How do I get a player to stop thinking they are in a video game and trying to take over control of the game?
I am dealing with a very intelligent individual who plays a ton of RPG video games. I believe he thinks that D&D is like his video games and that he is the main character(even though his character is the least fleshed out of all my players). He takes over the play when not in combat, he is so focused on WINNING the game and gathering all the loot that he doesn't let the other players or the DM (me) to talk at times. He is a very loud and outspoken individual, so it can be a little hard to get louder than him. I can't even tell him what he's found before he is interrupting to get to the next item which is also the case when I'm trying to get him back on track. It is becoming a huge problem.
He's even gone so far as to tell other players they are ruining the game for him because they solved a puzzle too quickly for his liking. He's also complained about other player's getting more experience points than him, going so far as to call my calculations bullshit, even though the other players are playing their characters well, getting into RP, and solving challenges. (alcohol was a factor this game but his behavior and attitude are still there when sober as well)
As I am a new DM (this was only my second game), how would a more experienced DM handle this situation?
He is eager to play but is a lot to handle for someone as inexperienced as myself.
I don't know if a reward-penalty system will have to be implemented as a way to control him.
Any advice would be incredibly helpful. Especially, for in-game moments.
that does sound like an awkward situation to deal with!
My experience is that the best way to tackle such situations is to openly discuss them with the player in question - implementing any sort of reward-penalty system is unlikely to work with most people.
I believe that the key to such a discussion is:
Try to find time to talk where neither of you are rushed or stressed about anything else. Don't, for example, try to discuss 30 minutes before the next game.
It's quite important for it to be a private discussion. As tempting as it may be to discuss with the whole group, people are less receptive to openly discussing if they feel they are being outnumbered or "ganged up on"
Don't be confrontational in saying things like, "Your behaviour is a problem"
Appeal to them for help with something like, "I'm having some real difficulty with these sessions and I am hoping you can help me...." to get their buy-in.
Be honest about the issues, but try to avoid making assumptions about *why* this is happening.
Responsibility for controlling the table lies with the DM.
There really isn't any mechanic, system, or substitute for people management.
You know what you need to sit down and tell him, you just told us:
RPGs are not video games. Their pacing and content is different.
He is not the only player at the table. He needs to share the spotlight, and he needs to let other people talk and take their turn as well.
Not all players play the same way. Some are there to "win" the scenario, some are there to play their characters, some are there for tactical combat. He is allowed to have his fun, but he has to allow other people to have their fun.
Do not talk over other people!
Do not talk over the DM!
Makes absolutely sure that he understands that the DM is the referee and that the DM's rulings are the final word ( in the heat of the game, be open to discussions about rulings and rule interpretations after and between games ). If you argue with the umpire in baseball, you get "sent to the showers" and kicked out of the game.
I would present those points to all your players, in a pre-game discussion. Don't aim them at any one player ( yet ), make sure everyone understands this, as it applies to all players.
Be absolutely clear that this is a social game - and that anyone who can't get along socially in the group will end up being removed from the group, and mean it.
Get individual, verbal agreement by all players to those points before you start playing.
Call out anyone who steps over those lines.
Be willing to warn people, call people out, and - here's the hard part - be willing to ultimately remove problem players from your table.
Also, why do you have an intoxicated player at your table?!?!?! Don't allow that.
Disclaimer: This signature is a badge of membership in the Forum Loudmouth Club. We are all friends. We are not attacking each other. We are engaging in spirited, friendly debate with one another. We may get snarky, but these are not attacks. Thank you for not reporting us.
Stormknight counsels an individual discussion, while I counseled a group discussion.
I think both options are good ( if handled the right way); the important thing is not to have the player feel "ganged up on".
Either do it one-on-one where you discuss those behaviors with the player; or do a group discussion where the table rules are being presented to everyone equally, and that player just happens to be there. After all, the rules you'd impose on that player really do apply to everyone.
Disclaimer: This signature is a badge of membership in the Forum Loudmouth Club. We are all friends. We are not attacking each other. We are engaging in spirited, friendly debate with one another. We may get snarky, but these are not attacks. Thank you for not reporting us.
I think I will be combining both the methods you and Stormknight have suggested.
I think a write-up and discussion with all the player on table rules and etiquette is definitely needed. We are all new to D&D so these last couple games have been for learning and getting the basics down. Definitely, a learning curve on handling players.
The last session was 9.5 hours long, with too much freedom for the drinking. I did provide them all with plenty of food and they all were staying at my place for the weekend but in the future, I will not be allowing so much freedom with the drinking. It was too much to handle and while the other players were also partaking they were under control whereas this individual was not. The joys of adulting.
Again, thank you so much for your help and suggestions.
I will definitely have a conversation with this individual on what is expected. I am new and this is my lack of experience that failed the other players.
I hope in the future it does not get that out of hand again.
Thank you very much for the suggestions and tips. :)
Something to consider going forward is to have what's referred to as "Session 0". This is a presentation prior to the game starting, players gather up to roll up their characters, they talk among each other and discuss what they want to do in that process. While, or just before this, you take the time to explain the framework of the adventure that you'll be running. The magical setting, heavy, light, non-existent, you'll explain any homebrew rules you'll be adding, allowing, or banning, you'll go over any special information about things like racial, political, societal structures that may have major impacts on their character choices. You'll also explain what it is you're planning on running and how you would like your players to behave; light-hearted goofy high magic campaign, serious deadly campaign, DM is the ultimate authority and any "pull out the book and quote the rules" moves will not be tolerated after level 3, disrespecting other players will be met with expulsion from the game, etc. You will also get your players to explain what they want from the game, it's a co-op, and see where desires and expectations will have to be adapted to make for an enjoyable time by everyone.
This Session 0 is valuable for everyone, and should become a routine for every adventure you do, even if the same group of players has done 27 adventures with you, the 28 starts with Session 0.
We did a character build session together but I think another group discussion is definitely in order. I have notes from each of our mini-quests for myself and for the players.
Thank you for the suggestion. :)
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
To post a comment, please login or register a new account.
How do I get a player to stop thinking they are in a video game and trying to take over control of the game?
I am dealing with a very intelligent individual who plays a ton of RPG video games. I believe he thinks that D&D is like his video games and that he is the main character(even though his character is the least fleshed out of all my players). He takes over the play when not in combat, he is so focused on WINNING the game and gathering all the loot that he doesn't let the other players or the DM (me) to talk at times. He is a very loud and outspoken individual, so it can be a little hard to get louder than him. I can't even tell him what he's found before he is interrupting to get to the next item which is also the case when I'm trying to get him back on track. It is becoming a huge problem.
He's even gone so far as to tell other players they are ruining the game for him because they solved a puzzle too quickly for his liking. He's also complained about other player's getting more experience points than him, going so far as to call my calculations bullshit, even though the other players are playing their characters well, getting into RP, and solving challenges. (alcohol was a factor this game but his behavior and attitude are still there when sober as well)
As I am a new DM (this was only my second game), how would a more experienced DM handle this situation?
He is eager to play but is a lot to handle for someone as inexperienced as myself.
I don't know if a reward-penalty system will have to be implemented as a way to control him.
Any advice would be incredibly helpful. Especially, for in-game moments.
-
View User Profile
-
View Posts
-
Send Message
D&D Beyond FoundersHi there MiaArcher,
that does sound like an awkward situation to deal with!
My experience is that the best way to tackle such situations is to openly discuss them with the player in question - implementing any sort of reward-penalty system is unlikely to work with most people.
I believe that the key to such a discussion is:
I hope this is some help!
Pun-loving nerd | Faith Elisabeth Lilley | She/Her/Hers | Profile art by Becca Golins
If you need help with homebrew, please post on the homebrew forums, where multiple staff and moderators can read your post and help you!
"We got this, no problem! I'll take the twenty on the left - you guys handle the one on the right!"🔊
Responsibility for controlling the table lies with the DM.
There really isn't any mechanic, system, or substitute for people management.
You know what you need to sit down and tell him, you just told us:
I would present those points to all your players, in a pre-game discussion. Don't aim them at any one player ( yet ), make sure everyone understands this, as it applies to all players.
Be absolutely clear that this is a social game - and that anyone who can't get along socially in the group will end up being removed from the group, and mean it.
Get individual, verbal agreement by all players to those points before you start playing.
Call out anyone who steps over those lines.
Be willing to warn people, call people out, and - here's the hard part - be willing to ultimately remove problem players from your table.
Also, why do you have an intoxicated player at your table?!?!?! Don't allow that.
My DM Philosophy, as summed up by other people: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1rN5w4-azTq3Kbn0Yvk9nfqQhwQ1R5by1/view
Disclaimer: This signature is a badge of membership in the Forum Loudmouth Club. We are all friends. We are not attacking each other. We are engaging in spirited, friendly debate with one another. We may get snarky, but these are not attacks. Thank you for not reporting us.
Stormknight and I collided there :)
Stormknight counsels an individual discussion, while I counseled a group discussion.
I think both options are good ( if handled the right way); the important thing is not to have the player feel "ganged up on".
Either do it one-on-one where you discuss those behaviors with the player; or do a group discussion where the table rules are being presented to everyone equally, and that player just happens to be there. After all, the rules you'd impose on that player really do apply to everyone.
My DM Philosophy, as summed up by other people: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1rN5w4-azTq3Kbn0Yvk9nfqQhwQ1R5by1/view
Disclaimer: This signature is a badge of membership in the Forum Loudmouth Club. We are all friends. We are not attacking each other. We are engaging in spirited, friendly debate with one another. We may get snarky, but these are not attacks. Thank you for not reporting us.
Thank you!
I think I will be combining both the methods you and Stormknight have suggested.
I think a write-up and discussion with all the player on table rules and etiquette is definitely needed. We are all new to D&D so these last couple games have been for learning and getting the basics down. Definitely, a learning curve on handling players.
The last session was 9.5 hours long, with too much freedom for the drinking. I did provide them all with plenty of food and they all were staying at my place for the weekend but in the future, I will not be allowing so much freedom with the drinking. It was too much to handle and while the other players were also partaking they were under control whereas this individual was not. The joys of adulting.
Again, thank you so much for your help and suggestions.
HI!
I will definitely have a conversation with this individual on what is expected. I am new and this is my lack of experience that failed the other players.
I hope in the future it does not get that out of hand again.
Thank you very much for the suggestions and tips. :)
Something to consider going forward is to have what's referred to as "Session 0". This is a presentation prior to the game starting, players gather up to roll up their characters, they talk among each other and discuss what they want to do in that process. While, or just before this, you take the time to explain the framework of the adventure that you'll be running. The magical setting, heavy, light, non-existent, you'll explain any homebrew rules you'll be adding, allowing, or banning, you'll go over any special information about things like racial, political, societal structures that may have major impacts on their character choices. You'll also explain what it is you're planning on running and how you would like your players to behave; light-hearted goofy high magic campaign, serious deadly campaign, DM is the ultimate authority and any "pull out the book and quote the rules" moves will not be tolerated after level 3, disrespecting other players will be met with expulsion from the game, etc. You will also get your players to explain what they want from the game, it's a co-op, and see where desires and expectations will have to be adapted to make for an enjoyable time by everyone.
This Session 0 is valuable for everyone, and should become a routine for every adventure you do, even if the same group of players has done 27 adventures with you, the 28 starts with Session 0.
We did a character build session together but I think another group discussion is definitely in order. I have notes from each of our mini-quests for myself and for the players.
Thank you for the suggestion. :)