Me and a group of friends play a bunch like 3-4 different games a week.
We had a player he was cool at first buuuuuuut things got toxic, out of nowhere. When confronted about this behavior it actually got worse. He became "that guy" .
Only after being kicked from the original server did I find out, through a series of direct messages why he became "that guy".
It all started when he came into some money and decided to purchase the full bundle from D&D beyond. He said that he did not feel appreciated despite us thanking him nearly every session for allowing us to use this gift. He felt as though the various DMs in our server should award him with powerful items things that he shouldn't have at the level he was. For example owning a legendary weapon at level 4.
We were called disrespectful and cussed at a bunch but we stuck with it because he wasn't always that way and we hoped that he would change but again things only got worse.
Now he has completely left our server and turned off sharing without a word of warning because, "if you guys don't respect me or appreciate me enough to give me what I ask for then you can't use my things."
I'm not asking for a handout or help in any way I just felt like I needed to vent and warn everyone out there be careful, be wary of toxic players, no game no matter how good is worth your sanity.
The guy spent quite a bit of money, and he gave people the ability to benefit from what he paid for. "Accepting a gift if a sign of respect, and gives honor to both the giver and the one who receives it." You guys thanked him multiple times. Clearly, he's not worthy of your respect. He had a personal agenda. He doesn't even seem to respect himself.
It all started when he came into some money and decided to purchase the full bundle from D&D beyond.
If he took the initiative to purchase these items himself without encouragement/coercion from the group, that's on him. I know this because I've been that guy! In World of Warcraft (WoW) I'd be pumping tons of cash into the guild bank without any thanks whatsoever... so much for doing it 'out of the kindness of my own heart' when I got annoyed about not receiving any recognition.
Even if the difference here is virtual in-game currency versus ~800 very real dollars, he's still not entitled to anything. Thanks are nice, which you go on to say you offered, but that's essentially all they can expect from unwritten social rules such as this.
He felt as though the various DMs in our server should award him with powerful items things that he shouldn't have at the level he was. For example owning a legendary weapon at level 4.
Perhaps this person is unfamiliar with the term "pay to win" (or P2W). They could do with a crash course in what it is and why it's generally bad. Not that I'd call paying $800 for a legendary weapon at level 4 much of a win.
Now he has completely left our server and turned off sharing without a word of warning because, "if you guys don't respect me or appreciate me enough to give me what I ask for then you can't use my things."
I can appreciate how this is disruptive to your game, but you've got rid of an $800 problem, and he was the one footing the bill.
I'm not asking for a handout or help in any way I just felt like I needed to vent and warn everyone out there be careful, be wary of toxic players, no game no matter how good is worth your sanity.
One of my fellows joked "so the takeaway is: don't [annoy] John" because I'm the one with the D&D Beyond Master subscription and a few purchases on this site, which I'm sharing with my group. It was worth a giggle, but I can appreciate how awful a situation like the OP's must be because of this sense of entitlement and access to digital resources.
This isn't just a warning to the victims(?) of such toxicity, but also those who buy the books: don't think you hold that much sway over your party, and if you feel the need to bully people over a tabletop roleplaying game of all things, you're the one I pity the most.
Zero is the most important number in D&D: Session Zero sets the boundaries and the tone; Rule Zero dictates the Dungeon Master (DM) is the final arbiter; and Zero D&D is better than Bad D&D.
"Let us speak plainly now, and in earnest, for words mean little without the weight of conviction."
*shakes head* This is dumb real dumb. Not you, or the rest of your server but the situation.
I'm currently subbed to DnD Beyond, own a good percentage of books, and started sharing the campaign with the people I play with, because to a degree, it makes it easier. I have the money I can afford to spend to do this so I simplify it for the group, don't need any thanks for that because I'd probably at least keep using it for myself if I had to find another group.
The way you're describing it, the jerk did it because he wanted to have amazing things to start with, which really should be talked over with the DM anyways, and than got cranky when he didn't get special treatment and now he just wasted his money because he's out of your group and based off his thought process will probably have a hard time finding another group.
Sorry for your teams loss but from the sound of it you're going to be far better off in the long run than dealing with that mess of a jerk.
This is basically a player "taking my ball and going home" because they're feeling disrespected. It's definitely poor sporting, but it is one of the more antiseptic ways to lash out compared to more toxic or destructive in game behavior.
I wonder if some folks new to the game who buy "ALL THE BOOKS" are coming from other spaces in video games and maybe even card games like MtG, and things like 40k where there's a presumption if you own/bought the product in RL you're entitled to it in game. It happens. Back when I GM'd Cyberpunk 2020 when the year 2020 was 'the future" there were these gear/cyber books called Chromebooks. I had the first two, the second two I hadn't gotten but other players had. The contents took the game to a "next level" my ongoing campaign wasn't ready for. While CP weapons were lethal, Chromebooks 3+4 opened up some military grade stuff that was way outside my game world's reasonable access levels, and there were body modifications that were way outside the socioeconomic status of the game's PCs. The books' owners started showing up with this gear, and discussions had to be had where, if the game wants to go where this sort of hardware was available, we could do that, but at this point in the game we're not there. Players were reasonable and eventually they did in fact get to tool around in a war zone till they died because the military tactics available in CP were devastating against characters who didn't adhere to them despite their milspec gear. A lot of other games also present character options in "splatbooks" where you open up to a spread with a pretty much "this could be you" ease to pick a character the player believes will be the latest cool. I think some editions of D&D even did this.
What I'm saying is, especially among young/new players, it's not unusual for a player to get a "new egg" and want to play with it in game ASAP. Owning "everything" or "all the eggs" may give a player a false feeling of "knowing better" (making the mistake that ownership = game know how) and that in turn reinforces a sort of entitled assurance. It's not a fun dynamic to come across, it can be mediated by some but not all DMs. In the end though, the super owner doesn't have a game, and your group still has a group, and I'm a big advocate that a table does not need to be a "completist" in terms of their game library to run good games. Maybe the player will come around, but what really matters is there's an intact group that can still play.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Jander Sunstar is the thinking person's Drizzt, fight me.
To post a comment, please login or register a new account.
Me and a group of friends play a bunch like 3-4 different games a week.
We had a player he was cool at first buuuuuuut things got toxic, out of nowhere. When confronted about this behavior it actually got worse. He became "that guy" .
Only after being kicked from the original server did I find out, through a series of direct messages why he became "that guy".
It all started when he came into some money and decided to purchase the full bundle from D&D beyond. He said that he did not feel appreciated despite us thanking him nearly every session for allowing us to use this gift. He felt as though the various DMs in our server should award him with powerful items things that he shouldn't have at the level he was. For example owning a legendary weapon at level 4.
We were called disrespectful and cussed at a bunch but we stuck with it because he wasn't always that way and we hoped that he would change but again things only got worse.
Now he has completely left our server and turned off sharing without a word of warning because, "if you guys don't respect me or appreciate me enough to give me what I ask for then you can't use my things."
I'm not asking for a handout or help in any way I just felt like I needed to vent and warn everyone out there be careful, be wary of toxic players, no game no matter how good is worth your sanity.
The guy spent quite a bit of money, and he gave people the ability to benefit from what he paid for. "Accepting a gift if a sign of respect, and gives honor to both the giver and the one who receives it." You guys thanked him multiple times. Clearly, he's not worthy of your respect. He had a personal agenda. He doesn't even seem to respect himself.
<Insert clever signature here>
If he took the initiative to purchase these items himself without encouragement/coercion from the group, that's on him. I know this because I've been that guy! In World of Warcraft (WoW) I'd be pumping tons of cash into the guild bank without any thanks whatsoever... so much for doing it 'out of the kindness of my own heart' when I got annoyed about not receiving any recognition.
Even if the difference here is virtual in-game currency versus ~800 very real dollars, he's still not entitled to anything. Thanks are nice, which you go on to say you offered, but that's essentially all they can expect from unwritten social rules such as this.
Perhaps this person is unfamiliar with the term "pay to win" (or P2W). They could do with a crash course in what it is and why it's generally bad. Not that I'd call paying $800 for a legendary weapon at level 4 much of a win.
I can appreciate how this is disruptive to your game, but you've got rid of an $800 problem, and he was the one footing the bill.
One of my fellows joked "so the takeaway is: don't [annoy] John" because I'm the one with the D&D Beyond Master subscription and a few purchases on this site, which I'm sharing with my group. It was worth a giggle, but I can appreciate how awful a situation like the OP's must be because of this sense of entitlement and access to digital resources.
This isn't just a warning to the victims(?) of such toxicity, but also those who buy the books: don't think you hold that much sway over your party, and if you feel the need to bully people over a tabletop roleplaying game of all things, you're the one I pity the most.
Zero is the most important number in D&D: Session Zero sets the boundaries and the tone; Rule Zero dictates the Dungeon Master (DM) is the final arbiter; and Zero D&D is better than Bad D&D.
"Let us speak plainly now, and in earnest, for words mean little without the weight of conviction."
- The Assemblage of Houses, World of Warcraft
Now he's twice over a loser. He wasted a load of money -and- he has no friends to play with. What a bellend.
*shakes head*
This is dumb real dumb. Not you, or the rest of your server but the situation.
I'm currently subbed to DnD Beyond, own a good percentage of books, and started sharing the campaign with the people I play with, because to a degree, it makes it easier.
I have the money I can afford to spend to do this so I simplify it for the group, don't need any thanks for that because I'd probably at least keep using it for myself if I had to find another group.
The way you're describing it, the jerk did it because he wanted to have amazing things to start with, which really should be talked over with the DM anyways, and than got cranky when he didn't get special treatment and now he just wasted his money because he's out of your group and based off his thought process will probably have a hard time finding another group.
Sorry for your teams loss but from the sound of it you're going to be far better off in the long run than dealing with that mess of a jerk.
This is basically a player "taking my ball and going home" because they're feeling disrespected. It's definitely poor sporting, but it is one of the more antiseptic ways to lash out compared to more toxic or destructive in game behavior.
I wonder if some folks new to the game who buy "ALL THE BOOKS" are coming from other spaces in video games and maybe even card games like MtG, and things like 40k where there's a presumption if you own/bought the product in RL you're entitled to it in game. It happens. Back when I GM'd Cyberpunk 2020 when the year 2020 was 'the future" there were these gear/cyber books called Chromebooks. I had the first two, the second two I hadn't gotten but other players had. The contents took the game to a "next level" my ongoing campaign wasn't ready for. While CP weapons were lethal, Chromebooks 3+4 opened up some military grade stuff that was way outside my game world's reasonable access levels, and there were body modifications that were way outside the socioeconomic status of the game's PCs. The books' owners started showing up with this gear, and discussions had to be had where, if the game wants to go where this sort of hardware was available, we could do that, but at this point in the game we're not there. Players were reasonable and eventually they did in fact get to tool around in a war zone till they died because the military tactics available in CP were devastating against characters who didn't adhere to them despite their milspec gear. A lot of other games also present character options in "splatbooks" where you open up to a spread with a pretty much "this could be you" ease to pick a character the player believes will be the latest cool. I think some editions of D&D even did this.
What I'm saying is, especially among young/new players, it's not unusual for a player to get a "new egg" and want to play with it in game ASAP. Owning "everything" or "all the eggs" may give a player a false feeling of "knowing better" (making the mistake that ownership = game know how) and that in turn reinforces a sort of entitled assurance. It's not a fun dynamic to come across, it can be mediated by some but not all DMs. In the end though, the super owner doesn't have a game, and your group still has a group, and I'm a big advocate that a table does not need to be a "completist" in terms of their game library to run good games. Maybe the player will come around, but what really matters is there's an intact group that can still play.
Jander Sunstar is the thinking person's Drizzt, fight me.