My current D&D group is unpredictable at best. There are some serious issues, both in game, as well as out. Over the last couple of months it has been growing more and more toxic, and I plan on leaving. The only problem is that the group will cease to function without me. I have been the primary DM since the group started about six months ago. Recently I have been training my good friend to be able to DM, and we have even Co-DMed a few sessions.
I will admit, I don't often enjoy myself with this group. Yes, there are great moments where I am glad I am play D&D, but overall it is a negative experience. It is becoming four hours a week I am beginning to dread. After I started burning out was when it kind of got stale. I brought in my friend to Co-DM to alleviate some pressure, but the other players shun him for it. Since he is still new, he's still familiarizing himself with all the bells and whistles. This has lead to a couple less than smooth situations, that left the players demanding I take over and run the game myself.
Through the bad mix of burnout, not liking the players in my group (in game and out), and just not having fun in general, I think it's time to jump ship while I still can. I have already identified a group that I can join, and it seems like they are happy to have me. Having dipped my toes in the water and already knowing some people in the other group I think it is a good fit. Overall they bring more enthusiasm and dedication to the game that is severely lacking in my current group. Already knowing some of the members, I know that these are people who I want to be friends with, and are willing to put as much time as I am into this game.
While I have no doubt it is the right decision, my only question is how to do it. Me jumping ship will effectively kill our group. Even though I am not friends with several of the people in the group, I do not want to anger them and invoke hostilities. I do not think the group will continue if I drop. The only other DM (The one I was Co-DMing with) has very little experience, and without a veteran player or Co-DM to guide the group, I am afraid he will struggle.
How do I gracefully let my group go without sparking any issues?
Would you be joining the other group as DM or player? If you'd be joining as a player, you can say, truthfully, it seems, that you're looking to stop DMing for a while and playing instead. You've been invited to this other group, and your current players don't want your friend to DM, so...that's that :)
In my experience, being honest is best. Just tell it to them straight. It will make you feel better to get what you need to say off your chest, and it will make the toxic players reflect on their behavior, and perhaps they might change for whatever comes in their future. Leave the group, Dnd is supposed to be fun, and it sounds like you are experiencing the opposite. The new group sounds like they are much nicer people, and will make your job as DM more enjoyable.
If you do decide to leave, the players might be angry at you, but just remember that you are doing what is best for you. You don't exist to serve people who are creating such a negative experience for you. It proves that leaving the group is the right choice if they act hostile about it, you do not want to continue with people who get angry if you leave. Good players and friends always accept what you do and support the choice. They do not seem like the type to accept or support your choice, but remember to be strong and do what you need to do for your own happiness. Hopefully after you leave, they will reflect and realize that they were creating a toxic atmosphere. Do not feel guilty about leaving the group and having it die out, it was bound to happen with such negative and toxic people. Groups like this never function well, and it is better to disband than to try and continue.
Also, if it were me, I would invite the DM-in-training with you, if the new group allows it. They are just trying to learn, and they cannot do it with people who shun them or refuse to let them DM. It would be good for them to continue to watch you DM and have you Co-DM with them so that they can be ready when they decide to DM alone for a new group. In addition to this, the new group sounds much more supportive of a rookie DM and would probably give them easier DM-ing experiences.
That's all I have to say, I hope I was some help. :)
I've been playing D&D since 1E, and I've never had a toxic group (even before "session zero" became a thing). I don't understand how people who dislike each other so much can stand to play together.
It seems like you're ready to move on, and you don't owe these people anything, so just leave with as minimal an explanation as possible. It seems that you like the Co-DM, so I would invite him to the new group, otherwise you're setting him up for a miserable experience.
That being said, can't you identify the people causing the bad will, and let them know that their behavior is resulting a hostile environment? Ask them to start behaving like adults, and if they can't/won't improve, then tell them to leave the group.
A way of saying it without sounding judgmental is that you don't think you're a good fit for the group. If you want to be specific, you could pinpoint their playstyle or something compared to the kind of group you want to DM/play in. It's an honest answer and you don't owe them any further explanation, especially since most of them aren't your friends (you could approach friends individually with more detail if you want).
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My current D&D group is unpredictable at best. There are some serious issues, both in game, as well as out. Over the last couple of months it has been growing more and more toxic, and I plan on leaving. The only problem is that the group will cease to function without me. I have been the primary DM since the group started about six months ago. Recently I have been training my good friend to be able to DM, and we have even Co-DMed a few sessions.
I will admit, I don't often enjoy myself with this group. Yes, there are great moments where I am glad I am play D&D, but overall it is a negative experience. It is becoming four hours a week I am beginning to dread. After I started burning out was when it kind of got stale. I brought in my friend to Co-DM to alleviate some pressure, but the other players shun him for it. Since he is still new, he's still familiarizing himself with all the bells and whistles. This has lead to a couple less than smooth situations, that left the players demanding I take over and run the game myself.
Through the bad mix of burnout, not liking the players in my group (in game and out), and just not having fun in general, I think it's time to jump ship while I still can. I have already identified a group that I can join, and it seems like they are happy to have me. Having dipped my toes in the water and already knowing some people in the other group I think it is a good fit. Overall they bring more enthusiasm and dedication to the game that is severely lacking in my current group. Already knowing some of the members, I know that these are people who I want to be friends with, and are willing to put as much time as I am into this game.
While I have no doubt it is the right decision, my only question is how to do it. Me jumping ship will effectively kill our group. Even though I am not friends with several of the people in the group, I do not want to anger them and invoke hostilities. I do not think the group will continue if I drop. The only other DM (The one I was Co-DMing with) has very little experience, and without a veteran player or Co-DM to guide the group, I am afraid he will struggle.
How do I gracefully let my group go without sparking any issues?
Would you be joining the other group as DM or player? If you'd be joining as a player, you can say, truthfully, it seems, that you're looking to stop DMing for a while and playing instead. You've been invited to this other group, and your current players don't want your friend to DM, so...that's that :)
Looking for new subclasses, spells, magic items, feats, and races? Opinions welcome :)
This is a tough situation, I'm sorry.
In my experience, being honest is best. Just tell it to them straight. It will make you feel better to get what you need to say off your chest, and it will make the toxic players reflect on their behavior, and perhaps they might change for whatever comes in their future. Leave the group, Dnd is supposed to be fun, and it sounds like you are experiencing the opposite. The new group sounds like they are much nicer people, and will make your job as DM more enjoyable.
If you do decide to leave, the players might be angry at you, but just remember that you are doing what is best for you. You don't exist to serve people who are creating such a negative experience for you. It proves that leaving the group is the right choice if they act hostile about it, you do not want to continue with people who get angry if you leave. Good players and friends always accept what you do and support the choice. They do not seem like the type to accept or support your choice, but remember to be strong and do what you need to do for your own happiness. Hopefully after you leave, they will reflect and realize that they were creating a toxic atmosphere. Do not feel guilty about leaving the group and having it die out, it was bound to happen with such negative and toxic people. Groups like this never function well, and it is better to disband than to try and continue.
Also, if it were me, I would invite the DM-in-training with you, if the new group allows it. They are just trying to learn, and they cannot do it with people who shun them or refuse to let them DM. It would be good for them to continue to watch you DM and have you Co-DM with them so that they can be ready when they decide to DM alone for a new group. In addition to this, the new group sounds much more supportive of a rookie DM and would probably give them easier DM-ing experiences.
That's all I have to say, I hope I was some help. :)
I've been playing D&D since 1E, and I've never had a toxic group (even before "session zero" became a thing). I don't understand how people who dislike each other so much can stand to play together.
It seems like you're ready to move on, and you don't owe these people anything, so just leave with as minimal an explanation as possible. It seems that you like the Co-DM, so I would invite him to the new group, otherwise you're setting him up for a miserable experience.
That being said, can't you identify the people causing the bad will, and let them know that their behavior is resulting a hostile environment? Ask them to start behaving like adults, and if they can't/won't improve, then tell them to leave the group.
A way of saying it without sounding judgmental is that you don't think you're a good fit for the group. If you want to be specific, you could pinpoint their playstyle or something compared to the kind of group you want to DM/play in. It's an honest answer and you don't owe them any further explanation, especially since most of them aren't your friends (you could approach friends individually with more detail if you want).