I just started playing a new campaign with a really good friend as the DM and a couple of people from the last campaign they all played. A few sessions in I noticed that one of the players was not very welcoming and kept taking character moments away from other characters and focusing on themselves. A couple more new people joined and this player began insulting our characters in and out of play, but subtly so people wouldn’t notice so much. Today a new player did something the toxic player didn’t like and they proceeded to insult and bully this person for the decision their character made after the game ended. Everyone seemed to notice this but the DM. Should I bring this up to the DM or should I leave this alone? If this is something I should bring up, how? Any help would be appreciated.
Definitely bring it up, both with the DM and the player - though in private to begin with as they may not realise or might just be joking. If telling them in a private chat doesn't fix the issue then challenge them openly about their behaviour every time they start bullying the other players.
Bring it up. If it makes the game less fun, and the DM doesnt see it, tell them. talk to the player first, but if they dont change bring it up with the DM. if the DM doesnt do anything, this may not be a game you want to be part of.
Do the other players agree with you? Not to diminish what you are perceiving, but maybe the people you think are being bullied don’t actually feel like they are being bullied. You say everyone seemed to notice but the DM, how could you tell what the others thought?
That’s said, Assuming the player is being a problem, I’d go to the DM first. They need to have awareness of their table. And if the DM (and/or the others) doesn’t think it’s a problem and you do, then that’s a play style/personality issue, and it’s probably time to find another group.
I totally get you! I have talked to most of the other players privately after the fact who saw the same thing that I did. I have not directly talked to the player who was bullied on this occasion, but it was definitely not something they took in good fun. They started apologizing and when the toxic player wouldn’t lay off they left as soon as possible. I’m probably going to private message this person today to see how they’re doing. The major reason why I’m afraid to bring this up to the DM and I’m not sure they noticed is because the DM is also a close friend to this person and probably is the closest of everyone to this person.
Thank you! I definitely thought this player was joking at first, but the longer this has gone on the more insulting this player has gotten and the joking tone has faded. Today this player was genuinely angry and told all of us that they don’t know what we were smoking to think that the decision the other player made was ok. That was directly in front of the other player too. I’m pretty intimidated by this person, but if I have to speak up I will.
It’s not an easy situation to deal with. If they are really being a problem and the DM doesn’t want to deal with it then next time it happens during a session I would tell the DM and the group if that’s the type of player they want at the table then it’s time I found another group and leave.
Not every table is compatible with every player and if you are not having fun then it might be time to move on.
Personally I would tell the person off, but I’ve gotten mouthy in my old age 😊
I see, so definitely the guy is a jerk. Yeah, like the saying goes, no D&D is better than bad D&D. If this guy won’t adjust and the DM doesn’t care, it could be time to leave. If it starts to fall apart and you don’t want a confrontation, you can reach out to the other players and see about forming a new group, with one of you as DM.
screw private chat call this person out when it happens next. Not saying to be rude just be assertive and tell him you run your character and we will run ours. Getting it out in the open is a lot better since the player may not realize they are being a jerk. If everyone at the table agrees its either fix it or leave. The more this goes on the worst it will be for the group as a whole.
It's one thing to have a conversation about tactics and how the party should do things after a game or in between sessions, it's another thing entirely if it's bullying. Call him out as soon as possible and let him no it's not appreciated by anyone at the table and that it will not be tolerated. A DM is there to run the game and sometimes is too worried about making everyone happy to notice something like that going on. It is well within your scope to call someone out, in game or out for that type of behavior. The game has nothing to do with standing up for someone. Same as if you saw someone being verbally abused in public, by all means step in and do what is right.
Talk to the DM. If the DM is not willing to deal with it, leave the table. Find a game run by a DM who does not play favorites.
If the DM is willing and able, as well as aware. Some people, DM or otherwise, do not feel comfortable with RL conflict or confrontation. Although it would be nice for the DM to stand up and curb that behavior, it may not be in his or her ability. Now if the DM is crappy and allowing this to go on as well, then yeah find another table. If the DM is decent then stand up to the bully and the other players need to let that individual know it won't be tolerated and you expect an apology to be given to the bullied player.
Either way, you should talk to the GM first. They're the one who's supposed to be in charge and unlike another player they have the authority to impose penalties if the bullying player refuses to get their act together (by banning). Handling problem behavior is part of a GM's job- if they're not confrontational but still willing to back you up, you can say something at that point but doing so before can cause its own problems.
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Find your own truth, choose your enemies carefully, and never deal with a dragon.
"Canon" is what's factual to D&D lore. "Cannon" is what you're going to be shot with if you keep getting the word wrong.
Sounds like a problem player to start with, even before the incident with the new player being condescending to your existing group. I've had this problem as a DM before and it's easy for said player to hit you with the "I was just role playing my character.' This to be fair up to a point could be the case, I think we all as players expect a little good natured ribbing during play but when it's obvious to all that it's becoming more of a toxic issue something needs to be done.
Problem with your case though is that he seems to be hiding it behind the safety net of his friendship with your DM. If Your dungeon master is blind to this even after having it pointed out to him, and the majority of your fellow players including the new ones are aware of this behaviour, then it's time to find a new game and take the other players with you.
As a DM myself i'm blessed with a group of players that i have known for years and more to the point they know each other. Despite this at the start of any campaign or one shot i'll remind them at our first session we are all there to have fun. If we had a new player introduced to the group i would like to think that every on of my existing no that i wouldn't stand for any kind of toxic or bullying kind of behaviour no matter how long i had known them.
In short, if your DM isn't prepared to do something about it have a word with your fellow players about finding a new group or starting a separate one together.
I have been thinking about this, and again, it is tough because the DM is friends with the wangrod. But there is one thing you can try. Just realize that you can't put the toothpaste back into the tube -- once you start down this road, depending on the DM's reaction, there may be no coming back.
You could, without being adversarial, approach the DM privately and tell him that you are considering leaving the game. Most of the time, if people have you at the table with them, it's because they want you there. If one of my current players emailed me and said "I'm thinking of leaving," I would ask why, and would want to know if there is something I could do to make them want to keep playing.
You can learn a lot from the reaction. If the DM says "Fine, bye," then that tells you a lot right there. If the DM says, "Why are you thinking to leave the game?" then you can explain that one of the other players at the table is making you uncomfortable. If the DM says, "Fine bye," again, you have your answer right there. But if the DM says "Who is it, and is there anything I can do to help," then you can explain your situation in more detail.
I guess what I'm saying is, making the suggestion that it might be necessary for you to leave the table, without giving more details up front, gives you a chance to gauge how the DM is going to react. If the DM values your presence, you will get one reaction. If the DM doesn't care about you, you'll get another one. And that can tell you where to go from there. Also, if you phrases it as you are thinking of leaving, rather than "I quit," then you don't have to actually leave if you don't want to -- although my guess is, making that suggestion will lead to either a solution, or you actually leaving, which is why I said above you probably can't unring that bell once you've rung it.
We recently had a toxic player at the table during a Curse of Strahd campaign that left our group a while back. You're best snipping off the problem player from the bunch before it becomes too much of a problem.
The OP has no ability to snip anyone from the group, not being the DM. The question is whether the DM would be wiling to stand up to this person, and that we don't know yet.
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WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
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I just started playing a new campaign with a really good friend as the DM and a couple of people from the last campaign they all played. A few sessions in I noticed that one of the players was not very welcoming and kept taking character moments away from other characters and focusing on themselves. A couple more new people joined and this player began insulting our characters in and out of play, but subtly so people wouldn’t notice so much. Today a new player did something the toxic player didn’t like and they proceeded to insult and bully this person for the decision their character made after the game ended. Everyone seemed to notice this but the DM. Should I bring this up to the DM or should I leave this alone? If this is something I should bring up, how? Any help would be appreciated.
Definitely bring it up, both with the DM and the player - though in private to begin with as they may not realise or might just be joking. If telling them in a private chat doesn't fix the issue then challenge them openly about their behaviour every time they start bullying the other players.
Bring it up. If it makes the game less fun, and the DM doesnt see it, tell them. talk to the player first, but if they dont change bring it up with the DM. if the DM doesnt do anything, this may not be a game you want to be part of.
I exist, and I guess so does this
Do the other players agree with you? Not to diminish what you are perceiving, but maybe the people you think are being bullied don’t actually feel like they are being bullied. You say everyone seemed to notice but the DM, how could you tell what the others thought?
That’s said, Assuming the player is being a problem, I’d go to the DM first. They need to have awareness of their table. And if the DM (and/or the others) doesn’t think it’s a problem and you do, then that’s a play style/personality issue, and it’s probably time to find another group.
I totally get you! I have talked to most of the other players privately after the fact who saw the same thing that I did. I have not directly talked to the player who was bullied on this occasion, but it was definitely not something they took in good fun. They started apologizing and when the toxic player wouldn’t lay off they left as soon as possible. I’m probably going to private message this person today to see how they’re doing. The major reason why I’m afraid to bring this up to the DM and I’m not sure they noticed is because the DM is also a close friend to this person and probably is the closest of everyone to this person.
Thank you! I definitely thought this player was joking at first, but the longer this has gone on the more insulting this player has gotten and the joking tone has faded. Today this player was genuinely angry and told all of us that they don’t know what we were smoking to think that the decision the other player made was ok. That was directly in front of the other player too. I’m pretty intimidated by this person, but if I have to speak up I will.
It’s not an easy situation to deal with. If they are really being a problem and the DM doesn’t want to deal with it then next time it happens during a session I would tell the DM and the group if that’s the type of player they want at the table then it’s time I found another group and leave.
Not every table is compatible with every player and if you are not having fun then it might be time to move on.
Personally I would tell the person off, but I’ve gotten mouthy in my old age 😊
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I see, so definitely the guy is a jerk. Yeah, like the saying goes, no D&D is better than bad D&D. If this guy won’t adjust and the DM doesn’t care, it could be time to leave. If it starts to fall apart and you don’t want a confrontation, you can reach out to the other players and see about forming a new group, with one of you as DM.
screw private chat call this person out when it happens next. Not saying to be rude just be assertive and tell him you run your character and we will run ours. Getting it out in the open is a lot better since the player may not realize they are being a jerk. If everyone at the table agrees its either fix it or leave. The more this goes on the worst it will be for the group as a whole.
It's one thing to have a conversation about tactics and how the party should do things after a game or in between sessions, it's another thing entirely if it's bullying. Call him out as soon as possible and let him no it's not appreciated by anyone at the table and that it will not be tolerated. A DM is there to run the game and sometimes is too worried about making everyone happy to notice something like that going on. It is well within your scope to call someone out, in game or out for that type of behavior. The game has nothing to do with standing up for someone. Same as if you saw someone being verbally abused in public, by all means step in and do what is right.
Talk to the DM. If the DM is not willing to deal with it, leave the table. Find a game run by a DM who does not play favorites.
WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
If the DM is willing and able, as well as aware. Some people, DM or otherwise, do not feel comfortable with RL conflict or confrontation. Although it would be nice for the DM to stand up and curb that behavior, it may not be in his or her ability. Now if the DM is crappy and allowing this to go on as well, then yeah find another table. If the DM is decent then stand up to the bully and the other players need to let that individual know it won't be tolerated and you expect an apology to be given to the bullied player.
Either way, you should talk to the GM first. They're the one who's supposed to be in charge and unlike another player they have the authority to impose penalties if the bullying player refuses to get their act together (by banning). Handling problem behavior is part of a GM's job- if they're not confrontational but still willing to back you up, you can say something at that point but doing so before can cause its own problems.
Find your own truth, choose your enemies carefully, and never deal with a dragon.
"Canon" is what's factual to D&D lore. "Cannon" is what you're going to be shot with if you keep getting the word wrong.
Sounds like a problem player to start with, even before the incident with the new player being condescending to your existing group. I've had this problem as a DM before and it's easy for said player to hit you with the "I was just role playing my character.' This to be fair up to a point could be the case, I think we all as players expect a little good natured ribbing during play but when it's obvious to all that it's becoming more of a toxic issue something needs to be done.
Problem with your case though is that he seems to be hiding it behind the safety net of his friendship with your DM. If Your dungeon master is blind to this even after having it pointed out to him, and the majority of your fellow players including the new ones are aware of this behaviour, then it's time to find a new game and take the other players with you.
As a DM myself i'm blessed with a group of players that i have known for years and more to the point they know each other. Despite this at the start of any campaign or one shot i'll remind them at our first session we are all there to have fun. If we had a new player introduced to the group i would like to think that every on of my existing no that i wouldn't stand for any kind of toxic or bullying kind of behaviour no matter how long i had known them.
In short, if your DM isn't prepared to do something about it have a word with your fellow players about finding a new group or starting a separate one together.
I have been thinking about this, and again, it is tough because the DM is friends with the wangrod. But there is one thing you can try. Just realize that you can't put the toothpaste back into the tube -- once you start down this road, depending on the DM's reaction, there may be no coming back.
You could, without being adversarial, approach the DM privately and tell him that you are considering leaving the game. Most of the time, if people have you at the table with them, it's because they want you there. If one of my current players emailed me and said "I'm thinking of leaving," I would ask why, and would want to know if there is something I could do to make them want to keep playing.
You can learn a lot from the reaction. If the DM says "Fine, bye," then that tells you a lot right there. If the DM says, "Why are you thinking to leave the game?" then you can explain that one of the other players at the table is making you uncomfortable. If the DM says, "Fine bye," again, you have your answer right there. But if the DM says "Who is it, and is there anything I can do to help," then you can explain your situation in more detail.
I guess what I'm saying is, making the suggestion that it might be necessary for you to leave the table, without giving more details up front, gives you a chance to gauge how the DM is going to react. If the DM values your presence, you will get one reaction. If the DM doesn't care about you, you'll get another one. And that can tell you where to go from there. Also, if you phrases it as you are thinking of leaving, rather than "I quit," then you don't have to actually leave if you don't want to -- although my guess is, making that suggestion will lead to either a solution, or you actually leaving, which is why I said above you probably can't unring that bell once you've rung it.
WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
We recently had a toxic player at the table during a Curse of Strahd campaign that left our group a while back. You're best snipping off the problem player from the bunch before it becomes too much of a problem.
The OP has no ability to snip anyone from the group, not being the DM. The question is whether the DM would be wiling to stand up to this person, and that we don't know yet.
WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.