So, I play DnD with my cousins a lot(I started playing like, this month and have only played with them). I have one cousin, which I wanna play with, but there are two problems.
Chaotic Stupid.. He's Chaotic stupid every time he makes a character. Chaotic neutral or chaotic evil. He robs "banks" every turn(what are medieval banks even like?) and every time he's in a kingdom, "I find the king". Then? "I kill the king."
Stress.. When something doesn't go his way, he gets so frustrated. Sometimes, he mutters "I hate this (beep)ing game," when no, he doesn't. Once, I was trying to decide some fair loot for killing a Tiamat(which I gave 500 health because he was level 3), he saw the Orb of Dragonkind. When I told him I couldn't give it to him, he punched a box next to him as hard as he could, multiple times. He gets kind of frustrated.. every. Single. Time. And sometimes he's like, "oh but I'm supposed to roll a 10 like last time," or "last time you (insert here)". Things change, and we just started to play not long ago. I'm trying to adapt to the game and learn. He makes me feel so stressful sometimes.
I'm not just gonna stop playing with him. And.. I'm pretty awkward. ..What should I do?
HIs reactions as you describe to such tiny little things indicates a monumentally severe mental instability/anger issue that will be dangerous.
So either he is desperate need of psychological help for his and others safety, or you're describing his actions very inaccurately.
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I agree with cybermind. This person as described has issues that go well beyond D&D. Depending on your relationship with the rest of the family, you may want to talk to his parents, or talk to your parents and ask them to bring it up with his parents. I wish I had some better advice for you on how to approach it, it’s likely to be a difficult situation no matter what.
I agree with cybermind. This person as described has issues that go well beyond D&D. Depending on your relationship with the rest of the family, you may want to talk to his parents, or talk to your parents and ask them to bring it up with his parents. I wish I had some better advice for you on how to approach it, it’s likely to be a difficult situation no matter what.
Well, we're both pretty young, and I think its more like.. a rage. I don't know if that changes anything? I don't really think he is in any need of psychological help. He isn't always like this.
(note, he hit the box pretty hard, but not really hard enough to damage it.)
Im not even going to pretend to know if there’s a problem or not — I’m no therapist or psychologist, and I’ve never met the kid. But I do know that there are much healthier ways of dealing with frustration than punching things. That’s why I’d suggest talking with an adult who can help you navigate this. Your parents probably know him, and may be better able to give you suggestions about what to do.
"Chaotic stupid" is indeed an alignment that shows up among kids on occasion. It helps when they understand that they don't get to pick the consequences of their actions. If the DM didn't narrate the outcome, it didn't happen.
CS player: "I hack the kings head off!"
DM: "Okay, hold on a moment. You could draw your sword to attack, and we can roll for initiative. But you should know that the king has a LOT of guards that will come, and he himself has trained as a warrior since childhood under the best tutors. You will likely die. Quickly. Are you sure you want to do this?"
I agree that the best thing is to get an adult. I can retrain (to some extent) teens who play like this, but I'm an adult, not their peer. It's good that this only comes up in the game. I'd be more worried if he was always like this. Partly it could be difficulties in learning to play together.
Do you know any parents/aunts/uncles who play? You could recruit them as DM, or as a player if they don't play. Explain why you need help. Grown ups can be useful sometimes!
Definitely find a parent or aunt or uncle or other adult who can supervise and maybe run a short adventure for you. It sounds like your group has not really gotten the hang of how D&D is even played, which may be part of the problem.
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WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
"Chaotic stupid" is indeed an alignment that shows up among kids on occasion. It helps when they understand that they don't get to pick the consequences of their actions. If the DM didn't narrate the outcome, it didn't happen.
CS player: "I hack the kings head off!"
DM: "Okay, hold on a moment. You could draw your sword to attack, and we can roll for initiative. But you should know that the king has a LOT of guards that will come, and he himself has trained as a warrior since childhood under the best tutors. You will likely die. Quickly. Are you sure you want to do this?"
I agree that the best thing is to get an adult. I can retrain (to some extent) teens who play like this, but I'm an adult, not their peer. It's good that this only comes up in the game. I'd be more worried if he was always like this. Partly it could be difficulties in learning to play together.
Do you know any parents/aunts/uncles who play? You could recruit them as DM, or as a player if they don't play. Explain why you need help. Grown ups can be useful sometimes!
Thanks! I always forget, I'm the DM and I can teach him consequences still exist in DnD..
Sadly, I don't know any adults who would play(except my uncle, who lives in a different state.
I don't normally recommend this, but maybe watch some of the better streams out there to see how DMing and playing are normally done. It can be hard to picture how it is played, until you see it done.
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WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
I don't normally recommend this, but maybe watch some of the better streams out there to see how DMing and playing are normally done. It can be hard to picture how it is played, until you see it done.
This series, Dungeons of Drakkenheim, is also good. Again, nothing raunchy or over the top dark (Harry Potter level appropriateness): https://youtu.be/MNcpxqT_WsM
Let your parents know what you're watching, and why. (I don't need/want to know your age, but I assume you haven't left home.) Tell them you need to help your cousin see how to play this game in a more positive way, cause it's stressing you out. It's a life coping skill too, and grown ups like that sort of thing.
Maybe grab some popcorn and watch the short one together. Or the Dungeons of Drakkenheim Rat's Nest episode. One character in that nearly dies, and he is a great example of how to have fun when things aren't going your way. You guys can laugh together at someone else's in-game disaster. Epic Success = awesomeness, Epic Failure = comedic gold
Your cousin may see this like a video game still, and more of a "winning/losing" deal. But it's not really about that. It's about the stories you tell.
If it was an adult they might need some help. If they are in the 8 to 12 year old range which seems somewhat likely then the behavior isn't that far out of the ordinary.
Unfortunately, I am not sure what the fix would be. From the sounds of it, it might be just the two of you playing - if you had other folks in the group it might help balance it out a bit. The other thing you might want to do is chat to them out of character and explain that D&D may be fantasy world but the fantasy characters all live together following laws and living together.
If there is a king then they have retainers, they have guards and they have other nobles who govern their areas. Towns will have councils or mayors or a noble who rules at the request of the king or the noble in charge of the area. The main job of these folks is to maintain order so that the folks who are getting wealthy from the system continue to get wealthy. That taxes are collected.
Your friend is likely not the only one who wants to kill the king ... there are probably others who want the job or would like to see the current one deposed. This means that the king will be well protected. He will have guards. People will not be let into his presence unless they have a good reason and they won't be armed. The whole "who is the king?", "I am going to kill the king" ... simply doesn't work unless YOU (the DM) decides you want it to. This requires that you sit down and chat with your cousin a bit about what life in your fantasy world is like so that your cousin realizes it may be fantasy but it operates on its own "realistic" rules and a character in the story doesn't have the option of doing whatever they like (unless you decide that this is what you want to run).
As DM, you CAN choose to have anything happen. Amazing magic items can fall off the back of a truck into the hands of the characters, they CAN sneak anywhere and do anything if you let them. It may not be much fun for you but you can run a game that way if you want to do so.
As for the hitting things, I would tell your cousin that if they hit things or get angry then you will likely not keep playing with them since you find it stressful and disturbing. Good and bad things can happen in any role playing game and you'd rather that they not get so upset about it. If possible, it would be nice to bring an adult in to play since they might be a better role model though I have seen adults playing D&D get a bit too involved with their character and express anger and frustration when something bad happens.
So, I play DnD with my cousins a lot(I started playing like, this month and have only played with them). I have one cousin, which I wanna play with, but there are two problems.
I'm not just gonna stop playing with him. And.. I'm pretty awkward.
..What should I do?
Recommend therapy.
HIs reactions as you describe to such tiny little things indicates a monumentally severe mental instability/anger issue that will be dangerous.
So either he is desperate need of psychological help for his and others safety, or you're describing his actions very inaccurately.
Click ✨ HERE ✨ For My Youtube Videos featuring Guides, Tips & Tricks for using D&D Beyond.
Need help with Homebrew? Check out ✨ this FAQ/Guide thread ✨ by IamSposta.
I agree with cybermind. This person as described has issues that go well beyond D&D. Depending on your relationship with the rest of the family, you may want to talk to his parents, or talk to your parents and ask them to bring it up with his parents.
I wish I had some better advice for you on how to approach it, it’s likely to be a difficult situation no matter what.
Well, we're both pretty young, and I think its more like.. a rage. I don't know if that changes anything? I don't really think he is in any need of psychological help. He isn't always like this.
(note, he hit the box pretty hard, but not really hard enough to damage it.)
Im not even going to pretend to know if there’s a problem or not — I’m no therapist or psychologist, and I’ve never met the kid. But I do know that there are much healthier ways of dealing with frustration than punching things. That’s why I’d suggest talking with an adult who can help you navigate this. Your parents probably know him, and may be better able to give you suggestions about what to do.
"Chaotic stupid" is indeed an alignment that shows up among kids on occasion. It helps when they understand that they don't get to pick the consequences of their actions. If the DM didn't narrate the outcome, it didn't happen.
CS player: "I hack the kings head off!"
DM: "Okay, hold on a moment. You could draw your sword to attack, and we can roll for initiative. But you should know that the king has a LOT of guards that will come, and he himself has trained as a warrior since childhood under the best tutors. You will likely die. Quickly. Are you sure you want to do this?"
I agree that the best thing is to get an adult. I can retrain (to some extent) teens who play like this, but I'm an adult, not their peer. It's good that this only comes up in the game. I'd be more worried if he was always like this. Partly it could be difficulties in learning to play together.
Do you know any parents/aunts/uncles who play? You could recruit them as DM, or as a player if they don't play. Explain why you need help. Grown ups can be useful sometimes!
Definitely find a parent or aunt or uncle or other adult who can supervise and maybe run a short adventure for you. It sounds like your group has not really gotten the hang of how D&D is even played, which may be part of the problem.
WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
Thanks! I always forget, I'm the DM and I can teach him consequences still exist in DnD..
Sadly, I don't know any adults who would play(except my uncle, who lives in a different state.
I don't normally recommend this, but maybe watch some of the better streams out there to see how DMing and playing are normally done. It can be hard to picture how it is played, until you see it done.
WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
Would be out of my group real fast. I would not put up with a tantrum like that.
This is a half hour game example, nothing raunchy in it: https://youtu.be/yLEMb_RIZ3o
This series, Dungeons of Drakkenheim, is also good. Again, nothing raunchy or over the top dark (Harry Potter level appropriateness): https://youtu.be/MNcpxqT_WsM
Let your parents know what you're watching, and why. (I don't need/want to know your age, but I assume you haven't left home.) Tell them you need to help your cousin see how to play this game in a more positive way, cause it's stressing you out. It's a life coping skill too, and grown ups like that sort of thing.
Maybe grab some popcorn and watch the short one together. Or the Dungeons of Drakkenheim Rat's Nest episode. One character in that nearly dies, and he is a great example of how to have fun when things aren't going your way. You guys can laugh together at someone else's in-game disaster. Epic Success = awesomeness, Epic Failure = comedic gold
Your cousin may see this like a video game still, and more of a "winning/losing" deal. But it's not really about that. It's about the stories you tell.
If it was an adult they might need some help. If they are in the 8 to 12 year old range which seems somewhat likely then the behavior isn't that far out of the ordinary.
Unfortunately, I am not sure what the fix would be. From the sounds of it, it might be just the two of you playing - if you had other folks in the group it might help balance it out a bit. The other thing you might want to do is chat to them out of character and explain that D&D may be fantasy world but the fantasy characters all live together following laws and living together.
If there is a king then they have retainers, they have guards and they have other nobles who govern their areas. Towns will have councils or mayors or a noble who rules at the request of the king or the noble in charge of the area. The main job of these folks is to maintain order so that the folks who are getting wealthy from the system continue to get wealthy. That taxes are collected.
Your friend is likely not the only one who wants to kill the king ... there are probably others who want the job or would like to see the current one deposed. This means that the king will be well protected. He will have guards. People will not be let into his presence unless they have a good reason and they won't be armed. The whole "who is the king?", "I am going to kill the king" ... simply doesn't work unless YOU (the DM) decides you want it to. This requires that you sit down and chat with your cousin a bit about what life in your fantasy world is like so that your cousin realizes it may be fantasy but it operates on its own "realistic" rules and a character in the story doesn't have the option of doing whatever they like (unless you decide that this is what you want to run).
As DM, you CAN choose to have anything happen. Amazing magic items can fall off the back of a truck into the hands of the characters, they CAN sneak anywhere and do anything if you let them. It may not be much fun for you but you can run a game that way if you want to do so.
As for the hitting things, I would tell your cousin that if they hit things or get angry then you will likely not keep playing with them since you find it stressful and disturbing. Good and bad things can happen in any role playing game and you'd rather that they not get so upset about it. If possible, it would be nice to bring an adult in to play since they might be a better role model though I have seen adults playing D&D get a bit too involved with their character and express anger and frustration when something bad happens.
Don't play with this person. Not even go fish. Tell his parents. And don't play with him.
No Gaming is Better than Bad Gaming.