish I knew what this ring did!" And so the DM told him. And now it didn't work for anyone because they all already knew!
In my own campaigns I had some other goofy things:
- The Amulet of Hiyah! - used as a starter item for a beginner monk player who was nervous about roleplaying. So I gave her this amulet that would giver her +1 to her attack rolls as long as she yelled "Hiyah!" as she rolled.
- The Boots of "Very Dangerous Over Short Distances" was given to a dwarven fighter. It would grant an extra 5 feet of movement as long as the player made a melee attack at the conclusion of the move.
- The Wristbane of Uh-Oh was given to an incredibly low WIS barbarian that was prone to making stupid decisions. So as the DM, I would start muttering "uh-oh" and get louder and louder the more ridiculously stupid the player started being as he talked about the actions he wanted his character to try.
- And perhaps my favorite was The Black Arrow of Critical Exasperation that I gave to a rather cocky elf rogue. It was a cursed item, a single arrow that had an expanded critical range, 18-20, where it did 3x damage, but it would automatically miss if it didn't critical. It would also automatically teleport back to the character's quiver after being shot and would leap into the character's hand whenever he reached for another arrow and could not in any way be discarded/dispossessed without a Remove Curse spell. That one was a fun one. Especially because the entire first session after getting it, the rogue character legit either missed his shot naturally or rolled a critical 18-20, so that first session he never even had an opportunity to experience the magic misses.
- Also, one time I played a Bard and I received a guitar pick that would let me use a lower level spell slot to cast a higher level spell but then I had to roll on a mishap table to see what kind of janky effects went along with the spell I had cast.
Anyway, hope those are good examples for you!
I would just use private homebrew and not publish it. You do not need to publish homebrew to share them. If you do not publish it and just keep it private, there is no need to worry about legal matters.
In terms of practicality, it is also better to simply not publish anything. Making changes to published homebrew is a hassle.
Check Licenses and Resync Entitlements: < https://www.dndbeyond.com/account/licenses >
Running the Game by Matt Colville; Introduction: < https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-YZvLUXcR8 >
D&D with High School Students by Bill Allen; Season 1 Episode 1: < https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52NJTUDokyk&t >
yes, i can relate it is a hassle, and I already prefer not to publish unless I absolutely need to
I am a conjurer, but the only thing I can summon is disappointment
Status: schools started, so weekday posting is limited.
I'm a member of the "oops I accidentally destroyed someone's brain cult"
I might be losing it at the rate of the heat death of the universe.
Extended Sig
Yeah, I don't know if you'd really run with the Dues Ex Machina, but keep it private if you do. I've discussed it enough that it's clear it's my idea and I do intend to put it into a project at some point. But I have no problem if you use it for laughs.
A lot of the stuff being put up are a mix of original stuff and stuff that's shown up in old cartoons in Dragon, etc. So yeah, probably best for pvt homebrew.
Jander Sunstar is the thinking person's Drizzt, fight me.
one cursed item idea that has always stuck with me was a bracer that filled you with a sense of power and confidence when you wore it. if you miniced the motion of pulling back a bow string the bracer would start to glow. unpon releasing the string, the bones in your forearm shot out of your arm, doing incredible damage to the enemy but also yourself. 1d4 days for the bones to grow back.
The Dadstache, a fake mustache which, when put on, allows the player to cast vicious mockery as a cantrip, but they must do so through a dad-joke. Curse - the wearer finds themselves attracted to wearing socks & sandals, cargo shorts, and a fanny pack. They also insist on putting out any torches or candles if they are leaving a room, and insist on lighting the campfire every night, in the belief that they are the only ones who know how to do so properly.
Make your Artificer work with any other class with 174 Multiclassing Feats for your Artificer Multiclass Character!
DM's Guild Releases on This Thread Or check them all out on DMs Guild!
DrivethruRPG Releases on This Thread - latest release: My Character is a Werewolf: balanced rules for Lycanthropy!
I have started discussing/reviewing 3rd party D&D content on Substack - stay tuned for semi-regular posts!
What’s wrong with cargo shorts...? *quizzical dad look*
Everyone reading takes 3 psychic damage and has disadvantage on their next post.
Make your Artificer work with any other class with 174 Multiclassing Feats for your Artificer Multiclass Character!
DM's Guild Releases on This Thread Or check them all out on DMs Guild!
DrivethruRPG Releases on This Thread - latest release: My Character is a Werewolf: balanced rules for Lycanthropy!
I have started discussing/reviewing 3rd party D&D content on Substack - stay tuned for semi-regular posts!
oof
I am a conjurer, but the only thing I can summon is disappointment
Status: schools started, so weekday posting is limited.
I'm a member of the "oops I accidentally destroyed someone's brain cult"
I might be losing it at the rate of the heat death of the universe.
Extended Sig