I'm a first time poster, and am currently in the middle of my first campaign in D&D (I wanted to try and play after watching a lot of Critical Role.). My friends and I play via discord as we live far away from each other and have played 7 times now. I wanted advice because of the fact that it feels like I am trying to be more immersed in the game, and my idea's do not seem to align with their way of thinking, and I seem to get the brunt of all the jabs, while they praise one another. There are 4 players including me, and the DM by the way. Perhaps this is just me misunderstanding, I do not feel as though I have thin skin though, but being the one who's singled out a lot does make one wonder if my presence is unwelcome. So, this is where I would like some input from people who may or may not have had similar situations. Should I ask the DM to play a session without me and see how they felt about the dynamics of the group? Should I take the direct approach and ask them directly? I am reluctant to do so as I feel that may make them walk on eggshells around me with a false sense of belonging afterward if that makes sense. To clarify, I am not looking for pity, so if you think i am being an idiot and should just say something to them directly or something similar, please say so. I just wondered if you all had a better idea of what my options might be. Thanks in advance for any feedback!
That’s the wonders and downfalls of DND man. There is a multitude of different ways to go about playing and some times people just don’t sync up. You already confirmed you wanna play the game different then your friends. It’s not a bad thing. You just think about it differently and need to find a group who is on that same wave length.
As for feeling you are getting the brunt of all the jabs while they praise each other. They may not realize they are doing that. It could be worth mentioning it but like you said it could change the dynamic.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Enna | Wood Elf - Ranger 1 | Eternal Warfare - War Party D
Wanting something different out of the game than what you're getting is perfectly fine. I wouldn't bow out, and ask the GM if the game got better. Try to stick it out.
That being said, also explore other content. There are many great GREAT games being run right here on DNDB play by post forums. It might take time to get into one, but they are good option. Check with your local game store to see if they have anything in-house going on as well.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
"Sooner or later, your Players are going to smash your railroad into a sandbox."
-Vedexent
"real life is a super high CR."
-OboeLauren
"............anybody got any potatoes? We could drop a potato in each hole an' see which ones get viciously mauled by horrible monsters?"
D&D games are played among people, and that means that they bring all their social idiosyncrasies with them. Some people are the alphas and their ideas get lots of attention, people show favouritism and biases. Even DMs trying to be evenhanded rarely are, and players bring their personalities with them to inhabit their characters.
If you feel you are not part of the “in group” then you are probably correct. This however doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t like you or don’t enjoy your presence. They are just closer alingned in their outlooks. My advice is to try to bring your style and thinking into alignment with that of the group. It may not be your preferred style but it is a role play game and adjusting behaviour to “fit in” is a tried and true method to when dealing with a group of people.
I am sure that they didn’t want you playing someone would have kicked you by now. Also there is a possibility that their casualness in picking on your character may because they feel comfortable with you and like you; perhaps they find you amusing (in a nice way) so that makes you the logical target for ribbing.
Social stuff is so hard and I am not particularly gifted in this area. But that is my 2C anyway.
I’m a direct approach kind of person. These people are your friends so it shouldn’t be a big deal to talk to one of them about your issues. I would start with the DM. They have a way of seeing things from a different perspective and may not know that you are struggling. Like others have stated, we have different playing styles. A good DM will do what they can to incorporate scenarios that meet the different needs of the players. I wouldn’t be surprised if your DM has a tip or two on how you could fit in a little better.
Thanks everyone for your input! I'll have a talk with the DM initially and then most likely bring it up to the others. I should have also said this earlier when I said they were my friends, but we've been very disconnected lately. Or should I say, I have been disconnected from them as they have gone on to play and do things with each other while I just play D&D and they play none of the other things I play (gaming friends ya know.). Anyway, I really do appreciate the advice and hope to use it effectively. Thanks again!
I'm kind of curious how this turned out. I have a long time group that I DM for, the campaign is twenty years old to give you an idea. The players play all kinds of different games together, but when I get together with them I only DM. I do get some ribbing, but I since I DM for them I tend to give it back to them in the game... not in a bad way mind you, by screwing them over or anything like that, I tend to make the encounters more personal and even have the villains insult the characters. Sometimes it can be singling out a character like the sorcerer just because they did a lot of damage and they're easy to hit and I describe the villain or monster as glaring in that character's direction and saying they seem to have singled you out as the biggest threat.
My main point is that even though my players meet almost weekly and I only get together with them to play D&D for a 12 hour session 3 to 4 times a year, I might be a little on the outside of the group but I don't that effects the friendship we have. My players are very immersed and committed to the campaign which helps, I guess twenty years playing the campaign shows how invested we all are.
Anyway, I'm curious as to how your situation turned out.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
To post a comment, please login or register a new account.
Hi all,
I'm a first time poster, and am currently in the middle of my first campaign in D&D (I wanted to try and play after watching a lot of Critical Role.). My friends and I play via discord as we live far away from each other and have played 7 times now. I wanted advice because of the fact that it feels like I am trying to be more immersed in the game, and my idea's do not seem to align with their way of thinking, and I seem to get the brunt of all the jabs, while they praise one another. There are 4 players including me, and the DM by the way. Perhaps this is just me misunderstanding, I do not feel as though I have thin skin though, but being the one who's singled out a lot does make one wonder if my presence is unwelcome. So, this is where I would like some input from people who may or may not have had similar situations. Should I ask the DM to play a session without me and see how they felt about the dynamics of the group? Should I take the direct approach and ask them directly? I am reluctant to do so as I feel that may make them walk on eggshells around me with a false sense of belonging afterward if that makes sense. To clarify, I am not looking for pity, so if you think i am being an idiot and should just say something to them directly or something similar, please say so. I just wondered if you all had a better idea of what my options might be. Thanks in advance for any feedback!
Well, you say they are your friends, you should be able to chat one up and ask.
Perpetually annoyed that Eldritch Knights can't use Eldritch Blast, Eldritch Smite, and Eldritch Sight.
That’s the wonders and downfalls of DND man. There is a multitude of different ways to go about playing and some times people just don’t sync up. You already confirmed you wanna play the game different then your friends. It’s not a bad thing. You just think about it differently and need to find a group who is on that same wave length.
As for feeling you are getting the brunt of all the jabs while they praise each other. They may not realize they are doing that. It could be worth mentioning it but like you said it could change the dynamic.
Enna | Wood Elf - Ranger 1 | Eternal Warfare - War Party D
Valnan | Half Elf - Sorcerer/Wild Magic | Coliseum of Conquest
Nyana | Wood Elf - Life Claric 1 | Lost Mines of Phandelver
Wanting something different out of the game than what you're getting is perfectly fine. I wouldn't bow out, and ask the GM if the game got better. Try to stick it out.
That being said, also explore other content. There are many great GREAT games being run right here on DNDB play by post forums. It might take time to get into one, but they are good option. Check with your local game store to see if they have anything in-house going on as well.
"Sooner or later, your Players are going to smash your railroad into a sandbox."
-Vedexent
"real life is a super high CR."
-OboeLauren
"............anybody got any potatoes? We could drop a potato in each hole an' see which ones get viciously mauled by horrible monsters?"
-Ilyara Thundertale
D&D games are played among people, and that means that they bring all their social idiosyncrasies with them. Some people are the alphas and their ideas get lots of attention, people show favouritism and biases. Even DMs trying to be evenhanded rarely are, and players bring their personalities with them to inhabit their characters.
If you feel you are not part of the “in group” then you are probably correct. This however doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t like you or don’t enjoy your presence. They are just closer alingned in their outlooks. My advice is to try to bring your style and thinking into alignment with that of the group. It may not be your preferred style but it is a role play game and adjusting behaviour to “fit in” is a tried and true method to when dealing with a group of people.
I am sure that they didn’t want you playing someone would have kicked you by now. Also there is a possibility that their casualness in picking on your character may because they feel comfortable with you and like you; perhaps they find you amusing (in a nice way) so that makes you the logical target for ribbing.
Social stuff is so hard and I am not particularly gifted in this area. But that is my 2C anyway.
I’m a direct approach kind of person. These people are your friends so it shouldn’t be a big deal to talk to one of them about your issues. I would start with the DM. They have a way of seeing things from a different perspective and may not know that you are struggling. Like others have stated, we have different playing styles. A good DM will do what they can to incorporate scenarios that meet the different needs of the players. I wouldn’t be surprised if your DM has a tip or two on how you could fit in a little better.
Thanks everyone for your input! I'll have a talk with the DM initially and then most likely bring it up to the others. I should have also said this earlier when I said they were my friends, but we've been very disconnected lately. Or should I say, I have been disconnected from them as they have gone on to play and do things with each other while I just play D&D and they play none of the other things I play (gaming friends ya know.). Anyway, I really do appreciate the advice and hope to use it effectively. Thanks again!
I'm kind of curious how this turned out. I have a long time group that I DM for, the campaign is twenty years old to give you an idea. The players play all kinds of different games together, but when I get together with them I only DM. I do get some ribbing, but I since I DM for them I tend to give it back to them in the game... not in a bad way mind you, by screwing them over or anything like that, I tend to make the encounters more personal and even have the villains insult the characters. Sometimes it can be singling out a character like the sorcerer just because they did a lot of damage and they're easy to hit and I describe the villain or monster as glaring in that character's direction and saying they seem to have singled you out as the biggest threat.
My main point is that even though my players meet almost weekly and I only get together with them to play D&D for a 12 hour session 3 to 4 times a year, I might be a little on the outside of the group but I don't that effects the friendship we have. My players are very immersed and committed to the campaign which helps, I guess twenty years playing the campaign shows how invested we all are.
Anyway, I'm curious as to how your situation turned out.