I am a relatively new DM (I've done a few one-shots before) and have been working on a campaign that takes place in a Carribbean-like setting. I'm planning a swashbuckling adventure that starts after the chapter I am attaching below. I like the direction I went with chapters 2 and 3, but I'm not 100% on the first chapter. I would love some suggestions as to how I can improve this section.
Looks actually pretty good. Get good voices for each character, and a drunken side-eye for the descriptions, and youre looking good!
In scene 5, I'd make the arrival of the merfolk a bit more ominous, like this:
"You dive deeper into the murky water. The cold gives you chills, as if it was made to deter all life from its presence. Another large kick, and you faintly start to see the shipwreck, tangled in seaweed. Some shadow catches your eye, but nothing is there. Over there! To the right! Gone. You now have an eerie feeling something else is down here besides you. You can feel your heart start to race. You spin around, and spot two glaring green eyes staring at you ominously in the murk. Your heart skips a beat. There! Another pair! And another! You find yourself surrounded by the eyes of green. Then, from a patch of seaweed, emerges a creature unseen by mankind's eyes. Not human, not fish, but the fabled MERFOLK! The creature's face is strikingly beautiful, a cuirass of undersea armor on her chest and a foreboding trident in her hand. Her legs are nothing but a fish's tail. The rest of the sea-people also emerge from their hiding places... and so on and so forth.
I believe you could use a bit of this descriptive wizardry in the rest of your adventure.
In your descriptions, use as many of the five senses as you can, but don't go overkill. Describe what the PC is feeling, seeing, if their brain telling them to turn back now, or that everything is fine. Use colors, temperatures, distances, there is so much that is in your toolbox!
My best wishes to you, fellow world-maker, and your seagoing story of swashbucklers!
That is clearly AI generated work, with all the flaws that come with it - i.e. narrative inconsistencies all over the place. You have to read through it yourself with a clear vision of how the scenes fit together to correct all the narrative inconsistencies and add in appropriate foreshadowing & pay off of that foreshadowing. The NPCs are likewise paper-thin, they need some kind of inner life to feel like real people rather than cardboard cut outs parroting lines. And worst of all there's no freedom for the players, and not much they can do. If I want to play a game with cut scenes leading to a list of choices I can pick from I'd play a videogame or read a pick-your-own-adventure book.
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I am a relatively new DM (I've done a few one-shots before) and have been working on a campaign that takes place in a Carribbean-like setting. I'm planning a swashbuckling adventure that starts after the chapter I am attaching below. I like the direction I went with chapters 2 and 3, but I'm not 100% on the first chapter. I would love some suggestions as to how I can improve this section.
Here is the first chapter:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/19ayx2JA7pKBPRPWuGljjmvM7kjHJBP9IEzW0srDshio/edit?usp=sharing
Pretty much reads like a typical, mostly unedited, AI piece. If you want improvement, iterate and refine your prompts.
Welcome to the Forum, WizardLlama30651!
Looks actually pretty good. Get good voices for each character, and a drunken side-eye for the descriptions, and youre looking good!
In scene 5, I'd make the arrival of the merfolk a bit more ominous, like this:
"You dive deeper into the murky water. The cold gives you chills, as if it was made to deter all life from its presence. Another large kick, and you faintly start to see the shipwreck, tangled in seaweed. Some shadow catches your eye, but nothing is there. Over there! To the right! Gone. You now have an eerie feeling something else is down here besides you. You can feel your heart start to race. You spin around, and spot two glaring green eyes staring at you ominously in the murk. Your heart skips a beat. There! Another pair! And another! You find yourself surrounded by the eyes of green. Then, from a patch of seaweed, emerges a creature unseen by mankind's eyes. Not human, not fish, but the fabled MERFOLK! The creature's face is strikingly beautiful, a cuirass of undersea armor on her chest and a foreboding trident in her hand. Her legs are nothing but a fish's tail. The rest of the sea-people also emerge from their hiding places... and so on and so forth.
I believe you could use a bit of this descriptive wizardry in the rest of your adventure.
In your descriptions, use as many of the five senses as you can, but don't go overkill. Describe what the PC is feeling, seeing, if their brain telling them to turn back now, or that everything is fine. Use colors, temperatures, distances, there is so much that is in your toolbox!
My best wishes to you, fellow world-maker, and your seagoing story of swashbucklers!
"That is not dead which can eternal lie;
And with strange aeons even death may die"
-H.P. Lovecraft
That is clearly AI generated work, with all the flaws that come with it - i.e. narrative inconsistencies all over the place. You have to read through it yourself with a clear vision of how the scenes fit together to correct all the narrative inconsistencies and add in appropriate foreshadowing & pay off of that foreshadowing. The NPCs are likewise paper-thin, they need some kind of inner life to feel like real people rather than cardboard cut outs parroting lines. And worst of all there's no freedom for the players, and not much they can do. If I want to play a game with cut scenes leading to a list of choices I can pick from I'd play a videogame or read a pick-your-own-adventure book.