I have been writing a story for a female character, and I am curious what kind of character you all think would be the best fit for the story so far. It's not finished yet, I only have the first half of it written so far, but I have tried to write it in such as way, as not to tie the character or the dungeon master into any particular story. In short; although the dungeon master who will read this, like to have long character stories that she can read and enjoy, and pull threads from to tie into her game, I don't want to lock anyone onto a specific, unchanging path.
I enjoy writing long-form backstories, and this particular dungeon master likes getting them, so bear in mind that it is not written like a typical backstory. Still, I have tried to include everything that should be in a typical backstory, although as I said, it isn't finished, so some things aren't included yet.
Anyway, here is the story:
BASIC PROFILE:
Iona de Mantua - only-begotten daughter, and the illegitimate child of the Duke of Mantua. Iona is born of noble blood and grew up with her father, who cared for her greatly, although as a girl, and an illegitimate child, she will never be able to claim her true title. It is for this reason that she hates her younger brother, believing that he stole what was rightfully hers; both her father's heart and her throne. At present, she is utterly unwilling or unable to accept that her choices might have contributed to her father disowning her.
------
BACKSTORY (SO FAR):
Cold winds blew across the bay giving Iona a violent, stinging slap across the face, as she chugged down the last remnants of hot mulled wine. The drink was cheap and bitter, and not at all to Iona's liking, evidenced by the constant stream of scalding sticky liquid that ran from the corners of her mouth and down her face, as she forced herself to consume what might be her last hot drink for who knew how long.
Closing her eyes, so as not to give away the fact that she found the vendor's concoction utterly disgusting, Iona could almost hear the voice of her father booming once more its objections over her joining the military.
"She who fights with monsters should be careful lest she thereby becomes a monster. And if thou gaze into an abyss long enough, my dear daughter, the abyss will gaze into thee."
Iona had been dismissive of her father's words back then, believing them to be nothing but the ramblings of a broken old fool; nay, she thought his words and warnings to be treasonous. Indeed; she would argue, that any person who had the power to do so, would want to fight, to defend all they held dear, and when her father refused to let her, she had run away and pretended to be an orphan, so that she could enlist without her father's consent. He would see, he would realise the truth and he would welcome her home a hero -- but, that was long ago and in another life. In the here-and-now, Iona was not so sure that the choice she had made was the right one. The things she had done in the name of the meek, the friends sacrificed for the cause, and the lives and families she tore apart and utterly destroyed with a flick of her blade. All of it, the entire stinking war, left a stain of blood upon her psyche that haunted her every waking moment and fueled the terrors of her dreams.
"Hey, aren't you cold lady?"
Lost in her memories, Iona had had not noticed the group of teenage boys who had gathered leeringly behind her. Turning on her heels, she glared at the tormenting one, and for a moment, she thought about confronting him but seeing his tender years had knocked the fight out of her. Too many foolish boys like him had died already; boys looking for a fight, desperate to prove themselves, to pass into adulthood by gaining some ardent glory. As she took a step towards her aggressor, he darted back and his friends, who till this point remained closed grouped behind him, snickering in lustful, ugly tones, scattered like rats abandoning a sinking ship. Iona stopped, her fists clenched as took a deep breath, forcing down her rage and desire to fight. If she fought this boy, she would be unable to control herself, if they fought with each other, he would die, and she would not be the one to end yet another innocent life—even one belonging to he who had acted so iniquitously.
"Half breed," he shouted in a breaking teenage voice, taunting her, attempting to provoke her, but now she had calmed herself; she had regained her composure, and his efforts fell on deaf ears. Realising that his attempts to initiate a fight with someone he perceived as being worthless, the boy, now all alone, began to reach for a weapon. It was nothing grand, a small, simple knife. Perhaps he intended to use it to force her to give him what he wanted, but as his libidinal energies touched her aura, seeking out her weak points, he froze. He had thought she was weak, an easy target, but now some little voice in the back of his mind began to scream at him to stop. This girl it cried, she is not a girl, she is a monster, and she will be your end, run away, run away -- but he couldn't move.
Iona turned and headed back the way she had come, down towards the hard sand and rocks at the end of the bay, fully aware her tormenter was unlikely to follow her, although she felt one final wicked spike probe her defences as she reached the edge of the promenade. Time was, she would not have noticed that, or even cared much if she did, but times had changed, and she was pleased that she had been able to control her desires.
The boy who would be a man watched Iona walk away, and as she left him behind her, he couldn't take his eyes off of her, not even for a moment. This girl, this thing that had robbed him of his manhood, transfixed him and it was only now, as she walked away; that fear and lust began to subside, and the monster that had assailed his subconscious seemingly vanished. Instead, he saw a beautiful young woman with a pale tan and freckles on her arms and legs; wearing an oddly pattered scrap of fabric that somehow held the shape of a dress and blew around her knees as if it had a life of its own. The scarlet swatch in her lank, unkempt hair gently fluttered up and down, as though the harsh winter winds were nothing more than a summers breeze, revealing a mark on the back of her neck that was too brightly coloured to be natural. It was late December, and she was barefoot.
"Púca scum," he whispered under his breath, as he watched Iona step of the promenade, before adding "next time, you'll be mine" although the sigh of relief that oozed out of him betrayed his true feelings; he was pleased to be alive.
------
That's it beyonders, I would love to hear what you think and cant wait to read all your thoughts, opinions and constructive criticism.
Forge XD
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
A caffeinated nerd who has played TTRPGs or a number of years and is very much a fantasy adventure geek.
I could also see battle-master fighter(considering the bit about her being a soldier), maybe with a couple magic feats (like shadow touched, or magic initiate), and if you want a justification for the walking barefoot in the cold, they recently had an errata to give Goliath cold resistance. Depending on the level there is also tiefling for that supernatural touch.
Well, besides the sexism, misogyny and edgelordiness (that has already been pointed out), from a DM perspective this gives very little to work with story-wise. Besides the thing about her being annoyed at her baby brother (which is weird, since the illegitimacy should be reason enough why she can't get the title) it says nothing about her goals, her actual life's story, nothing about what she is as a person, what kind of friends she would have, no ideals, no flaws, no bonds, pretty much nothing that a DM could want to build something, anything from.
Thanks, everyone. I am struggling with this character a bit; not the story perse, but rather; avoiding the cringe-fest of an edge lord.
I would value any thoughts you have regarding being a dark, edgy character, without getting too close to the edge.
Well, the simple answer is, don't do it. Take this character, it's a perfect example of where you're not even "too close" to the edge, you passed it three stops ago.
The thing about "dark, edgy characters" is that they don't really work in a game like D&D (or any game, really) where you can attack people with animated silverware and the gameplay often devolves into Monty Python references. The reason for this is that it's a group effort and why would any reasonable PC hang out with a "dark, edgy" person who just wants to sit alone in the dark and brood? Heck, even Aragorn, the original "sit in a corner of the inn with his hood up"-character didn't stay an edgelord for long. It didn't take long until he started joking with the hobbits, bonding with them and even singing songs and telling stories to them. And remember, even before he met up with them he wasn't some loner, he was the leader of the Dúnedain which meant that he wouldn't run around alone unless there was a specific purpose for it.
Anyway, the biggest problem is that this is barely a character. You've written three sentences that is actually a character background and then a long winding "backstory" full och sexism and misogyny about how some teen wants to violate this other teen. Besides being a bit creepy, that tells us nothing about who the character is, what she wants or anything else of importance, really. When it comes down to it, we don't even know why she wants to be dark and edgy. For that matter, you haven't even told us what you mean by "dark and edgy". So again, without really knowing anything about this character, we can't really help you. You need to figure out what you want this character to be before anything else.
Thanks, everyone. I am struggling with this character a bit; not the story perse, but rather; avoiding the cringe-fest of an edge lord.
I would value any thoughts you have regarding being a dark, edgy character, without getting too close to the edge.
Well, the simple answer is, don't do it. Take this character, it's a perfect example of where you're not even "too close" to the edge, you passed it three stops ago.
The thing about "dark, edgy characters" is that they don't really work in a game like D&D (or any game, really) where you can attack people with animated silverware and the gameplay often devolves into Monty Python references. The reason for this is that it's a group effort and why would any reasonable PC hang out with a "dark, edgy" person who just wants to sit alone in the dark and brood? Heck, even Aragorn, the original "sit in a corner of the inn with his hood up"-character didn't stay an edgelord for long. It didn't take long until he started joking with the hobbits, bonding with them and even singing songs and telling stories to them. And remember, even before he met up with them he wasn't some loner, he was the leader of the Dúnedain which meant that he wouldn't run around alone unless there was a specific purpose for it.
Anyway, the biggest problem is that this is barely a character. You've written three sentences that is actually a character background and then a long winding "backstory" full och sexism and misogyny about how some teen wants to violate this other teen. Besides being a bit creepy, that tells us nothing about who the character is, what she wants or anything else of importance, really. When it comes down to it, we don't even know why she wants to be dark and edgy. For that matter, you haven't even told us what you mean by "dark and edgy". So again, without really knowing anything about this character, we can't really help you. You need to figure out what you want this character to be before anything else.
I understand what you’re saying, and it seems that others have said similar things. I will look again and consider what is important to the character and try to make something better.
Thanks for your honest opinions and criticisms of this character.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
A caffeinated nerd who has played TTRPGs or a number of years and is very much a fantasy adventure geek.
I also want to add a general note, I see the problem with lone wolf characters being that they don't accept or partake in teamwork willingly which causes problems at the table. If you want to play a character which was historically a lone wolf, find/make a reason for that character to engage with the group. If that is recognizing that you need their skills and you have to be a team player for them to help you, or you find a common goal that you work towards together.
Don't fall into the trap of "I don't engage because my character wouldn't", or "I go off and do a thing without the group because my character works alone". Ideally start with your character willing and able to work with the group for their own reasons and within a couple sessions of starting have your character grow bonds with the other PC's in the group. If you are the type to distrust the world you can bring distrust/questions about NPC's into your role-play (such as having a side conversation with another party member along the lines of "I don't see what they get out of this and that makes me nervous")
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
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Hi,
I have been writing a story for a female character, and I am curious what kind of character you all think would be the best fit for the story so far. It's not finished yet, I only have the first half of it written so far, but I have tried to write it in such as way, as not to tie the character or the dungeon master into any particular story. In short; although the dungeon master who will read this, like to have long character stories that she can read and enjoy, and pull threads from to tie into her game, I don't want to lock anyone onto a specific, unchanging path.
I enjoy writing long-form backstories, and this particular dungeon master likes getting them, so bear in mind that it is not written like a typical backstory. Still, I have tried to include everything that should be in a typical backstory, although as I said, it isn't finished, so some things aren't included yet.
Anyway, here is the story:
BASIC PROFILE:
Iona de Mantua - only-begotten daughter, and the illegitimate child of the Duke of Mantua. Iona is born of noble blood and grew up with her father, who cared for her greatly, although as a girl, and an illegitimate child, she will never be able to claim her true title. It is for this reason that she hates her younger brother, believing that he stole what was rightfully hers; both her father's heart and her throne. At present, she is utterly unwilling or unable to accept that her choices might have contributed to her father disowning her.
------
BACKSTORY (SO FAR):
Cold winds blew across the bay giving Iona a violent, stinging slap across the face, as she chugged down the last remnants of hot mulled wine. The drink was cheap and bitter, and not at all to Iona's liking, evidenced by the constant stream of scalding sticky liquid that ran from the corners of her mouth and down her face, as she forced herself to consume what might be her last hot drink for who knew how long.
Closing her eyes, so as not to give away the fact that she found the vendor's concoction utterly disgusting, Iona could almost hear the voice of her father booming once more its objections over her joining the military.
"She who fights with monsters should be careful lest she thereby becomes a monster. And if thou gaze into an abyss long enough, my dear daughter, the abyss will gaze into thee."
Iona had been dismissive of her father's words back then, believing them to be nothing but the ramblings of a broken old fool; nay, she thought his words and warnings to be treasonous. Indeed; she would argue, that any person who had the power to do so, would want to fight, to defend all they held dear, and when her father refused to let her, she had run away and pretended to be an orphan, so that she could enlist without her father's consent. He would see, he would realise the truth and he would welcome her home a hero -- but, that was long ago and in another life. In the here-and-now, Iona was not so sure that the choice she had made was the right one. The things she had done in the name of the meek, the friends sacrificed for the cause, and the lives and families she tore apart and utterly destroyed with a flick of her blade. All of it, the entire stinking war, left a stain of blood upon her psyche that haunted her every waking moment and fueled the terrors of her dreams.
"Hey, aren't you cold lady?"
Lost in her memories, Iona had had not noticed the group of teenage boys who had gathered leeringly behind her. Turning on her heels, she glared at the tormenting one, and for a moment, she thought about confronting him but seeing his tender years had knocked the fight out of her. Too many foolish boys like him had died already; boys looking for a fight, desperate to prove themselves, to pass into adulthood by gaining some ardent glory. As she took a step towards her aggressor, he darted back and his friends, who till this point remained closed grouped behind him, snickering in lustful, ugly tones, scattered like rats abandoning a sinking ship. Iona stopped, her fists clenched as took a deep breath, forcing down her rage and desire to fight. If she fought this boy, she would be unable to control herself, if they fought with each other, he would die, and she would not be the one to end yet another innocent life—even one belonging to he who had acted so iniquitously.
"Half breed," he shouted in a breaking teenage voice, taunting her, attempting to provoke her, but now she had calmed herself; she had regained her composure, and his efforts fell on deaf ears. Realising that his attempts to initiate a fight with someone he perceived as being worthless, the boy, now all alone, began to reach for a weapon. It was nothing grand, a small, simple knife. Perhaps he intended to use it to force her to give him what he wanted, but as his libidinal energies touched her aura, seeking out her weak points, he froze. He had thought she was weak, an easy target, but now some little voice in the back of his mind began to scream at him to stop. This girl it cried, she is not a girl, she is a monster, and she will be your end, run away, run away -- but he couldn't move.
Iona turned and headed back the way she had come, down towards the hard sand and rocks at the end of the bay, fully aware her tormenter was unlikely to follow her, although she felt one final wicked spike probe her defences as she reached the edge of the promenade. Time was, she would not have noticed that, or even cared much if she did, but times had changed, and she was pleased that she had been able to control her desires.
The boy who would be a man watched Iona walk away, and as she left him behind her, he couldn't take his eyes off of her, not even for a moment. This girl, this thing that had robbed him of his manhood, transfixed him and it was only now, as she walked away; that fear and lust began to subside, and the monster that had assailed his subconscious seemingly vanished. Instead, he saw a beautiful young woman with a pale tan and freckles on her arms and legs; wearing an oddly pattered scrap of fabric that somehow held the shape of a dress and blew around her knees as if it had a life of its own. The scarlet swatch in her lank, unkempt hair gently fluttered up and down, as though the harsh winter winds were nothing more than a summers breeze, revealing a mark on the back of her neck that was too brightly coloured to be natural. It was late December, and she was barefoot.
"Púca scum," he whispered under his breath, as he watched Iona step of the promenade, before adding "next time, you'll be mine" although the sigh of relief that oozed out of him betrayed his true feelings; he was pleased to be alive.
------
That's it beyonders, I would love to hear what you think and cant wait to read all your thoughts, opinions and constructive criticism.
Forge XD
A caffeinated nerd who has played TTRPGs or a number of years and is very much a fantasy adventure geek.
Well, it pushes pretty hard toward edgelord territory, but if that's what you're looking for, go for it.
If you're looking for class suggestions, this just screams warlock or rogue, but it could work for sorcerer.
Find your own truth, choose your enemies carefully, and never deal with a dragon.
"Canon" is what's factual to D&D lore. "Cannon" is what you're going to be shot with if you keep getting the word wrong.
Thanks for your suggestions and criticism. Any thoughts on how I could make it less edgy?
A caffeinated nerd who has played TTRPGs or a number of years and is very much a fantasy adventure geek.
I could also see battle-master fighter(considering the bit about her being a soldier), maybe with a couple magic feats (like shadow touched, or magic initiate), and if you want a justification for the walking barefoot in the cold, they recently had an errata to give Goliath cold resistance. Depending on the level there is also tiefling for that supernatural touch.
Well, besides the sexism, misogyny and edgelordiness (that has already been pointed out), from a DM perspective this gives very little to work with story-wise. Besides the thing about her being annoyed at her baby brother (which is weird, since the illegitimacy should be reason enough why she can't get the title) it says nothing about her goals, her actual life's story, nothing about what she is as a person, what kind of friends she would have, no ideals, no flaws, no bonds, pretty much nothing that a DM could want to build something, anything from.
Thanks, everyone. I am struggling with this character a bit; not the story perse, but rather; avoiding the cringe-fest of an edge lord.
I would value any thoughts you have regarding being a dark, edgy character, without getting too close to the edge.
A caffeinated nerd who has played TTRPGs or a number of years and is very much a fantasy adventure geek.
Well, the simple answer is, don't do it. Take this character, it's a perfect example of where you're not even "too close" to the edge, you passed it three stops ago.
The thing about "dark, edgy characters" is that they don't really work in a game like D&D (or any game, really) where you can attack people with animated silverware and the gameplay often devolves into Monty Python references. The reason for this is that it's a group effort and why would any reasonable PC hang out with a "dark, edgy" person who just wants to sit alone in the dark and brood? Heck, even Aragorn, the original "sit in a corner of the inn with his hood up"-character didn't stay an edgelord for long. It didn't take long until he started joking with the hobbits, bonding with them and even singing songs and telling stories to them. And remember, even before he met up with them he wasn't some loner, he was the leader of the Dúnedain which meant that he wouldn't run around alone unless there was a specific purpose for it.
Anyway, the biggest problem is that this is barely a character. You've written three sentences that is actually a character background and then a long winding "backstory" full och sexism and misogyny about how some teen wants to violate this other teen. Besides being a bit creepy, that tells us nothing about who the character is, what she wants or anything else of importance, really. When it comes down to it, we don't even know why she wants to be dark and edgy. For that matter, you haven't even told us what you mean by "dark and edgy". So again, without really knowing anything about this character, we can't really help you. You need to figure out what you want this character to be before anything else.
I understand what you’re saying, and it seems that others have said similar things. I will look again and consider what is important to the character and try to make something better.
Thanks for your honest opinions and criticisms of this character.
A caffeinated nerd who has played TTRPGs or a number of years and is very much a fantasy adventure geek.
I also want to add a general note, I see the problem with lone wolf characters being that they don't accept or partake in teamwork willingly which causes problems at the table. If you want to play a character which was historically a lone wolf, find/make a reason for that character to engage with the group. If that is recognizing that you need their skills and you have to be a team player for them to help you, or you find a common goal that you work towards together.
Don't fall into the trap of "I don't engage because my character wouldn't", or "I go off and do a thing without the group because my character works alone". Ideally start with your character willing and able to work with the group for their own reasons and within a couple sessions of starting have your character grow bonds with the other PC's in the group. If you are the type to distrust the world you can bring distrust/questions about NPC's into your role-play (such as having a side conversation with another party member along the lines of "I don't see what they get out of this and that makes me nervous")