The instant competitive looting is allowed PvP has been initiated. If the majority of the group enjoys PvP, then you either adapt and stop getting offended by it. Or you respectfully leave the group because if you stay all you're doing is frustrating yourself and the rest of the players. I'll be surprised if your group is still together after another six sessions. Everyone's fun has been ruined, not just yours.
It's not that you've done anything wrong or that they've done anything wrong. Different people enjoy D&D for different reasons. There is no "Your Fun Is Wrong" here. But it does provide the lesson that everybody should know up front if PvP is allowed or not. And, again, competitive looting is PvP. This same advice goes for other topics which may be sensitive.
I could be wrong, but reading this, I'm going to guess you and your friends are teenagers*. I definitely played with people like that when I was a teen, when the fantasy of screwing over your friends with no repercussions was evidently part of the draw to some people. One time a rogue stole my wizard's spellbook (for no reason; not like she could've used it) just to render me useless for laughs. I played along for a bit, we all went "Har har" and then I was like "ok but seriously give it back" and she did.
The point is, immature players play immaturely. Some mature faster than others, and if you don't want to wait for them to catch up, don't. No dnd is better than bad dnd.
*if they're NOT teens, then idk what their problem is, they just suck and you should know they're acting like children.
First thing that stands out is the relationship of the players' characters to the campaign or party. The characters need to realize they are in a business venture and the characters should have come to some business agreements on how they take shares in the party spoils and how much much of the acquired wealth is set aside so to fund future business ventures. The big lug who carries all the equipment is just as important as the dexterity juggernaut who manages to acquire the sought after item; cause without the tools carried by the one player the latter couldn't achieve their goal. Player characters should discuss how to distribute items to benefit the party's goals and not why they should retain the item cause they acquired it. To all players, your characters are in a business relationship and you should play it as the success of the business is what is most important and not individual character wealth.
It is good you apologized, as you should. We are human and we get mad. It happens, and it should be acknowledged. There are better ways to express your frustrations and hopefully the group moves past this and all participants learn.
With that said, there are reasons to be frustrated and you are not wrong in the way you feel.
One I will bring up is that your character's agency matters. If the party is going to feed you to a dragon and your character would decide to leave at that moment, then that is your right as a player character to make the call. I would probably do a similar thing. And if the DM threaten me with a notice that "I'd have to make a new character and start at level 1 (party was level 4) if I did that." then I would clarify that "I would determine my character would leave and find a new party to adventure with." This is important here because the DM is allowing other player characters' agency but not yours. Your character leaving the campaign impacts the rest of the table. The character fits a role. If you come back at Level 1; and more importantly an unsupportive Level 1, then surely encounters for the rest of the party would be problematic. So who gets aggravated quicker? You making a bunch of characters who die or flee to the hills at every encounter; or the rest of the party who realizes they need a role at their current level who can support their desires to advance. Overall you leaving the game would probably be the best thing for the rest of the party because now encounters can more easily be gauged and established.
Now on to my new pet peeve. I would say monthly, if not weekly, I see a post about the party rogue stealing form the players. I won't comment on PvP or give my opinion on its presence in a game. All I will say is this, the rogue stealing form the party is PvP and the other players have a right to act accordingly. I can't understand why a DM will forbid players from attacking or casting spells on other players, but is ok with watching a rogue disrupting the campaign by stealing form the party without the risk of any consequences. This is not playing a game; this is player favoritism. Intentional or not, the fact remains, you are allowing a player to attempt things without risk of negative consequences. That is favoritism. All players need to roll; All players need to accept risk: and finally, No player should be allowed to fail and there are no ramifications or consequences. Look, the rogue is not getting away with stealing from the party. Even if they succeed on the Sight of Hand, after 3 days of travel the party will realize items are missing and the paladin isn't gonna get accused. If DMs allow the rogue to steal from the party then they should support the party seeking justice for the crime. If this game was real, the rogue wouldn't steal unless they plan to run away. If they need to be with the party to achieve bigger goals they are thinking "Do I really want the barbarian and ranger to cut the rope as they lower me into the room?"; cause that is enough motivation to NOT upset the party because you are stealing from them. The rogue would steal FOR them. Allowing a player to play their character but then outlaw a reasonable response of being wronged by other players is a form of player favoritism.
Start seeking other game options. If you feel you are not being heard and other players are allowed to play a style you feel limits or aggravates you then it is time to move on. It is better for all parties. Be polite. Do not blame. State your reasons. If others try to argue against your reasons then point out how they are your expectations and identify how your agency is being restrained. This more about games, this is life and the freedom to find something positive for you. The world is better when we all find our comfort zones. And if you are not comfortable here then you should excuse yourself.
The instant competitive looting is allowed PvP has been initiated. If the majority of the group enjoys PvP, then you either adapt and stop getting offended by it. Or you respectfully leave the group because if you stay all you're doing is frustrating yourself and the rest of the players. I'll be surprised if your group is still together after another six sessions. Everyone's fun has been ruined, not just yours.
It's not that you've done anything wrong or that they've done anything wrong. Different people enjoy D&D for different reasons. There is no "Your Fun Is Wrong" here. But it does provide the lesson that everybody should know up front if PvP is allowed or not. And, again, competitive looting is PvP. This same advice goes for other topics which may be sensitive.
I could be wrong, but reading this, I'm going to guess you and your friends are teenagers*. I definitely played with people like that when I was a teen, when the fantasy of screwing over your friends with no repercussions was evidently part of the draw to some people. One time a rogue stole my wizard's spellbook (for no reason; not like she could've used it) just to render me useless for laughs. I played along for a bit, we all went "Har har" and then I was like "ok but seriously give it back" and she did.
The point is, immature players play immaturely. Some mature faster than others, and if you don't want to wait for them to catch up, don't. No dnd is better than bad dnd.
*if they're NOT teens, then idk what their problem is, they just suck and you should know they're acting like children.
First thing that stands out is the relationship of the players' characters to the campaign or party. The characters need to realize they are in a business venture and the characters should have come to some business agreements on how they take shares in the party spoils and how much much of the acquired wealth is set aside so to fund future business ventures. The big lug who carries all the equipment is just as important as the dexterity juggernaut who manages to acquire the sought after item; cause without the tools carried by the one player the latter couldn't achieve their goal. Player characters should discuss how to distribute items to benefit the party's goals and not why they should retain the item cause they acquired it. To all players, your characters are in a business relationship and you should play it as the success of the business is what is most important and not individual character wealth.
It is good you apologized, as you should. We are human and we get mad. It happens, and it should be acknowledged. There are better ways to express your frustrations and hopefully the group moves past this and all participants learn.
With that said, there are reasons to be frustrated and you are not wrong in the way you feel.
One I will bring up is that your character's agency matters. If the party is going to feed you to a dragon and your character would decide to leave at that moment, then that is your right as a player character to make the call. I would probably do a similar thing. And if the DM threaten me with a notice that "I'd have to make a new character and start at level 1 (party was level 4) if I did that." then I would clarify that "I would determine my character would leave and find a new party to adventure with." This is important here because the DM is allowing other player characters' agency but not yours. Your character leaving the campaign impacts the rest of the table. The character fits a role. If you come back at Level 1; and more importantly an unsupportive Level 1, then surely encounters for the rest of the party would be problematic. So who gets aggravated quicker? You making a bunch of characters who die or flee to the hills at every encounter; or the rest of the party who realizes they need a role at their current level who can support their desires to advance. Overall you leaving the game would probably be the best thing for the rest of the party because now encounters can more easily be gauged and established.
Now on to my new pet peeve. I would say monthly, if not weekly, I see a post about the party rogue stealing form the players. I won't comment on PvP or give my opinion on its presence in a game. All I will say is this, the rogue stealing form the party is PvP and the other players have a right to act accordingly. I can't understand why a DM will forbid players from attacking or casting spells on other players, but is ok with watching a rogue disrupting the campaign by stealing form the party without the risk of any consequences. This is not playing a game; this is player favoritism. Intentional or not, the fact remains, you are allowing a player to attempt things without risk of negative consequences. That is favoritism. All players need to roll; All players need to accept risk: and finally, No player should be allowed to fail and there are no ramifications or consequences. Look, the rogue is not getting away with stealing from the party. Even if they succeed on the Sight of Hand, after 3 days of travel the party will realize items are missing and the paladin isn't gonna get accused. If DMs allow the rogue to steal from the party then they should support the party seeking justice for the crime. If this game was real, the rogue wouldn't steal unless they plan to run away. If they need to be with the party to achieve bigger goals they are thinking "Do I really want the barbarian and ranger to cut the rope as they lower me into the room?"; cause that is enough motivation to NOT upset the party because you are stealing from them. The rogue would steal FOR them. Allowing a player to play their character but then outlaw a reasonable response of being wronged by other players is a form of player favoritism.
Start seeking other game options. If you feel you are not being heard and other players are allowed to play a style you feel limits or aggravates you then it is time to move on. It is better for all parties. Be polite. Do not blame. State your reasons. If others try to argue against your reasons then point out how they are your expectations and identify how your agency is being restrained. This more about games, this is life and the freedom to find something positive for you. The world is better when we all find our comfort zones. And if you are not comfortable here then you should excuse yourself.
Attack the rogue next time.
It's a role play game. Role play it.
Next long rest kill the rogue in their sleep and cremate the body.
Take all his stuff. Give nothing back.
In fairness teams are about trust. Show them what it's like when you really can't trust a party member.
PS. Demand xp for the victory. Since Player levels are like CR+5 make sure you get xp equivalent to a player level +5 creature.
I did try to role play through it. It ended badly, which is actually why I ended up snapping at my friend. *shrugs*