I was looking for some advice on dealing with frustration at the table, I've found myself in situations where I have became frustrated due to things either not going to plan or something completely out of my control and I am seeking some advice on how to cope or manage these feelings in the heat of the moment so it doesn't affect myself or the table, I know I cannot avoid these situations entirely but I want the game to be fun for myself and everyone at my table, and I feel like I can "Kill the mood" sometimes...
Tonight our group played a rough session, essentially it was a big fight against some foes that could deal some intense damage and at one point 3 of our 5 players were down, through some luck and quick thinking we managed to pull through, avoid any character deaths and walked away licking some deep wounds but came out the other side relatively ok. But victory was not without incident.
The scenario is as follows, we (the party) arrives at our destination and the surroundings sound off alarm bells immediately, it looks and feel like a dangerous place to be but we heed any warning and proceed with our mission, obtain an artifact from a supposed witch. The sorcerer begins to talk to the witch and I, as well as the other player, see this going south. So I attempt to interject and offer a trade for the artifact. Ultimately it didn't matter as the witch had already been offended and we were told to roll initiative. Frustrating? Yes, but no problem, I like to fight, we'll move on. Round one of combat starts, I'm playing a very combat focused barbarian/fighter multiclass and like to be in the thick of combat often acting as the frontline tank and I'm top of the order, I drop some damage on the witch and we start getting into battle formation. The witch is next and hits me with a spell that my DM said was high level and I was "stunned", no saving throw just stunned. Again, frustrating, but we knew this was going to be a tough fight and I am aware of these powerful spells and knew I'd get a chance to break free so I wasn't particularly worried. What came next was the reason for writing this post.
The following two rounds of combat and I am told I can make a save to attempt to break free of the stun lock, but If I break free it's done at the end of my turn, therefore I forfeit my turn. A lot of spells work this way so I'm not annoyed at that, It's the rules and if the monsters have to follow these rules the players do as well, fair is fair.
I proceed to roll 2 natural 1's on the save on consecutive turns, meanwhile I have not attacked. nor been attacked therefore I have lost my only rage. Essentially I have wasted two full turns of combat not being able to do anything and watching as the other party members were struggling to fight. The overwhelming sense of failure and uselessness took over and I became frustrated and began to show it. I practically switched off and stopped paying attention and tried to make light of the situation but regardless I was mad. There's nothing I could've done, the dice tell their own story and sometimes that story is "NOPE".
Now, I didn't slam the table or start yelling at anyone (I did say "one more nat 1 and I quit", but that was said with laughter) but I'm worried that my outbursts of frustration make the other wonderful souls at my table uncomfortable and will make my DM weary to put tough situations in front of my character in the future. I don't want to become unhinged when things don't go my way or get angry when the dice don't roll my way.
So... How do ya'll cope with situations like this? Do you have a stress ball in your D&D kit? Or do you just stretch your legs when you're stuck and can't do anything? Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks :)
We've had entire game sessions where a player or the DM has been rolling failures on every single roll.
After 30 years of playing various RPGs, we now just put it down to an unlucky streak, laugh it off (sometimes with a frustrating laugh) and hope for a better luck next week.
If I was stunned and kept rolling failures, I might make some sort of description in how/why I was stunned for so long, to add to the narrative of the scene.
This might sound a bit weird but try buying a dice prison. If the offending D20 is rolling like crap, toss it into the prison for a while. It might make you feel a little better knowing the offending dice is in there until you decide to let it out. And use another D20 for a while to teach it a lesson. Sometimes it is the simple things that will make us feel better.
D&D is meant to be challenging but it is up to you how you choose to deal with those challenges. If you choose to let them frustrate you then they will. If you decide to accept your situation for what it is and just roll with it, then it won't bother you so much after a while. If you can learn to to this in a game, then it will also help in real life as well.
Do these issues crop up in other contexts? This might be part of a larger issue and if so, you should consider seeing professional help in dealing with anger management.
I relate to this a lot, especially the feeling of "switching off" and then worrying that you've bothered everyone else afterwards. I've asked straight up if my similar frustrations were a problem after such sessions, and my group has always said it's all good. Hopefully you can feel comfortable talking to your party/DM about it; chances are they'll be understanding and you won't have to worry so much about their reactions.
While I don't have a perfect solution, I do find it helpful to try to realize early when I'm starting to feel that frustration build up and head it off. If I can explicitly acknowledge to myself, "hey, you're getting frustrated, which is ok, but don't get stuck in it," that makes it easier to avoid sinking into it as much. Also, if you're not having any success with your character, it may help to try to invest more in what everyone else's characters are doing. Try to intentionally spread your attention out so you don't focus as much on the negative things happening to you. It's not easy sometimes, especially when you're really invested in the game and want it to go well, but recognizing the issue is a good first step.
i tell new players that failure is just as much a part of the story as success is. And to learn to take failing moments and turn them into new opportunities. Admittedly much easier said than done. But we've all been shut down in combat before, it happens, and if you can role play that into a funny or dramatic moment for the mere sake of entertainment, that will take the sting off a bit.
i'm usually using this lesson to prepare them if their character dies, to let it influence the story for the better, but i think it can work in smaller instances such as being shut down in an encounter or failing skills checks to progress a story point.
I can see how this situation would be frustrating, I doubt many people would not be feeling the same!
One thing that can help is to broaden your interest in the game beyond the actions of your own character. D&D is primarily a collaborative storytelling experience, and if you consider that in your investment then, whilst your character remains stunned, you can invest yourself in the story being woven around him as he's held. I have watched my players doing this very approach last night, when I threw them against a warlock with Banishment and dominate person, a demon with Confusion and Power Word Stun (the spell you encountered, by the sounds of it), 5 yuan-ti with Suggestion. The party was crippled (though wasn't taking much damage) as the monk was banished, then confused, then swallowed by the demon; the Barbarian was Suggested to stop the Cleric; the Artificer was Grappled by Bigby's Hand; and the Warlock was hit with Power Word Stun.
The players all remained invested because their interests lay in how the story would play out, and not in how their story would play out. It's a subtle shift in your focus that can really help with this sort of thing.
The Stunned condition is stupid and needs to be removed for exactly the reasons entailed above (reduces the entire player experience to "roll a die to hope I get to play the game again"), but that complaint aside, your biggest problem here is just terrible dice rolls - regardless of the Stun stupidity, two straight Nat 1's means you are going to be frustrated no matter what. Sometimes the dice just don't go your way, and that's just something you have to laugh off as being part of the game, and be ready to cheer on the rest of your party.
I think it's worth having a discussion with your DM about how NOT FUN the Stunned condition is, but keep in mind that the main issue here is just bad luck with dice rolls that you need to be able to cope with. That said, it's way easier to cope with choosing to do something and failing badly than it is with basically being kicked out of the game until the dice fall your way. Failing badly can be hilarious as long as you have the right mindset as player, but there are literally no circumstances where being Stunned has ever been fun for anyone. If I remember right they're replacing Stunned with Slowed in One D&D for exactly that reason
The Stunned condition is stupid and needs to be removed for exactly the reasons entailed above (reduces the entire player experience to "roll a die to hope I get to play the game again"), but that complaint aside, your biggest problem here is just terrible dice rolls - regardless of the Stun stupidity, two straight Nat 1's means you are going to be frustrated no matter what. Sometimes the dice just don't go your way, and that's just something you have to laugh off as being part of the game, and be ready to cheer on the rest of your party.
I think it's worth having a discussion with your DM about how NOT FUN the Stunned condition is, but keep in mind that the main issue here is just bad luck with dice rolls that you need to be able to cope with. That said, it's way easier to cope with choosing to do something and failing badly than it is with basically being kicked out of the game until the dice fall your way. Failing badly can be hilarious as long as you have the right mindset as player, but there are literally no circumstances where being Stunned has ever been fun for anyone. If I remember right they're replacing Stunned with Slowed in One D&D for exactly that reason
The condition isn't a problem. Judging by the description, the player got hit by Power Word: Stun, which is 8th level. For that level, the effect is appropriate, and compared to some of the other options available at that level, it's a pretty fair one to toss at a lower level party. Takes a player out of action for a bit, but Feeblemind will take a player out of action for a month minimum if it connects, barring some high level and/or expensive magic, and other spells of that tier are averaging high 30's to low 40's of damage.
Laugh it off. Take a deep breath. Count to 10. Make a joke. Punish the dice (a scientifically proven method for improving dice rolls). Know, deep within, in your most private of inner selves, that your character is make believe, just some numbers and letters on a piece of paper (or more likely, 1's and 0's in a computer somewhere), and that win or lose, live or die, the fun is in playing the game (with friends) not in beating some equally imaginary opponent.
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Blanket disclaimer: I only ever state opinion. But I can sound terribly dogmatic - so if you feel I'm trying to tell you what to think, I'm really not, I swear. I'm telling you what I think, that's all.
I can see how this situation would be frustrating, I doubt many people would not be feeling the same!
One thing that can help is to broaden your interest in the game beyond the actions of your own character. D&D is primarily a collaborative storytelling experience, and if you consider that in your investment then, whilst your character remains stunned, you can invest yourself in the story being woven around him as he's held. I have watched my players doing this very approach last night, when I threw them against a warlock with Banishment and dominate person, a demon with Confusion and Power Word Stun (the spell you encountered, by the sounds of it), 5 yuan-ti with Suggestion. The party was crippled (though wasn't taking much damage) as the monk was banished, then confused, then swallowed by the demon; the Barbarian was Suggested to stop the Cleric; the Artificer was Grappled by Bigby's Hand; and the Warlock was hit with Power Word Stun.
The players all remained invested because their interests lay in how the story would play out, and not in how their story would play out. It's a subtle shift in your focus that can really help with this sort of thing.
I would like to second this approach/perspective. I can't remember ever having something quite this frustrating happen to one of my characters, but I have seen players alongside me essentially sidelined for an entire combat due to Banishment or a full caster being stuck in an anti-magic effect. In the former case, we joked about what her demi-plane was like to lighten the mood, and the rest of the party was doing everything they could for the enemy spellcaster to drop concentration, to no avail. In the latter, the character could act, but was essentially completely neutered. Despite this, the group worked to keep them engaged by some light meta-gaming, asking their advice for tactics, etc. They both also had the attitude of really being interested in how the group was working to remedy the situation. It is always more satisfying to be the one acting and helping to solve the problem or situation, but if it is a good group you are with, then I think a lot of joy can be obtained by watching your friends overcome the problems and work to protect your character while they are incapacitated.
Definitely preparing yourself mentally before the game, and checking your expectations. Remember that there is a 50% chance on any single d20 roll that you'll get a 10 or lower (which in general D&D terms is usually not great) and if you have to make 10 rolls over the course of the session, there is something like a 40% chance you'll get at least one natural 1 out of those 10 rolls. Remember it's meant to be fun. Maybe I'm just lucky that the encounters my group enjoys the most always seem to be the challenging ones where at least one character goes down (albeit without ending up dead).
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Hi all
I was looking for some advice on dealing with frustration at the table, I've found myself in situations where I have became frustrated due to things either not going to plan or something completely out of my control and I am seeking some advice on how to cope or manage these feelings in the heat of the moment so it doesn't affect myself or the table, I know I cannot avoid these situations entirely but I want the game to be fun for myself and everyone at my table, and I feel like I can "Kill the mood" sometimes...
Tonight our group played a rough session, essentially it was a big fight against some foes that could deal some intense damage and at one point 3 of our 5 players were down, through some luck and quick thinking we managed to pull through, avoid any character deaths and walked away licking some deep wounds but came out the other side relatively ok. But victory was not without incident.
The scenario is as follows, we (the party) arrives at our destination and the surroundings sound off alarm bells immediately, it looks and feel like a dangerous place to be but we heed any warning and proceed with our mission, obtain an artifact from a supposed witch. The sorcerer begins to talk to the witch and I, as well as the other player, see this going south. So I attempt to interject and offer a trade for the artifact. Ultimately it didn't matter as the witch had already been offended and we were told to roll initiative. Frustrating? Yes, but no problem, I like to fight, we'll move on. Round one of combat starts, I'm playing a very combat focused barbarian/fighter multiclass and like to be in the thick of combat often acting as the frontline tank and I'm top of the order, I drop some damage on the witch and we start getting into battle formation. The witch is next and hits me with a spell that my DM said was high level and I was "stunned", no saving throw just stunned. Again, frustrating, but we knew this was going to be a tough fight and I am aware of these powerful spells and knew I'd get a chance to break free so I wasn't particularly worried. What came next was the reason for writing this post.
The following two rounds of combat and I am told I can make a save to attempt to break free of the stun lock, but If I break free it's done at the end of my turn, therefore I forfeit my turn. A lot of spells work this way so I'm not annoyed at that, It's the rules and if the monsters have to follow these rules the players do as well, fair is fair.
I proceed to roll 2 natural 1's on the save on consecutive turns, meanwhile I have not attacked. nor been attacked therefore I have lost my only rage. Essentially I have wasted two full turns of combat not being able to do anything and watching as the other party members were struggling to fight. The overwhelming sense of failure and uselessness took over and I became frustrated and began to show it. I practically switched off and stopped paying attention and tried to make light of the situation but regardless I was mad. There's nothing I could've done, the dice tell their own story and sometimes that story is "NOPE".
Now, I didn't slam the table or start yelling at anyone (I did say "one more nat 1 and I quit", but that was said with laughter) but I'm worried that my outbursts of frustration make the other wonderful souls at my table uncomfortable and will make my DM weary to put tough situations in front of my character in the future. I don't want to become unhinged when things don't go my way or get angry when the dice don't roll my way.
So... How do ya'll cope with situations like this? Do you have a stress ball in your D&D kit? Or do you just stretch your legs when you're stuck and can't do anything? Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks :)
The d20 can be a fickle beast.
Sometimes it just doesn't go your way.
We've had entire game sessions where a player or the DM has been rolling failures on every single roll.
After 30 years of playing various RPGs, we now just put it down to an unlucky streak, laugh it off (sometimes with a frustrating laugh) and hope for a better luck next week.
If I was stunned and kept rolling failures, I might make some sort of description in how/why I was stunned for so long, to add to the narrative of the scene.
This might sound a bit weird but try buying a dice prison. If the offending D20 is rolling like crap, toss it into the prison for a while. It might make you feel a little better knowing the offending dice is in there until you decide to let it out. And use another D20 for a while to teach it a lesson. Sometimes it is the simple things that will make us feel better.
D&D is meant to be challenging but it is up to you how you choose to deal with those challenges. If you choose to let them frustrate you then they will. If you decide to accept your situation for what it is and just roll with it, then it won't bother you so much after a while. If you can learn to to this in a game, then it will also help in real life as well.
Do these issues crop up in other contexts? This might be part of a larger issue and if so, you should consider seeing professional help in dealing with anger management.
I relate to this a lot, especially the feeling of "switching off" and then worrying that you've bothered everyone else afterwards. I've asked straight up if my similar frustrations were a problem after such sessions, and my group has always said it's all good. Hopefully you can feel comfortable talking to your party/DM about it; chances are they'll be understanding and you won't have to worry so much about their reactions.
While I don't have a perfect solution, I do find it helpful to try to realize early when I'm starting to feel that frustration build up and head it off. If I can explicitly acknowledge to myself, "hey, you're getting frustrated, which is ok, but don't get stuck in it," that makes it easier to avoid sinking into it as much. Also, if you're not having any success with your character, it may help to try to invest more in what everyone else's characters are doing. Try to intentionally spread your attention out so you don't focus as much on the negative things happening to you. It's not easy sometimes, especially when you're really invested in the game and want it to go well, but recognizing the issue is a good first step.
i tell new players that failure is just as much a part of the story as success is. And to learn to take failing moments and turn them into new opportunities. Admittedly much easier said than done. But we've all been shut down in combat before, it happens, and if you can role play that into a funny or dramatic moment for the mere sake of entertainment, that will take the sting off a bit.
i'm usually using this lesson to prepare them if their character dies, to let it influence the story for the better, but i think it can work in smaller instances such as being shut down in an encounter or failing skills checks to progress a story point.
I can see how this situation would be frustrating, I doubt many people would not be feeling the same!
One thing that can help is to broaden your interest in the game beyond the actions of your own character. D&D is primarily a collaborative storytelling experience, and if you consider that in your investment then, whilst your character remains stunned, you can invest yourself in the story being woven around him as he's held. I have watched my players doing this very approach last night, when I threw them against a warlock with Banishment and dominate person, a demon with Confusion and Power Word Stun (the spell you encountered, by the sounds of it), 5 yuan-ti with Suggestion. The party was crippled (though wasn't taking much damage) as the monk was banished, then confused, then swallowed by the demon; the Barbarian was Suggested to stop the Cleric; the Artificer was Grappled by Bigby's Hand; and the Warlock was hit with Power Word Stun.
The players all remained invested because their interests lay in how the story would play out, and not in how their story would play out. It's a subtle shift in your focus that can really help with this sort of thing.
Make your Artificer work with any other class with 174 Multiclassing Feats for your Artificer Multiclass Character!
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The Stunned condition is stupid and needs to be removed for exactly the reasons entailed above (reduces the entire player experience to "roll a die to hope I get to play the game again"), but that complaint aside, your biggest problem here is just terrible dice rolls - regardless of the Stun stupidity, two straight Nat 1's means you are going to be frustrated no matter what. Sometimes the dice just don't go your way, and that's just something you have to laugh off as being part of the game, and be ready to cheer on the rest of your party.
I think it's worth having a discussion with your DM about how NOT FUN the Stunned condition is, but keep in mind that the main issue here is just bad luck with dice rolls that you need to be able to cope with. That said, it's way easier to cope with choosing to do something and failing badly than it is with basically being kicked out of the game until the dice fall your way. Failing badly can be hilarious as long as you have the right mindset as player, but there are literally no circumstances where being Stunned has ever been fun for anyone. If I remember right they're replacing Stunned with Slowed in One D&D for exactly that reason
The condition isn't a problem. Judging by the description, the player got hit by Power Word: Stun, which is 8th level. For that level, the effect is appropriate, and compared to some of the other options available at that level, it's a pretty fair one to toss at a lower level party. Takes a player out of action for a bit, but Feeblemind will take a player out of action for a month minimum if it connects, barring some high level and/or expensive magic, and other spells of that tier are averaging high 30's to low 40's of damage.
Laugh it off. Take a deep breath. Count to 10. Make a joke. Punish the dice (a scientifically proven method for improving dice rolls). Know, deep within, in your most private of inner selves, that your character is make believe, just some numbers and letters on a piece of paper (or more likely, 1's and 0's in a computer somewhere), and that win or lose, live or die, the fun is in playing the game (with friends) not in beating some equally imaginary opponent.
Blanket disclaimer: I only ever state opinion. But I can sound terribly dogmatic - so if you feel I'm trying to tell you what to think, I'm really not, I swear. I'm telling you what I think, that's all.
I would like to second this approach/perspective. I can't remember ever having something quite this frustrating happen to one of my characters, but I have seen players alongside me essentially sidelined for an entire combat due to Banishment or a full caster being stuck in an anti-magic effect. In the former case, we joked about what her demi-plane was like to lighten the mood, and the rest of the party was doing everything they could for the enemy spellcaster to drop concentration, to no avail. In the latter, the character could act, but was essentially completely neutered. Despite this, the group worked to keep them engaged by some light meta-gaming, asking their advice for tactics, etc. They both also had the attitude of really being interested in how the group was working to remedy the situation. It is always more satisfying to be the one acting and helping to solve the problem or situation, but if it is a good group you are with, then I think a lot of joy can be obtained by watching your friends overcome the problems and work to protect your character while they are incapacitated.
Definitely preparing yourself mentally before the game, and checking your expectations. Remember that there is a 50% chance on any single d20 roll that you'll get a 10 or lower (which in general D&D terms is usually not great) and if you have to make 10 rolls over the course of the session, there is something like a 40% chance you'll get at least one natural 1 out of those 10 rolls. Remember it's meant to be fun. Maybe I'm just lucky that the encounters my group enjoys the most always seem to be the challenging ones where at least one character goes down (albeit without ending up dead).