I have 4 players in a game, two of whom are dating and three of the four are incredibly close. One of the players gets semi-frequently disengaged from the game, which can get really frustrating for me. They repeatedly find ways to distract the other players as well, often talking about things outside of the game.
My sessions are about 4-6 hours long, with food being served during. I find them the other three are deeply involved in the game, often going out of their way to have PC led interactions. I'm not really sure what to do to get this last player to join in, but I have a host of NPCs that are ready to be used as social lubricant.
How many breaks are you taking? Does this player just need to get up and stretch, check their phone, and re center?
Or do they disengage when their character isn't directly involved. Throwing out seemingly casual perception checks and the like toward the player will help to keep them on their toes, especially if the roles, good or bad, lead to something interesting. Although I make it a hard rule at my table to curb side chat, I make this very known to the table and I DM for 6 or 7 players weekly.
Just figure out the why and attack the reasons to get the player on board.
Every Saturday I run a table of 5, generally I have a spectator or 2 sitting in, 2 kids, a couple of dogs running about, and then me. I start with this because the environment can lead to distraction just as much as any other influence. Sometimes you'll need to remove as many of those external distractions as you can in order to facilitate some players.
There are a number of reasons a player may be distracted from the game ranging from things such as troubles at home to feeling like they don't quite fit in with the group. Dealing with these things is often tricky until you can nail the underlying reason for their apparent lack of interest. The first step is to talk to the player, alone, and let them know that the talk is free from judgement and repercussion. Sometimes that's all it takes, other times you'll have to dig in and start asking questions to get to a specific answer, use the various things you've seen and see if they can help narrow down a cause.
Let's assume that there is a problem, one of the first I see as common is that they feel like they don't fit into the dynamic of the group. You've already mentioned that this person is the cause of many distractions, that a couple of them are dating and 3/4 are close. If this person is the "odd man out" then it could simply be a way of trying to feel like they're not left out. This person needs something to feel included, and talking about it may open up avenues.
Another problem could be that they're feeling like they don't get enough time in the spotlight at the table, so these distractions are a way of taking that back. In this case you'll just have to let them know to be patient and be more aware of how much time is spent on each of the players. It'll take some time to see if you need to change your approach or if they are simply being a spotlight hog, but it's something to address.
There could also be a problem with the character they're playing or the adventure you're running. If it's the character, then you may need to find a way to make the character feel more unique or allow them to change to a new character. If it's the adventure, figure out what the player feels is missing and start to put more of those situations into the game.
Lastly, it could be a non issue, this player is simply the "class clown". If this is the case then it's just a matter of helping the player tone it down. There's no reason a player has to be as deeply involved in a story as everyone else. Sometimes a player simply joins so they can hang out. You can hope players will be deeply engaged but you can't expect it. Again it's a matter of helping the player tone it down and making sure that the distractions and side tracking are brought to a minimum.
Talking with your player alone is the first step. Figuring out if it's a problem with the player, or if you're expecting something that they're not really ready to give. Then moving forward to make sure everyone is having fun and resolving the issue to the best of it's ability.
I have 4 players in a game, two of whom are dating and three of the four are incredibly close. One of the players gets semi-frequently disengaged from the game, which can get really frustrating for me. They repeatedly find ways to distract the other players as well, often talking about things outside of the game.
My sessions are about 4-6 hours long, with food being served during. I find them the other three are deeply involved in the game, often going out of their way to have PC led interactions. I'm not really sure what to do to get this last player to join in, but I have a host of NPCs that are ready to be used as social lubricant.
Any advice would be helpful.
How many breaks are you taking? Does this player just need to get up and stretch, check their phone, and re center?
Or do they disengage when their character isn't directly involved. Throwing out seemingly casual perception checks and the like toward the player will help to keep them on their toes, especially if the roles, good or bad, lead to something interesting. Although I make it a hard rule at my table to curb side chat, I make this very known to the table and I DM for 6 or 7 players weekly.
Just figure out the why and attack the reasons to get the player on board.
Every Saturday I run a table of 5, generally I have a spectator or 2 sitting in, 2 kids, a couple of dogs running about, and then me. I start with this because the environment can lead to distraction just as much as any other influence. Sometimes you'll need to remove as many of those external distractions as you can in order to facilitate some players.
There are a number of reasons a player may be distracted from the game ranging from things such as troubles at home to feeling like they don't quite fit in with the group. Dealing with these things is often tricky until you can nail the underlying reason for their apparent lack of interest. The first step is to talk to the player, alone, and let them know that the talk is free from judgement and repercussion. Sometimes that's all it takes, other times you'll have to dig in and start asking questions to get to a specific answer, use the various things you've seen and see if they can help narrow down a cause.
Let's assume that there is a problem, one of the first I see as common is that they feel like they don't fit into the dynamic of the group. You've already mentioned that this person is the cause of many distractions, that a couple of them are dating and 3/4 are close. If this person is the "odd man out" then it could simply be a way of trying to feel like they're not left out. This person needs something to feel included, and talking about it may open up avenues.
Another problem could be that they're feeling like they don't get enough time in the spotlight at the table, so these distractions are a way of taking that back. In this case you'll just have to let them know to be patient and be more aware of how much time is spent on each of the players. It'll take some time to see if you need to change your approach or if they are simply being a spotlight hog, but it's something to address.
There could also be a problem with the character they're playing or the adventure you're running. If it's the character, then you may need to find a way to make the character feel more unique or allow them to change to a new character. If it's the adventure, figure out what the player feels is missing and start to put more of those situations into the game.
Lastly, it could be a non issue, this player is simply the "class clown". If this is the case then it's just a matter of helping the player tone it down. There's no reason a player has to be as deeply involved in a story as everyone else. Sometimes a player simply joins so they can hang out. You can hope players will be deeply engaged but you can't expect it. Again it's a matter of helping the player tone it down and making sure that the distractions and side tracking are brought to a minimum.
Talking with your player alone is the first step. Figuring out if it's a problem with the player, or if you're expecting something that they're not really ready to give. Then moving forward to make sure everyone is having fun and resolving the issue to the best of it's ability.