Starts March 8 2024. Ends June 7 2024.

Happy Retirement Mat Pat. I salute you.

Session 0

   Today, the players created their characters, and one new guy joined.

   First up is Minigo Iontoya. Minigo's mentor was killed by a man who's missing his middle finger on his left hand. Minigo's father abandoned him at birth (his father was an elf, his mother, a human). Minigo is addicted to water. Fighter with Innate Spellcasting Feat.

   Next up is Jacob Jacobson, a genius elven Artificer. He's apparently also Minigo's father. He is disappointed in Minigo and will not like him until he changes his name to Jacob Jacobson the 413th. He also intends on (as a homebrew, Chaotic Lawful alignment) creating the Cult of Jacob and naming an unnamed Mountain nearby, Jacob Mountain, as the Cult of Jacob's fortress.

   Now for the new guy, Harry Kayne (10 points if you get the wordplay). A Storm Sorcerer that is also a prankster. He wears a mask to help him control his powers, but taking it off will mean devastation. He's on the run because he keeps destroying villages due to drunk people taking the mask off. He seeks to be pardoned by the Noble court of nearby Archito.

   Now, finally, edgy drunkard Death Cleric with busted stats and disadvantage on everything due to always being drunk, Larcieth Alkam. Basically, when he died about 1,000 years ago, his spirit was captured by Durr, the god of destruction. Now, to free the soul of his own and his best friend, Kara, he must kill 5,000 living creatures. He's at about 4,169 out of 5,000 kills.

   After everyone had created their characters, the session began, and the party started out in a tavern, The Running Joke. I let them choose where on the map they started out on, Jacob was hiding under the bar, Minigo and Larcieth were sitting at the bar, and Harry was speaking to a noble in the other corner of the room. Minigo started out in a social interaction initiative (d20 add CHA mod) and ordered water from Pete Blackwind, the Tavernkeep. They engage in conversation with Minigo asking the burly Pete if he happened to have four fingers on his right hand, he didn't.

   Next, Larcieth ordered the heaviest drink, so Pete went in back to see if he could find some Red Dragon Flail Ale. Then Harry summoned Mickey Mouse (the steamboat Willie for copyright reasons) to startle Minigo. This brought laughter to several in the tavern. Jacob was started by the noise and bumped his head on the bar. He proceeded to climb out from underneath and jump on top to see what all the commotion was about. Pete proceeds to pop out with Ale in hand and yells at Jacob “oy Jacob, get off the bar, I don't want to ask you again” he proceeds to cast “Jump” on himself and jumps on to the table across from him. Harry is speaking to the Noble about getting his name pardoned. The Noble agrees if Harry does two tasks for him, find a bartender in the city of Archito that's causing trouble for the Nobles, and gather a group to help get rid of the Occult. He agrees and the Noble leaves. Harry then proceeds to ask a child if he wants to go on an adventure but the child is like “um… I don't think my mommy would like that” and proceeds to run off with 10gp (I checked and didn't tell Harry since the roll was high). Then he feels something wet on his head. The Artificer cast prestidigitation on Harry as Larcieth walks upstairs to his rented room to sleep off the heavy tonic. Harry confronts Jacob who only laughs, so Harry returns the favor.

   They are about to begin a bar fight when Minigo interrupts. Jacob says I am your Father and tells his disappointment in his son. After this revelation they are about to fight once again when suddenly a big boom is heard outside. In walks Dennis, The Cult Fanatic with 7 cultists at his heels. Pete says he'll hold them off while the party needs to get the Tavern patrons to safety. It's at this moment, outside of the game, we all realize how the picture for the Cult Fanatic on D&D Beyond looks like Dwayne The Rock Johnson. We laugh and joke for about 10 minutes and the game continues. After all the Patrons (including the hammered Death Cleric) had woken up or escaped. Dennis succeeds in defeating the Tavernkeep.

   Battle commences when Harry casts a Silent Image of a brick wall in front of Dennis. He turns around and sicks his servants on them. They kill all the cultists in a couple of rounds and knockout Dennis by hucking a chair at his face (after seriously humiliating him by making him magically pee his pants and then enchanting his cloak to say “I peed my pants” everytime he gets hit by anything). The rest of the session is essentially just exposition. The players find out the Cult is after an Axe that can absorb and then redirect any magic (even things like Wish or the powers of the literal gods in the Pantheon) back out in the form of damage. It's now a race to find The Axe first save the world be ruled by the Cult of Monloth…

I had an idea for an old campaign based on reading about nuclear waste sites irl. Pictograms and warnings written in hundreds of dead languages trying to convey radiation in https://omegle****/ terms that the builders would have believed made sense across millennia shit like "there is an evil here that cannot be be seen or controlled" "death awaits those who tread too close". I scrapped it because it seemed mean.

That would be incredibly interesting. Mankind killed each other in Nuclear Warfare and the remnants have no idea about radiation. Very Fallout-esque. I like it.

Session 1: Another new player joined the campaign a Pink Dragonborn named Elvis Thundara. Once a soldier in war, now he joins the group to guide them with his battle prowess.

The players went about the village, exploring it and getting to know the different shop keepers. They also interrogated Dennis from last session but some cultists teleported in, grabbed him, and left. At the end, the players battled orcs that were burning the village crops. They also head to the pawn shop where Sleazy the Elf shows them a wonderfully crafted mace that has a chance for its gravity to increase, causing massive damage. Larcieth and Jacob continue to try to torture and murder everyone they come across except, strangely, the village ****head and second in command in the village. Another thing, they go to the local temple and inside, they attempt to prank the minister by casting the silent image of a demon behind him. The White Dragonborn Minister then whips out a blade's hilt that erupts in a brilliant green ray of light. He slashes at the illusion and then abruplty moves his hand out and somehow pushes the illusion into a wall, making it disappear. The players gained serious respect for him and left

So, Larcieth Alkam is (and I'm just realizing this) an excuse to be a murder hobo player and get the stinging remark "That's what my character would do!" Cow crap but no, no I say! You will have consequences for your actions and can full well go to jail, I'm ok with that.

Session 2: The Players begin inside the tavern the next day. Scouts come bursting into the room and announce that a giant horde of undead. The players then spent the first half hour of the session planning out defenses. Placing NPCs that they met the previous session in spots to defend. They placed the most NPCs to guard the civilian area of the village. The party started out in the commerce district with the two blacksmiths, they sent the Jedi Paladin and the Tavernkeeper to guard the North side, and they sent Maximus to guard his own family, as well as Po. The players easily take down some giant flame skulls and poured hot oil onto the skeleton troops. Their commander turns invisible and escapes. Then, in the rainy darkness, they see a magical beacon of light shoot into the sky on the North side of the village. The party knows this means that group is in trouble and they run over.

They get there fairly quickly. They see the Jedi struggling to fight off a revenant that has been seeking revenge. Pete was holding off many skeletons but was clearly becoming overwhelmed. Then, the commander of this group approaches atop his Bone Naga. Harry uses a spell to knock the rider off and Larcieth jumps on top and tames the creature (temporarily) with a couple of Nat 20s. The Bone Naga proceeds to blast all the skeletons with its Necrotic Breath. Elvis and Minigo gang up on the Revenant. Elvis grapples the revenant and Minigo chops the revenant's head off with the Lightsaber. All the NPCs (save Maximus) then ran to take on the large horde of zombies attacking the citizen's district. The players see a beacon of light coming from Maximus' direction but they decide to ignore it. They instead just try and kill Jerry the Elf to try and get the mace that I made exactly how Minecraft has it all the sudden! I CAME UP WITH THAT FIRST... *Bursts out in laughter realizing how stupid I sound*. Anyway, the zombies are killed and then the players go check on Maximus.

They come in to find Maximus mourning over the body of Po that was stabbed through by the commander that had escaped earlier. Maximus in a rage twirls around and begins to yell at the players and (as the new leader of the village) banishes them. The players are then given a pamphlet by Pete, telling them of Blue Dragonborn, Azulon Talos, who in return for quests would give the players free room and board. Elvis and Pete were once buddies with this dragonborn and Harry was told by the Harpers to kill him.

The players also randomly come upon a Monolith of the Cult that they touch and it shows them a possible future.