So I am currently playing my first D&D game with a bunch of my coworkers. Our DM has played D&D before, but has never DMed before. He's doing a great job, but there is something a little weird - he keeps saying things like "I can't wait to kill you" to all of us, and I'm just wondering if that's something that happens to other people. For instance, we all made custom HeroForge minis, and the first thing he said when we told him was "Oh, now it'll be even sweeter when I kill all your characters." And then yesterday, we had a painting party since he couldn't play that night, and when I happily showed him my first painted mini, he was like "Now I REALLY have to kill you!". LIKE??? That just felt super rude to me! I worked really hard on painting my figure, and the first thing he says is something super negative. I feel like we as a group need to talk to him about saying things like that, because honestly it makes me not want to play with him anymore. I don't know, I feel kinda lost. Does anyone have advice for what we should do?
Well, first thing is: Does your DM force you into fights, or can you get through things by other means (assuming the other players dont push for fights)?
Second, how much of your time playing is spent engaged in fights, and how difficult are they? (frequently near death?)
Third, has your group felt the need to kill a bunch of things for experience, that you would otherwise not?
If your answers tend to be that you and more frequently forced into fights, and they are extremely difficult, and you have to kill things more often, then you may have a combative DM (one that views DND as a competition vs the players and themself).
If things are more light-hearted/less conflict, then it may simply be comments made in jest, interpreted by the DM as witty banter.
A combative mindset would mean you would want to look elsewhere, because there isnt much you could do there, but if it is banter, your DM will likely back off on using it as much once you speak to them about it, which you will need to do soon, so you can relax and move forward.
Well, this can be a minefield. You seem upset. Ignoring or dismissing someone's feelings would not be.. ugh... 'politically correct' these days. Your DM should at least listen to what you have to say.
However, being upset, or dare I say it, choosing to be upset by your DM's remarks may require some validation on your part. Are your other party members also upset? If the DM does kill off your character, will that be devastating for you? To what point? Does your DM just have a warped sense of humor, and he wouldn't actually do that? Have you seen him actually trying during games?
Total Party Kills may be the result of stupid decisions that the players make, or the inexperience of a new DM. The DM can make narrative acrobatics to try and explain why the TPK gets undone, didn't happen or why a new group of adventurers decide to pick up the story where the other adventurers bit the dust. Most of the time it's not fun for either players or DM's.
That being said, I know some groups that enjoy playing in meat grinder dungeons, to see how far they can go before dying. The goal of the game IS a TPK and the trophy is an XP score.
Let me talk about my games: As a player, I want challenge. As a DM, I want my players to dance a fine line between their characters being and doing silly/epic things, and seriously trying to survive. But most of all, as a player or as a DM, I want a satisfactory conclusion to whatever story is being told.
Stories have more emotional impact if ultimate success comes at tragic costs. I make it clear during my session zero that players should have replacement character concepts ready to go. I would hope to have one, maybe two deaths over the course of a campaign, without it being forced. As a DM, it's my job to make those deaths matter.
For what it's worth, my point of view is players should be prepared to risk characters dying to make the stories and scenarios more poignant, more gripping, riskier and ultimately more satisfying.
It's my goal to put my players through fights with the knowledge that I can and will try to kill them. That being said most of the time they end up accidentally killing each other. Personally I think they should come at you with the intent to kill your character if that's what the situation calls for. Yet if killing you is their only goal and its not helping to progress the story then you should have a talk with your DM.
I'm seconding what @Journer said - it's possible he's just joking around. The trope or stereotype of the "Sadistic DM" who derives great joy from killing PCs is well known in DnD circles, and some DMs like to play around with or poke fun at that stereotype. For example, my DM also cracks wise about how much he'd like to kill our PCs, but in reality he will openly break the rules to keep a PC from dying if their death doesn't enhance the plot in some way, and/or if the player hasn't previously talked to him about killing off the character. (The only exception to this is when the player is being EXCEEDINGLY STUPID and character death is the logical consequence of their boneheaded actions.)
Talk to your GM and ask him if he's serious about having a goal of killing your characters, or if he's just joking. He might not realize the effect his comments have on people who aren't familiar with DnD and all its related in-jokes, etc. If he's serious about wanting to kill your characters, then you know to look elsewhere for a DM to play with. If he explains he's just joking, then you can say to him, "Oh, whew - I was really worried. You were saying it so often that I couldn't tell if you were serious, and it really made me upset." That will let him know to tone it back.
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"We're the perfect combination of expendable and unkillable!"
This is a common joke made by DM's, especially by those that don't want to kill their PCs. I make this job all the time, especially when they're being exceptionally successful.
This is a common joke made by DM's, especially by those that don't want to kill their PCs. I make this job all the time, especially when they're being exceptionally successful.
This is me. Before our next session I'm always teasing my players about how I'm going to kill everyone. They know I'm teasing and we smack talk back and forth about it. It's just something fun.
I never ever actually do anything with the single goal of killing anyone. That's up to the dice and the player decisions. I'll give opportunities for them to get into fights or talk their way out of them. But I won't give them something so hard that they would never survive it.
Course at the same time if players so something really silly or just roll bad.. well I'm not afraid to let the dice decide their fate.
I'm constantly telling my players how much I want to kill them, but also we've known each other for ten years and have a comfortable kind of relationship where we all understand what we mean by that.
If you and your DM aren't comfortable with how each interprets the other, it might be a bit off-color.
Some DMs say stuff like that jokingly. If that's the case, nothing to worry about.
If he's serious about it, leave. That's not how the game should be played, that's not fun, it's not fair. The DM can kill your character any time he wants since he controls literally the entire world. "Meteor landed on the town, you're all dead!"
To me I only "try" to kill my players characters if that's what the npc or situation calls for. If a group of enemies is trying to catch the PC's it makes no sense for them to try and kill them (though I have killed PC's, had their corpses transported for ease then resurrected when they arrived at their destination).
However if I say have a crime boss who wants my PC's dead because of their continual interference then yes I will actively try to kill them in combat. I have my players create 2 characters during my campaigns (a main and a backup) because I tell them there is always a chance that your character will die.
It really depends on the kind of game you're playing
He's doing a great job, but there is something a little weird - he keeps saying things like "I can't wait to kill you" to all of us
This is normal "smack talk". DM's do not actually want to kill PC's (as doing so actually creates more headaches for themselves), but they want players to feel challenged, and "smack talk" is one method to enhance this feeling of competitiveness. Also, DM's are there to 'roleplay' NPC's, many of which want your death - so this might help him get into the role. But really: DM's want you to win (they just can't show it).
Next time it happens, reply with "I can't wait to shred your carefully crafted plotline" or "You don't need to need to heighten the anxiety for my benefit. Besides, the D&D forums said that you're a neutral arbiter that's really rooting for us to win".
I happily showed him my first painted mini, he was like "Now I REALLY have to kill you!".
More smack talk, but this one is based in the idea that (just like it raining right after you washed your car) PC's tend to die right after their miniature gets painted.
It's a form of hazing. If it hurts your feelings, tell him.
As a DM, there are a LOT worse things I can do to characters than kill them. I tend to be secretly protective of them. If they're not invested in the game, removing that protection can add a sense of urgency and focus. And on the rare occasions that I'm doing a horror game, all bets are off. But making a player feel picked on is always a failure on my part.
As others mentioned, communication is key here. He could be joking or he could be serious but you won't know until you ask. My current group knows I am joking when I say things like that but they also know I don't pull punches and that they better be prepared for that boss fight; it encourages them to look for alternate solutions which is fun. My suggestion is after a few sessions to have an after game discussion with the group. See what the group has liked so far, disliked, what kind of game they'd like to see. It helps get everyone on the same page and helps the DM know better what kind of adventures to prepare.
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So I am currently playing my first D&D game with a bunch of my coworkers. Our DM has played D&D before, but has never DMed before. He's doing a great job, but there is something a little weird - he keeps saying things like "I can't wait to kill you" to all of us, and I'm just wondering if that's something that happens to other people. For instance, we all made custom HeroForge minis, and the first thing he said when we told him was "Oh, now it'll be even sweeter when I kill all your characters." And then yesterday, we had a painting party since he couldn't play that night, and when I happily showed him my first painted mini, he was like "Now I REALLY have to kill you!". LIKE??? That just felt super rude to me! I worked really hard on painting my figure, and the first thing he says is something super negative. I feel like we as a group need to talk to him about saying things like that, because honestly it makes me not want to play with him anymore. I don't know, I feel kinda lost. Does anyone have advice for what we should do?
Well, first thing is: Does your DM force you into fights, or can you get through things by other means (assuming the other players dont push for fights)?
Second, how much of your time playing is spent engaged in fights, and how difficult are they? (frequently near death?)
Third, has your group felt the need to kill a bunch of things for experience, that you would otherwise not?
If your answers tend to be that you and more frequently forced into fights, and they are extremely difficult, and you have to kill things more often, then you may have a combative DM (one that views DND as a competition vs the players and themself).
If things are more light-hearted/less conflict, then it may simply be comments made in jest, interpreted by the DM as witty banter.
A combative mindset would mean you would want to look elsewhere, because there isnt much you could do there, but if it is banter, your DM will likely back off on using it as much once you speak to them about it, which you will need to do soon, so you can relax and move forward.
Well, this can be a minefield. You seem upset. Ignoring or dismissing someone's feelings would not be.. ugh... 'politically correct' these days. Your DM should at least listen to what you have to say.
However, being upset, or dare I say it, choosing to be upset by your DM's remarks may require some validation on your part. Are your other party members also upset? If the DM does kill off your character, will that be devastating for you? To what point? Does your DM just have a warped sense of humor, and he wouldn't actually do that? Have you seen him actually trying during games?
Total Party Kills may be the result of stupid decisions that the players make, or the inexperience of a new DM. The DM can make narrative acrobatics to try and explain why the TPK gets undone, didn't happen or why a new group of adventurers decide to pick up the story where the other adventurers bit the dust. Most of the time it's not fun for either players or DM's.
That being said, I know some groups that enjoy playing in meat grinder dungeons, to see how far they can go before dying. The goal of the game IS a TPK and the trophy is an XP score.
Let me talk about my games: As a player, I want challenge. As a DM, I want my players to dance a fine line between their characters being and doing silly/epic things, and seriously trying to survive. But most of all, as a player or as a DM, I want a satisfactory conclusion to whatever story is being told.
Stories have more emotional impact if ultimate success comes at tragic costs. I make it clear during my session zero that players should have replacement character concepts ready to go. I would hope to have one, maybe two deaths over the course of a campaign, without it being forced. As a DM, it's my job to make those deaths matter.
For what it's worth, my point of view is players should be prepared to risk characters dying to make the stories and scenarios more poignant, more gripping, riskier and ultimately more satisfying.
It's my goal to put my players through fights with the knowledge that I can and will try to kill them. That being said most of the time they end up accidentally killing each other. Personally I think they should come at you with the intent to kill your character if that's what the situation calls for. Yet if killing you is their only goal and its not helping to progress the story then you should have a talk with your DM.
I'm seconding what @Journer said - it's possible he's just joking around. The trope or stereotype of the "Sadistic DM" who derives great joy from killing PCs is well known in DnD circles, and some DMs like to play around with or poke fun at that stereotype. For example, my DM also cracks wise about how much he'd like to kill our PCs, but in reality he will openly break the rules to keep a PC from dying if their death doesn't enhance the plot in some way, and/or if the player hasn't previously talked to him about killing off the character. (The only exception to this is when the player is being EXCEEDINGLY STUPID and character death is the logical consequence of their boneheaded actions.)
Talk to your GM and ask him if he's serious about having a goal of killing your characters, or if he's just joking. He might not realize the effect his comments have on people who aren't familiar with DnD and all its related in-jokes, etc. If he's serious about wanting to kill your characters, then you know to look elsewhere for a DM to play with. If he explains he's just joking, then you can say to him, "Oh, whew - I was really worried. You were saying it so often that I couldn't tell if you were serious, and it really made me upset." That will let him know to tone it back.
"We're the perfect combination of expendable and unkillable!"
This is a common joke made by DM's, especially by those that don't want to kill their PCs. I make this job all the time, especially when they're being exceptionally successful.
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This is me. Before our next session I'm always teasing my players about how I'm going to kill everyone. They know I'm teasing and we smack talk back and forth about it. It's just something fun.
I never ever actually do anything with the single goal of killing anyone. That's up to the dice and the player decisions. I'll give opportunities for them to get into fights or talk their way out of them. But I won't give them something so hard that they would never survive it.
Course at the same time if players so something really silly or just roll bad.. well I'm not afraid to let the dice decide their fate.
It's all fun.
I'm constantly telling my players how much I want to kill them, but also we've known each other for ten years and have a comfortable kind of relationship where we all understand what we mean by that.
If you and your DM aren't comfortable with how each interprets the other, it might be a bit off-color.
Some DMs say stuff like that jokingly. If that's the case, nothing to worry about.
If he's serious about it, leave. That's not how the game should be played, that's not fun, it's not fair. The DM can kill your character any time he wants since he controls literally the entire world. "Meteor landed on the town, you're all dead!"
To me I only "try" to kill my players characters if that's what the npc or situation calls for. If a group of enemies is trying to catch the PC's it makes no sense for them to try and kill them (though I have killed PC's, had their corpses transported for ease then resurrected when they arrived at their destination).
However if I say have a crime boss who wants my PC's dead because of their continual interference then yes I will actively try to kill them in combat. I have my players create 2 characters during my campaigns (a main and a backup) because I tell them there is always a chance that your character will die.
It really depends on the kind of game you're playing
This is normal "smack talk". DM's do not actually want to kill PC's (as doing so actually creates more headaches for themselves), but they want players to feel challenged, and "smack talk" is one method to enhance this feeling of competitiveness. Also, DM's are there to 'roleplay' NPC's, many of which want your death - so this might help him get into the role. But really: DM's want you to win (they just can't show it).
Next time it happens, reply with "I can't wait to shred your carefully crafted plotline" or "You don't need to need to heighten the anxiety for my benefit. Besides, the D&D forums said that you're a neutral arbiter that's really rooting for us to win".
More smack talk, but this one is based in the idea that (just like it raining right after you washed your car) PC's tend to die right after their miniature gets painted.
It's a form of hazing. If it hurts your feelings, tell him.
As a DM, there are a LOT worse things I can do to characters than kill them. I tend to be secretly protective of them. If they're not invested in the game, removing that protection can add a sense of urgency and focus. And on the rare occasions that I'm doing a horror game, all bets are off. But making a player feel picked on is always a failure on my part.
As others mentioned, communication is key here. He could be joking or he could be serious but you won't know until you ask. My current group knows I am joking when I say things like that but they also know I don't pull punches and that they better be prepared for that boss fight; it encourages them to look for alternate solutions which is fun. My suggestion is after a few sessions to have an after game discussion with the group. See what the group has liked so far, disliked, what kind of game they'd like to see. It helps get everyone on the same page and helps the DM know better what kind of adventures to prepare.