Hey all. I'm currently running a campaign where a kenku bard is making a pact with a demon to gain free-thinking and creativity (y'know, the things a kenku normally cant have). I thought I'd write up the whole contract and provide it as a real-world prop to really immerse my players. I would love to get some feedback (constructive or complimentary) on it! (Disclaimer: this isn't the *entire* contract, everything that isn't included is just a bunch of legal mumbo-jumbo I made that is included in every devil contract, and doesn't pertain specifically to this one)

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"Upon the signing of this contract, the signing recipient hereby concedes to revoke prior ownership of their own mortal soul, subsequently consigning full ownership of the soul to the patron scribe. This relay of ownership is to be completed and cemented following the permanent demise of the signing recipient. Any attempts to preemptively inflict the demise of the signing recipient on the part of the patron scribe immediately holds this contract null and void. Whilst pending the demise of the signing recipient, the patron scribe possesses the right to assign intermittent tasks to be completed by the signing recipient to the foremost of their ability. Failure to complete these tasks may result in a consequence determined at the discretion of the patron scribe.

Upon the signing of this contract, the patron scribe hereby concedes to grant the signing recipient knowledge, creativity, and free thinking to be explored and exploited at the discretion of the signing participant. In the event of revocation without the mutual consensus of the patron scribe and the signing participant, the patron scribe becomes contractually obligated to repay and restore all costs the signing recipient may have spent in the pursuit of knowledge and creativity, and all other agreements of the contract are held null and void."

This sounds great. If your looking to create immersion (great idea) then make the contract sound much more evil. Currently, it sounds like an actual legal contract, if that's what your going for, then nailed it. However, if I was the recipient of a soul, I would be more lenient on keeping that soul and not having the words null/void any where near the contract. Instead of writing a contract you want your player to sign, write a contract that a demon would want your player to sign. Be selfish, and use big words the bard might not understand as to lead them into uncertainty as to what their getting themselves into. Like a real lawyer, or demon, or... same thing.

I have a player who traded his soul to the demon lord Baphomet in exchange for a very special sword. There's a vague and non-specific way out for him if he can send enough souls to the afterlife in his place. The agreement I used was far less formal and I did not write out the terms of the contract the same way. Baphomet didn't strike me as the type to sweat the details. If he decides to make an offer and it is accepted, then he's not worried about loopholes.

I don't see any problem with what you have. In fact, it looks great. Just ask yourself what the patron is getting out of the deal and what the character is getting out of the deal. For the character, the benefit should be obvious and somewhat immediate. For the patron, the benefit should be something that furthers the campaign or at least furthers the character's story. And if you want to be clever, leave a point or two on the contract that the character might be able to use as a loophole along the way, but don't make it too obvious. I can't speak for you, but my focus would not be on contract lawyering so much as maybe several sessions down the road, something comes to light in the story that allows the character to look at the terms of the contract in a different way.

Good luck and have fun making a deal with the devil!

Quote from AlbusDoordumble >>

This sounds great. If your looking to create immersion (great idea) then make the contract sound much more evil. Currently, it sounds like an actual legal contract, if that's what your going for, then nailed it. However, if I was the recipient of a soul, I would be more lenient on keeping that soul and not having the words null/void any where near the contract. Instead of writing a contract you want your player to sign, write a contract that a demon would want your player to sign. Be selfish, and use big words the bard might not understand as to lead them into uncertainty as to what their getting themselves into. Like a real lawyer, or demon, or... same thing.

I was mostly going for an actual legal contract kind of feel. The devils of my world are all legally bound to create clear(ish) and *relatively* fair contracts to propose (*reaally* emphasizing the Pact Primeval). I added the final "null and void" as a part of the contract that would make the signing character feel like they're gaining more out of this than they are, when really the devil that wrote this will never have any intention to revoke his gifts, with or without mutual agreement. I really appreciate the feedback, though, and I might go back to try and make it sound a little more *evil*.

I love this!! There is are loopholes riddled in this that the patron and the kenku could exploit to give either or the upper hand. This one prop gives your player that ridiculous level of immersion and NOW give the character an interesting ark of a battle of wits against this demon and this contract that he can always go back to and point out the loopholes!! Phenomenal job on this prop!!

Quote from Ryoshhidoh >> 

I was mostly going for an actual legal contract kind of feel. The devils of my world are all legally bound to create clear(ish) and *relatively* fair contracts to propose (*reaally* emphasizing the Pact Primeval). I added the final "null and void" as a part of the contract that would make the signing character feel like they're gaining more out of this than they are, when really the devil that wrote this will never have any intention to revoke his gifts, with or without mutual agreement. I really appreciate the feedback, though, and I might go back to try and make it sound a little more *evil*.

Sounds great, as long as your game is flowing nicely. I like the idea of the devil never revoking his gifts, but that's a little counter intuitive to the actual lawyer feel. Maybe add some sketchy fine print that the character cant see. Great work!