My current campaign I have 8 players and none of them do what I would call deep dive roleplay, there are no long drawn out conversations round a fire, no deep and meaningful talks about parents, feelings and emotions. Most stuff is done in the 3rd person.
A couple of players will interact with me as I play NPC's but we are not talking 20 min conversations, usually we roleplay in the 3rd person, so the player will say my character will ask this, or do this, and I will then have them roll a dice against the stat to see how well that conversation went. They might tell me the information they are trying to get or a list of questions they want to ask, but we very rarely roleplay that out. Even character stuff like secrets, as and when it is important a player might say, "I would have told you all around a campfire about my mothers death and how I am hunting her killer several weeks ago, so you all know the importance of this information in game." The player has never mentioned it before, because we dont do chit chat :).
I would suggest you talk to your DM and players and explain that you will never "get into character" like that and if they engage you simply tell them, my character will give you this information. you can still be involved but you wont need to be in character all the time.
It's interesting to me how what you describe is actually fairly close to an example of play in the 1st edition AD&D DMG. Like, it's how role-playing was originally defined.
The concept of theatrical, in character role-playing is not new, but I think it's quite new for it to be the "main way" D&D culture defines role-playing and for there to be peer pressure to do it that way. Like I've always had one or two players in the group that did it this way, but I don't recall there ever being a sort of consensus that if you're not doing it "you need to improve your game" or "try it because it makes the game better". The drama nerds did it their way, the wargamer nerds did it their way.. both ways were considered role-playing, but only since the release of 5e and the Critical Role generations have I ever had players complain about it.
I have DM'd groups that wanted that immersive experiance, they would turn up wearing something to represent their character (sometimes fully cosplaying). This was not DnD but a different system and was in the mid 2000's, I have also DM's groups who just wanted to hit and kill things (again not DnD) 5th Ed is the first version of DnD I have ever played, for reasons, but I agree the way we play is probably the way most parties play. My current campaign, despite it being that 3rd person approach has been a challenge in some ways because the adventure right now is centred on an aboleth slowly mind controlling a town. So NPC's have changed in terms of personality during the game. Getting that across in a way that is subtle enough to have the players know something is up without initially making it obvious what it was may well have been easier to do in the first person, but, it would also have made our games drag out. I think that is another thing to realise as a DM, with 8 players that immersive roleplaying inherently slows the game down and while it can be fun many players and groups do want to progress the story and feel they are achieving something, and 4 hours online is not a lot of time with 8.
So to the OP I suppose the main thing to take from all of this is that your way of playing is perfectly valid.
Been playing just as long as you. I have seen such tables. There are definitely players like that. As a DM, one of the real challenges is identifying which type of player is which at a table and playing to each accordingly. Even seen entire tables that prefer just pure RP. At higher levels, campaigns traditionally lean political/pure RP simply because of escalating power scale making conventional combat more and more difficult to DM to.
At least in my experience.
Thankfully, most tables are mixed and work like that.
Don't get me wrong, I have played at pure RP tables, I run one, but we play Vampire The Masquerade. These players would never willingly enter a D&D game because they understand what its about, most of them have read the Players Handbook. I have also played at pure tactical tables, I have had a Battletech crew for the better part of 20 years, but none of those guys would ever want to play D&D because of all the role-playing silliness.
When someone enters a D&D game, in my experience it's always someone who expects the blending of the two, it's what draws them to fantasy stories and a fantasy game that lets you re-create them. I can't imagine how or why someone would read a players handbook and then join a game based on that with an assumption that it will be only combat or all story.
I mean if you like pure tactical games and don't care about story, I can't think of a worse choice than D&D, especially 5e.. like 4e maybe but 5e? Why? And if you like pure story games just for the drama, after reading the players guide, how on earth would you come to the conclusion that D&D is exclusively about role-playing? The game comes with a 350 page book of monsters for the sole purpose of fighting them.
It's really strange to me, it's like going to see Die Hard but you don't like gun violence, just a fan of Christmas movies. I get that it features Christmas.. but its not really the main thing here.
Just came down to this comment after responding to your other one and my experiance is much that same, that RP heavy group, was a Vampire table, I also ran Legend of the 5 rings 1st edition, which by necessity is RP heavy, mainly because combat is deadly, not DnD get me up deadly but really, there is no resurrection death is death and one hit can kill deadly. Strangely Cyberpunk also lends itself to RP heavy games, again the healing mechanic takes real in game time (days or weeks to recover from gun shots etc). So players learn to pick there moments when it comes to combat, lots of scouting, planning, infiltrating, bribing etc to get into the right position with the right kit to do the job. I also used to do some larping (Vampire as a player, and a fantasy system as an organiser/DM equivalent)
I came to 5th edition because I had a group who wanted to play a fantasy wizard and dragons type game, but I had no idea how long it would last and 5th ed was a nice simple game to get my head around, and i figured after 20 odd years I should probably say I had played/run the godfather of TTRPG's at least once. I also looked at other systems but they seemed far to rules heavy, especially around magic some of them where a little over the top, which might seem nuts coming from someone for whom Mage is the best all time RPG system. I will admit I also watched a bit of Acquisitions Incorporated and the dreaded critical role which gave me an insight into how DnD could be run in a non combat heavy way with some humour injected along the way. But my experiance also made sure I was well aware that my table would not be almost crying around the table over some impactful emotional moment.
I always try and advise anyone who has only ever played 1 system, get out, play something different. I have been telling DnD players now for a few years to try something other then the D20 system, 7th Sea is my go to suggestion for a dice mechanic that is just so very different, but the same can be said for getting into systems that put different emphasis on RP etc. If your used to a system that emphasises the term DM/GM, try a system that talks about sotry tellers.
I find it funny that one of the OP's complaints is that the role players are effectively slowing down the game play with their antics. Fair enough. Though it's been many years since I've played or DM'd on a regular basis, I've encountered players who role played well, but also knew how to keep the ball rolling. I've also met players who wanted nothing to do with the role playing aspect of it, and were there for the snacks, the dice rolling, and for the gathering of points and stuff. Some of those "I'm here for the battles and treasure" players were known to be just as distracted, and as distracting, as some role players I met.
I think either style of play can bog down a game. It comes down to how well the players can focus on the game action in front of them, versus how much time of the session they spend outside that sphere.
*Takes selfie and texts to friends currently elsewhere, "Gaming with the fellas, here. What are you doing?"*
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I have DM'd groups that wanted that immersive experiance, they would turn up wearing something to represent their character (sometimes fully cosplaying). This was not DnD but a different system and was in the mid 2000's, I have also DM's groups who just wanted to hit and kill things (again not DnD) 5th Ed is the first version of DnD I have ever played, for reasons, but I agree the way we play is probably the way most parties play. My current campaign, despite it being that 3rd person approach has been a challenge in some ways because the adventure right now is centred on an aboleth slowly mind controlling a town. So NPC's have changed in terms of personality during the game. Getting that across in a way that is subtle enough to have the players know something is up without initially making it obvious what it was may well have been easier to do in the first person, but, it would also have made our games drag out. I think that is another thing to realise as a DM, with 8 players that immersive roleplaying inherently slows the game down and while it can be fun many players and groups do want to progress the story and feel they are achieving something, and 4 hours online is not a lot of time with 8.
So to the OP I suppose the main thing to take from all of this is that your way of playing is perfectly valid.
Just came down to this comment after responding to your other one and my experiance is much that same, that RP heavy group, was a Vampire table, I also ran Legend of the 5 rings 1st edition, which by necessity is RP heavy, mainly because combat is deadly, not DnD get me up deadly but really, there is no resurrection death is death and one hit can kill deadly. Strangely Cyberpunk also lends itself to RP heavy games, again the healing mechanic takes real in game time (days or weeks to recover from gun shots etc). So players learn to pick there moments when it comes to combat, lots of scouting, planning, infiltrating, bribing etc to get into the right position with the right kit to do the job. I also used to do some larping (Vampire as a player, and a fantasy system as an organiser/DM equivalent)
I came to 5th edition because I had a group who wanted to play a fantasy wizard and dragons type game, but I had no idea how long it would last and 5th ed was a nice simple game to get my head around, and i figured after 20 odd years I should probably say I had played/run the godfather of TTRPG's at least once. I also looked at other systems but they seemed far to rules heavy, especially around magic some of them where a little over the top, which might seem nuts coming from someone for whom Mage is the best all time RPG system. I will admit I also watched a bit of Acquisitions Incorporated and the dreaded critical role which gave me an insight into how DnD could be run in a non combat heavy way with some humour injected along the way. But my experiance also made sure I was well aware that my table would not be almost crying around the table over some impactful emotional moment.
I always try and advise anyone who has only ever played 1 system, get out, play something different. I have been telling DnD players now for a few years to try something other then the D20 system, 7th Sea is my go to suggestion for a dice mechanic that is just so very different, but the same can be said for getting into systems that put different emphasis on RP etc. If your used to a system that emphasises the term DM/GM, try a system that talks about sotry tellers.
I find it funny that one of the OP's complaints is that the role players are effectively slowing down the game play with their antics. Fair enough. Though it's been many years since I've played or DM'd on a regular basis, I've encountered players who role played well, but also knew how to keep the ball rolling. I've also met players who wanted nothing to do with the role playing aspect of it, and were there for the snacks, the dice rolling, and for the gathering of points and stuff. Some of those "I'm here for the battles and treasure" players were known to be just as distracted, and as distracting, as some role players I met.
I think either style of play can bog down a game. It comes down to how well the players can focus on the game action in front of them, versus how much time of the session they spend outside that sphere.
*Takes selfie and texts to friends currently elsewhere, "Gaming with the fellas, here. What are you doing?"*