So I have had bad experience with them because of these two simple facts. One, when one of them is forcing the other to play with them. Two, when one wants to leave the game the other has to follow.
So how should I work with couples. Should I exclude them or should I include them.
If this couple becomes too problematic for other players and future sessions, where you as a DM are wondering a half hour before it starts whether who's going to show up, cut them both out. But, if only ONE wants to stay, then let them stay. Talk to the one who's forcing the other to play, and ask the forced one if they enjoy themselves, or if they really don't like it. Talk to both, and make sure they both understand the circumstances. Also, tell the one who's forcing the other to play to stop, and that they don't have to come. That's just being controlling.
Pretty much what manic*b said. Control issues, and relationship issues in general are not something you should have to deal with at the gaming table. If the couple's issues are becoming the gaming groups problems and issues politely ask the couple to either leave the game or work out their issues on their own time.
If a couple can play together and not create issues for the rest of the group it can be great to include them.
I don't think this is exclusive to couples, when you have close friends or co-workers in a group often one will drop out if the other does. And it's certainly not true of all couples. Not letting couples join in because of what *might* happen seems silly to me, just chat to them beforehand and ask if it's something they both want to do and if they can both make the commitment to attend.
I agree with DavidOrsino, don't punish all couples as a broad category. Set expectations for what it takes to be in your campaign, reinforce the focus on everyone being there because they are having fun and want it, and move forward with that.
I have a situation that was reversed but still may be helpful in this conversation:
I have a group that I've been DMing for almost 3 years now, I started with six players and I'm now down to five. When I dropped down to five players I found that it was the perfect fit, I liked the feel of the group, table, flow, pace, etc. and decided that's where I'd stay when it came to player number. A few sessions later one of my players asked if their boyfriend could join us. I got "He's bored at home, he hasn't played in forever since he's moved away from his old group, and you did have six players". Now, I really don't like saying no to my friends, it's not fun watching disappointment in their eyes, but I finally found a good rhythm for the game. Then one of the other players boyfriend started showing interest in joining the game, this guy had never played and I love bringing new people into the game. However, I really struggled with adding a new player, or two, since the game had just started to take off with the group and everyone seemed to be really enjoying themselves.
I ended up giving half answers, biding my time, putting off making any definitive answer to the question. After a few weeks of this I could tell both of them were getting really annoyed with me, and they'd both had their boyfriends over to watch the game and hang out. So, I put on my big boy pants and looked at the table, the two boyfriends, and I explained that I really enjoyed the table size and as much as I would love to have them participate, it would not be with this group and we could find a different way to get them in a game. I didn't lose the players, I didn't have a coup because of hurt feelings, everyone was ok with the answer, even though it wasn't a yes. I treated everyone with respect, I was honest, and I didn't mince my words.
If you're having trouble with couples, partners, a duo of friends, just talk to them. Whether you do it with the two people or the table as a whole, an honest conversation will do more good than harm. If they don't like your answer and one or both leave, then you know that you weren't the problem, they were.
So I have had bad experience with them because of these two simple facts. One, when one of them is forcing the other to play with them. Two, when one wants to leave the game the other has to follow.
So how should I work with couples. Should I exclude them or should I include them.
If this couple becomes too problematic for other players and future sessions, where you as a DM are wondering a half hour before it starts whether who's going to show up, cut them both out. But, if only ONE wants to stay, then let them stay. Talk to the one who's forcing the other to play, and ask the forced one if they enjoy themselves, or if they really don't like it. Talk to both, and make sure they both understand the circumstances. Also, tell the one who's forcing the other to play to stop, and that they don't have to come. That's just being controlling.
Pretty much what manic*b said. Control issues, and relationship issues in general are not something you should have to deal with at the gaming table. If the couple's issues are becoming the gaming groups problems and issues politely ask the couple to either leave the game or work out their issues on their own time.
If a couple can play together and not create issues for the rest of the group it can be great to include them.
I don't think this is exclusive to couples, when you have close friends or co-workers in a group often one will drop out if the other does. And it's certainly not true of all couples. Not letting couples join in because of what *might* happen seems silly to me, just chat to them beforehand and ask if it's something they both want to do and if they can both make the commitment to attend.
I agree with DavidOrsino, don't punish all couples as a broad category. Set expectations for what it takes to be in your campaign, reinforce the focus on everyone being there because they are having fun and want it, and move forward with that.
I have a situation that was reversed but still may be helpful in this conversation:
I have a group that I've been DMing for almost 3 years now, I started with six players and I'm now down to five. When I dropped down to five players I found that it was the perfect fit, I liked the feel of the group, table, flow, pace, etc. and decided that's where I'd stay when it came to player number. A few sessions later one of my players asked if their boyfriend could join us. I got "He's bored at home, he hasn't played in forever since he's moved away from his old group, and you did have six players". Now, I really don't like saying no to my friends, it's not fun watching disappointment in their eyes, but I finally found a good rhythm for the game. Then one of the other players boyfriend started showing interest in joining the game, this guy had never played and I love bringing new people into the game. However, I really struggled with adding a new player, or two, since the game had just started to take off with the group and everyone seemed to be really enjoying themselves.
I ended up giving half answers, biding my time, putting off making any definitive answer to the question. After a few weeks of this I could tell both of them were getting really annoyed with me, and they'd both had their boyfriends over to watch the game and hang out. So, I put on my big boy pants and looked at the table, the two boyfriends, and I explained that I really enjoyed the table size and as much as I would love to have them participate, it would not be with this group and we could find a different way to get them in a game. I didn't lose the players, I didn't have a coup because of hurt feelings, everyone was ok with the answer, even though it wasn't a yes. I treated everyone with respect, I was honest, and I didn't mince my words.
If you're having trouble with couples, partners, a duo of friends, just talk to them. Whether you do it with the two people or the table as a whole, an honest conversation will do more good than harm. If they don't like your answer and one or both leave, then you know that you weren't the problem, they were.