You start unconscious and slowly wake up you are in a village. With dead commoners lying around and carved in one of the bodies is a rough symbol of the hyena lord if you make a dc 14 wis check then you will see a healing potion clutched in a commoners hand and you can grab it for a action. You can also do a Dc 12 wis check to see the patrol heading your way if you don’t see them then they get advantage in initiative one is carrying a bent spear but the other has some chain mail that looks salvageable and a 10gp in a pouch around its neck. If you fight them without doing piercing damage to the chain mail one you can salvage their armor and the gp though the gp will have to be washed before anyone can use it. At the edge of the village you will see a sigh for a small city and you can either go there or you can go to another ruined village if you make it to the city after 7 days of travel then you can see a battle of some kind happening here you can see a gnoll war band of 10 plus two witherlings you can either choose to fight with 6 knights and two rangers or you can not fight. But if you do fight they will shower you with praise and you will get advantage on cha checks of you asking for something but if you don’t you don’t get advantage when you come in you can see a person beckoning you down a dark alley if you go in the first person in your group they have to succeed at a dc14 con saving throw or get knocked out then four commoners step out you either can kill them or call the city guard if you attack then they have to succeed on a dc int saving throw to call the city guard if they do you succeed on a dc 12 cha saving throw our they attack you but if you do not go down the alleyway then you can see some weapons shop and next to it a pawn shop with a spear that has ice on the tip and an axe that has flames on the end even a potion that glowed with a bubbling green liquid and if you don’t go in you can visit a library or the mayor if you go to the mayor they say the gnolls have lived on the sword coast for years but they have been more active once you Leave the city you go to a gnoll camp to scope out you see 20 gnolls 2 luecenas and four witherlings but in the middle you can see a portal to the abyss and it looked like the were going somewhere and the all disappeared through the portal exept for 4 gnolls and 2 witherlings you can fight the gnolls and if you do a Morningstar with white hot spikes on it that never seemed to fade so you can use it to do 2d10 damage or sell it for forty pp but you do not know how much it costs until you go to a pawn dealer to get it done but you can keep it it requires proficiency with melee martial weapons to wield does not require atunment when you get close to the end a person comes up to you and says I am the lord of the keep and I want to ask you to travel to an abandoned village where my son was wandering and did not come back. But all the villagers are to scared to go to it. So I ask you brave adventures to find him and bring him back to here and before you leave I will give you this crucifix and holy water there are undead abominations if you say yes: you do a one day travel to the village and right at the start you see a tree with a noose hanging from it and at the end of the noose is a zombie you can not tell if it is alive until you cast detect undead if you do it then 2 more zombies come out of an abandoned house and after the fight you can follow the bones and pp to a huge hole and you can not see the bottom but then a rumbling sound and an ogre zombie emerges followed by 3 zombies with chain mail armor and arrows sticking out of there head
For one thing, this would be easier to read if it was in paragraphs instead of a long rambling wall of text which moves from topic to topic.
It's also both too vague and too specific at the same time. You're not telling us much about the setting or the themes.
You provided too much detail which is irrelevant for answering the question you asked of the forum. We don't need to be told that grabbing a potion from a dead commoner takes an action. (Also, it shouldn't take a full Action; dead commoners offer no resistance. That's a Free Object Interaction to pick up.)
We don't need to know that the gold on the bodies needs to be cleaned before anyone accepts it - and frankly, neither do the players. That's the kind of pointless busywork which adds nothing, and you don't need to include it. Assume the blood is cleaned off in downtime.
This seems to be structured like a "choose your own adventure novel." If you choose to go to Village B, turn to 68. If you choose to go to City C, turn to 41. This seems overly railroady and doesn't take into account the idea that players might not make the choices you want them to make when you want to make them.
Personally, I'd find this much easier to judge if I was giving details about the plot/premise of the adventure (a group of bandits has been causing problems for X town, and the adventurers need to help, for example), rather than an almost incomprehensible text wall structured similarly to an adventure module.
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IS MY CAMPAIGN OKAY:
You start unconscious and slowly wake up you are in a village. With dead commoners lying around and carved in one of the bodies is a rough symbol of the hyena lord if you make a dc 14 wis check then you will see a healing potion clutched in a commoners hand and you can grab it for a action. You can also do a Dc 12 wis check to see the patrol heading your way if you don’t see them then they get advantage in initiative one is carrying a bent spear but the other has some chain mail that looks salvageable and a 10gp in a pouch around its neck. If you fight them without doing piercing damage to the chain mail one you can salvage their armor and the gp though the gp will have to be washed before anyone can use it. At the edge of the village you will see a sigh for a small city and you can either go there or you can go to another ruined village if you make it to the city after 7 days of travel then you can see a battle of some kind happening here you can see a gnoll war band of 10 plus two witherlings you can either choose to fight with 6 knights and two rangers or you can not fight. But if you do fight they will shower you with praise and you will get advantage on cha checks of you asking for something but if you don’t you don’t get advantage when you come in you can see a person beckoning you down a dark alley if you go in the first person in your group they have to succeed at a dc14 con saving throw or get knocked out then four commoners step out you either can kill them or call the city guard if you attack then they have to succeed on a dc int saving throw to call the city guard if they do you succeed on a dc 12 cha saving throw our they attack you but if you do not go down the alleyway then you can see some weapons shop and next to it a pawn shop with a spear that has ice on the tip and an axe that has flames on the end even a potion that glowed with a bubbling green liquid and if you don’t go in you can visit a library or the mayor if you go to the mayor they say the gnolls have lived on the sword coast for years but they have been more active once you Leave the city you go to a gnoll camp to scope out you see 20 gnolls 2 luecenas and four witherlings but in the middle you can see a portal to the abyss and it looked like the were going somewhere and the all disappeared through the portal exept for 4 gnolls and 2 witherlings you can fight the gnolls and if you do a Morningstar with white hot spikes on it that never seemed to fade so you can use it to do 2d10 damage or sell it for forty pp but you do not know how much it costs until you go to a pawn dealer to get it done but you can keep it it requires proficiency with melee martial weapons to wield does not require atunment when you get close to the end a person comes up to you and says I am the lord of the keep and I want to ask you to travel to an abandoned village where my son was wandering and did not come back. But all the villagers are to scared to go to it. So I ask you brave adventures to find him and bring him back to here and before you leave I will give you this crucifix and holy water there are undead abominations if you say yes: you do a one day travel to the village and right at the start you see a tree with a noose hanging from it and at the end of the noose is a zombie you can not tell if it is alive until you cast detect undead if you do it then 2 more zombies come out of an abandoned house and after the fight you can follow the bones and pp to a huge hole and you can not see the bottom but then a rumbling sound and an ogre zombie emerges followed by 3 zombies with chain mail armor and arrows sticking out of there head
For one thing, this would be easier to read if it was in paragraphs instead of a long rambling wall of text which moves from topic to topic.
It's also both too vague and too specific at the same time. You're not telling us much about the setting or the themes.
You provided too much detail which is irrelevant for answering the question you asked of the forum. We don't need to be told that grabbing a potion from a dead commoner takes an action. (Also, it shouldn't take a full Action; dead commoners offer no resistance. That's a Free Object Interaction to pick up.)
We don't need to know that the gold on the bodies needs to be cleaned before anyone accepts it - and frankly, neither do the players. That's the kind of pointless busywork which adds nothing, and you don't need to include it. Assume the blood is cleaned off in downtime.
This seems to be structured like a "choose your own adventure novel." If you choose to go to Village B, turn to 68. If you choose to go to City C, turn to 41. This seems overly railroady and doesn't take into account the idea that players might not make the choices you want them to make when you want to make them.
And then the campaign apparently just ends?
Personally, I'd find this much easier to judge if I was giving details about the plot/premise of the adventure (a group of bandits has been causing problems for X town, and the adventurers need to help, for example), rather than an almost incomprehensible text wall structured similarly to an adventure module.