I have made a map that my players will be going through in the next 2-3 sessions and I need some help with the description. I will link the maps here and here. so it is a cult that worships everything to do with fire.

this is what I have so far.

Fire Cultists Cave

1.  As you enter the cave you hear water dripping. You see stalagmites and stalactites.
2.  As you open the door you see 8 logs in the four corners of the room. There is a door opposite you and on your left, you see a staircast heading up to another room.
3. You see chests against the walls of the room and there is a bigger chest than the others on the far side of the room overflowing with gold and jewels.
4. You see a rather bland room. A door is on your left.
5. You see a small hallway. You see a long table opposite you and roses that are huge are behind the table. An exit is on the right side of the room.
6. As you exit the mess hall you see a big circular table in the middle of a roughly huen room. A room is on the left and a hallway is on the right.
7. You see beds lined up along the walls with a small chest above each bed. All of the beds are nicely made and a robed figure is lying on a bed.
8. As you enter you see giant roses growing on the walls and piles of leaves scattered about the room. A pit is in front of a big red whirlpool on the far side of the room.
9. A king-size bed is on the right side of the room and some chests are in front of you.

One note I will always, always harp on:

there are six senses. Sight, Sound, Smell, Taste, Touch, and Feel. 

Feel is the vibe of the place, the way it makes you feel, the atmosphere of it. You can taste things in the air and feel them on your skin, your nose, your ears, your cheeks. 

You can set tone, add emotion, spark thoughts, manipulate outcomes with descriptions of even simple things if you use all of the senses — and for theater of the mind, it is an absolutely critical part, imo, for narrative style.

my immediate first thought is you need to add those senses into your descriptions.

It is late, and the release of the UA has messed with how the site displays, so I will come back tomorrow to look at the maps and give more.

Hi! Unfortunately, the map links don't seem to work for me. Even after logging into my Inkarnate account I get the error message that the map doesn't exist or has been deleted so I think there is an issue with the links or the maps don't have the permissions needed to share them.

I'd tend to agree with AEDorsay in terms of the descriptions. You only need to write out the facts of a room but when you describe it to the players you could use more adjectives and details to conjure the room you are imagining in their imaginations.

Some examples:

Quote from DOMINATOR2022>>

I have made a map that my players will be going through in the next 2-3 sessions and I need some help with the description. I will link the maps here and here. so it is a cult that worships everything to do with fire.

this is what I have so far.

Fire Cultists Cave

1.  As you enter the cave you hear water dripping. You see stalagmites and stalactites.

The cave is cold and dank. Water drips intermittently from the ends of stalactites reaching down from the ceiling to matching stalagmites. The grey stone floor is crumbled and rocky. There is a metal bound wooden door inset into the far wall of the cave.

{How high is the ceiling? Is it towering - i.e. 30-40'? or does it feel cramped - i.e. 5-10'?}

1.  As you open the door you see 8 logs in the four corners of the room. There is a door opposite you and on your left, you see a staircast heading up to another room.

Include a bit more detail. Are the logs burning or are they used as benches? Is there a smell of smoke and recent fire or habitation? Is there anything else in the room? Is the floor also stone? How high are the ceilings? Is the room wet or dry?

Your initial descriptions are a good start on what is present in the room, the facts the characters need to know, but it would be good to add some details that set the tone and those are simply based on how you are imagining the room. You just need to add a few of those words to your descriptions so that the players also start to imagine something closer to what you have in mind.

Ok, back, and I cannot access the maps.

Remember that in Inkarnate you have to set the maps up to be shared, or download them and upload them to a different site — and that if you use anything that isn’t from Inkarnate as a part of the map, you cannot share them.

Additional considerations: Think 3D.  Not only do you have senses, you also have directions.  Be sure to use left, right, ahead, behind when describing things in a room, even if there is a map up. people often have a hard time orienting themselves, even when familiar with maps. Those directions provide grounding and also make it easier for players looking at a map to identity what is being talked about.

20 years ago I would have said remember up and down, but then I discovered my players would pay attention and if I skipped a thing that was the first thing they asked about (and I was famous for putting things on the ceiling and skipping over them, lol)

Add “clutter” to your descriptions. I am presuming you are using theater of the mind type stuff to support the maps and such, and so adding in things like dirt, grime, dust, cobwebs, rotten things, spoiled things, moldy things, shiny things and stuff like common woods and stones (oak, ash, pine, granite, sandstone, linen, cotton, wool) helps to breathe depth into he objects and also adds a tiny bit of edge that sparks additional curiosity.

Without the map, here’s an example of #4:

You see a room, It looks to be about two paces wide and three paces deep. The air is still, and you can taste a bitter dust as you look around. Silence greets you, eerie and you don’t sense anything in the room, your footsteps and gear echoing slightly as you look around. You can feel a grit on the doorway, and the smell of the room is full of either nothing or things long past. The floor is covered with a thin layer of dust, and the granite walls to the left and right are blank, with some areas lightly colored by grime in rough ovals, spaced apart. Along the left wall, you see a door, wood with iron bindings, dark stains at the bottom near some small scratches. The hinges are an old fashioned kind, on the left, and the latch is a simple lift bar with a bent and twisted catch.

there you go. The room still has nothing and there is a door on the left, but now it is a room that speaks to a history of use, and feels more present in the moment.

 Test this link if it doesn't work then I don't know what is happening.

https://inkarnate.com/m/33Dw2o-fire-cult-dungeon/

https://inkarnate.com/m/9gvREr-dm-fire-cult-dungeon/

 How do you post an image? I can then post images of the maps.

Quote from AEDorsay >>

One note I will always, always harp on:

there are six senses. Sight, Sound, Smell, Taste, Touch, and Feel. 

Feel is the vibe of the place, the way it makes you feel, the atmosphere of it. You can taste things in the air and feel them on your skin, your nose, your ears, your cheeks. 

You can set tone, add emotion, spark thoughts, manipulate outcomes with descriptions of even simple things if you use all of the senses — and for theater of the mind, it is an absolutely critical part, imo, for narrative style.

my immediate first thought is you need to add those senses into your descriptions.

It is late, no the release of the UA has messed with how the site displays, so I will come back tomorrow to look at the maps and give more.

 

Quote from David42 >>

Hi! Unfortunately, the map links don't seem to work for me. Even after logging into my Inkarnate account I get the error message that the map doesn't exist or has been deleted so I think there is an issue with the links or the maps don't have the permissions needed to share them.

I'd tend to agree with AEDorsay in terms of the descriptions. You only need to write out the facts of a room but when you describe it to the players you could use more adjectives and details to conjure the room you are imagining in their imaginations.

Some examples:

 

Quote from DOMINATOR2022>>

I have made a map that my players will be going through in the next 2-3 sessions and I need some help with the description. I will link the maps here and here. so it is a cult that worships everything to do with fire.

this is what I have so far.

Fire Cultists Cave

1.  As you enter the cave you hear water dripping. You see stalagmites and stalactites.

The cave is cold and dank. Water drips intermittently from the ends of stalactites reaching down from the ceiling to matching stalagmites. The grey stone floor is crumbled and rocky. There is a metal bound wooden door inset into the far wall of the cave.

{How high is the ceiling? Is it towering - i.e. 30-40'? or does it feel cramped - i.e. 5-10'?}

1.  As you open the door you see 8 logs in the four corners of the room. There is a door opposite you and on your left, you see a staircast heading up to another room.

Include a bit more detail. Are the logs burning or are they used as benches? Is there a smell of smoke and recent fire or habitation? Is there anything else in the room? Is the floor also stone? How high are the ceilings? Is the room wet or dry?

Your initial descriptions are a good start on what is present in the room, the facts the characters need to know, but it would be good to add some details that set the tone and those are simply based on how you are imagining the room. You just need to add a few of those words to your descriptions so that the players also start to imagine something closer to what you have in mind.

Quote from AEDorsay >>

Ok, back, and I cannot access the maps.

Remember that in Inkarnate you have to set the maps up to be shared, or download them and upload them to a different site — and that if you use anything that isn’t from Inkarnate as a part of the map, you cannot share them.

Additional considerations: THink 3D.  Not only do you have senses, you also have directions.  Be sure to use left, right, ahead, behind when describing things in a room, even if there is a map up. people often have a hard time orienting themselves, even when familiar with maps. Those directions provide grounding and also make it easier for players looking at a map to identity what is being talked about.

20 years ago I would have said remember up and down, but then I discovered my players would pay attention and if I skipped a thing that was the first thing they asked about (and I was famous for putting things on the ceiling and skipping over them, lol)

Add “clutter” to your descriptions. I am presuming you are using theater of the mind type stuff to support the maps and such, and so adding in things like dirt, grime, dust, cobwebs, rotten things, spoiled things, moldy things, shiny things and stuff like common woods and stones (oak, ash, pine, granite, sandstone, linen, cotton, wool) heels to breathe depth into he objects and also adds a tiny bit of edge that sparks additional curiosity.

Without the map, her’s an example of #4:

You see a room, It looks to be about two paces wide and three paces deep. The air is still, and you can taste a bitter dust as you look around. Silence greets you, eerie and you don’t sense anything in the room, your footsteps and gear echoing slightly as you look around. You can feel a grit on the doorway, and the smell of the room is full of either nothing or things long past. The floor is covered with a thin layer of dust, and the granite walls to the left and right are blank, with some areas lightly colored by grime in rough ovals, spaced apart. Along the left wall, you see a door, wood with iron bindings, dark stains at the bottom near some small scratches. The hinges are an old fashioned kind, on the left, and the latch is a simple lift bar with a bent and twisted catch.

there you go. The room still has nothing and there is a door on the left, but now it is a room that speaks to a history of use, and feels more present in the moment.

 Thank you guys so much for the advice. I have never been good at composition but this should help a lot.

So, the full links worked for me, and now I can see what you have laid out, and the advice is still pretty much the same.

For room 4, I would add in “the scent of old blood and waste” (for the pit trap), and note a light movement in the air (for the unfinished area to the left).

With the fire theme, you should absolutely add in “the smell of old smoke” and the “residue of ash” and talk about the temperature of the area (cool, warm, hot, chilly).

Nice maps, btw.

Quote from AEDorsay >>

So, the full links worked for me, and now I can see what you have laid out, and the advice is still pretty much the same.

For room 4, I would add in “the scent of old blood and waste” (for the pit trap), and note a light movement in the air (for the unfinished area to the left).

With the fire theme, you should absolutely add in “the smell of old smoke” and the “residue of ash” and talk about the temperature of the area (cool, warm, hot, chilly).

Nice maps, btw.

 thanks they are the first maps that I have made

My only additional comment would be that your description not focus on the items that are on the map that the players see but focus on the stuff that isn't on the map.

For example, describing room 1 as having 8 logs with two in each corner is just describing what everyone can see when they look at the map. Your description should add details that set a tone and make the room easier to imagine.

Also, if you are planning to use the maps on a VTT like Roll20 you might want to have a complete version without the traps - add the traps as overlays on the GM layer and block off secret door using dynamic lighting. You don't need all of that but if the player map doesn't have all the rooms it can be harder to add them when the player's find them.

thanks but I can't work out how to use roll20 well. if you have a link to something that could help me learn could you post it here?

Quote from DOMINATOR2022 >>

 Test this link if it doesn't work then I don't know what is happening.

https://inkarnate.com/m/33Dw2o-fire-cult-dungeon/

https://inkarnate.com/m/9gvREr-dm-fire-cult-dungeon/

 These show fine for me.

Do you have NPC's anywhere in these rooms?

It's not a bad idea to have a few. Something to interact with and help direct them. 

Your pit traps in the player side of 8 where the garden is, still show.

If the pit traps are for them to fall into, you want to omit that from description.

I'd also vary it up. You have 3 of the same trap type. For the one outside, a pti trap seems fine, One of the indoor ones could be turned into arrow fired from the walls when they step into specific squares. 

A third one you could replace with a simple puzzle, like collecting different color stones from the other rooms and putting them into the right slots so they gain access to a hidden room with a bit of treasure. 

Just suggestions. :)


I like the proposed revised descriptions more of course. 

yes, there are NPCs I just can't add them with my free account.

I like your ideas for adding adversity with the traps.

is it alright if I take the suggestions that you guys gave and modify them a bit for my final description?

this is what I have updated so far.

1# As you enter the cave you hear water dripping. You see stalagmites and stalactites.

Now 1# The cave is hot and humid. Water drips intermittently from the ends of stalactites reaching down from the ceiling to matching stalagmites and you see some columns which suggest that this is a very old cave. The grey stone floor is crumbled and rocky. There is a metal-bound wooden door inset into the far wall of the cave.

2# As you open the door you see 8 logs in the four corners of the room. There is a door opposite you and on your left, you see a staircase heading up to another room.

Now 2# As you open the door a hot blast of air and ash rushes out at you. As you enter you smell old smoke and see some logs in the corners of the room. An old but solid door with iron bindings is opposite you and some hols are next to the door almost as if something needs to be put into them to open the door. (Succeed a DC 14 perception check) You see one of the logs move up a bit.

3# You see chests against the walls of the room and there is a bigger chest than the others on the far side of the room overflowing with gold and jewels.

Now 3# You see gorgeous paintings on the walls and chests overflowing with gold and jewels all around you. The floor is made of marble and patterns of everything you can imagine almost move throughout it.

4# You see a rather bland room. A door is on your left.

Now 4# You see a room, It looks to be about six paces wide and deep. You feel a light movement in the air, and you can taste bitter dust and copper almost like blood. As you look around silence greets you, eerie and you feel a sense of foreboding as your footsteps and gear echo slightly as you look around. You feel a sense of foreboding as you and you can feel the grit on the doorway, and the smell of the room is full of either nothing or things long past. the granite walls to the left and right are blank, with some areas lightly colored by grime in rough ovals, spaced apart. Along the left wall, you see a door, wood with iron bindings, dark stains at the bottom near some small scratches. The hinges are an old-fashioned kind and the latch needs a key to open. You jump as a slape of stone slams down behind you.

Please give feedback about what I have done/modified so far. Thanks.

More senses, lol.

Otherwise, that’s the idea and you are getting it.

Thanks for all of the advice that you have given me. I have a lot of trouble composing things and this has helped a lot.