This beautiful cloak was made by a demon Queen for her favourite human consort. It is regal and incredibly expensive looking, red with embroidered gold patterns and fit for the consort of a Queen. 

The Simp Cloak has the following properties while worn:
+2 Constitution
+2 Dexterity
+2 Wisdom
- You gain Immunity to Stunned effects
- Without armour your AC = 14 + Dex Mod
- Any creature that damages you with a melee attack while within 5 feet of you takes 5 psychic damage.

Attunement time: 4 days

You Gain the following features when attuned to the Simp Cloak:

Mansplaining: Once a day you may mansplain an action to another player. That player gains +2 to their roll.

Mistress, My Heart Longs for You...:  When attuned to the Simp Cloak, the right sleeve will always try to point to your greatest desire, whether you know what it is or not. If there is more than one place where the desire can be reached, it will point to the nearest one. For example, if you want riches, it will point to the nearest hoard of coins. When the place is reached and the desire is obtained, this feature will stop working and will require attunement over the course of a short rest. If the sleeve is pointing towards a person and that person dies, it will keep pointing to the body. But if the body is destroyed, it stops working and must be attuned to again. Additionally, the object of desire should be on the same plane of existence and shouldn't be protected from divination magic. For instance, wearing an Amulet of Proof against Detection and Location would protect a person from being targeted by this feature. The feature is not stronger than your natural strength so it will not impede any actions, but if you let your arm go limp or take the cloak off it will start pointing independently.

Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry... Mommy? Sorry... : The inner lining of the Simp Cloak has a list written in flowing script of all known k*nks and s*xual fantasies throughout time and space and their meanings.
The Simp Cloak has 6 charges for this feature, and regains 1d4 expended charges at dawn. It can be used as a +2 holy symbol by clerics or paladins. As an action, you can open the cloak and begin reading aloud; this expends 1 charge. If any good-aligned creatures are able to hear you, they must make a DC20 Wisdom save to avoid becoming unnerved, taking 1d8 psychic damage on a failed save. If you damage one or more creatures this way, roll and consult the following table:

Roll Result
1 You regain 1d8 hit points.
2 All female members of your party receive 2d6+3 gold pieces.
3 1d4+1 gold pieces appear in the pocket of the cloak.
4 A Bag of Ninja Stars appears in the pocket of the cloak.
5 A Vial of Acid appears in the sleeve of the cloak (corked).
6 A Small Bomb falls out of the cloak and rolls away (5d4 force damage on a failed DC15 Dex check to any creatures within 15 feet).

You Suffer the following Effects when Attuned to the Simp Cloak

M'Lady: You have disadvantage to all your defenses and to saving throws against all powers used by females.

Unsolicited D* Pics:  Each time you put on the Simp Cloak, roll a D20. On a 1-5 result, you suddenly feel a bit drafty... Shortly after which either you or your party will realize the cloak has stripped you of all your clothing and armor (and has become transparent), your equipment has appeared somewhere within 5 feet of you, in a small neat little pile. If you were to try and put your clothing or armour back on, you'd have to remove the cloak or they would simply be removed almost immediately. You must wait 5 minutes before attempting to put the Simp Cloak on again.

Nice Guys Finish Last: Attuning to the Simp Cloak imposes disadvantage on all saving throws made to resist any kind of despair or sadness (for example, a symbol of hopelessness). You no longer suffer this effect once the cloak is no longer attuned to you.

Notes: Monk, Paladin, Bard, Artificer