I am a new'ish DM and I need to know how you cope when your friends just shit all over the work you did to make an adventure? I mean literally make a whole module that fits into your homebrew story, world, and campaign. Example:
I made a large module complete with dungeon crawl that leads into a lot of other meta-story related stuff and has a lot of character background tie ins. I put in the work A lot of it. Literal weeks of development. When the party gets to what should be the most climactic part of the adventure, one of the players decides that she is going just yell out the name of the girl they are there to rescue over and over, just ignoring anything and everything else; if I didn't force a combat on them there would be no meaningful interaction. All the while confessing that she just doesn't have time for all this nonsense (in character) and can't be bothered and goes about causing a ruckus (again, all in character). The way these villains are set up in the story so far are imposing and both politically and independently powerful beings, the haunted house/ancient banshee lair that is their home, should have shut them in and it would have been a hard pressed situation to get out of alive. It should have turned into a TPK knowing what they know about the BBGs and choosing to act that way regardless. I couldn't bring myself to turn it around like that because I am terrified of being the DM that makes things feel like shaite. Instead of running it out, I just had a silent meltdown, gave them the win and left discord.
I'm starting to think there is a leveling of conditioning one needs to have in order to avoid these emotional pitfalls, but I do not have it. I can't help but feel extremely put off and slighted by the irreverence of that situation. No this isn't the first or only time it's happened and in the past I have been able to pivot around it in the past because it wasn't during such a crucial moment. After having this labor of love shat on by the very friends I made it for, who know good and well what goes into making anything for a game, is beyond hurtful. I was in literal tears.
some Rl friends (are they though? time check often shows things in other light) never will be suitable for DND, if person want derail your campaign on purpose you just warn first ooc and "no you don't" oc, then kick or never invite them after to play again.
So if prevention like discussion doesn't stop person from derailling you this is not person to play dnd with.
And no, coping with players bullshit is not the way anyone should DM, so good DM will answer "no i don't cope, because i don't need to and create comfortable surroundings not just for players but for myself as well"
Ask them to play a character that wants to go on adventures and wants to succeed on the missions they undertake. Also, next time something like that happens, ask them out of character if they understand what they are doing. If they continue, do not pull your punches, and taunt them a bit "As you hear alarm bells and the sounds of orcs / goblins / undeads / demons / other enemies yelling and getting for battle, you realize that anouncing your presence may not have been the smartest choice. Also the exit is now locked."
There is not much you can do to change how you feel. Either you stop caring, or you stop playing with people like that.
Awesome advice! Ty so much. Yes, I always have a session 0 where I explain what the campaign and story will be like and what kind of characters would best fit into that version of the world. That's why I was so taken aback by this sudden outburst of odd behavior.
Sometimes you swing and miss - it happens and it is important not to beat yourself up over it. There are all kinds of factors as to why you miss - both inside the game and outside, both the DM’s fault and the Players’. This is a lesson every DM has to learn, and perhaps relearn every now and then. Take this situation as a teaching moment and, instead of shutting down, see what you can learn and do better next time.
Moving forward, there are two immediate things you should do. The first is talk to the player and ask for their side of the story - ask if they did not like the adventure and why, with the mind of being open and actively considering their feedback. You should not be overly defensive or try to guilt them over how much work you put in - that just makes players shut down and not be honest with you, and this means the conversation will not help you improve.
The second is to do a retrospective on both the adventure itself and on your DMing. Look at all possible points of failure and ask yourself “what happened here and what could I have done better?”
Obviously none of us were there, so it is hard to tell where something went wrong, or if it was your players’ fault, your fault, or (as is most often the case) a mix of both. Some points I would consider when you do your retrospective:
- Were you so enamored with what you put weeks of effort into that it came off as railroading the party? I.e. did you force them to play the adventure you designed in a way that really felt more like you telling a story that they were walking through, rather than everyone telling a collaborative story together? Your post gives a pretty strong “if you don’t solve my adventure the way I envisioned, I’ll seal everyone in and TPK them, do not pass Go, do not collect $200” vibes, so I highly expect this is a problem.
- Did you miss out of character clues that the players were growing bored or just did not feel like they had any personal stake in the adventure?
- Did the adventure just seem to drag on, either because it was too long, you had been playing for a while and folks were getting tired or antsy? We’re there other pacing problems like too much or too little combat, too many puzzles that the players did not like which ground the game to a halt, etc.?
- DDI you misread “character frustration” as player frustration? Even in your post, you mentioned they said these things in character, not out of character.
- Was your “integrating backstory” elements you taking control of the backstory in a way that players might feel you were trying to take control of their characters and their agency?
Think about things like this - and think about them with an open mind looking to improve, not in a way that is just spiraling into beating yourself up. You’ll likely find that you did make some mistakes - and that is perfectly fine. Even the most famous of professional DMs sometimes make mistakes that annoy their players. Use this situation not as a way to attack yourself, but to better yourself. Taking advantage of situations like this to learn is how you go from being a “new’ish DM” to an experienced one.
- Were you so enamored with what you put weeks of effort into that it came off as railroading the party? I.e. did you force them to play the adventure you designed in a way that really felt more like you telling a story that they were walking through, rather than everyone telling a collaborative story together? Your post gives a pretty strong “if you don’t solve my adventure the way I envisioned, I’ll seal everyone in and TPK them, do not pass Go, do not collect $200” vibes, so I highly expect this is a problem.
No, this adventure was entirely designed to cater *to* the players and the story they have woven together so far. In fact I have just been filling in the blanks of the story they are creating with some of my own small meta-plot points. Everything else is theirs, but I can see where you would think that. I always allow for creative solutions and other problem solving methods; for instance, in the same adventure, the same player used a Zone of Truth to hedge out an invisible enemy by casting it in area the enemy couldn't pass through without getting stopped inside of it and when she asked, "Are you there?" I almost shat myself at the sheer brilliance of the idea. 10 point to ****en Ravenclaw (her favorite House) However, this outburst of irreverence and disrespect was not a clever or creative solution and up until then it seemed like everyone was having a great time and working hard together to solve the problems at hand. I'm sorry, I don't care how confident or cocky you write up your character to be, a stupid move is a stupid move. Side note: this incident happened after returning from our usual 30 minute break. We take such a long break to ensure that we are able recharge a bit and shake off the combat fatigue, especially during long dungeon crawls. Two of my players are also DMs and they have always done this and I have found it to be very effective.
In short, the answer to all of your other questions is, yes, I covered all those bases. I watched hours of vids on youtube from various content creators and made sure to take to heart all the common things that were said a DM should never do. And in all cockiness, I pride myself on being a DM that is in total favor of the party's success at every turn and am constantly questioning how I can accomplish that with them. However, at some point I have to matter too. I'm also supposed to be *playing* the game.
Side, side note: Just for the scope of the matter, we have all been playing together for about 20 years.
Remember, the DM is a player too, and their fun-- your fun-- matters too. If something is happening that makes you feel bad, you should talk to your group about how you're feeling.
It's important to say things like "I feel like I put a lot of work into this game and my time and effort isn't being respected."
I know the whole "I'm so cool I don't care about anything" attitude is a fun one to roleplay, but you might want to have a talk about tone for your campaign. If you're trying to play a high fantasy adventure with a complex plot and high stakes, then the players need to be invested in that vibe in order to make our happen. Trying to play it all cool and aloof all the time wouldn't be compatible with that style of game.
Try and pitch a game your players want to play and get their to buy-in, and they'll be more likely to play with you rather than against you.
Sometimes the player is just having a rough day. Is this a consistent behavior or was it a one-off? Is the time that you play a factor (like at the end of a long work day vs say a weekend)?
Maybe the player didn't know what else to do?
Hard to think on your feet in a situation like that as the DM. The player can try to break your plan by shouting, but it's up to the DM if anyone hears them.
It sucks that you felt so terrible and betrayed. I hope you're able to find a solution, either finding an encounter type that these players really dig into or some players that dig into what you already like to build.
- Were you so enamored with what you put weeks of effort into that it came off as railroading the party? I.e. did you force them to play the adventure you designed in a way that really felt more like you telling a story that they were walking through, rather than everyone telling a collaborative story together? Your post gives a pretty strong “if you don’t solve my adventure the way I envisioned, I’ll seal everyone in and TPK them, do not pass Go, do not collect $200” vibes, so I highly expect this is a problem.
No, this adventure was entirely designed to cater *to* the players and the story they have woven together so far. In fact I have just been filling in the blanks of the story they are creating with some of my own small meta-plot points. Everything else is theirs, but I can see where you would think that. I always allow for creative solutions and other problem solving methods. This total outburst of irreverence and disrespect was not one of them. I'm sorry, I don't care how confident or cocky you write up your character to be, a stupid move is a stupid move.
In short, the answer to all of your other questions is, yes, I covered all those bases. I watched hours of vids on youtube from various different content creators and made sure to take to heart all the common things that were said a DM should never do. And in all cockiness, I pride myself on being a DM that is in total favor of the party's success at every turn. However, at some point I have to matter too. I'm also supposed to be *playing* the game.
You have now convinced me that you are part of the problem - that does not mean your player is not also part of the problem, but you are, in this very post, exhibiting the exact kind of aggressively defensive behavior that is a major DM red flag. As I said, even the best DMs in the world make mistakes - what makes them among the best DMs is that, when they make mistakes, they embrace those mistakes and learn from them. They certainly do not say silly things "I considered all the points of failure, and because of YouTube I know I did nothing wrong." Cockiness, to use your word, is a surefire path to thinking you are doing right by your players, not actually doing right by them, and then being confused when you missed all the yellow flags and they get frustrated with you.
There is a reason nearly every "how to DM" Youtuber is very clear that their advice is there to help you--but cannot replace self-reflection, monitoring the table, and talking with your players. If the very people making these videos know their video content is insufficient to make someone a perfect DM, then perhaps you should listen to them and not assume watching some YouTube makes you infallible.
So, I will leave it with this - as I already said, you should talk with your players to try and get their perspective. But, when you do, you really need to be open to the idea that perhaps you are not as good at DMing as you claim to be, and perhaps your players have a very different perspective on your DMing that you need to consider.
Agreed. I thought we were all on the same page at session zero and we are 5 months into this campaign. Perhaps we have a session 0.5 and revisit all the vibes in question. The world I presented and the characters in it. I have no issue pushing a reset button and going in a different direction if need be. At the end of every session, I always ask if everyone is having a good time or if there is anything I should be doing differently for them as their enjoyment is a large part of mine. So far everyone has said they really like where everything is, the flow of the story and its pacing, how heavily they influence the development of the story and the world around it. So I was very taken aback by this sudden outburst of irreverence. I know in my heart of hearts I can always be better and strive to be. This incident really stung.
I am in a group that has been playing together for over 10 years (some longer) in a world the DM created and has been running with various parties since 1986. There have been a couple sessions where a player or the DM (sometimes both) just had a bad session and the fun seemed to have escaped. Usually after those times a text is sent to the entire party letting everyone know what happened, asking if everyone wants to continue, asking for input on what we can do to avoid the issue again, and also laying out what actions the DM will just not tolerate. An honest discussion by players after a bit of time to digest the incident helps.
In the specific case you described our DM would likely have asked the player "are you sure you want to yell in the middle of the bad guys area or where you just kidding?" If the player answers that their character is indeed doing that, the bad guys would show up quickly and in mass. He would not block an escape (especially if the other players/characters were against the idea). If the party stayed and the result was a TPK so be it. Then we would roll up new characters. On a side note, things have been much more interesting since our DM no longer tracks character hit points. He runs the bad guys without worrying about if characters live or die; that is our job. We all like it.
I'd never seek to avoid natural consequences of actions purely to appease someone behaving poorly.
I had a session where the party had to pass a bunch of tests. Failing a test meant the individuals who failed it got locked out until the remainder of the party either succeeded...or collectively failed. One party member deliberately failed the test, seemingly to be awkward. A second player, old enough to know better but immature enough to not care, decided it would be funny to copy them. At least until he realised that it's not anywhere near as fun watching people play D&D as it is to play it.
Now, normally, I'd have found a way of including them, having split scenes or otherwise just getting them back in the test...but they'd decided to get themselves excluded, so I let them have their exclusion.
They haven't pulled that stunt again since.
Now, I did afterwards offer them a bone and did a quest that they'd both be particularly interested in, and they've both changed and become significantly better players. The rest of the party weren't happy because they were missing for the part of the tests where they were desperately needed (and they almost failed because of that hole the two players created). The party got over it.
In that situation? I'd confirm that the player genuinely wanted to do it (let's face it, we all sometimes say stupid stuff that we don't ever intend to translate to character action). If they confirm (after you highlight what would be the likely outcome), then give the rest of the party a chance to slap a hand over his/her mouth or otherwise stop him. If not...then let rip. The frustration from the rest of the party will be enough bring them back in line. Believe me, you won't be the bad guy in that situation.
Don't remove player agency, and part of that is not removing consequences. It sucks that your adventure got blown...but at.least they'll learn not to FAFO next time. It can even lead to better and more healthy dynamics.
It's important to note that such instances are usually down to player boredom. It's important to work harder on including them next time, both as an olive branch but also as a preventative.
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If you're not willing or able to to discuss in good faith, then don't be surprised if I don't respond, there are better things in life for me to do than humour you. This signature is that response.
in all seriousness, try to use the things had already made somewhere else so they don’t just go to waste, try to make plot hooks very very VERY obvious and don’t stress to much about it, try a little improv :)
First, it's not your story, it's the entire group's story. At some point, the players are going to make decisions that you are not expecting. That's part of the fun of being a DM. Sometimes, you get to be just as surprised as they get to be.
Second, without the fear of failure then there is no real joy in success. A lot of DMs, myself included, started out by being too merciful and struggling to prevent TPKs. The players won't be appreciative of if. If that happens, do what the NPCs you created would do in that situation. It's what my character would do goes both ways. If the NPCs would lock them in and try to kill them, then that's what happens. To paraphrase Matt Colville, it's not your job to solve the player characters' problems. It's your job to provide them with problems to solve. And they can try to solve being locked in when they knew it would happen.
But, being a DM isn't for everyone. And different people have different styles of play. Some players just want a dungeon crawl and they don't really care about anything else. If you're "in literal tears" from the game, that means you're not having fun. So once the campaign is wrapped up (and a TPK is the fast and easy way) then let them know you won't be DMing any more.
Another alternative is to just DM published adventures. There's plenty of them. Then you don't have to worry about implementing character backgrounds. And if you're playing via a VTT that has the module available there's really very little work for you to do. Just read ahead, jot down some notes, and maybe print out any tables you would be using on a regular basis so you don't have to keep searching for them.
First, it's not your story, it's the entire group's story. At some point, the players are going to make decisions that you are not expecting. That's part of the fun of being a DM. Sometimes, you get to be just as surprised as they get to be.
Second, without the fear of failure then there is no real joy in success. A lot of DMs, myself included, started out by being too merciful and struggling to prevent TPKs. The players won't be appreciative of if. If that happens, do what the NPCs you created would do in that situation. It's what my character would do goes both ways. If the NPCs would lock them in and try to kill them, then that's what happens. To paraphrase Matt Colville, it's not your job to solve the player characters' problems. It's your job to provide them with problems to solve. And they can try to solve being locked in when they knew it would happen.
But, being a DM isn't for everyone. And different people have different styles of play. Some players just want a dungeon crawl and they don't really care about anything else. If you're "in literal tears" from the game, that means you're not having fun. So once the campaign is wrapped up (and a TPK is the fast and easy way) then let them know you won't be DMing any more.
Another alternative is to just DM published adventures. There's plenty of them. Then you don't have to worry about implementing character backgrounds. And if you're playing via a VTT that has the module available there's really very little work for you to do. Just read ahead, jot down some notes, and maybe print out any tables you would be using on a regular basis so you don't have to keep searching for them.
Keep in mind though that, while fear of failure needs to be a thing, that only matters for failures that can be learned from. The DM has literally infinite power. Any NPCs could 'lock the PC's in and kill them' so DM's need to be very careful with that, even when it would make perfect sense for the NPC's to do such a thing.
Ideally, such situations teach the PC's when to retreat. A DM can use insight checks or even passive insight, too, to let players know something is a really bad idea or that standing firm is likely suicidal.
Then in this situation, perhaps the girl they came to rescue gets turned into a banshee or other ghost. When the players call out, perhaps she actually answers, appearing before them and howling, forcing a retreat. Perhaps they have to come back with a different approach and find final rest for all the spirits (which does not have to mean destroying all of them or even any of them). These are better DM response than a TPK
First I would like to say congrats on taking the time to homebrew your adventure! I do not know all the details of your game but taking the time to create it takes a lot of talent, thought and heart. I like playing games like this!
Some people can do things we as DM's don't expect. I too had something similar happen to me, so where they needed quiet, one guy yelled, monsters came in and TPK.
The people that were there to have fun was upset. So the one guy we just never invited back and everything has been excellent since. There are players like that out there. So I now inform everyone before we start that the campaign is a commitment and if you can't commit to it then don't play.
Don't give in to tyranny. Play it as it is. It's your game.
I remind my players occasionally that as a DM, it's not my job to save them from themselves. I roll in the open; no fudging. If my players try to do something really stupid, I ask them out of character if that's really what they want to do. I also make sure I've adequately described the situation and haven't left out any important details. Whatever happens after that is on them.
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I am a new'ish DM and I need to know how you cope when your friends just shit all over the work you did to make an adventure? I mean literally make a whole module that fits into your homebrew story, world, and campaign. Example:
I'm starting to think there is a leveling of conditioning one needs to have in order to avoid these emotional pitfalls, but I do not have it. I can't help but feel extremely put off and slighted by the irreverence of that situation. No this isn't the first or only time it's happened and in the past I have been able to pivot around it in the past because it wasn't during such a crucial moment. After having this labor of love shat on by the very friends I made it for, who know good and well what goes into making anything for a game, is beyond hurtful. I was in literal tears.
What do?
some Rl friends (are they though? time check often shows things in other light) never will be suitable for DND, if person want derail your campaign on purpose you just warn first ooc and "no you don't" oc, then kick or never invite them after to play again.
So if prevention like discussion doesn't stop person from derailling you this is not person to play dnd with.
And no, coping with players bullshit is not the way anyone should DM, so good DM will answer "no i don't cope, because i don't need to and create comfortable surroundings not just for players but for myself as well"
Thanks so much for the feedback. That helped a lot
Did you speak with your players ?
Ask them to play a character that wants to go on adventures and wants to succeed on the missions they undertake. Also, next time something like that happens, ask them out of character if they understand what they are doing. If they continue, do not pull your punches, and taunt them a bit "As you hear alarm bells and the sounds of orcs / goblins / undeads / demons / other enemies yelling and getting for battle, you realize that anouncing your presence may not have been the smartest choice. Also the exit is now locked."
There is not much you can do to change how you feel. Either you stop caring, or you stop playing with people like that.
Awesome advice! Ty so much. Yes, I always have a session 0 where I explain what the campaign and story will be like and what kind of characters would best fit into that version of the world. That's why I was so taken aback by this sudden outburst of odd behavior.
Sometimes you swing and miss - it happens and it is important not to beat yourself up over it. There are all kinds of factors as to why you miss - both inside the game and outside, both the DM’s fault and the Players’. This is a lesson every DM has to learn, and perhaps relearn every now and then. Take this situation as a teaching moment and, instead of shutting down, see what you can learn and do better next time.
Moving forward, there are two immediate things you should do. The first is talk to the player and ask for their side of the story - ask if they did not like the adventure and why, with the mind of being open and actively considering their feedback. You should not be overly defensive or try to guilt them over how much work you put in - that just makes players shut down and not be honest with you, and this means the conversation will not help you improve.
The second is to do a retrospective on both the adventure itself and on your DMing. Look at all possible points of failure and ask yourself “what happened here and what could I have done better?”
Obviously none of us were there, so it is hard to tell where something went wrong, or if it was your players’ fault, your fault, or (as is most often the case) a mix of both. Some points I would consider when you do your retrospective:
- Were you so enamored with what you put weeks of effort into that it came off as railroading the party? I.e. did you force them to play the adventure you designed in a way that really felt more like you telling a story that they were walking through, rather than everyone telling a collaborative story together? Your post gives a pretty strong “if you don’t solve my adventure the way I envisioned, I’ll seal everyone in and TPK them, do not pass Go, do not collect $200” vibes, so I highly expect this is a problem.
- Did you miss out of character clues that the players were growing bored or just did not feel like they had any personal stake in the adventure?
- Did the adventure just seem to drag on, either because it was too long, you had been playing for a while and folks were getting tired or antsy? We’re there other pacing problems like too much or too little combat, too many puzzles that the players did not like which ground the game to a halt, etc.?
- DDI you misread “character frustration” as player frustration? Even in your post, you mentioned they said these things in character, not out of character.
- Was your “integrating backstory” elements you taking control of the backstory in a way that players might feel you were trying to take control of their characters and their agency?
Think about things like this - and think about them with an open mind looking to improve, not in a way that is just spiraling into beating yourself up. You’ll likely find that you did make some mistakes - and that is perfectly fine. Even the most famous of professional DMs sometimes make mistakes that annoy their players. Use this situation not as a way to attack yourself, but to better yourself. Taking advantage of situations like this to learn is how you go from being a “new’ish DM” to an experienced one.
Remember, the DM is a player too, and their fun-- your fun-- matters too. If something is happening that makes you feel bad, you should talk to your group about how you're feeling.
It's important to say things like "I feel like I put a lot of work into this game and my time and effort isn't being respected."
I know the whole "I'm so cool I don't care about anything" attitude is a fun one to roleplay, but you might want to have a talk about tone for your campaign. If you're trying to play a high fantasy adventure with a complex plot and high stakes, then the players need to be invested in that vibe in order to make our happen. Trying to play it all cool and aloof all the time wouldn't be compatible with that style of game.
Try and pitch a game your players want to play and get their to buy-in, and they'll be more likely to play with you rather than against you.
Two things you might look for:
Hard to think on your feet in a situation like that as the DM. The player can try to break your plan by shouting, but it's up to the DM if anyone hears them.
It sucks that you felt so terrible and betrayed. I hope you're able to find a solution, either finding an encounter type that these players really dig into or some players that dig into what you already like to build.
You have now convinced me that you are part of the problem - that does not mean your player is not also part of the problem, but you are, in this very post, exhibiting the exact kind of aggressively defensive behavior that is a major DM red flag. As I said, even the best DMs in the world make mistakes - what makes them among the best DMs is that, when they make mistakes, they embrace those mistakes and learn from them. They certainly do not say silly things "I considered all the points of failure, and because of YouTube I know I did nothing wrong." Cockiness, to use your word, is a surefire path to thinking you are doing right by your players, not actually doing right by them, and then being confused when you missed all the yellow flags and they get frustrated with you.
There is a reason nearly every "how to DM" Youtuber is very clear that their advice is there to help you--but cannot replace self-reflection, monitoring the table, and talking with your players. If the very people making these videos know their video content is insufficient to make someone a perfect DM, then perhaps you should listen to them and not assume watching some YouTube makes you infallible.
So, I will leave it with this - as I already said, you should talk with your players to try and get their perspective. But, when you do, you really need to be open to the idea that perhaps you are not as good at DMing as you claim to be, and perhaps your players have a very different perspective on your DMing that you need to consider.
It was impossible for me to pivot in that situation, you are 100% on the money there. I hear the rest of what you're saying too and I dig it.
Agreed. I thought we were all on the same page at session zero and we are 5 months into this campaign. Perhaps we have a session 0.5 and revisit all the vibes in question. The world I presented and the characters in it. I have no issue pushing a reset button and going in a different direction if need be. At the end of every session, I always ask if everyone is having a good time or if there is anything I should be doing differently for them as their enjoyment is a large part of mine. So far everyone has said they really like where everything is, the flow of the story and its pacing, how heavily they influence the development of the story and the world around it. So I was very taken aback by this sudden outburst of irreverence. I know in my heart of hearts I can always be better and strive to be. This incident really stung.
I am in a group that has been playing together for over 10 years (some longer) in a world the DM created and has been running with various parties since 1986. There have been a couple sessions where a player or the DM (sometimes both) just had a bad session and the fun seemed to have escaped. Usually after those times a text is sent to the entire party letting everyone know what happened, asking if everyone wants to continue, asking for input on what we can do to avoid the issue again, and also laying out what actions the DM will just not tolerate. An honest discussion by players after a bit of time to digest the incident helps.
In the specific case you described our DM would likely have asked the player "are you sure you want to yell in the middle of the bad guys area or where you just kidding?" If the player answers that their character is indeed doing that, the bad guys would show up quickly and in mass. He would not block an escape (especially if the other players/characters were against the idea). If the party stayed and the result was a TPK so be it. Then we would roll up new characters. On a side note, things have been much more interesting since our DM no longer tracks character hit points. He runs the bad guys without worrying about if characters live or die; that is our job. We all like it.
I'd never seek to avoid natural consequences of actions purely to appease someone behaving poorly.
I had a session where the party had to pass a bunch of tests. Failing a test meant the individuals who failed it got locked out until the remainder of the party either succeeded...or collectively failed. One party member deliberately failed the test, seemingly to be awkward. A second player, old enough to know better but immature enough to not care, decided it would be funny to copy them. At least until he realised that it's not anywhere near as fun watching people play D&D as it is to play it.
Now, normally, I'd have found a way of including them, having split scenes or otherwise just getting them back in the test...but they'd decided to get themselves excluded, so I let them have their exclusion.
They haven't pulled that stunt again since.
Now, I did afterwards offer them a bone and did a quest that they'd both be particularly interested in, and they've both changed and become significantly better players. The rest of the party weren't happy because they were missing for the part of the tests where they were desperately needed (and they almost failed because of that hole the two players created). The party got over it.
In that situation? I'd confirm that the player genuinely wanted to do it (let's face it, we all sometimes say stupid stuff that we don't ever intend to translate to character action). If they confirm (after you highlight what would be the likely outcome), then give the rest of the party a chance to slap a hand over his/her mouth or otherwise stop him. If not...then let rip. The frustration from the rest of the party will be enough bring them back in line. Believe me, you won't be the bad guy in that situation.
Don't remove player agency, and part of that is not removing consequences. It sucks that your adventure got blown...but at.least they'll learn not to FAFO next time. It can even lead to better and more healthy dynamics.
It's important to note that such instances are usually down to player boredom. It's important to work harder on including them next time, both as an olive branch but also as a preventative.
If you're not willing or able to to discuss in good faith, then don't be surprised if I don't respond, there are better things in life for me to do than humour you. This signature is that response.
welcome to being a dm
in all seriousness, try to use the things had already made somewhere else so they don’t just go to waste, try to make plot hooks very very VERY obvious and don’t stress to much about it, try a little improv :)
Two things to be aware of:
First, it's not your story, it's the entire group's story. At some point, the players are going to make decisions that you are not expecting. That's part of the fun of being a DM. Sometimes, you get to be just as surprised as they get to be.
Second, without the fear of failure then there is no real joy in success. A lot of DMs, myself included, started out by being too merciful and struggling to prevent TPKs. The players won't be appreciative of if. If that happens, do what the NPCs you created would do in that situation. It's what my character would do goes both ways. If the NPCs would lock them in and try to kill them, then that's what happens. To paraphrase Matt Colville, it's not your job to solve the player characters' problems. It's your job to provide them with problems to solve. And they can try to solve being locked in when they knew it would happen.
But, being a DM isn't for everyone. And different people have different styles of play. Some players just want a dungeon crawl and they don't really care about anything else. If you're "in literal tears" from the game, that means you're not having fun. So once the campaign is wrapped up (and a TPK is the fast and easy way) then let them know you won't be DMing any more.
Another alternative is to just DM published adventures. There's plenty of them. Then you don't have to worry about implementing character backgrounds. And if you're playing via a VTT that has the module available there's really very little work for you to do. Just read ahead, jot down some notes, and maybe print out any tables you would be using on a regular basis so you don't have to keep searching for them.
Solid
Keep in mind though that, while fear of failure needs to be a thing, that only matters for failures that can be learned from. The DM has literally infinite power. Any NPCs could 'lock the PC's in and kill them' so DM's need to be very careful with that, even when it would make perfect sense for the NPC's to do such a thing.
Ideally, such situations teach the PC's when to retreat. A DM can use insight checks or even passive insight, too, to let players know something is a really bad idea or that standing firm is likely suicidal.
Then in this situation, perhaps the girl they came to rescue gets turned into a banshee or other ghost. When the players call out, perhaps she actually answers, appearing before them and howling, forcing a retreat. Perhaps they have to come back with a different approach and find final rest for all the spirits (which does not have to mean destroying all of them or even any of them). These are better DM response than a TPK
First I would like to say congrats on taking the time to homebrew your adventure! I do not know all the details of your game but taking the time to create it takes a lot of talent, thought and heart. I like playing games like this!
Some people can do things we as DM's don't expect. I too had something similar happen to me, so where they needed quiet, one guy yelled, monsters came in and TPK.
The people that were there to have fun was upset. So the one guy we just never invited back and everything has been excellent since. There are players like that out there. So I now inform everyone before we start that the campaign is a commitment and if you can't commit to it then don't play.
Don't give in to tyranny. Play it as it is. It's your game.
I remind my players occasionally that as a DM, it's not my job to save them from themselves. I roll in the open; no fudging. If my players try to do something really stupid, I ask them out of character if that's really what they want to do. I also make sure I've adequately described the situation and haven't left out any important details. Whatever happens after that is on them.