So I am DMing a campaign of 7 people every Friday at 5:30 till 10 and I am having some issues with certain players. We play in person and I have know my players for years and we just started D&D recently. The group dynamic is a combination of small friend groups and we all get along really really well outside of the game. However, in-game they seem very disinterested and one of them keeps falling asleep and leaving halfway through or talking about other things and they also think the role-playing part of D&D is lame which is making the other players who are interested in playing distracted and really put off. In session zero I told my players that it's ok to not show up but I need to know before the day of. Last session the players didn't show up and we waited to start for them, then they texted me saying that they aren't coming. However, all week they were talking about coming and even the day of they are talking about coming. Driving distance is not an issue and so is work for the players because they both have that day and the weekend off. We even tried to change the day for them but it still keeps happening. I understand if players get held up at work or if family issues come up but the player's recent excuses have been that they are making other plans. It's stalling progress so much that the other players are getting bored and wanting the session to end quickly even though were are still getting started. I am close to just writing them out of the campaign.
if it was me, and they canceled again, i would let them know i would be removing them from the campaign until their schedule cleared up. You put alot of work into building each mission and dedicating time to your other players to make sure they have a good time. it isnt fair to the others that 15 minutes before every session, you have to change things up because they consistently cancel.
i run an online session with friends around the states and they show up and thank me for after each session. i told them that if they constantly cancel, i will have no problem removing them from the game. dont want this to sound harsh but you need to stand up for yourself and let them know the deal.
If you have a scheduled D&D session and people put other plans ahead of it, they’re out. Work, family, and plans made before planning the session are reasonable excuses: other plans just mean you’re a second option, and they’ll only hang out with you if they’ve got nothing better to do.
It sounds like you’ll have to write them out. It’s no good being someone’s backup friends. Real friends stick to their earliest commitments.
It is very hard with real-life friends, rather than some faceless online acquaintance, to boot people from a game. It is not easy to do that without it damaging the friendship. I have no easy answers for this... but I would like a slightly more organized description of what has been happening.
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WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
It is very hard with real-life friends, rather than some faceless online acquaintance, to boot people from a game. It is not easy to do that without it damaging the friendship. I have no easy answers for this... but I would like a slightly more organized description of what has been happening.
Yep, this. I know my advice was pretty harsh, but at least explain your reasoning to them and give them a chance to correct the issue before you boot them. To me, the friendship is bigger than the game, and the reason you kick someone is for being a bad friend, not a bad player. So it’s something to think carefully about.
Sorry for the confusion, I'm not the best at explaining situations like this. The players canceling are a couple and one of them keeps falling asleep during my sessions and was do it during our other friend's sessions before my campaign started. To me, it feels very rude to fall asleep almost every session and use it as a way to leave early every time they do show up. I have talked to players about this but nothing changed. Actually, tonight, the players came late, and right after we started a battle the player said they had to leave because they had reservations for dinner. I can tell it was upsetting to the other players and the battle was much harder for everyone. I also feel like I can't move forward with the story when they are not there because they miss important details about it.
If you have a scheduled D&D session and people put other plans ahead of it, they’re out. Work, family, and plans made before planning the session are reasonable excuses: other plans just mean you’re a second option, and they’ll only hang out with you if they’ve got nothing better to do.
It sounds like you’ll have to write them out. It’s no good being someone’s backup friends. Real friends stick to their earliest commitments.
Work, family, trips, school, and plans before the session are perfectly understandable and I would never even consider removing them for things like that. We have tried every day of the week to see what works for them but that's at the cost of the other players who have prior commitments that they cant change. When we do other days as well, the players still do the same things.
Dude. I hate to say it but they're just not into you. Let them go.
In all seriousness though, as a DM it your responsibility to deal with disruptive players. People not turning up, regularly cancelling, leaving early without prior warning and (I cant believe I have to say this) FALLING ASLEEP(are you serious!?) are disruptive players and they need to change immediately or leave. If they can't change then they leave now and rejoin when they/their situation has changed.
It sucks, and you always feel like you are going to lose a friend (and you may), but it's your responsibility to have a conversation with them, the sooner the better, and tell them that as they are not interested in playing then they won't be included in the game moving forward.
EVERYONE will be better off. The players won't have their game ruined, you and your work won't be disrespected, and they won't have to keep attending an event they obviously don't enjoy. As is, everyone's time is being wasted.
Every DM has to have a hard conversation like this at some point. Best not to put it off. Good luck. Your players (who legitimately care) will thank you.
Yep. It's always hard to cut people from the table, but remember, you're not just doing it for you—you're doing it for the other players, who probably aren't having fun with these people as well. Good luck with this tough situation!
The behavior described does not seem fixable at this point. So realistically, you have to remove them from the session. You are having bad D&D, which doesn't work - eventually all the players in your game will realize the Coleville maxim: "No D&D is better than bad D&D," and leave your game.
At this point, I would either find a way to extract them, or stop running games.
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WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
Real life is messy and sometimes stuff happens like illness or family issues but making a dinner reservation like you describe is not one of those things it is outragously rude and disrespectful to everyone else at the table. As hard as it is you need to tell them frankly how selfish they are being.
As to the falling asleep, I had a friend who was always falling asleep, on one memorable occasssion on the summit of a mountain we had just climbed. We thought it was cute, turned out she had a serious issue with her thyroid.
I’m with the others, it sounds like they don’t really want to play. It can be hard with friends, but maybe gently talk to them between sessions and ask if they still are interested in the game. You could let them know it makes it harder for you if you don’t know whether or not they’re going to be there from one session to the next. Could also be they are concerned about hurting your feelings if they drop out. Maybe you need to give them “permission” to leave and make sure they know you won’t take it personally if they don’t want to play.
Sorry for the confusion, I'm not the best at explaining situations like this. The players canceling are a couple and one of them keeps falling asleep during my sessions and was do it during our other friend's sessions before my campaign started. To me, it feels very rude to fall asleep almost every session and use it as a way to leave early every time they do show up. I have talked to players about this but nothing changed. Actually, tonight, the players came late, and right after we started a battle the player said they had to leave because they had reservations for dinner. I can tell it was upsetting to the other players and the battle was much harder for everyone. I also feel like I can't move forward with the story when they are not there because they miss important details about it.
Ok yes it is rude but if this person is working hard, driving a distance and then getting to the table tired I consider you sit down with them and work out how they can be helped.
On a second point you made, I have played with plenty of players and played plenty of games where we just didn’t roleplay, they turned up, rolled dice, hit things, did everything in the 3rd person (my character will ask where the prisoner is and who hired this guy in an intimidating way) and still had a great time.
Now what you need to do is work out the kind of game that best suits these players if they are getting bored around the table then consider ways to injects a bit more energy (standing up during combat is one way). But also consider the story you are telling.
Ultimatley you need to work out what is best for your table it feels like this couple are not getting what they want out of DnD, and that is fine, talk to them, ask them what would make them more engaged and want to come and play. If it is a case of the time or the day then consider shorter sessions. Tiredness is a thing and being a player, sitting there waiting your turn to go, can be mentally taxing especially if you are already tired from work/travel.
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So I am DMing a campaign of 7 people every Friday at 5:30 till 10 and I am having some issues with certain players. We play in person and I have know my players for years and we just started D&D recently. The group dynamic is a combination of small friend groups and we all get along really really well outside of the game. However, in-game they seem very disinterested and one of them keeps falling asleep and leaving halfway through or talking about other things and they also think the role-playing part of D&D is lame which is making the other players who are interested in playing distracted and really put off. In session zero I told my players that it's ok to not show up but I need to know before the day of. Last session the players didn't show up and we waited to start for them, then they texted me saying that they aren't coming. However, all week they were talking about coming and even the day of they are talking about coming. Driving distance is not an issue and so is work for the players because they both have that day and the weekend off. We even tried to change the day for them but it still keeps happening. I understand if players get held up at work or if family issues come up but the player's recent excuses have been that they are making other plans. It's stalling progress so much that the other players are getting bored and wanting the session to end quickly even though were are still getting started. I am close to just writing them out of the campaign.
This is very confusing.
Is the bored/sleeping person the same as the one(s) who are canceling?
Have you talked to the player(s) to explain how this is making a hash of your campaign?
WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
if it was me, and they canceled again, i would let them know i would be removing them from the campaign until their schedule cleared up. You put alot of work into building each mission and dedicating time to your other players to make sure they have a good time. it isnt fair to the others that 15 minutes before every session, you have to change things up because they consistently cancel.
i run an online session with friends around the states and they show up and thank me for after each session. i told them that if they constantly cancel, i will have no problem removing them from the game. dont want this to sound harsh but you need to stand up for yourself and let them know the deal.
If you have a scheduled D&D session and people put other plans ahead of it, they’re out. Work, family, and plans made before planning the session are reasonable excuses: other plans just mean you’re a second option, and they’ll only hang out with you if they’ve got nothing better to do.
It sounds like you’ll have to write them out. It’s no good being someone’s backup friends. Real friends stick to their earliest commitments.
Wizard (Gandalf) of the Tolkien Club
It is very hard with real-life friends, rather than some faceless online acquaintance, to boot people from a game. It is not easy to do that without it damaging the friendship. I have no easy answers for this... but I would like a slightly more organized description of what has been happening.
WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
Yep, this. I know my advice was pretty harsh, but at least explain your reasoning to them and give them a chance to correct the issue before you boot them. To me, the friendship is bigger than the game, and the reason you kick someone is for being a bad friend, not a bad player. So it’s something to think carefully about.
Wizard (Gandalf) of the Tolkien Club
Sorry for the confusion, I'm not the best at explaining situations like this. The players canceling are a couple and one of them keeps falling asleep during my sessions and was do it during our other friend's sessions before my campaign started. To me, it feels very rude to fall asleep almost every session and use it as a way to leave early every time they do show up. I have talked to players about this but nothing changed. Actually, tonight, the players came late, and right after we started a battle the player said they had to leave because they had reservations for dinner. I can tell it was upsetting to the other players and the battle was much harder for everyone. I also feel like I can't move forward with the story when they are not there because they miss important details about it.
Work, family, trips, school, and plans before the session are perfectly understandable and I would never even consider removing them for things like that. We have tried every day of the week to see what works for them but that's at the cost of the other players who have prior commitments that they cant change. When we do other days as well, the players still do the same things.
Dude. I hate to say it but they're just not into you. Let them go.
In all seriousness though, as a DM it your responsibility to deal with disruptive players. People not turning up, regularly cancelling, leaving early without prior warning and (I cant believe I have to say this) FALLING ASLEEP(are you serious!?) are disruptive players and they need to change immediately or leave. If they can't change then they leave now and rejoin when they/their situation has changed.
It sucks, and you always feel like you are going to lose a friend (and you may), but it's your responsibility to have a conversation with them, the sooner the better, and tell them that as they are not interested in playing then they won't be included in the game moving forward.
EVERYONE will be better off. The players won't have their game ruined, you and your work won't be disrespected, and they won't have to keep attending an event they obviously don't enjoy. As is, everyone's time is being wasted.
Every DM has to have a hard conversation like this at some point. Best not to put it off. Good luck. Your players (who legitimately care) will thank you.
Yep. It's always hard to cut people from the table, but remember, you're not just doing it for you—you're doing it for the other players, who probably aren't having fun with these people as well. Good luck with this tough situation!
Wizard (Gandalf) of the Tolkien Club
The behavior described does not seem fixable at this point. So realistically, you have to remove them from the session. You are having bad D&D, which doesn't work - eventually all the players in your game will realize the Coleville maxim: "No D&D is better than bad D&D," and leave your game.
At this point, I would either find a way to extract them, or stop running games.
WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
Real life is messy and sometimes stuff happens like illness or family issues but making a dinner reservation like you describe is not one of those things it is outragously rude and disrespectful to everyone else at the table. As hard as it is you need to tell them frankly how selfish they are being.
As to the falling asleep, I had a friend who was always falling asleep, on one memorable occasssion on the summit of a mountain we had just climbed. We thought it was cute, turned out she had a serious issue with her thyroid.
I’m with the others, it sounds like they don’t really want to play. It can be hard with friends, but maybe gently talk to them between sessions and ask if they still are interested in the game. You could let them know it makes it harder for you if you don’t know whether or not they’re going to be there from one session to the next.
Could also be they are concerned about hurting your feelings if they drop out. Maybe you need to give them “permission” to leave and make sure they know you won’t take it personally if they don’t want to play.
Ok yes it is rude but if this person is working hard, driving a distance and then getting to the table tired I consider you sit down with them and work out how they can be helped.
On a second point you made, I have played with plenty of players and played plenty of games where we just didn’t roleplay, they turned up, rolled dice, hit things, did everything in the 3rd person (my character will ask where the prisoner is and who hired this guy in an intimidating way) and still had a great time.
Now what you need to do is work out the kind of game that best suits these players if they are getting bored around the table then consider ways to injects a bit more energy (standing up during combat is one way). But also consider the story you are telling.
Ultimatley you need to work out what is best for your table it feels like this couple are not getting what they want out of DnD, and that is fine, talk to them, ask them what would make them more engaged and want to come and play. If it is a case of the time or the day then consider shorter sessions. Tiredness is a thing and being a player, sitting there waiting your turn to go, can be mentally taxing especially if you are already tired from work/travel.