This is my second ever homebrew spell, so keep in mind there might be some glaring flaws. Anyways, here is Killer Queen's Third Bomb! Bites the Dust! Some feedback would be nice, as I will be writing a new draft of this spell. If you need more information of what this ability does or what Killer Queen is, please refer to the JoJo Wiki.
Bites the Dust
9th-level abjuration
Casting time: 1 minute
Range: Touch
Components: M (the severed hand of a young woman)
Duration: Until the caster willingly ends it
While Bites the Dust is active, you cannot cast spells or regain spell slots.
Your thirst for privacy has given you slight control of the weave, bending it at your will. After touching a creature, you hide a manifestation of all your magic power inside them, the creature becoming known as Another One (AO). If AO reveals your identity, through writing, verbally or otherwise, and another creature is aware of receiving information about your identity, Bites the Dust activates. The creature receiving the information takes 12d8 force damage, appearing to spontaneously combust. If the creature dies from the damage, they explode completely, destroying all non-magical items on them and leaving no trace of the creature afterwards. After this, Bites the Dust rewinds time to 1 hour before the detonation. AO is aware of what happens and keeps all memories from every rewind. You and up to 4 creatures of your choice are also aware of all rewinds, keeping all memories of each rewind.
Manipulating the weave has left marks in the fabric of space-time. When something happens to AO while Bites the Dust is active (takes damage, gets buffed), it becomes fate. At the point of time when they took the affliction, even if they are not where it took place or the creature or object afflicting AO has even done the affliction, they are affected by it at the same time it happened in the previous rewinds and will keep on happening in each rewind afterwards. If AO would be killed by an affliction, Bites the Dust will materialize and block/prevent it from happening. If a creature sees Bites the Dust while it is materialized, they take the 12d8 damage, and time is rewound. Bites the Dust also affects other creatures. If another creature exploded in a previous rewind due to Bites the Dust, they will always explode at the same time in future timelines, no matter where they are. The creature (or creatures) exploding due to Bites the Dust in previous timelines do not trigger a rewind.
If Bites the Dust is recalled before any explosions take place, fate unravels back to its intended path, with all creatures no longer exploding and AO no longer taking any afflictions after the recall. After recalling Bites the Dust, you can cast spells again, but cannot cast bites the Dust for 7 days after recall.
Why does the hand need to belong to a 'young woman'? Why can't it just be a severed hand? I'd change it to "a hand severed from a living humanoid within the last 24 hours."
The spell should have verbal and somatic components.
The duration means that this spell can be cast every day, which I guess is the idea - that the caster makes it impossible for others to tell them of their existence. This essentially means that it becomes a story point, rather than a spell that will be regularly cast.
One problem with this is that as an offensive spell, it's extremely powerful: I cast Bites the Dust on myself, and all my party. Whenever we meet an enemy, we all yell "This is who this person is" at them and they take Part number x 12d8 force damage instantly, with no possibility of avoiding it. It can also be used to 'bomb' enemies by sending them letters - so I cast it on myself, then send a letter disclosing my identity to whomever I choose, allowing long range assassination.
I don't think you can place a spell on someone that they then activate to off their enemies in such a cataclysmic way, with no saving throw allowed.
Time travel is something that you need to write into the game to occur only at very specific times. Running this as a DM would be nigh on impossible, and if it were cast on a PC, then it would trivialise every encounter. Failed to save that NPC? Whisper the identity to a mouse and pop, you've just rewound time. Not only is it easy to abuse, but it would turn sessions into endless rewinds.
Overall I think that the idea is really fun... in a novel. In a game, constant time skips don't allow for gameplay.
Why does the hand need to belong to a 'young woman'? Why can't it just be a severed hand? I'd change it to "a hand severed from a living humanoid within the last 24 hours."
The spell should have verbal and somatic components.
The duration means that this spell can be cast every day, which I guess is the idea - that the caster makes it impossible for others to tell them of their existence. This essentially means that it becomes a story point, rather than a spell that will be regularly cast.
One problem with this is that as an offensive spell, it's extremely powerful: I cast Bites the Dust on myself, and all my party. Whenever we meet an enemy, we all yell "This is who this person is" at them and they take Part number x 12d8 force damage instantly, with no possibility of avoiding it. It can also be used to 'bomb' enemies by sending them letters - so I cast it on myself, then send a letter disclosing my identity to whomever I choose, allowing long range assassination.
I don't think you can place a spell on someone that they then activate to off their enemies in such a cataclysmic way, with no saving throw allowed.
Time travel is something that you need to write into the game to occur only at very specific times. Running this as a DM would be nigh on impossible, and if it were cast on a PC, then it would trivialise every encounter. Failed to save that NPC? Whisper the identity to a mouse and pop, you've just rewound time. Not only is it easy to abuse, but it would turn sessions into endless rewinds.
Overall I think that the idea is really fun... in a novel. In a game, constant time skips don't allow for gameplay.
Thank you for the suggestions! he reason why I made it specifically a young woman's hand is because of the character the ability comes from. THe user of this ability was a man named Yoshikage Kira, who murdered women for their hands.
All of the suggestions you made were very helpful, especially with the self-implant you mentioned.
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"Where do these guys get all their ideas?" - TommoBoi, to WOTC
Honestly, this seems like one of those things that doesn't need to be a leveled spell at all
If you have a BBEG in your campaign doing things like this, just have them do it. As Sanvael said, this is a plot point, not a spell. The only reason to make it a leveled spell is to open up the possibility that a PC might learn the spell and cast it too
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Active characters:
Carric Aquissar, elven wannabe artist in his deconstructionist period (Archfey warlock) Lan Kidogo, mapach archaeologist and treasure hunter (Knowledge cleric) Mardan Ferres, elven private investigator obsessed with that one unsolved murder (Assassin rogue) Xhekhetiel, halfling survivor of a Betrayer Gods cult (Runechild sorcerer/fighter)
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This is my second ever homebrew spell, so keep in mind there might be some glaring flaws. Anyways, here is Killer Queen's Third Bomb! Bites the Dust! Some feedback would be nice, as I will be writing a new draft of this spell. If you need more information of what this ability does or what Killer Queen is, please refer to the JoJo Wiki.
Bites the Dust
9th-level abjuration
Casting time: 1 minute
Range: Touch
Components: M (the severed hand of a young woman)
Duration: Until the caster willingly ends it
While Bites the Dust is active, you cannot cast spells or regain spell slots.
Your thirst for privacy has given you slight control of the weave, bending it at your will. After touching a creature, you hide a manifestation of all your magic power inside them, the creature becoming known as Another One (AO). If AO reveals your identity, through writing, verbally or otherwise, and another creature is aware of receiving information about your identity, Bites the Dust activates. The creature receiving the information takes 12d8 force damage, appearing to spontaneously combust. If the creature dies from the damage, they explode completely, destroying all non-magical items on them and leaving no trace of the creature afterwards. After this, Bites the Dust rewinds time to 1 hour before the detonation. AO is aware of what happens and keeps all memories from every rewind. You and up to 4 creatures of your choice are also aware of all rewinds, keeping all memories of each rewind.
Manipulating the weave has left marks in the fabric of space-time. When something happens to AO while Bites the Dust is active (takes damage, gets buffed), it becomes fate. At the point of time when they took the affliction, even if they are not where it took place or the creature or object afflicting AO has even done the affliction, they are affected by it at the same time it happened in the previous rewinds and will keep on happening in each rewind afterwards. If AO would be killed by an affliction, Bites the Dust will materialize and block/prevent it from happening. If a creature sees Bites the Dust while it is materialized, they take the 12d8 damage, and time is rewound. Bites the Dust also affects other creatures. If another creature exploded in a previous rewind due to Bites the Dust, they will always explode at the same time in future timelines, no matter where they are. The creature (or creatures) exploding due to Bites the Dust in previous timelines do not trigger a rewind.
If Bites the Dust is recalled before any explosions take place, fate unravels back to its intended path, with all creatures no longer exploding and AO no longer taking any afflictions after the recall. After recalling Bites the Dust, you can cast spells again, but cannot cast bites the Dust for 7 days after recall.
"Where do these guys get all their ideas?" - TommoBoi, to WOTC
DM of Night of the Nutcracker.
Thoughts:
Why does the hand need to belong to a 'young woman'? Why can't it just be a severed hand? I'd change it to "a hand severed from a living humanoid within the last 24 hours."
The spell should have verbal and somatic components.
The duration means that this spell can be cast every day, which I guess is the idea - that the caster makes it impossible for others to tell them of their existence. This essentially means that it becomes a story point, rather than a spell that will be regularly cast.
One problem with this is that as an offensive spell, it's extremely powerful: I cast Bites the Dust on myself, and all my party. Whenever we meet an enemy, we all yell "This is who this person is" at them and they take Part number x 12d8 force damage instantly, with no possibility of avoiding it. It can also be used to 'bomb' enemies by sending them letters - so I cast it on myself, then send a letter disclosing my identity to whomever I choose, allowing long range assassination.
I don't think you can place a spell on someone that they then activate to off their enemies in such a cataclysmic way, with no saving throw allowed.
Time travel is something that you need to write into the game to occur only at very specific times. Running this as a DM would be nigh on impossible, and if it were cast on a PC, then it would trivialise every encounter. Failed to save that NPC? Whisper the identity to a mouse and pop, you've just rewound time. Not only is it easy to abuse, but it would turn sessions into endless rewinds.
Overall I think that the idea is really fun... in a novel. In a game, constant time skips don't allow for gameplay.
Thank you for the suggestions! he reason why I made it specifically a young woman's hand is because of the character the ability comes from. THe user of this ability was a man named Yoshikage Kira, who murdered women for their hands.
All of the suggestions you made were very helpful, especially with the self-implant you mentioned.
"Where do these guys get all their ideas?" - TommoBoi, to WOTC
DM of Night of the Nutcracker.
Honestly, this seems like one of those things that doesn't need to be a leveled spell at all
If you have a BBEG in your campaign doing things like this, just have them do it. As Sanvael said, this is a plot point, not a spell. The only reason to make it a leveled spell is to open up the possibility that a PC might learn the spell and cast it too
Active characters:
Carric Aquissar, elven wannabe artist in his deconstructionist period (Archfey warlock)
Lan Kidogo, mapach archaeologist and treasure hunter (Knowledge cleric)
Mardan Ferres, elven private investigator obsessed with that one unsolved murder (Assassin rogue)
Xhekhetiel, halfling survivor of a Betrayer Gods cult (Runechild sorcerer/fighter)