An hour spent examining this thing will reveal to everyone within sight that you don't know what it is for. An INT (Investigation) or WIS (Insight) DC equal to the creature's Hit Dice plus 22, or a magical divination spell of 4th Level or higher, or similarly potent means of scrying (excluding a Wish spell) may
reveal the presence of an inconspicuous inscription, which reads "Made in Ibiza".
A wish spell targeting the thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is or its history will
scatter the contents of every object the caster is carrying, and of every creature including the caster, within 100 feet of the thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is, onto the ethereal plane.
The thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is regains 7d6 charges each day at dawn, up to a maximum equal to the highest total rolled.
If used as an improvised weapon, the thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is deals 4d2 force damage per hit.
While touching or carrying an object or willing creature that has 0 or more hit points and is not native to the Ethereal Plane,
the thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is can be used as a reaction by any effect, creature, or object, capable of the Use An Object action, without expending any charges, up to a maximum of 2×10^27 feet. The duration is 1 round, unless the effect, creature, or object casts a spell which consumes materials during that time, in which case the duration in minutes is extended to equal to the number of fried eggs consumed.
The thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is does not speak, is Friendly to you and
obeys any commands that you give it as an action, as long as you are able to see the thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is and you speak fluent Vedalken for the remainder of the 1d12 minutes required to prepare a fine cup of hot tea.
As a ritual, you can
attempt to patiently explain why an ape-descended Terran humanoid would wish to consume a beverage with the flavor of dried leaves boiled in water and mixed with cane pulp and bovine lactic excretions, at the conclusion of which you must consume a beverage that is almost but not quite completely unlike tea. If consumed within one hour of seeing a total perspective vortex or ravenous bloodsplatter beast of Ter'awl, a creature fortified by this tea can choose to re-roll one death saving throw before the hour ends.
As an action, you can use the thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is if you know how to do so. The thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is originally came with a manual, but you lost it long ago. Any creatures or objects or pocket dimensions or the contents thereof scattered to another plane as a result of misuse of the thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is shall not be construed to be in any way the fault of the GM or of Acquisitions Incorporated or of any entities or objects associated therewith.
If the thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is takes 7 or more damage during your turn,
you can bend the fabric of time and space to your will; While touching the thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is, choose one of the following effects, which occur as if you had cast the spell using your own spellcasting ability modifier and spell save DC: Dark Star (8), Gravity Fissure (6), Gravity Sinkhole (4), Immovable Object (2/4/6), Magnify Gravity (1), Pulse Wave (3), Ravenous Void (9), Reverse Gravity (7), Sapping Sting (0), Temporal Shunt (3), Time Ravage (9), or Wristpocket (2), substituting your own gold pieces or hit points for Material requirements. Including damage dealt to it during this turn, if the thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is does not take damage equal to 6, plus 4× the spell level of the effect chosen, before the beginning of your next turn, you take damage equal to that amount minus the amount of damage taken by the thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is. The thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is automatically fails forty two percent of its concentration checks (43 or higher on a d100 succeeds) for you, if you do not choose to maintain concentration on an effect while casting; otherwise the chosen effects continue for a duration equal to the spell description, or until you cannot see the thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is.
For the purposes of targeting and damage, the thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is is both an object and a living creature, with
immunity to the Frightened, Incapacitated, and Restrained conditions, an AC of 7, and its saving throws always equal 6.
For all other purposes including perception checks, healing or mending, it is a non-magical object.
The thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is has a maximum number of hit points equal to its number of remaining charges.
At the beginning of each round, if the thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is has less hit points than its maximum and has any charges remaining, it regenerates each hit point (up to its maximum) at a cost of 1 charge per hit point. If it has 0 hit points and no charges remaining, it disappears.
The thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is cannot be used for any purpose (even as a step-stool or paperweight) while it has less than 1 hit point.
The thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is is not a plant, and it is definitely not a bowl of petunias.
The thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is has no hands and a movement speed of 0.
The thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is will float in water but is not buoyant.
The thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is does not sound like the ocean.
The thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is may contain phase spiders.
The thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is cannot contain phase spiders.
The thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is smells faintly of burnt oil.
If the thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is disappears, or is destroyed, dropped, lost, or abandoned,
it reappears later; either in the hands or inventory of the person who last held it, or in the nearest unoccupied space. At the end of each round, roll 1d4: On a 4, the thing that your grandmother gave you that you don't know what it is reappears.
Notes: Teleportation, Damage, Utility, Combat, Warding, Container, Eldritch Machine
Comments