I've joined an existing group and we are supposed to be on our 3rd session of a fortnightly game. However all three sessions have been cancelled two as not enough players were available one as the DM got called to work.
So far the list of reasons from players not attending are: I slept through my alarm x2 , I'm sore from the gym, there's no electricity in my hotel and a handful of unexplained or privately explained reasons.
This is something that I've seen a lot of in dnd online groups especially with people that aren't real life friends.
I'm generally very quick to judge people as that was a requirement of a job I held for years but I've been told before to give people the benefit of the doubt but sometimes I feel that other players seem to lack a bit of commitment and I'm worried that this campaign is just going to be a let down. I mean if this is a really uber cool campaign. I'd make the time!
So circling back to the topic when is it a sign people just aren't that interested?
I think it's easy to get frustrated with people in these situations, especially since like you said - they aren't your friends. Not yet, anyway, and I think also that's one of the problems, or hurdles so to speak. When you're forming a new online group it can be... Intimidating and scary to voice chat or visually see other people, for many folks it's a level of risk and vulnerability that they may not be immediately comfortable with.
Another factor is that a lot of people who play this game are likely neurodivergent in some way; I myself have adhd and really struggle with sticking with plans a lot because what sounds great one day is just entirely untenable another day. You also don't know what days that'll be, so you just make plans and hope that you'll be feeling up for it when you get there, and that's... unfortunately not the case. Add in that you're having a NEW social group and you have to 'perform' to a certain standard, put on a good enough friendly show and be nice and accomodating and all this stuff and it can feel really overwhelming to get online with a new group of people.
I suggest people do session zeros or casual chats to plan sessions or talk even if the session gets canceled; that way you can feel out the people who do show up and get to know them a little better, and perhaps mitigate that hurdle of simply logging in and getting on camera/voice and talking to new people, for reals. Even if it's just like a 20 minute chat instead of the whole session, it will familiarize the players who can attend with the other players and the experience of it at all, and it'll perhaps give you a better read on whether or not they're into the game - it may be a situation where there's one or two people who aren't all that into it but the rest are, and it would be a shame to write off the entire group just because two people aren't that committed or taking it seriously.
I had one group that had a troll in it who literally killed the NPC we were supposed to rescue on session one, it was clear by the end of the session he was there to simply implode whatever game we were playing - weeding out uninterested or bad players is unfortunately a part of finding a good group, because 2 of the 4 people left in that particular scenario became really great friends and lifelong players for my regular online groups now, I can't imagine playing without them - so, dont' throw the baby out with the bathwater!
It's fair to value your time but also remember that life can be demanding and hectic and people don't always get to decide what they're doing, if people are blowing you off for trite reasons that's crummy behavior, but someone getting called in to work? they probably can't afford to say no to their boss and stay in good keeping with them, so I wouldn't hold that against them.
The line for me is the line between making excuses, and making a change. Sleeping through an alarm happens, so what are they doing to prevent it from happening next time? Whether or not someone is interested, if they don't set themselves up for success, they aren't going to be reliable. (Someone can be both interested and incompatible.)
Players should understand that their participation affects other people and act accordingly. If they disregard the other members of their group, then this may not be the right group for them.
There's no simple answer for this, to be honest. Sometimes life just go crazy and as farfetched as the reasons sound, they're genuine and it causes chaos. I've had times like that, and I've been grateful when other people have just accepted it and we continued on. Other times people are just being inconsiderate jerks, don't really want to do it but don't have the decency to say so, and waste your time.
You just have to feel for it. Are the same people doing it? I'd ignore the DM since it seems to only have happened the once for them. Have the players that didn't turn up to the sessions missed multiple ones or are they one-offs? If they're one-offs, then just out it down to bad luck. If the same people are just not turning up due to improbable events...then they're probably not wanting to come. How are they acting? Are they giving as much notice as reasonable, or are you chasing them up after a week of silence? Are they apologetic or blasé? Are they otherwise unreliable? Are the excuses valid? I mean, no electricity at the hotel is perfectly valid if you play on Roll20...not so much if it's an in-person game.
You just have to judge whether they're being sincere or just making excuses.
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If you're not willing or able to to discuss in good faith, then don't be surprised if I don't respond, there are better things in life for me to do than humour you. This signature is that response.
I'd say three times is honestly enough, especially if it's the same person. Once is an accident, the second an unfortunate coincidence, the third time is this person now wasting the time I've put aside to play the game and I value that too much to risk a fourth consecutive miss. I get schedules don't always align, I get that even the most outrageous story can be true, but it's happened three times and I'd rather find a more reliable group.
That's my tolerance and the value of my time though. I appreciate it's difficult to say I'm not in the mood, however of all those times actually sitting down to play has rapidly made me interested in playing. As Linklite rightly points out, there's no silver bullet, everyone's different.
Zero is the most important number in D&D: Session Zero sets the boundaries and the tone; Rule Zero dictates the Dungeon Master (DM) is the final arbiter; and Zero D&D is better than Bad D&D.
"Let us speak plainly now, and in earnest, for words mean little without the weight of conviction."
Three cancelled sessions is probably a little excessive, probably worth discussing with the DM if they are happy to play with less players in the session. I play in a couple of campaigns which will normally go ahead unless more than half the players are unavailable so games happen nor often than not. Some DM's play absent players as NPC's while others just leave them in the background.
If it doesn't work out it may just be a case of finding a different group.
Can I ask how big the group is? I run a game with 7 players and we will continue a session with up to 3 missing players. The other players jaegur the character sheets of those missing if they are in the middle of a fight, or, in a dungeon etc, or we find a way to have the character go off screen for the session if it is a more social setting. Sometimes if I know the character would react in a certain way to a situation (for instance one of the characters is a mediator and if the player is not around then other characters can sometimes clash a little so i will then step in as that character when it feels the right moment).
I would say that we have at least 1 missing player roughly 1 session in 3 and there are a couple of players who miss more often then others, but when I set the game up I understood that due to the lives of my players and work schedules the day we settled on for play worked mostly for everyone but some people work shifts and other stuff happens, we are approaching our 1 year anniversary and the players all love the campaign. We play weekly, for about 3 hours a week and the really key thing I find is having a clear synopsis at the start of every session just so everyone is on the same page.
my DM has a party of 6, but really it's that big so we can absorb if up to 2 people have to opt out. I don't recall the last time all 6 were at the session.
He just makes minor rebalances to combat sessions based on who is there, it's a more work for the DM, but he'd rather play than cancel if the majority of players show up.
my DM has a party of 6, but really it's that big so we can absorb if up to 2 people have to opt out. I don't recall the last time all 6 were at the session.
He just makes minor rebalances to combat sessions based on who is there, it's a more work for the DM, but he'd rather play than cancel if the majority of players show up.
This is the other way of doing it, my players decided early on they where happy with another player controlling the character so I didn’t have to rebalance or have the party “ignore a character because the player wasn’t there”. It also means if the party is in the middle of an adventuring day and the player isn’t there for the “morning combat” but a week later is there for the afternoon then the character is equally as hurt/used resources etc as the rest of the party.
I try to be very understanding about this kind of thing -- people handle things like schedule changes differently, so what might seem like a minor hiccup to me could send someone else spinning -- but this one... yikes. If it's an online campaign over Discord or Zoom or whatever, you can literally just lay on your couch and play
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Active characters:
Carric Aquissar, elven wannabe artist in his deconstructionist period (Archfey warlock) Lan Kidogo, mapach archaeologist and treasure hunter (Knowledge cleric) Mardan Ferres, elven private investigator obsessed with that one unsolved murder (Assassin rogue) Xhekhetiel, halfling survivor of a Betrayer Gods cult (Runechild sorcerer/fighter)
I try to be very understanding about this kind of thing -- people handle things like schedule changes differently, so what might seem like a minor hiccup to me could send someone else spinning -- but this one... yikes. If it's an online campaign over Discord or Zoom or whatever, you can literally just lay on your couch and play
This is how I feel.
I'm an atypical dnd player as I've dealt with hobbies that require orders of magnitude more in way of commitment and imposition. For example I played Veteran Soccer (That's both teams with players 35 or older, typically with kids)
What this requires as a bare minimum is: Waking up at 6am on a Sunday, packing your freshly washed shirt/shorts, socks, boots and shin pads. Making your own breakfast at 6:30am as well as a sandwich for lunch. Then driving out to god-only-knows where for an away game which you've never been before. Meeting the team, finding out the changing rooms are dirty and rotten. Getting changed, running out the field in the wind, snow, rain; that probably has had dogs pissing on it all week, running around for an hour-and-a-half, getting kicked by the opponent, probably begin verbally abused by people that would be lets say unwilling to respect your choice of pro-nouns or in anyway modify their behavior. Losing 7-0 and paying 5 bucks subs for the privileged. Going back into the dirty changing rooms finding out there's no hot water, showering then finding your socially obligated to spend at least 1 hour after the game with your team mates for a coke and nachos finally arriving home at 3pm with wife and kids waiting for you.
But people turn up without fail every week generally 1+ hours before kick-off . By comparison DnD requires you to sit on your sofa with a cup of coffee and a biscuit and listen and talk for 2-4 hours.. Now suddenly people can't make it...
I find the "sorry i can't make it" very difficult grasp.!
This might also be a stage of life disparity, too. Blowing off plans is much easier when you are younger and/or have fewer commitments. If you work a demanding job, have a family, and must specifically carve out time to play, "sorry, no session today" hits you differently.
I've been in groups with players whose schedules are far more flexible than mine, and when they canceled last-minute on me repeatedly, I felt deeply disrespected considering what I had to do to make myself available. If you haven't talked to the DM about it already, I'd recommend it. Establishing expectations is important. But it sounds like this could very well be the norm, and it might end up being a poor fit for you.
I'm sore from the gym has to be right up there with I have to shampoo my hamster. I've been fully wrecked by workouts lots of times in my life, but none so badly I couldn't roll a few dice or move a mouse with an occasional keystroke.
I can understand not wanting to play a game after a heavy session at the gym, it's not necessarily the best experience.
But then, I'd avoid going to the gym for a heavy session before an pre-organised D&D session.
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If you're not willing or able to to discuss in good faith, then don't be surprised if I don't respond, there are better things in life for me to do than humour you. This signature is that response.
This might also be a stage of life disparity, too. Blowing off plans is much easier when you are younger and/or have fewer commitments. If you work a demanding job, have a family, and must specifically carve out time to play, "sorry, no session today" hits you differently
This is something I've encountered more times than I can count.
Maybe someone can help me?
Where I struggle is why a person who is struggling for time due to such demands would sign up for a weekly session for 3-4 hours a week?
Lots of options out there, maybe a west marchers server, perhaps a odd one shot every few months. Or maybe just read the books, enjoy a nice walk.
Ultimately what I don't understand is why people say they can commit to something they can't commit to?
This might also be a stage of life disparity, too. Blowing off plans is much easier when you are younger and/or have fewer commitments. If you work a demanding job, have a family, and must specifically carve out time to play, "sorry, no session today" hits you differently
This is something I've encountered more times than I can count.
Maybe someone can help me?
Where I struggle is why a person who is struggling for time due to such demands would sign up for a weekly session for 3-4 hours a week?
Lots of options out there, maybe a west marchers server, perhaps a odd one shot every few months. Or maybe just read the books, enjoy a nice walk.
Ultimately what I don't understand is why people say they can commit to something they can't commit to?
It is perfectly possible to be attracted to the idea of playing a regular game and not really be committed to doing so. This is generally true about much of life. People sign up at gyms but don't exercise regularly. They buy guitars but do not practice daily. They get language learning apps that go unused after the first few tries. So, in one sense, gaming is no different.
That said, because gaming is something you do with other people, and some (at least one) of those people have had to invest time in preparation, and all of them have had to arrange their schedules to carve out the time, the failure at follow-through is different. It requires more honesty if, having committed, one finds himself unwilling actually to show up. Even so, self-knowledge is not easy, and it is hard for many people to admit to themselves that this good thing that they think they would actually enjoy is something they have chosen (by their actions, if not consciously) not to enjoy.
Interestingly, this phenomena is the exact reason that pay to play sessions have started to gain traction.
If you're with a group of people who are already down to pay for the session, you know that they'll carve out time to play. Its a priority.
Personally, I've been uber lucky and joined a couple of regular play groups that have met consistently for long periods of time. My most recent game has actually only missed one session in like a year and it was literally the day after new years so everyone was traveling, sick, on holiday with family, etc. It was an all around "probably better just to wait" but we also only meet bi-weekly.
Weekly meetings are a little tougher, and more frequent games even more so. Playing DnD is a lot of fun but it does suck up a lot of time and if you've got other responsibilities it can come into conflict with them. Fortunately, again, for me I'm currently in a position where every other Monday works out fine. Your situation is a bit different though.
Honestly, if the group hadn't even started yet, I'd probably leave after the second or third missed game. That just doesn't seem like a group that's going to make it priority, and it needs to be because of the lengthy time investment. On my end, I have rescheduled interviews, told people I had plans, etc. to make sure that I can make that Monday game every other week for the time set.
It is a hobby, but its a hobby that includes other people and you want to be in a group that respects other people's time, otherwise, what's the point? If you're getting the whole "its just a game vibe" then screw that because it isn't. Its your time, and your time is valuable.
This might also be a stage of life disparity, too. Blowing off plans is much easier when you are younger and/or have fewer commitments. If you work a demanding job, have a family, and must specifically carve out time to play, "sorry, no session today" hits you differently
This is something I've encountered more times than I can count.
Maybe someone can help me?
Where I struggle is why a person who is struggling for time due to such demands would sign up for a weekly session for 3-4 hours a week?
Lots of options out there, maybe a west marchers server, perhaps a odd one shot every few months. Or maybe just read the books, enjoy a nice walk.
Ultimately what I don't understand is why people say they can commit to something they can't commit to?
It is perfectly possible to be attracted to the idea of playing a regular game and not really be committed to doing so. This is generally true about much of life.
. It requires more honesty if, having committed, one finds himself unwilling actually to show up. E
I think may be a bit of hostile question to ask someone at session 0. If they actually intend to turn up or just like the idea of a weekly game, but have no inclination to follow through
I think if there's enough players still interested, if people "missed" it for whatever reason, the DM should try to come up with what I call a fluff adventure. Spin something up real quick that will take a few hours (however long the sessions normally are) that veer off slightly from whatever the campaign is. The party hears someone in trouble, rescues them, the NPC tells them that their heirloom dagger was stolen by some bandits, track down the bandits, whatever... Something like that is always an option and can be customized to fit how many ever other people are willing to play that session. The other characters "guard" the NPC from the bandits returning while the others press on to find the heirloom. Just something that's a bit of a "side quest."
I've done that a few times, in my four/five years DMing three different homebrew campaigns of my own.
I've joined an existing group and we are supposed to be on our 3rd session of a fortnightly game. However all three sessions have been cancelled two as not enough players were available one as the DM got called to work.
So far the list of reasons from players not attending are: I slept through my alarm x2 , I'm sore from the gym, there's no electricity in my hotel and a handful of unexplained or privately explained reasons.
This is something that I've seen a lot of in dnd online groups especially with people that aren't real life friends.
I'm generally very quick to judge people as that was a requirement of a job I held for years but I've been told before to give people the benefit of the doubt but sometimes I feel that other players seem to lack a bit of commitment and I'm worried that this campaign is just going to be a let down. I mean if this is a really uber cool campaign. I'd make the time!
So circling back to the topic when is it a sign people just aren't that interested?
I think it's easy to get frustrated with people in these situations, especially since like you said - they aren't your friends. Not yet, anyway, and I think also that's one of the problems, or hurdles so to speak. When you're forming a new online group it can be... Intimidating and scary to voice chat or visually see other people, for many folks it's a level of risk and vulnerability that they may not be immediately comfortable with.
Another factor is that a lot of people who play this game are likely neurodivergent in some way; I myself have adhd and really struggle with sticking with plans a lot because what sounds great one day is just entirely untenable another day. You also don't know what days that'll be, so you just make plans and hope that you'll be feeling up for it when you get there, and that's... unfortunately not the case. Add in that you're having a NEW social group and you have to 'perform' to a certain standard, put on a good enough friendly show and be nice and accomodating and all this stuff and it can feel really overwhelming to get online with a new group of people.
I suggest people do session zeros or casual chats to plan sessions or talk even if the session gets canceled; that way you can feel out the people who do show up and get to know them a little better, and perhaps mitigate that hurdle of simply logging in and getting on camera/voice and talking to new people, for reals. Even if it's just like a 20 minute chat instead of the whole session, it will familiarize the players who can attend with the other players and the experience of it at all, and it'll perhaps give you a better read on whether or not they're into the game - it may be a situation where there's one or two people who aren't all that into it but the rest are, and it would be a shame to write off the entire group just because two people aren't that committed or taking it seriously.
I had one group that had a troll in it who literally killed the NPC we were supposed to rescue on session one, it was clear by the end of the session he was there to simply implode whatever game we were playing - weeding out uninterested or bad players is unfortunately a part of finding a good group, because 2 of the 4 people left in that particular scenario became really great friends and lifelong players for my regular online groups now, I can't imagine playing without them - so, dont' throw the baby out with the bathwater!
It's fair to value your time but also remember that life can be demanding and hectic and people don't always get to decide what they're doing, if people are blowing you off for trite reasons that's crummy behavior, but someone getting called in to work? they probably can't afford to say no to their boss and stay in good keeping with them, so I wouldn't hold that against them.
The line for me is the line between making excuses, and making a change. Sleeping through an alarm happens, so what are they doing to prevent it from happening next time? Whether or not someone is interested, if they don't set themselves up for success, they aren't going to be reliable. (Someone can be both interested and incompatible.)
Players should understand that their participation affects other people and act accordingly. If they disregard the other members of their group, then this may not be the right group for them.
There's no simple answer for this, to be honest. Sometimes life just go crazy and as farfetched as the reasons sound, they're genuine and it causes chaos. I've had times like that, and I've been grateful when other people have just accepted it and we continued on. Other times people are just being inconsiderate jerks, don't really want to do it but don't have the decency to say so, and waste your time.
You just have to feel for it. Are the same people doing it? I'd ignore the DM since it seems to only have happened the once for them. Have the players that didn't turn up to the sessions missed multiple ones or are they one-offs? If they're one-offs, then just out it down to bad luck. If the same people are just not turning up due to improbable events...then they're probably not wanting to come. How are they acting? Are they giving as much notice as reasonable, or are you chasing them up after a week of silence? Are they apologetic or blasé? Are they otherwise unreliable? Are the excuses valid? I mean, no electricity at the hotel is perfectly valid if you play on Roll20...not so much if it's an in-person game.
You just have to judge whether they're being sincere or just making excuses.
If you're not willing or able to to discuss in good faith, then don't be surprised if I don't respond, there are better things in life for me to do than humour you. This signature is that response.
I'd say three times is honestly enough, especially if it's the same person. Once is an accident, the second an unfortunate coincidence, the third time is this person now wasting the time I've put aside to play the game and I value that too much to risk a fourth consecutive miss. I get schedules don't always align, I get that even the most outrageous story can be true, but it's happened three times and I'd rather find a more reliable group.
That's my tolerance and the value of my time though. I appreciate it's difficult to say I'm not in the mood, however of all those times actually sitting down to play has rapidly made me interested in playing. As Linklite rightly points out, there's no silver bullet, everyone's different.
Zero is the most important number in D&D: Session Zero sets the boundaries and the tone; Rule Zero dictates the Dungeon Master (DM) is the final arbiter; and Zero D&D is better than Bad D&D.
"Let us speak plainly now, and in earnest, for words mean little without the weight of conviction."
- The Assemblage of Houses, World of Warcraft
Three cancelled sessions is probably a little excessive, probably worth discussing with the DM if they are happy to play with less players in the session. I play in a couple of campaigns which will normally go ahead unless more than half the players are unavailable so games happen nor often than not. Some DM's play absent players as NPC's while others just leave them in the background.
If it doesn't work out it may just be a case of finding a different group.
Can I ask how big the group is? I run a game with 7 players and we will continue a session with up to 3 missing players. The other players jaegur the character sheets of those missing if they are in the middle of a fight, or, in a dungeon etc, or we find a way to have the character go off screen for the session if it is a more social setting. Sometimes if I know the character would react in a certain way to a situation (for instance one of the characters is a mediator and if the player is not around then other characters can sometimes clash a little so i will then step in as that character when it feels the right moment).
I would say that we have at least 1 missing player roughly 1 session in 3 and there are a couple of players who miss more often then others, but when I set the game up I understood that due to the lives of my players and work schedules the day we settled on for play worked mostly for everyone but some people work shifts and other stuff happens, we are approaching our 1 year anniversary and the players all love the campaign. We play weekly, for about 3 hours a week and the really key thing I find is having a clear synopsis at the start of every session just so everyone is on the same page.
my DM has a party of 6, but really it's that big so we can absorb if up to 2 people have to opt out. I don't recall the last time all 6 were at the session.
He just makes minor rebalances to combat sessions based on who is there, it's a more work for the DM, but he'd rather play than cancel if the majority of players show up.
This is the other way of doing it, my players decided early on they where happy with another player controlling the character so I didn’t have to rebalance or have the party “ignore a character because the player wasn’t there”. It also means if the party is in the middle of an adventuring day and the player isn’t there for the “morning combat” but a week later is there for the afternoon then the character is equally as hurt/used resources etc as the rest of the party.
I try to be very understanding about this kind of thing -- people handle things like schedule changes differently, so what might seem like a minor hiccup to me could send someone else spinning -- but this one... yikes. If it's an online campaign over Discord or Zoom or whatever, you can literally just lay on your couch and play
Active characters:
Carric Aquissar, elven wannabe artist in his deconstructionist period (Archfey warlock)
Lan Kidogo, mapach archaeologist and treasure hunter (Knowledge cleric)
Mardan Ferres, elven private investigator obsessed with that one unsolved murder (Assassin rogue)
Xhekhetiel, halfling survivor of a Betrayer Gods cult (Runechild sorcerer/fighter)
This is how I feel.
I'm an atypical dnd player as I've dealt with hobbies that require orders of magnitude more in way of commitment and imposition. For example I played Veteran Soccer (That's both teams with players 35 or older, typically with kids)
What this requires as a bare minimum is: Waking up at 6am on a Sunday, packing your freshly washed shirt/shorts, socks, boots and shin pads. Making your own breakfast at 6:30am as well as a sandwich for lunch. Then driving out to god-only-knows where for an away game which you've never been before. Meeting the team, finding out the changing rooms are dirty and rotten. Getting changed, running out the field in the wind, snow, rain; that probably has had dogs pissing on it all week, running around for an hour-and-a-half, getting kicked by the opponent, probably begin verbally abused by people that would be lets say unwilling to respect your choice of pro-nouns or in anyway modify their behavior. Losing 7-0 and paying 5 bucks subs for the privileged. Going back into the dirty changing rooms finding out there's no hot water, showering then finding your socially obligated to spend at least 1 hour after the game with your team mates for a coke and nachos finally arriving home at 3pm with wife and kids waiting for you.
But people turn up without fail every week generally 1+ hours before kick-off . By comparison DnD requires you to sit on your sofa with a cup of coffee and a biscuit and listen and talk for 2-4 hours.. Now suddenly people can't make it...
I find the "sorry i can't make it" very difficult grasp.!
This might also be a stage of life disparity, too. Blowing off plans is much easier when you are younger and/or have fewer commitments. If you work a demanding job, have a family, and must specifically carve out time to play, "sorry, no session today" hits you differently.
I've been in groups with players whose schedules are far more flexible than mine, and when they canceled last-minute on me repeatedly, I felt deeply disrespected considering what I had to do to make myself available. If you haven't talked to the DM about it already, I'd recommend it. Establishing expectations is important. But it sounds like this could very well be the norm, and it might end up being a poor fit for you.
I'm sore from the gym has to be right up there with I have to shampoo my hamster. I've been fully wrecked by workouts lots of times in my life, but none so badly I couldn't roll a few dice or move a mouse with an occasional keystroke.
I can understand not wanting to play a game after a heavy session at the gym, it's not necessarily the best experience.
But then, I'd avoid going to the gym for a heavy session before an pre-organised D&D session.
If you're not willing or able to to discuss in good faith, then don't be surprised if I don't respond, there are better things in life for me to do than humour you. This signature is that response.
Has anyone else found that a plague of migraines seems to hit certain players in the days leading up to sessions sometimes?
This is something I've encountered more times than I can count.
Maybe someone can help me?
Where I struggle is why a person who is struggling for time due to such demands would sign up for a weekly session for 3-4 hours a week?
Lots of options out there, maybe a west marchers server, perhaps a odd one shot every few months. Or maybe just read the books, enjoy a nice walk.
Ultimately what I don't understand is why people say they can commit to something they can't commit to?
It is perfectly possible to be attracted to the idea of playing a regular game and not really be committed to doing so. This is generally true about much of life. People sign up at gyms but don't exercise regularly. They buy guitars but do not practice daily. They get language learning apps that go unused after the first few tries. So, in one sense, gaming is no different.
That said, because gaming is something you do with other people, and some (at least one) of those people have had to invest time in preparation, and all of them have had to arrange their schedules to carve out the time, the failure at follow-through is different. It requires more honesty if, having committed, one finds himself unwilling actually to show up. Even so, self-knowledge is not easy, and it is hard for many people to admit to themselves that this good thing that they think they would actually enjoy is something they have chosen (by their actions, if not consciously) not to enjoy.
Interestingly, this phenomena is the exact reason that pay to play sessions have started to gain traction.
If you're with a group of people who are already down to pay for the session, you know that they'll carve out time to play. Its a priority.
Personally, I've been uber lucky and joined a couple of regular play groups that have met consistently for long periods of time. My most recent game has actually only missed one session in like a year and it was literally the day after new years so everyone was traveling, sick, on holiday with family, etc. It was an all around "probably better just to wait" but we also only meet bi-weekly.
Weekly meetings are a little tougher, and more frequent games even more so. Playing DnD is a lot of fun but it does suck up a lot of time and if you've got other responsibilities it can come into conflict with them. Fortunately, again, for me I'm currently in a position where every other Monday works out fine. Your situation is a bit different though.
Honestly, if the group hadn't even started yet, I'd probably leave after the second or third missed game. That just doesn't seem like a group that's going to make it priority, and it needs to be because of the lengthy time investment. On my end, I have rescheduled interviews, told people I had plans, etc. to make sure that I can make that Monday game every other week for the time set.
It is a hobby, but its a hobby that includes other people and you want to be in a group that respects other people's time, otherwise, what's the point? If you're getting the whole "its just a game vibe" then screw that because it isn't. Its your time, and your time is valuable.
Cheers!
I think may be a bit of hostile question to ask someone at session 0. If they actually intend to turn up or just like the idea of a weekly game, but have no inclination to follow through
I think if there's enough players still interested, if people "missed" it for whatever reason, the DM should try to come up with what I call a fluff adventure. Spin something up real quick that will take a few hours (however long the sessions normally are) that veer off slightly from whatever the campaign is. The party hears someone in trouble, rescues them, the NPC tells them that their heirloom dagger was stolen by some bandits, track down the bandits, whatever... Something like that is always an option and can be customized to fit how many ever other people are willing to play that session. The other characters "guard" the NPC from the bandits returning while the others press on to find the heirloom. Just something that's a bit of a "side quest."
I've done that a few times, in my four/five years DMing three different homebrew campaigns of my own.
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