Hello,

First time doing making a thread like this. I have been a DM for several years now. I have had a few different groups but I am now against the ropes with a new player. I get that there are multiple sides to every story, and I will try to give both sides.

I am DM for a new small group, T & O. Yes it is a party of 2. At Session Zero and at game 1 I set that precedent that characters may die, but that I would hand out healing items, or make the ones purchasable fairly inexpensive - there is no cleric currently.  During Session Zero I asked and was told that I had creative freedom with multiple individuals mentioned in both players' backstories including siblings and parents as I did not want to upset my players. "O" asked if they could bring a character from other games into mine. We agreed that she would be able to at level 1. Parallel dimension theory and all that, as heir character had to watch their mother get killed while being pushed through a portal from their home plane. A flavorful isekai in my opinion.  

Background:

My realm is a fusion of Eberron and the Feywild, Artificers are the height of the crafters and the realm is under attack from other planes through what I am calling tears and scars (think Dungeon Breaks and Red Gates). To further set up the precedent and nail the coffin home I had both characters almost die. It was a test, set at a high/deadly level. My goal was not to kill, but illustrate that it is a possibility, give combat experience to players and characters, grant them level 2, and motivate players and characters to go on a journey of quests. The test was also to start "T" on part of their characters backstory quest, while trying to give "O" a method to start on their personal journey as well. I have asked each player to make a backup character at the end of Game 4. A few jokes were made after everyone leveled up to 2nd level, but I reiterated that I would like to see a second character within a few couple sessions. Both players have asked me since if I was serious and I am. Both for the chance of a character death and also for some potential story hooks down the line that they do not need to know about.

Request:

I need help or another perspective: "O" is demanding to play their character's sibling in the event of character death. This is my crux, as I have already set this NPC as a higher leveled Adventurer in the Guild. This NPC was sucked into a version of a magical blackhole with her whole adventuring party in front of my players as a deity of some unknown origin popped into existence during a massive attack on the city they players started in at the end of Game 2.   

 "O" is the more experienced player at my table, although I have noticed multiple instances of bad player etiquette including yelling at "T" for playing their character well. One player is a team player and the other sometimes struggles to see other characters. Now "O" is stating that if their original character dies and I will not allow the sibling to be played that they will not have fun and may quit. (I partial feel like "O" is trying to use the parties small size to make me give into their demands.) Am I being a stick in the mud for not retconning my story? In my head I have plans for various NPC's including this sibling - being a major plot hook. I want my players to have fun, but at this point a level 6 NPC does not fit in a level 2 party. While I am not expecting the PC's to die anytime soon, depending on when and where it happens the NPC in question still may not be available or fit into the party dynamic.

Any advice would be much appreciated. I have already talked to my other friends that are DM's and this is a new situation for all of us. 

My suggestion is take control of your table. The more experienced player should know better than to make demands on DM.....

Maybe you should let your player play the character he entirely came up with in the first place. You can find a replacement NPC instead of railroading a player to do something. Work with O to figure out if there's another person related to his current character that could accomplish the same role.

Just say they have two siblings.

Tell O that they are overstepping their bounds. Yelling at another player is not okay, and you need to put your foot down. You are not being a stick in the mud. Your a DM, and what you say goes. 

"Gently" remind O that you are the Dungeon Master, it is your table and therefore your rules and if O has any problems with that, then too bad.

I used to be a player like O, but when my DM "gently" reminded me that it was his table and therefore his rules, I backed down and was forced to get over myself. Once I did, I found myself having fun, despite my complaints.

This is why bringing a character from another game it a red flag. Such players are typically way too invested in that character and will get upset if their character dies, or the story doesn't go how they want it to go for their character. Don't relent or you'll have a problem player forever.

There are at least two issues here.

1) "O" should not be telling the other players how to run their characters. They especially shouldn't be yelling about it. That is just very poor behaviour and the DM should step in to correct/modify it.

2) However, a character's backstory is THEIR story. They originated it. They thought of it. They added siblings/parents and other aspects to it ... all with the DMs buy in, at least initially.

The DM asks the players to have back up characters. The player wants to use the sibling they created in THEIR backstory as their backup character. Seems like a very reasonable request. However, because the DM has already hypothetically appropriated the NPC from the character background for some future plot line that hasn't happened yet - the DM says NO - you can't play your original character's sibling. (It sounds like this is only the first few sessions of a new campaign so likely not a lot has happened yet anyway).

There are several problems here. Although the player initially said it was ok for the DM to make use of backstory elements in planning future events - they decided they would rather play one of those supporting characters if their main character dies. There is very little impact if the DM changes up their planned story a bit and uses a different NPC. Perhaps an uncle/aunt/cousin or some other relation could fill the role originally intended by whatever story the DM had in mind. It is a more or less trivial change. Instead, the DM says NO you can't play your preferred backup character. 

Honestly, that response makes no sense to me under the circumstances described. A player wants to play a particular replacement tied to their backstory which fits pretty easily into the world building - instead of pulling in a new character with a completely different backstory that is unrelated to the original character. A new character with unrelated background is likely to have NO interest in whatever backstory quests the DM had originally devised. They would have little or no interest in taking the place of the original main character. Any role the sibling would have had in whatever the DM had in mind might as well be tossed away since the sibling/relative would have absolutely no connection to the new character.

From a DM perspective, a player choosing a sibling of the their original character has to be among the easiest options to tie into an ongoing plot line based on back story elements. It really makes no sense for the DM to say No.

Sometimes, as DM, it can become too easy to become enamored of whatever cool plot ideas you might have come up with. This is a recipe for railroading the party on a particular path to create circumstances where the scenes the DM imagined actually happen. However, these scenes won't usually play out how the DM originally imagined since there are other people contributing and the odds of them doing something unexpected or off script are huge. Rarely do events unfold as a DM expects ... except when the DM forces an outcome ... and the game is generally a lot less fun when the DM forces an outcome.

So, in my opinion, the DM should have said "Sure, playing your character's sibling sounds like a great idea" ... and then gone ahead and used some other NPC in the planned plot line.

Finally, the DM made the following remark "but at this point a level 6 NPC does not fit in a level 2 party" .. does this refer to the sibling? Is the sibling a level 6 NPC? If the players are unaware of this (which would seem possible) .. then the only place where the sibling is a level 6 NPC is in the DM's head. If the sibling has already interacted with the party as a KNOWN level 6 character (though this would rely on the DM telling them since the level of a character isn't obvious by just looking at them) then perhaps that is a good starting point for talking with the player who wants to use the sibling as a backup character. Assuming that they are already known to the party as a much higher level character - the DM could simply say that they would not be a suitable replacement - or the DM could just retcon the story slightly and allow the sibling to be the same level as the current PC if that PC dies. In addition, the statement about fitting a level 6 NPC into a level 2 party only applies if the character actually dies in the next session or two before becoming a higher level. i.e. the higher level might never be an issue depending on if and when the original PC dies.

I agree with David42. There's no reason O cannot play the character she wants, as any plot thing you have in your head will not be so good and perfect that it will make the annoyance on her part any better-  especially if you never make it that far because she leaves the game. 

As a DM, you should never have 100% of your campaign planned out from the start. That's called Writing A Book and leaves no space for collaborative storytelling between the players and the DM. Basically, you're thinking she cannot play as the sibling because you're thinking of using her as an NPC in the future, and therefore it is the only thing that can happen. In my experience, no plot is SO intricate and detailed that one thing could only ever fit in one place. When you imagine a cool story moment, there's usually like a 30% chance it doesn't even end up happening because the players found another solution, didn't go to X and went to Y instead, or 5 sessions ago pissed off the sheriff and don't have any interest in doing his dirty work or whatever. Stuff happens, things shuffle around, that's as it should be. Just let O play the sibling.

I would not worry about it. You're stressing over something that might not happen anytime soon. 

The original PCs may not even die.

First off I want to thank everyone for their comments. Seeing some new angles definitely helps. My plan is to try and sit down with "O" so that we can discuss player wants and some etiquette expectations moving forward at a minimum.  

I also want to take a moment to clarify that the party has interacted with "O"'s sister on a couple occasions within the campaign already. Once even talking with the local guild leader where the party learned that "O"'s sister was a very successful adventurer and an Artificer with tons of promise. "O" had 4 years where their character was out of the city at a magic college/school, and I was told to figure out the sister's backstory. While I am not entirely opposed to doing some retconning the sister being either killed or pulled into another plane of existence, this is currently one of the major reasons "O" is looking to become an adventurer. 

My story is not written, but I absolutely do have a couple of potential boss fights/storylines I am baking up that the party might be able to dive into. I have hooks and bait for different storylines, but I prefer going with minimum rails. My aim is to tell a story that my players enjoy. Again I have a 4 other DM's that I am friends with and this situation was new to all of us. We have had to deal with different aspects of this situation before, but not to a degree like this. Not sure if I will post the conclusion on this thread, but I did want to thank everyone for their input and give some additional clarification. 

Or you know, the BBEG is the sister.

Was not on my bingo card, but I will be adding it now.

Your campaign is multiplanar with canonical reality-warping already established - why can't O play the sister and find out your level 6 NPC is actually some kind of duplicate? Rift-born clone, fey trickster, doppelganger, Terminator-like warforged sent from the sister's future...You're the DM; you can give your players cake and have it for yourself, too.