Hi it's more or less my second time being part of a dnd game, I just wanted some people's thoughts on a bit of backstory on my personal experience from my past and current game that's happening. I will keep out most of it and only include parts that i think i believe are important to me and are bothering me. Sorry if i just jumping from part to part, its 3am for me and can't sleep. Please don't judge my writing i didn't really edit i just kinda wrote it in one whole go, so sorry if some parts are not understandable.
So let me start at the beginning, i have some friends who were in their early 30's(but they act like their in their 16's-18's, more lively so to say) and I was 12(i knew them literally my whole life, i consider them my best friends and family) they were staying over at my place while i was watching my dogs for a couple of weeks while my parents were gone. their job i guess was to make sure i didn't start any house party obviously or destroy the house, anyways they asked if they could play with some of their friends(also adults) a tabletop roleplaying game(iron kingdoms) at my place and i said sure, but at the same time i also asked if i could join their game too, they said that would be up to the GM and the rest of the group if they were fine with it, long story short i just sat around and watched fascinated as everyone had fun and the end of it they said that i could join and that i should make a character sheet for the next session. Now my two best friends i will clarify, let say one name is Josh and the other one name is Jen, Josh and Jen are dating for about 14 years now, the group was quite disorganized so to say, but it was the so so serious type of game, everyone just likes to play seriously during some points and just joke around other times. Our group including me at the time was 7 people total. Basically, let's say the two of the people of the group not including GM or best friends is called Tim and Stacy, they are both married to each other for quite a while, while at it let me introduce the others, let's say our GM's name is Peter, and our final member is named Steven. Now Peter and Stacy had medical issues that made it hard to function some days which lead to last-minute cancels, our sessions per year varied from 3-4 sessions per year mainly due to it no one having a clear schedule(mostly Stacy and Tim always planning for things REALLY ahead of time) for most of the days and still even then last second cancels. Our GM refused to do the session if one person was missing, but even then, if Stacy was feeling well on session day Tim would get in trouble if he even attempted to still continue the session without her so he couldn't even if he wanted to. Now at one point unfortunelty due to some miscommunication between me and Josh we had a falling out because he thought i swore at him(f word) and when i tried to explain that i didn't say it at him and was saying it in the in-game chat on my game(COD)and tried to apologize he refused to listen and stopped talking to me for a bit, game session day finally happened after several months(2-3 months) after that step and this is the session we are fighting a boss, but it was getting too late and the Gm had to end it early. Me as a kid i think i was 15 around the time thinking hopefully we can make up during the game and everything is in the past, we all get in the car, they have a designated driver because everyone else wants to drink and smoke weed(i am a minor so i don't participate with them obviously) Car ride shows obviously Josh is still mad at me cause he gives me the death stare and the cold shoulder while talking to his other best friend Steven) We arrive our session starts normally and out of the blue Josh decides to attack me mid-game during the boss fight, everyone somewhat surprised cause were in the middle of a battle and plus didn't expect him to take it to such a degree, but yet everyone seems to know he was pretty mad at me. Anyways the GM asked if he was sure about it and Josh said yes and i was astounded that the GM still allowed it(just so you also know the group has been playing for a long time also before i joined and they are all around lv25 and when i was creating my character i was lv 10 but during the fight, i was lv 14 and they were lv 29). Basically, the battle was crazy cause while this was happening the group continued on fighting the boss and one person kept getting nat 20 crits with a freeze spell that froze the boss until its next turn and eventually they killed it while me and Josh are fighting, while this is happening everything at the table is awkward and silent and people only talking when it's their turn, no ones having fun and no one speaks up, surprisingly Josh kept missing his attacks and only damaged me a bit but i almost killed him but then stopped and told him to stop after the 18th time and finally the battle with the boss was over and the awkward carpool back home followed, we made up 3 months after when he apologized after that, i wasn't mad i just felt more betrayed at the time, then 2 months after the apology the next session happened and everything was back to normal and everyone was having fun and a couple more sessions happened and then it kept getting cancelled for a year straight and hasn't ever happened since. During all of this, though Stacy and Tim kept cancelling more and more for dumber and dumber reasons over the years, Josh and Jen and I thought Stacy and Tim(Stacy completely, Tim is a hardcore dnd fan and has been part of many sessions and GM'd many games too, so he's not the type to not like it) were just obviously sometimes cancelling because they just didn't feel like having a game that day when the day came.
Also side note, looking at myself back on the first session i could definitely find some moment that i was bothering people or just flat annoying, but at the same time, i always tried to act like everyone else and tried not to make it awkward and showed res[ect to everyone and always thanked them by the end of it.
two years pass and Josh and Jen always talking to me about we gotta try to talk to everyone and book another session
Then without me knowing they started a new campaign, i guess from scratch at the beginning of 2021 but this time everyone's plans were changed and now everyone is available on Thursdays so now they have a session every week and it was done online through discord and everyone made a deal no matter what you do your best to come to the session, since day 1, Stacy and Tim weirdly enough has not yet once cancelled for 1 session, though the only one who has cancelled only and a decent amount was Peter i really also believed Peter loved the game so even when he wasn't feeling his best he would really try his best to GM but if he couldn't then he would have to cancel, so i believed him no matter what when he said he really cant Gm that day. But anyways i found out they did a new session thing purposely because of COVID they had their hockey cancelled, the whole group was part of a hockey team so to stay in touch they made the new campaign now on DnD, but i mainly found out cause i needed help with watching the dogs and also making sure i don't wreck the place or start a party in the house when my parents leave for 2 weeks, Im now like 17 at the time, while they stayed over they told me they had a game to be part of for DnD with the rest of the group in a couple of days and that their sorry they didn't tell me(they thought it would be best to tell me beforehand a couple of days instead of me walking in and finding them playing without me a new session. i tried to understand of course me being smart enough to notice they obviously didn't want me included that is why they didn't tell me about it to hurt my feelings that i was excluded. But curious me wanted to understand why though i was excluded, they said at first it was because they just wanted to keep it with the people who are part of the hockey team(more or less just friends only( so i understood. The day comes when they have their session i was everyone a quick hello on the video camera during their game had it was awkward but i just left and continued on with my night, after the session then Josh and Jen told me that they excluded me because i was a kid and that they just can't behave like themselves like it was awkward for them to drink, smoke or talk inappropriately. Which i could definitely understand but when i was saying hello they noticed i was much more mature and less hyper and young. At the same time, they said when the second campaign was being made they apparently made a vote to include me and Josh and Jen said they said yes but everyone else said no and that they tried to convince everyone. They also said i asked too many questions and was annoying, but then eventually i guess they changed their minds eventually out of the blue, and i got a text from Jen that they let me join and that Peter will help me create my character. Then my first session starts and i feel awkward knowing i wasn't included and wasn't wanted, but i didn't let that stop me, i just tried to play it off and played normally, i could tell some people still seemed skeptical about me but then i guess the session when good without any issues at least to my point of view, then the next session happens, some decisions i do, i are being heavily judged. Basically my first session everyone is lv 3 and i am lv 1 and one of the members got attacked by a werewolf, after the boss fight and we kill it, i then say to the group that we should be cautious of the person who got attacked and that that person might be now cursed as a werewolf, everyone made fun of me cause i thought of that and i made my character show he was obviously being cautious and distant of Stacy's character which again everyone made fun of me and the GM(Peter) sat there and didn't do anything(at the time i didn't know at the time but he knew she was actually cursed as a werewolf now because she failed a CON save during one of the attacks and he didn't tell us what happened after she failed. We just found out the last session that now she actually was cursed and no one obviously apologized on how they made fun of me(underexaggerating, they were saying a lot of mean stuff to me, though it wouldn't be inappropriate if i included it on the forums) cause of it. Anyways lots of sessions afterwards they always heavily judged me on my decisions telling me more about how i could have done the alternative and make me feel bad and never did the right thing, another thing was that everyone had magical items, money and weapons already collected obviously cause they started before i joined and had progress done. At this age, i started playing already a bit more online RPG games, so im the type of player that loots everything that i can no stone unturned even if it meant my speed was 5% and i guess that reflected how i played my characters, i looted enemies that the group didnt loot(they just kill and move on and actually dont loot at all) but then when i started looting them they toot offence to that so i obviously gave them it all, even though me as a character, broke has nothing and they have it all, though i guess it's their kill so what they kill is theirs but at the same time it should be shared, they didnt want to share any of it with me and i didnt even get to take anything from the enemies i killed so i just got the thought that i can only loot what i kill after that session i notice that everyone leaves the discord call(including me) except Josh, Jen and Steven, i have paranoia that they are talking about me and negatively obviously and just feel like crap for the rest of the day(much later like 2 months, recently i confronted Josh and he told me that Steven was mainly talking about me and judging my every decision after every session and didnt like how i played but next session after when i lotted the enemies i killed some enemies one of the mini-bosses on my own while everyone else was fighting the big boss, after battle i started looting the enemies i killed and asked if anyone wanted their stuff(longswords, chainmail armours, and heavy crossbows( i was collecting so i could sell it all) anyways i asked everyone and they didnt want it, everyone killed the mainboos who was using a magical flaming long sword, Steven wants hims to run let him live and run across the dry dessert without armour and weapons, Steven apparently had some back story with this enemy, anyways Stacy wanted to kill him, and Steven said no but she still killed him anyways but he didnt seem to care then, and just picks up the magical sword for himself and doesn't ask anyone if they want it and no one questions it. Then after i loot all the enemies i go and loot the boss mini mage and get some leather armour(it's magical but i don't know at this point) and a wand that i obviously know is magical and i choose to keep it for myself seeing i killed it and everyone else has magic items and seems to see it's ok for Steven to take one without question. Everyone outside of in-game knows i have it because the GM said it out loud cause well its a discord call, anyways i choose though in-game to keep it and not think to tell anyone about it since it seems they would be fine with it, they didn't care about anything else but the wand, i just let the GM know i just probably kept it for myself and not say anything about it(i see this was a bad move because even then i still should let the group know what i got and ask if i can keep it) but anyways as soon as i came back to the group after the looting they immediately question me did i find anything "magical" and i chose to say yes cause i could tell obviously they wanted it and knew about it by metagaming, so they said i should give it to someone else and i said everyone else has magic items so why cant i have one but they didnt care, they said i should give it to Josh's character who was a sorcerer and i was a paladin class, and eventually the GM intervened and said it would be better that i gave it to Josh cause he can use the wand and my class cant, so if i cant use it then i understood it had no use for me and gave it to Josh then without question. Anyways a couple of sessions later i just feel more and more crap after each session rethinking what i did making sure i didn't do anything to annoy anyone, so after the mini-boss sessions for a while, i literally didn't involve myself in any actions(i just followed the group's actions and kept my talking to an extreme minimum, didn't loot at all, and didn't include my thoughts on plans or ideas) to make sure i did nothing that would annoy anyone because i just don't feel good when people are angry at me or if i do something bad. Then i just i have an opportunity to be myself, we arrived at the main town and the group decided to split up and take different entrances to the huge town in case we were being followed because the group was being hunted because they were carrying a special item(the main quest item) the group split up into two, me and Josh went the direct entrance and the rest of the group took the longer distance side entrance, we made it to the main meeting point me and Josh and we went inside and introduced ourselves to the NPC's and waited for the rest of group, Then the rest of the group shows up and were set. Basically, our next session was the different cause since we went for a sidequest given by the main NPC at the castle, but Stacy and Tim were gonna be gone cause their moving so they wouldn't be able to get on for a few sessions(few weeks) anyways we still continue our session and the GM just said Tim and Stacy character when to go scout around the castle forest while we clear the goblin castle so we could continue our sessions normally, everything goes well we clear the castles courtyard and first floor and i start looting now again for the first time again, i asked each time i pick up every literal item if they want it, and any gold i get i mediately split it amongst the 4 of us no matter how small it is, 24/4=6 so everyone gets that immediately, then i come across a chest split the loot and find a magical dagger, i justt immediately give it to Josh, when i say immiadiatly i mean as soon as the GM said i literally interrupted him and i said out loud quickly that i just gave the dagger to Josh because i wanted to give to to anyone else but me to avoid more conflicts then i come across and orc that we fought in the courtyard(just for context im so dedicated for our sessions that it was summer holidays at this point and i went to visit family in Europe and when i arrived by plane it was 12am on Friday, i have been awake fore about 28 hours, and my session was 4 hours from now, and then that would be technically Thursday 7pm time for everyone else but me and that's when the session started so i stayed up because if i went to sleep i know i wont wake up because im such a heavy sleeper that no matter what i cant wake up unless someones shakes me physically or yells at me or i wake up naturally, alarms no matter what dont wake me up.) So im very tried and barely awake and still do but continuing on i loot the orc and i notice it has a side bag the GM says and he says it looks though weirdly larger on the inside than it does on the outside, in my brain, i keep hearing its smaller than it looks on the inside than the outside, and i keep reapting what i think the GM says and he keeps correcting me but i don't notice and keep hearing that its smaller on the inside, so i pull out my knife thinking, "ohhh its smaller on the insider so there's probably some secret compartment in the pouch, so if i rip open a hole in it i will find its secret contents", the GM says are you sure you want to use the knife and cut it, and i say yes, the GM then reveals its a bag of holding and that as soon as i puncture a hole in the bag, and it explodes and everyone seems quite upset that i destroyed a magic item and i of course feel terrible and the GM repeats we he said and then i finally understand him and tell him what i kept hearing and that i was so sorry, its just hard to understand cause im very tired and everyone beforehand this session know that i just arrived by plane and its really late and i haven't slept in a long time, but even then Josh and Steven(btw during the whole thing the only person who never was mean to me the whole time during the first and second campaign was ONLY Jen) didnt seem to care at all about that and were very cleary upset with me. The GM also reveals he could have had the bag suck me into another dimension but he chose not to have that happen. Anyways after that session, a few days after i meet up with Josh and when we meet up we just hang out and talk sometimes if we have nothing to talk about then we talk about our game, like what could happen next and thoughts on certain scenarios, but when we met after that session he tells me that Steven is really upset after what i did to the bag, and wants the rest of the group to do a vote to limit what i can do in-game and that i cant loot anymore, i find this absurd and im really upset and im argue with Josh on all the reason s why this is going to far, like: 1. it's just a game and we shouldn't let small things like this ruin the game, 2. was extremely tired and had misunderstood what was happening due to being very barely even mentally awake during the session, 3. There will always be another opportunity for the item if you care so much because after all its up to the GM what happens, 4. That bag was also a risk what would happen if someone wore it and didn't know it could suck you into another entirely different dimension(basically killing you) and during combat that bag can easily get damaged, 6. Even then you seemed to care enough to make it seem like you wanted the bag which wouldn't even be fair to begin with cause you have a several magic items(Steven) and it would be fair for me to get my first thought magic item(still dont know the leather armour acquired from earlier is magical yet), 7. Be a proper adult and dont talk behind my back, its makes me feel like really crappy when i know someones talking behind my back but then i dont know about what and how bad it is. Its better for me to know so i can fix what im doing and change because i just want to make an experience good, so im even changing my playstyle so much that's its almost not even me playing but i still make that sacrifice so everyone else can not loathe my assistance and decisions after every time i meet them. anyways while i explain all my points to Josh i also confront him if Steven is always talking negatively after everyone leaves the discord call when they still stay in it(this is when i finally had my suspicions confirmed) and he said yes. But while he was explaining that Steven was upset he seemed very clearly also upset and he just only said steven was the only mad, but i never confronted him if he was also mad too and talked negatively, but by how his demeanour was i have my suspicions that he was also upset too and said a couple of negative things too. He also by the time i explained to him all my points he understood and i said he had my support and said if Tim and Stacy give me problems about the bag(at this point they are still in the woods, their characters dont know about the bag) but anyways as he says that i also understand that it seems that Tim is also upset by that decision but Josh says if they give me problems he will tell them off basically(spoiler alert he didn't do it). The next session happens and i confront Steven and tell him Josh told me how upset he was and told him that doing a vote and being upset was reasonable but at the same time to go to such an extent i gave him the same points and more that i listed why he's being unreasonably more upset than he should be and is going to far, and i also confronted him about talking behind my back and that childish and i cant change those things unless you tell me about it, so i told him from now on if he has a certain issue, that he should tell me about it and i will understand and do to the best of my ability change my behaviour, actions, or anythings else to make his experience more enjoyable, he listens to it all and seems to understand to my knowledge and agrees, he also points out then right away that i need to be more of a team player and that he was upset when i chose to go inside the meeting area and talk to the NPC's without the group with Josh, and said i should have waited for everyone beforehand, so i agreed and the session started, after the session started i tried to participate more share all loot, and for any decision no matter how small or big i asked for everyone's input, then finally after we clear the castle we find a magical sword and i ask for everyone's input on who should carry it and Steven suggested that i could carry it which was a surprise to me then after a few sessions, My most recent session started,(yesterday) Thursday got cancelled last week so we all rebooked for Sunday, We all we got everyone was good and happy Steven seemed to be more happy and talk to me more, and started asking for my input on certain decisions anyways it seems everything goes well(Stacy couldnt make it cause work but for the first time it seemed Tim was allowed to play without her), but then were back at square one again all of the sudden, we go shopping with our new rewarded gold and i try to go get the magic sword and armour indetified for its magic, it was 50 gold per item to get identified, Josh has a wand and the magic dagger and wanted to get them one of them checked, he wants to use the token but the catch about the token is that you dont get change back so spend it al at 100 or your losing money, me and Tim try to convince Josh to use the tablet to inspect the wand and the dagger but instead at the end he says its my choice so let me do what i want to do, so i respect his wishes and stop trying to convince him, instead he just pays for the wand to get inspected with gold instead of the token(we barely have 100 gold each) but anyways i wanted to upgrade my stuff and got a token also worth 100 gold, so basically i had 1 token and 75 gold, so 175 gold total, the adamentine chain mail armour costs 175 gold(im already wearing normal chain mail armour) so i cant afford to get any items identified so i ask the GM can i sell the armour cause i cant afford it and have no use for it and he said yes but because its not identified its only worth 50 gold pieces so i said ill sell it, no one seems to object. I see it and use the gold to get the sword inspected and find out its a longsword of vengeance and then he also reveals the hide armour was with a spell called glamour, and conveniently too the GM also mentions its worth like 300 gold but when he inspected other items he doesn't reveal how much each item was worth only when i sold mine of course everyone seems upset seeing how much gold i was missed out on, Tim then says he could have used the armour and i just stand baffled for a moment and instantly yelling back cause at this point i had enough and i confront him that i also have my own choices and i can do what i want, quoting what Josh said but Tim doesn't seem to care, then he also starts to mention the bag and i just keep ignoring him and i keep talking about the armour and how i couldn't afford to get any of them inspected anyways and how was i supposed to know what it was and he could have wanted it anyways, then the session was at its end and as it was ending, Steven then also mentions how i shouldn't have sold the armour and also seems upset which makes me think he yesterday he talked about me again
also, i forgot to mention on the first campaign that for my first session they stripped my character naked from my armour and put me in a giant sack, Josh was like a giant ogle and had a giant food bag and put me in it, the session that game was 7 hours and i was in the bag the whole game, their explanation,"it was funny and their characters didnt trust mine so they had to wait". I was a kid so i just was naive i felt bullied but i didn't speak up cause i just wanted to try to believe it was all fun and laughs.
Also, i mainly felt like writing and posting this because it's hard to have fun anymore after every session for a while now i feel like crap and like i did something wrong and i always want to fix it so i just stress out and always feel miserable and just want peoples thoughts
also of course non of the names here are the actual group's names.
Well anyways if you made it this far i commend you, it's my entire experience to the current time, i just want your thoughts if you read it, like what i should do, what your thoughts on whats happening, anything, all comments are fair wether negative or positive. Thanks
Thanks for your input, i mean your summary I guess is sums many of the important key points, and I have thought of all 3 points though I also forgot to mention during all of this I also have a suspicion the GM doesn't necessarily hate me but definitely doesn't like me and recently has only been putting all the bad things only on me specifically. But I will consider your input and thoughts, even though you thought your thoughts weren't fully helpful, to me they are greatly valued, thanks.
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Hi it's more or less my second time being part of a dnd game, I just wanted some people's thoughts on a bit of backstory on my personal experience from my past and current game that's happening. I will keep out most of it and only include parts that i think i believe are important to me and are bothering me. Sorry if i just jumping from part to part, its 3am for me and can't sleep. Please don't judge my writing i didn't really edit i just kinda wrote it in one whole go, so sorry if some parts are not understandable.
So let me start at the beginning, i have some friends who were in their early 30's(but they act like their in their 16's-18's, more lively so to say) and I was 12(i knew them literally my whole life, i consider them my best friends and family) they were staying over at my place while i was watching my dogs for a couple of weeks while my parents were gone. their job i guess was to make sure i didn't start any house party obviously or destroy the house, anyways they asked if they could play with some of their friends(also adults) a tabletop roleplaying game(iron kingdoms) at my place and i said sure, but at the same time i also asked if i could join their game too, they said that would be up to the GM and the rest of the group if they were fine with it, long story short i just sat around and watched fascinated as everyone had fun and the end of it they said that i could join and that i should make a character sheet for the next session. Now my two best friends i will clarify, let say one name is Josh and the other one name is Jen, Josh and Jen are dating for about 14 years now, the group was quite disorganized so to say, but it was the so so serious type of game, everyone just likes to play seriously during some points and just joke around other times. Our group including me at the time was 7 people total. Basically, let's say the two of the people of the group not including GM or best friends is called Tim and Stacy, they are both married to each other for quite a while, while at it let me introduce the others, let's say our GM's name is Peter, and our final member is named Steven. Now Peter and Stacy had medical issues that made it hard to function some days which lead to last-minute cancels, our sessions per year varied from 3-4 sessions per year mainly due to it no one having a clear schedule(mostly Stacy and Tim always planning for things REALLY ahead of time) for most of the days and still even then last second cancels. Our GM refused to do the session if one person was missing, but even then, if Stacy was feeling well on session day Tim would get in trouble if he even attempted to still continue the session without her so he couldn't even if he wanted to. Now at one point unfortunelty due to some miscommunication between me and Josh we had a falling out because he thought i swore at him(f word) and when i tried to explain that i didn't say it at him and was saying it in the in-game chat on my game(COD)and tried to apologize he refused to listen and stopped talking to me for a bit, game session day finally happened after several months(2-3 months) after that step and this is the session we are fighting a boss, but it was getting too late and the Gm had to end it early. Me as a kid i think i was 15 around the time thinking hopefully we can make up during the game and everything is in the past, we all get in the car, they have a designated driver because everyone else wants to drink and smoke weed(i am a minor so i don't participate with them obviously) Car ride shows obviously Josh is still mad at me cause he gives me the death stare and the cold shoulder while talking to his other best friend Steven) We arrive our session starts normally and out of the blue Josh decides to attack me mid-game during the boss fight, everyone somewhat surprised cause were in the middle of a battle and plus didn't expect him to take it to such a degree, but yet everyone seems to know he was pretty mad at me. Anyways the GM asked if he was sure about it and Josh said yes and i was astounded that the GM still allowed it(just so you also know the group has been playing for a long time also before i joined and they are all around lv25 and when i was creating my character i was lv 10 but during the fight, i was lv 14 and they were lv 29). Basically, the battle was crazy cause while this was happening the group continued on fighting the boss and one person kept getting nat 20 crits with a freeze spell that froze the boss until its next turn and eventually they killed it while me and Josh are fighting, while this is happening everything at the table is awkward and silent and people only talking when it's their turn, no ones having fun and no one speaks up, surprisingly Josh kept missing his attacks and only damaged me a bit but i almost killed him but then stopped and told him to stop after the 18th time and finally the battle with the boss was over and the awkward carpool back home followed, we made up 3 months after when he apologized after that, i wasn't mad i just felt more betrayed at the time, then 2 months after the apology the next session happened and everything was back to normal and everyone was having fun and a couple more sessions happened and then it kept getting cancelled for a year straight and hasn't ever happened since. During all of this, though Stacy and Tim kept cancelling more and more for dumber and dumber reasons over the years, Josh and Jen and I thought Stacy and Tim(Stacy completely, Tim is a hardcore dnd fan and has been part of many sessions and GM'd many games too, so he's not the type to not like it) were just obviously sometimes cancelling because they just didn't feel like having a game that day when the day came.
Also side note, looking at myself back on the first session i could definitely find some moment that i was bothering people or just flat annoying, but at the same time, i always tried to act like everyone else and tried not to make it awkward and showed res[ect to everyone and always thanked them by the end of it.
two years pass and Josh and Jen always talking to me about we gotta try to talk to everyone and book another session
Then without me knowing they started a new campaign, i guess from scratch at the beginning of 2021 but this time everyone's plans were changed and now everyone is available on Thursdays so now they have a session every week and it was done online through discord and everyone made a deal no matter what you do your best to come to the session, since day 1, Stacy and Tim weirdly enough has not yet once cancelled for 1 session, though the only one who has cancelled only and a decent amount was Peter i really also believed Peter loved the game so even when he wasn't feeling his best he would really try his best to GM but if he couldn't then he would have to cancel, so i believed him no matter what when he said he really cant Gm that day. But anyways i found out they did a new session thing purposely because of COVID they had their hockey cancelled, the whole group was part of a hockey team so to stay in touch they made the new campaign now on DnD, but i mainly found out cause i needed help with watching the dogs and also making sure i don't wreck the place or start a party in the house when my parents leave for 2 weeks, Im now like 17 at the time, while they stayed over they told me they had a game to be part of for DnD with the rest of the group in a couple of days and that their sorry they didn't tell me(they thought it would be best to tell me beforehand a couple of days instead of me walking in and finding them playing without me a new session. i tried to understand of course me being smart enough to notice they obviously didn't want me included that is why they didn't tell me about it to hurt my feelings that i was excluded. But curious me wanted to understand why though i was excluded, they said at first it was because they just wanted to keep it with the people who are part of the hockey team(more or less just friends only( so i understood. The day comes when they have their session i was everyone a quick hello on the video camera during their game had it was awkward but i just left and continued on with my night, after the session then Josh and Jen told me that they excluded me because i was a kid and that they just can't behave like themselves like it was awkward for them to drink, smoke or talk inappropriately. Which i could definitely understand but when i was saying hello they noticed i was much more mature and less hyper and young. At the same time, they said when the second campaign was being made they apparently made a vote to include me and Josh and Jen said they said yes but everyone else said no and that they tried to convince everyone. They also said i asked too many questions and was annoying, but then eventually i guess they changed their minds eventually out of the blue, and i got a text from Jen that they let me join and that Peter will help me create my character. Then my first session starts and i feel awkward knowing i wasn't included and wasn't wanted, but i didn't let that stop me, i just tried to play it off and played normally, i could tell some people still seemed skeptical about me but then i guess the session when good without any issues at least to my point of view, then the next session happens, some decisions i do, i are being heavily judged. Basically my first session everyone is lv 3 and i am lv 1 and one of the members got attacked by a werewolf, after the boss fight and we kill it, i then say to the group that we should be cautious of the person who got attacked and that that person might be now cursed as a werewolf, everyone made fun of me cause i thought of that and i made my character show he was obviously being cautious and distant of Stacy's character which again everyone made fun of me and the GM(Peter) sat there and didn't do anything(at the time i didn't know at the time but he knew she was actually cursed as a werewolf now because she failed a CON save during one of the attacks and he didn't tell us what happened after she failed. We just found out the last session that now she actually was cursed and no one obviously apologized on how they made fun of me(underexaggerating, they were saying a lot of mean stuff to me, though it wouldn't be inappropriate if i included it on the forums) cause of it. Anyways lots of sessions afterwards they always heavily judged me on my decisions telling me more about how i could have done the alternative and make me feel bad and never did the right thing, another thing was that everyone had magical items, money and weapons already collected obviously cause they started before i joined and had progress done. At this age, i started playing already a bit more online RPG games, so im the type of player that loots everything that i can no stone unturned even if it meant my speed was 5% and i guess that reflected how i played my characters, i looted enemies that the group didnt loot(they just kill and move on and actually dont loot at all) but then when i started looting them they toot offence to that so i obviously gave them it all, even though me as a character, broke has nothing and they have it all, though i guess it's their kill so what they kill is theirs but at the same time it should be shared, they didnt want to share any of it with me and i didnt even get to take anything from the enemies i killed so i just got the thought that i can only loot what i kill after that session i notice that everyone leaves the discord call(including me) except Josh, Jen and Steven, i have paranoia that they are talking about me and negatively obviously and just feel like crap for the rest of the day(much later like 2 months, recently i confronted Josh and he told me that Steven was mainly talking about me and judging my every decision after every session and didnt like how i played but next session after when i lotted the enemies i killed some enemies one of the mini-bosses on my own while everyone else was fighting the big boss, after battle i started looting the enemies i killed and asked if anyone wanted their stuff(longswords, chainmail armours, and heavy crossbows( i was collecting so i could sell it all) anyways i asked everyone and they didnt want it, everyone killed the mainboos who was using a magical flaming long sword, Steven wants hims to run let him live and run across the dry dessert without armour and weapons, Steven apparently had some back story with this enemy, anyways Stacy wanted to kill him, and Steven said no but she still killed him anyways but he didnt seem to care then, and just picks up the magical sword for himself and doesn't ask anyone if they want it and no one questions it. Then after i loot all the enemies i go and loot the boss mini mage and get some leather armour(it's magical but i don't know at this point) and a wand that i obviously know is magical and i choose to keep it for myself seeing i killed it and everyone else has magic items and seems to see it's ok for Steven to take one without question. Everyone outside of in-game knows i have it because the GM said it out loud cause well its a discord call, anyways i choose though in-game to keep it and not think to tell anyone about it since it seems they would be fine with it, they didn't care about anything else but the wand, i just let the GM know i just probably kept it for myself and not say anything about it(i see this was a bad move because even then i still should let the group know what i got and ask if i can keep it) but anyways as soon as i came back to the group after the looting they immediately question me did i find anything "magical" and i chose to say yes cause i could tell obviously they wanted it and knew about it by metagaming, so they said i should give it to someone else and i said everyone else has magic items so why cant i have one but they didnt care, they said i should give it to Josh's character who was a sorcerer and i was a paladin class, and eventually the GM intervened and said it would be better that i gave it to Josh cause he can use the wand and my class cant, so if i cant use it then i understood it had no use for me and gave it to Josh then without question. Anyways a couple of sessions later i just feel more and more crap after each session rethinking what i did making sure i didn't do anything to annoy anyone, so after the mini-boss sessions for a while, i literally didn't involve myself in any actions(i just followed the group's actions and kept my talking to an extreme minimum, didn't loot at all, and didn't include my thoughts on plans or ideas) to make sure i did nothing that would annoy anyone because i just don't feel good when people are angry at me or if i do something bad. Then i just i have an opportunity to be myself, we arrived at the main town and the group decided to split up and take different entrances to the huge town in case we were being followed because the group was being hunted because they were carrying a special item(the main quest item) the group split up into two, me and Josh went the direct entrance and the rest of the group took the longer distance side entrance, we made it to the main meeting point me and Josh and we went inside and introduced ourselves to the NPC's and waited for the rest of group, Then the rest of the group shows up and were set. Basically, our next session was the different cause since we went for a sidequest given by the main NPC at the castle, but Stacy and Tim were gonna be gone cause their moving so they wouldn't be able to get on for a few sessions(few weeks) anyways we still continue our session and the GM just said Tim and Stacy character when to go scout around the castle forest while we clear the goblin castle so we could continue our sessions normally, everything goes well we clear the castles courtyard and first floor and i start looting now again for the first time again, i asked each time i pick up every literal item if they want it, and any gold i get i mediately split it amongst the 4 of us no matter how small it is, 24/4=6 so everyone gets that immediately, then i come across a chest split the loot and find a magical dagger, i justt immediately give it to Josh, when i say immiadiatly i mean as soon as the GM said i literally interrupted him and i said out loud quickly that i just gave the dagger to Josh because i wanted to give to to anyone else but me to avoid more conflicts then i come across and orc that we fought in the courtyard(just for context im so dedicated for our sessions that it was summer holidays at this point and i went to visit family in Europe and when i arrived by plane it was 12am on Friday, i have been awake fore about 28 hours, and my session was 4 hours from now, and then that would be technically Thursday 7pm time for everyone else but me and that's when the session started so i stayed up because if i went to sleep i know i wont wake up because im such a heavy sleeper that no matter what i cant wake up unless someones shakes me physically or yells at me or i wake up naturally, alarms no matter what dont wake me up.) So im very tried and barely awake and still do but continuing on i loot the orc and i notice it has a side bag the GM says and he says it looks though weirdly larger on the inside than it does on the outside, in my brain, i keep hearing its smaller than it looks on the inside than the outside, and i keep reapting what i think the GM says and he keeps correcting me but i don't notice and keep hearing that its smaller on the inside, so i pull out my knife thinking, "ohhh its smaller on the insider so there's probably some secret compartment in the pouch, so if i rip open a hole in it i will find its secret contents", the GM says are you sure you want to use the knife and cut it, and i say yes, the GM then reveals its a bag of holding and that as soon as i puncture a hole in the bag, and it explodes and everyone seems quite upset that i destroyed a magic item and i of course feel terrible and the GM repeats we he said and then i finally understand him and tell him what i kept hearing and that i was so sorry, its just hard to understand cause im very tired and everyone beforehand this session know that i just arrived by plane and its really late and i haven't slept in a long time, but even then Josh and Steven(btw during the whole thing the only person who never was mean to me the whole time during the first and second campaign was ONLY Jen) didnt seem to care at all about that and were very cleary upset with me. The GM also reveals he could have had the bag suck me into another dimension but he chose not to have that happen. Anyways after that session, a few days after i meet up with Josh and when we meet up we just hang out and talk sometimes if we have nothing to talk about then we talk about our game, like what could happen next and thoughts on certain scenarios, but when we met after that session he tells me that Steven is really upset after what i did to the bag, and wants the rest of the group to do a vote to limit what i can do in-game and that i cant loot anymore, i find this absurd and im really upset and im argue with Josh on all the reason s why this is going to far, like: 1. it's just a game and we shouldn't let small things like this ruin the game, 2. was extremely tired and had misunderstood what was happening due to being very barely even mentally awake during the session, 3. There will always be another opportunity for the item if you care so much because after all its up to the GM what happens, 4. That bag was also a risk what would happen if someone wore it and didn't know it could suck you into another entirely different dimension(basically killing you) and during combat that bag can easily get damaged, 6. Even then you seemed to care enough to make it seem like you wanted the bag which wouldn't even be fair to begin with cause you have a several magic items(Steven) and it would be fair for me to get my first thought magic item(still dont know the leather armour acquired from earlier is magical yet), 7. Be a proper adult and dont talk behind my back, its makes me feel like really crappy when i know someones talking behind my back but then i dont know about what and how bad it is. Its better for me to know so i can fix what im doing and change because i just want to make an experience good, so im even changing my playstyle so much that's its almost not even me playing but i still make that sacrifice so everyone else can not loathe my assistance and decisions after every time i meet them. anyways while i explain all my points to Josh i also confront him if Steven is always talking negatively after everyone leaves the discord call when they still stay in it(this is when i finally had my suspicions confirmed) and he said yes. But while he was explaining that Steven was upset he seemed very clearly also upset and he just only said steven was the only mad, but i never confronted him if he was also mad too and talked negatively, but by how his demeanour was i have my suspicions that he was also upset too and said a couple of negative things too. He also by the time i explained to him all my points he understood and i said he had my support and said if Tim and Stacy give me problems about the bag(at this point they are still in the woods, their characters dont know about the bag) but anyways as he says that i also understand that it seems that Tim is also upset by that decision but Josh says if they give me problems he will tell them off basically(spoiler alert he didn't do it). The next session happens and i confront Steven and tell him Josh told me how upset he was and told him that doing a vote and being upset was reasonable but at the same time to go to such an extent i gave him the same points and more that i listed why he's being unreasonably more upset than he should be and is going to far, and i also confronted him about talking behind my back and that childish and i cant change those things unless you tell me about it, so i told him from now on if he has a certain issue, that he should tell me about it and i will understand and do to the best of my ability change my behaviour, actions, or anythings else to make his experience more enjoyable, he listens to it all and seems to understand to my knowledge and agrees, he also points out then right away that i need to be more of a team player and that he was upset when i chose to go inside the meeting area and talk to the NPC's without the group with Josh, and said i should have waited for everyone beforehand, so i agreed and the session started, after the session started i tried to participate more share all loot, and for any decision no matter how small or big i asked for everyone's input, then finally after we clear the castle we find a magical sword and i ask for everyone's input on who should carry it and Steven suggested that i could carry it which was a surprise to me then after a few sessions, My most recent session started,(yesterday) Thursday got cancelled last week so we all rebooked for Sunday, We all we got everyone was good and happy Steven seemed to be more happy and talk to me more, and started asking for my input on certain decisions anyways it seems everything goes well(Stacy couldnt make it cause work but for the first time it seemed Tim was allowed to play without her), but then were back at square one again all of the sudden, we go shopping with our new rewarded gold and i try to go get the magic sword and armour indetified for its magic, it was 50 gold per item to get identified, Josh has a wand and the magic dagger and wanted to get them one of them checked, he wants to use the token but the catch about the token is that you dont get change back so spend it al at 100 or your losing money, me and Tim try to convince Josh to use the tablet to inspect the wand and the dagger but instead at the end he says its my choice so let me do what i want to do, so i respect his wishes and stop trying to convince him, instead he just pays for the wand to get inspected with gold instead of the token(we barely have 100 gold each) but anyways i wanted to upgrade my stuff and got a token also worth 100 gold, so basically i had 1 token and 75 gold, so 175 gold total, the adamentine chain mail armour costs 175 gold(im already wearing normal chain mail armour) so i cant afford to get any items identified so i ask the GM can i sell the armour cause i cant afford it and have no use for it and he said yes but because its not identified its only worth 50 gold pieces so i said ill sell it, no one seems to object. I see it and use the gold to get the sword inspected and find out its a longsword of vengeance and then he also reveals the hide armour was with a spell called glamour, and conveniently too the GM also mentions its worth like 300 gold but when he inspected other items he doesn't reveal how much each item was worth only when i sold mine of course everyone seems upset seeing how much gold i was missed out on, Tim then says he could have used the armour and i just stand baffled for a moment and instantly yelling back cause at this point i had enough and i confront him that i also have my own choices and i can do what i want, quoting what Josh said but Tim doesn't seem to care, then he also starts to mention the bag and i just keep ignoring him and i keep talking about the armour and how i couldn't afford to get any of them inspected anyways and how was i supposed to know what it was and he could have wanted it anyways, then the session was at its end and as it was ending, Steven then also mentions how i shouldn't have sold the armour and also seems upset which makes me think he yesterday he talked about me again
also, i forgot to mention on the first campaign that for my first session they stripped my character naked from my armour and put me in a giant sack, Josh was like a giant ogle and had a giant food bag and put me in it, the session that game was 7 hours and i was in the bag the whole game, their explanation,"it was funny and their characters didnt trust mine so they had to wait". I was a kid so i just was naive i felt bullied but i didn't speak up cause i just wanted to try to believe it was all fun and laughs.
Also, i mainly felt like writing and posting this because it's hard to have fun anymore after every session for a while now i feel like crap and like i did something wrong and i always want to fix it so i just stress out and always feel miserable and just want peoples thoughts
also of course non of the names here are the actual group's names.
Well anyways if you made it this far i commend you, it's my entire experience to the current time, i just want your thoughts if you read it, like what i should do, what your thoughts on whats happening, anything, all comments are fair wether negative or positive. Thanks
Incredible what people can type on a phone with two fingers!
Thanks for your input, i mean your summary I guess is sums many of the important key points, and I have thought of all 3 points though I also forgot to mention during all of this I also have a suspicion the GM doesn't necessarily hate me but definitely doesn't like me and recently has only been putting all the bad things only on me specifically. But I will consider your input and thoughts, even though you thought your thoughts weren't fully helpful, to me they are greatly valued, thanks.