I just need to vent about this. I didn’t see a no venting rule, but I apologize if I missed it.

The DM in my last game completely ****ed up my character’s backstory and I’m still pretty sad about it.

This is the third time I’ve attempted to bring this character into a campaign. The first two campaigns fizzled out for scheduling reasons. So we come to my 3rd attempt to give this character a story. He’s a changeling, and in his backstory he left home and joined a gang of burglars. He was the inside man; he would take on a persona, get hired as a servant in a household, get the layout of the place, then drug the household and let his gang in to loot the place. His last job with the gang went bad, leading my character to a falling out with the gang leaders. Feeling betrayed, he left the gang. He took on a new persona and, regretting his years spent robbing and victimizing others, resolved to do good in the hope of atoning for his crimes. This despite his doubts that he was worthy of atonement.

First red flag came when the DM asked to run a quick pre-game PBP on my character’s last job. The DM had clearly missed the part where my character would get hired by the family. They played it as him and his gang just rocking up and breaking into the home of a wealthy, noble family they knew nothing about. I corrected them on my character/the gang’s MO, and we moved forward.

A few sessions into the game, my character is suddenly accosted by a member of the noble family he robbed (the job that went bad), who wanted revenge. This guy recognized my character, even knew his name. Despite my stating in my backstory that my character’s current appearance and name were adopted after leaving the gang. I rolled with it because it was clear the DM was excited about this and I didn’t want to rock the boat mid-session.

Then came the next bombshell. This NPC had already tracked down and killed the members of my character’s former gang, including the gang leaders. This is more DM discretion, but it felt … bad. I had stated in my backstory that my character had been very close to the gang leaders and felt deeply betrayed by them. He had wanted to confront them but had a lot of conflicting feelings about it. It felt very flat for these NPCs to just be iced off screen less then 5 sessions into the game.

The NPC very quickly forgave my character for his involvement in the robbery, and just sort of wandered off. At that point, my character’s biggest back story hooks had been resolved. His former friends were dead and he had just been offered forgiveness by one of his victims. I lost a lot of enthusiasm for the character at that point, at least as a part of this story.

The next day some stuff went down (involving DM and another player) that led me to drop the game. Having already lost much of my enthusiasm, this was the final straw.

It feels like this character is never going to have his day, which makes me very sad. Vent over, thank you for reading.

I have had a similar situation occur where a bad DM forcibly “solved” the conflict of my character’s backstory without any input from myself - my condolences.

Which is a valuable lesson to DMs everywhere who might be reading this - you can play with character’s backstories, but don’t solve them completely or remove the character’s primary quest from that player’s agency.  Here, for example, maybe the NPC killed off one of the gang members.  Perhaps they even framed the changeling for it and now the remainder are out for blood.  That gives the emotional gut punch of losing someone important to the character and a way to get the other leaders more involved in the campaign (not to mention a potential “criminal power struggle since the balance of power is upset” plot that the rest of the party might find interesting), but does not completely remove an important backstory element from the table.

That sucks. Such a cool character concept as well.

I am of two minds, one being what the PC thinks happens does not mean it does happen and as a GM try and work with the player to have a back story that works.

I tend to lean on the last of the above statements (and maybe both), work with the player to build a back story that works in the game and remind the player that what the PC thinks is happening may not be happening. 

I also have issues with PC's backgrounds trying to force a GM into various plot directions, minor directions and distractions are fine but things that take a lot of in game time, GM effort (if I do not have the time or if I have spent a lot of time to resolve the situation(s)) can be problematic.  

Quote from spammdc >>

I am of two minds, one being what the PC thinks happens does not mean it does happen and as a GM try and work with the player to have a back story that works.

I tend to lean on the last of the above statements (and maybe both), work with the player to build a back story that works in the game and remind the player that what the PC thinks is happening may not be happening. 

I also have issues with PC's backgrounds trying to force a GM into various plot directions, minor directions and distractions are fine but things that take a lot of in game time, GM effort (if I do not have the time or if I have spent a lot of time to resolve the situation(s)) can be problematic.  

 
There is a difference between ignoring a backstory - which is the east way to handle a backstory that doesn’t fit well into the narrative, and actively bringing up that backstory and “solving” it for the character.  The former is not exactly ideal - but it is understandable for a DM who does not feel confident in their ability to weave the stories together in a manner that keeps the entire party interested.  What is presented here is simply unacceptable - after all, it is bringing the story into the greater narrative, but doing so in a manner that is quite inconsiderate to the underlying player. 

To some extent I agree, but since I have been posting about RPG stuff since the late 90's I have also been repeatedly reminded that there are at least two sides to every story and to try and keep an open mind. 

A good example was a person complaining about a organized rpg game and problems he had with the GM (and later it was found out GM's). The original post seemed to paint the GM as either having a bad day, stepping in on short notice or simply out of their depth as a GM. But after a couple of pages of posts being sympathetic to the player a better understanding of what was going on by the GM and fellow GM's and players posting about the player in question. 

As I said since I have been playing a long time I prefer closer interaction with a player and Gm when creating backstories. To me this prevents any issues allows for a two way exchange of ideas (I prefer one on one) and can provide the GM with good info and possible game material. 

I have also experienced a couple of players wanting to often force their background to be a focus of the game vs blending with the GM's story or in the direction the GM wants to take the game.  

N/A

I try my best to inform players in advance: I'm not going to be using your backstory. 

I do want there to be one, I do want players to have an idea where their character came from, what drives them - but I can honestly say that in 36+ years of playing RPG's, I've never tried to build a questline on a backstory, or resolve some character's painful past. 

It's not that I have anything against it, it's just not how or why I play the game. I think a couple of GM's have tried to resolve my characters painful past, and it's been slightly surprising and confusing to me - 'oh, that stuff from my back story? No, I'd plain forgotten about that!' So I'd feel weirdly flattered, but not really interested. My characters come to life through play, not backstory. 

If the OP's GM is anything like me, he propably tried his best. Maybe. 

This might sounds a bit harsh - but seriously - you left a campaign because the DM did something different than you expected with your backstory? 

I am all for players developing a backstory, and especially on where they create living breathing connections to other people in the world - this really helps DM's build what is hopefully interesting interactions or links to a characters backstory when it is timely and appropriate to do so. A backstory is not - at least in my opinion - an instruction to the DM about what happens next. That is a matter of trust in the DM that what you have provided might be used in the campaign - or not, depending on where the story takes you, and whether the time is right. 

I understand your frustration that you feel this wasn't the way you wanted the story to go, but stomping out of a campaign because the DM took it in a different direction frankly seems like an over reaction to me. 

Quote from overchord >>

...I understand your frustration that you feel this wasn't the way you wanted the story to go, but stomping out of a campaign because the DM took it in a different direction frankly seems like an over reaction to me. 

 

 In fairness to the OP, they said it was a separate matter between the DM and another player (which they haven't gone into detail about) that led them to leave the game.

Quote from Mezzurah >>

 In fairness to the OP, they said it was a separate matter between the DM and another player (which they haven't gone into detail about) that led them to leave the game.

I appreciate that it was mentioned too, nad might have been a bigger part of it. But it was intrinsically linked with the frustration over the DM's use of the backstory. So I appreciate that there might have been other circumstances that contributed.

However, I do think it's important to recognise that a backstory isn't quite the same as writing part of the campaign. By the time you enter a character into a campaign and present it to your DM, you also hand over a large degree of narrative control at that point - which may or may not be used as the story progresses. For some DM's this is a very important element that they work hard on including, and will consult with the player to deepen out relationships or NPCs introduced in the back story (I sometimes ask my players to provide more detail on NPCs or people they know if the campaign enter their home turf for example - not expecting every person to have been covered in an initial backstory). But as a player in a campaign, I think it is important to recognise the handover of narrative control - for better or worse. 

I never write a detailed background.

I leave everything very general, I leave out town names, relatives names, and any real details about how I ended up were I am now as a first level character. Let the Dm fill in anything he wants to connect any stories he has in mind.

The OP said the gang and him had a falling out for whatever reason.
From what I have read the DM played out the background rather well. In the end the PC has been forgiven by a victim and is now on his path to redemption. The past gang is supposedly gone and no longer posses a threat to the PC. (nothing says a relative of theirs will not come after the PC in the future.)

It sounds like he is pretty much just upset that his idea of who would be following him is over and now he has to watch for some possibly unknown revenge.

I know some players love to come up with huge backstories. But really, they can not be upset or surprised if the DM does nothing with it. If you want the DM to include your backstory into the game it would require a lot of work with the DM and a bit of trust in the DM because he can not give the player any real details about what he has planned.

I really wish DnDBeyond character sheets had better tools for recording backstories and then feeding that information to the DM. Players should be able to specify a quest lines they'd like to see, and the DM should be able to see them and keep track of them (along with the other player's quest lines). I'd also like to see genealogy and a space for other notable characters from the PC's backstory.

Looking at the Notes on the character sheets is just painful as a DM, especially if the player has recorded a lot of notes.

Quote from mtngoatjoe >>

I really wish DnDBeyond character sheets had better tools for recording backstories and then feeding that information to the DM. Players should be able to specify a quest lines they'd like to see, and the DM should be able to see them and keep track of them (along with the other player's quest lines). I'd also like to see genealogy and a space for other notable characters from the PC's backstory.

Looking at the Notes on the character sheets is just painful as a DM, especially if the player has recorded a lot of notes.

 I have played in game that the GM did and I have done it in the past, what you ask for in the PC sheet. But I have moved away from it as I have had some players do the homework and others simply get an F. 

I have had and seen the same issue with some players, my backstory says this so I get this or do not have to do this. I try and stop this at the beginning by providing info to the player on what I expect in a background, provide them with some basic setting info and work with them one on one if need be. Other times I just say pick a location from these, your background means this and these events happened in the game world while you were there so here are how they might have or did effect you. 

In general I am not a fan of here is my backstory and I want this to happen all of the time. I do like player involvement in story direction but often they may not know what is actually going on in the game world and their backstory simply would not be possible.  

Genealogy?

That only matters if your high born, royalty, or come from a long list of notable people. Other than that your just the grandson of the poop collector and son of the stall cleaner. No one wants to know or cares unless you have a chance to marry into rank.

99% of the characters only need to know if they were born into or raised in low, medium or high society. It effects their education and cash.

Some kingdoms might keep track of bastard children of the King but as soon as that back up is no longer needed the records are burned to keep bastard children from claiming the thrown from recognized children. Sometimes those bastard children are outright hunted down and killed just to keep them off the thrown.
The same with super rich families.

OP: Here's my character's story and the reason they became an adventurer. It has some NPCs to use if you want, but it's very untied. So it's open. My character just feels like they needs to atone and maybe someday get resolution with those NPCs. That's going to be their motivation anyway.

DM: I'm going to completely rewrite half of what you said, ignore the rest, kill all the NPCs and hand that atonement on a silver platter in an offhand, jarring but boring way. I've basically removed all reasons for your character to be an adventurer with an unsatisfying wave of a hand. 

Peanut Gallery Commenters: I blame OP. How gorramn dare they have a backstory and not take the crap the DM deigns to give them? Totes fine for a DM destroy everything about your character. 

--

Y'all a riot, gotta say. Can't make this shit up. 

Quote from Cyb3rM1nd >>

OP: Here's my character's story and the reason they became an adventurer. It has some NPCs to use if you want, but it's very untied. So it's open. My character just feels like they needs to atone and maybe someday get resolution with those NPCs. That's going to be their motivation anyway.

DM: I'm going to completely rewrite half of what you said, ignore the rest, kill all the NPCs and hand that atonement on a silver platter in an offhand, jarring but boring way. I've basically removed all reasons for your character to be an adventurer with an unsatisfying wave of a hand. 

Peanut Gallery Commenters: I blame OP. How gorramn dare they have a backstory and not take the crap the DM deigns to give them? Totes fine for a DM destroy everything about your character. 

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Y'all a riot, gotta say. Can't make this shit up. 

 Who's blaming anyone?

See, and I think this is important: I don't think there's any question of blame here. 

There's no denying the situation is unsatisfying for the OP. But we don't have the other side of the story, and my natural instinct is to assume that this outcome is as unsatisfying for the GM, as it is for the OP. I'm willing to wager the GM did not set out to ruin the OP's character, or enjoyment of the game - because what possible sane motive could he have for that, in doing so he's also broken up his group and his game. So that seems doubtful.

So what we really have here is an unfortunate misunderstanding. OP wants one thing, GM wants another, and to my thinking, the GM was propably trying his best to bring the OP's backstory into play. He did poorly, at the very least in the eyes of the OP - but it's borderline wacko to think he did so deliberately. 

So misunderstanding and disappointment are obvious conclusions. But assigning blame is just .... what?! oO

Quote from Cyb3rM1nd >>

OP: Here's my character's story and the reason they became an adventurer. It has some NPCs to use if you want, but it's very untied. So it's open. My character just feels like they needs to atone and maybe someday get resolution with those NPCs. That's going to be their motivation anyway.

DM: I'm going to completely rewrite half of what you said, ignore the rest, kill all the NPCs and hand that atonement on a silver platter in an offhand, jarring but boring way. I've basically removed all reasons for your character to be an adventurer with an unsatisfying wave of a hand. 

Peanut Gallery Commenters: I blame OP. How gorramn dare they have a backstory and not take the crap the DM deigns to give them? Totes fine for a DM destroy everything about your character. 

--

Y'all a riot, gotta say. Can't make this shit up. 

 

 That's...not what's happened.

You have had some (correctly and very appropriately) pointed out that we don't really have many of the facts we need and a whole lot of assessments and opinions from the offended party. For all we know, this is the DM's very first campaign. We don't even know what is meant by their assessments. What does "The NPC very quickly forgave my character for his involvement in the robbery, and just sort of wandered off" even mean? Did the NPC show up, say "Hey, Bobbo, remember me? You robbed me, so I killed your mates, but I like the colour of your eyes, so I forgive you, ciao ciao now!", or have they spent the last three sessions resolving arcs related to it, and the OP is upset that they haven't spent 10? We don't know. 

Others have discussed why they don't do/ask for backstories or asking for DDB to help support backstories a bit more, which is a fair off-spin of the topic, the OP hasn't responded yet.

Finally, yes, there has been some pushback about the OP leaving the campaign over it (I'm aware that it was after something else happened, but the analogy used strongly implies that this backstory business is the cause, while that other issue is just an excuse). That is a little sensitive, but I also think it needs to be brought up. Leaving a campaign over an unsatisfactory resolution of a backstory is an overreaction in most cases. Unless the DM sold the campaign on the idea of resolving their backstories and that's what the campaign is actually about... it's not worth leaving over. Doing that can (depending on how it's done) can damage friendships, the DM has almost certainly poured hours into making the game work, and for most campaigns, backstory tie-ins aren't the focus, they're just nice extras that bring a little extra joy as you play as you pursue the real story (whatever the campaign is actually about). Leaving because the DM resolved your backstory in a way that is unsatisfying to you is, in most cases, a bit of an overreaction. I think the OP needed to hear that - or perhaps after venting, they realised that and came to the same conclusion by themselves.

I can understand why the OP was disappointed. Who wouldn't be if they had a grand ideas for their character's arc only to find that they weren't given as much airtime as they'd like? I can understand coming here and wanting to get it off their chest and see other people's opinions. I've even done it once when there was an aspect of a quest that I found less than entertaining - I wanted to see if I were being unreasonable or if it was worth handling. Still, is leaving a campaign after 5 sessions really the best option? 

First, I appreciate the feedback and support. Thank you!

I’ve debated responding as I realize I can only give one side of the story.  I really was just venting my disappointment and  not trying to call out my DM.  However, in light of some of the responses, I’m going to clarify. Believe me or don’t, I’m just telling my experience.

Yes, the DM is new, although this was not their first campaign. I do feel they made promises that they did not keep, and, according to another player, did not take criticism well. They did ask for detailed backstory and said they would be using it to craft plot threads for the characters. 

No, I did not leave “just” because of the messed up backstory. As I said, I lost all enthusiasm for the character. The situation with the NPC took place within a single session. NPC showed up, pretended they had been super worried about my character but several other players’ insight checks indicated otherwise. Confrontation ensued, NPC tells everyone what my character was involved with. After about 20 minutes of roleplay, the NPC said they were happy I was trying to do good and that they forgave me. Then they left.

To build on what I said before, it was disappointing to have my character recognized at all. He was a changeling, and I had made it clear in the backstory that he took on a new persona after leaving the gang. Having  it made cannon that he failed to use his key racial feature to avoid the people he knew would be after him made him seem bafflingly dumb. Add to that the fact that two of his most important backstory NPCs were dead, and he’d been forgiven for the crime he regretted the most, and it felt lackluster. Unearned.

And that leads to one of the bigger reasons I left. Nothing felt earned. I sense that the DM really wanted to make all the players happy, and their method for that was to shower us with gold, magic items and adoring NPCs, and hand us enemy take downs in a single round. The DM even admitted after the party had finished a combat in a single round that they had aggressively nerfed the creature we were fighting. That was deeply disappointing to hear, especially because we could have taken on that creature without it being nerfed. It just would have taken more than a single round.

Which brings me to the final straw. I can’t go into much detail here because it’s another player’s experience. So I don’t know exactly what was said. This other player was someone I’d been in a previous campaign with, and we were friends outside the game. They told me they had messaged the DM with some issues related to both backstory and feeling like they had been overlooked in the previous session. Like I said, I know this player. I know they were very nice about it. And apparently the DM’s response had been to go on a full blown rant, ending with them telling the other player to leave the game. 

When I found that out, I could not stick around. I can get over the backstory stuff, and lackluster combat. But I don’t like drama. 

So, that’s what I got. My take away as a DM is to be careful with the promises I make to my players and to make sure I handle criticism well.

Quote from GwendolynStout >>

First, I appreciate the feedback and support. Thank you!

I’ve debated responding as I realize I can only give one side of the story.  I really was just venting my disappointment and  not trying to call out my DM.  However, in light of some of the responses, I’m going to clarify. Believe me or don’t, I’m just telling my experience.

Yes, the DM is new, although this was not their first campaign. I do feel they made promises that they did not keep, and, according to another player, did not take criticism well. They did ask for detailed backstory and said they would be using it to craft plot threads for the characters. 

No, I did not leave “just” because of the messed up backstory. As I said, I lost all enthusiasm for the character. The situation with the NPC took place within a single session. NPC showed up, pretended they had been super worried about my character but several other players’ insight checks indicated otherwise. Confrontation ensued, NPC tells everyone what my character was involved with. After about 20 minutes of roleplay, the NPC said they were happy I was trying to do good and that they forgave me. Then they left.

To build on what I said before, it was disappointing to have my character recognized at all. He was a changeling, and I had made it clear in the backstory that he took on a new persona after leaving the gang. Having  it made cannon that he failed to use his key racial feature to avoid the people he knew would be after him made him seem bafflingly dumb. Add to that the fact that two of his most important backstory NPCs were dead, and he’d been forgiven for the crime he regretted the most, and it felt lackluster. Unearned.

And that leads to one of the bigger reasons I left. Nothing felt earned. I sense that the DM really wanted to make all the players happy, and their method for that was to shower us with gold, magic items and adoring NPCs, and hand us enemy take downs in a single round. The DM even admitted after the party had finished a combat in a single round that they had aggressively nerfed the creature we were fighting. That was deeply disappointing to hear, especially because we could have taken on that creature without it being nerfed. It just would have taken more than a single round.

Which brings me to the final straw. I can’t go into much detail here because it’s another player’s experience. So I don’t know exactly what was said. This other player was someone I’d been in a previous campaign with, and we were friends outside the game. They told me they had messaged the DM with some issues related to both backstory and feeling like they had been overlooked in the previous session. Like I said, I know this player. I know they were very nice about it. And apparently the DM’s response had been to go on a full blown rant, ending with them telling the other player to leave the game. 

When I found that out, I could not stick around. I can get over the backstory stuff, and lackluster combat. But I don’t like drama. 

So, that’s what I got. My take away as a DM is to be careful with the promises I make to my players and to make sure I handle criticism well.

 That really sucks! Your DM seriously screwed your character over by ruining his backstory like that. I don’t blame you for leaving, even if you did do it partially for other reasons (I hate drama too).