i am here to listen to stories of funny moments in dnd as for mine my plays after one of them got injured started licking up blood during combat i had to make a goblin join them so they had a chance

                  This one time, one of my players thought some guy had promised to give them money BEFORE they did this one job, when really he was saying he would pay them after. So when the guy walked away, the player just whipped out his crossbow and started shooting, resulting in them ending up in jail.

One of my party members was playing an artificer level 4, but then he got bored and started playing a Dragonborn Paladin level 3. He was introduced by hiding in a tree, during a fight with bandits, ready to attack, but my mortally injured half-orc warlock, blood pooling on the ground, saw him and just did some massive waving hello emote. He decided it was time to strike, so he jumped down from the tree, and attacked the bandits. The bandits rolled higher in initiative and they ALL CRITIED. He just died on the spot LOL

I wasn’t present at the session when this event happened, but when I returned I heard about this unfortunate encounter, and I just laughed. From what I heard, this is somewhat how it panned out.

I shot ordecain in the foot while he was in mars because he cheated in a magic chess game against tasha. I was on earth. Ahhh, the beauty of a nat 20

I was playing as a rogue and used my knife to make a pit trap and the rope to trip the owlbear into the pit trap. it died on the spot along with the goblins driving it

My cleric Fred once rolled 2 nat 20s to slap a dude.

Well, one of my players decided to throw a pineapple at a red dragon. he hit it and it blew up the entire party with the exception of the level 5 tiefling paladin(weird combo)

The first time I was a DM, EVERY player was a bard, was a decent campaign until they all decided to use vicious mockery on everything they saw. So many doors died...

Eventually, they met a dragon and made it into their pet. They were unstoppable.

One of the funniest things I witnessed was when the party of 6 players decided to listen to the the most aggressive player, and split the party not 2 ways, but THREE ways. They walked down a valley with the 2 furthest parties some 600 feet away and totally incapable of helping one another, as they would have had to run down a steep valley wall, then up the other steep valley wall. (about 100 feet vertical).

3 PC's died with that zany plan.

Last Halloween, I was dming a one-shot that was themed according to the holiday. The session was a "parallel worlds" kind of adventure, where the players would switch from dimension to a mirror dimension. The party was attempting to collect the "hearts" of the dimensions in order to escape. At the moment the party was fighting these clown monsters, when one of the players who had one of these "hearts" claimed that he wanted to throw the heart right in front of the clowns. The rest of the party objected, but he was persistent. He rolled a high number. I thought to myself, "Okay I'll roll for the orb, if I get above a 5, the orb just clunks on the ground." I got under a 5. Long Story short, the dimensions collapsed, half the party died, as well as the children who they were trying to rescue. 

Silly, but in one campaign two of the players got confused by the first door that they came to spending 20 minutes trying to open the door. In the end, one charged at the door only to find that it was open. They just had to push it! 🤦🏻‍♂️

Haha D&D players are sometimes so dumb😆

Recent!

So what happened is the team's rogue, a tabaxi, went completely bonkers on a troll and chopped off both legs(the troll had loathsome limbs). Then the fighter, a kobold, used his flail to knock off the trolls head. Then the Changeling wizard used acid spray to kill the troll.

Trust me, it was hilarious to think of a big tough troll have it's legs cut off, head smashed off, and acid sprayed over its body to stop it regenerating. 

I then used an army of stinking troglodytes to jumpscare the players. That was simply hilarious. 

I’m running a 2-3 player campaign for friends one of my, the most active not on their tomagachi all the time (my “just popped into existence wood elf”), teifling friend (in game and out) whose name is Zin and has the spell. Zin is something. I made these campaign base around gods (they befriend satin) so I made them fight one in an arena. Zin looked at Stratos (the god they are fighting) pointed his finger and said, “pee”. I regret letting him do it. 

If you all have tips for real-life chaotic players, more specifically a player who has a hard time paying attention and both are just a little to unfocus sometimes and just crazy. Please say some tips if you have any.

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one of my players i introduced after their character died  proceeds to be drunk in the bar that the party was staying at and the first thing they say is "my name is drunk" by the way that was not their characters name.

I, a druid, had witnessed a poor man getting mugged by a group of 3 hooligans. Being the good person I am (hoping to coerce a favor from this NPC later), I punted the halfling denizen about 10 feet against a brick wall, and while he was prone, used the butt end of my glaive and smacked him in the face to knock him out, end ended up caving in his skull and going to court with the other thieves for traumatic murder. I was put in jail (my party decreed me guilty) and I escaped literally within minutes because I wild shaped into an ant to crawled through the bars. This was the fourth time in this entire campaign I was arrested due to my party, and the fourth time I escaped solo.

The fifth time I got arrested, the party got arrested with me and, as karma, I escaped without them. Take that, Wyatt. (I went back with a band of thieves from the Crime Guild bc they couldn't escape by themselves.)

LOL

I one shotted a pirate zombie with fire bolt at 1st level 

Rolling two critical failures and a five, and firing prematurely, the level seven tiefling monk, who had been manning a magical laser turret mounted on an airship in a desperate rescue attempt for a stranded party member against an army of ice mephits, managed to blow up the party member, the rescue team below, and allow the mephits to board the ship as he had lowered a ladder. Then he crashed the ship, spectacularly killing everyone onboard, and barely escaping with the corpse of a favorite NPC, who was necromanced.

One time, I was running a murder mystery one-shot. One of my players, who's character is named Grace, was looking for the murderer and went down into a dungeon. So, Grace was looking around and I made them roll a random d20 roll. They rolled a nat 1, and I told them that two guards came down into the dungeon and asked them what they wanted to be doing when the guards saw them. Grace was right up against the wall and just said, "I am the wall." I made them roll stealth, and they rolled nat 20, so the guards just stood there, and accepted the fact. Grace was the wall.