Hey everyone. Name is Spirit. I've been DMing for nearly a year now and from the looks of it my group is about to break up due to pretty much real life stuff. I understand all this but it's the first time I've ever had to deal with something like this. On top of that the news comes after we're close to starting a new campaign and the rather sudden passing of one of out players, rest her soul. I guess I'm just asking those who have had groups break apart if there's any tips on how to deal with this as a DM cause I feel pretty heart broken. I love my players and I love this game but I don't think I'll ever be able to DM again because I know so few people who would be willing to even give it a try. Can someone help give me some advice?
sorry to hear about what's happening. First thing to recognise is that you're experiencing grief. This happens a lot for various reasons, but the important part is that you understand that, and process it properly, e.g. 7 stages of grief, etc. Essentially, you are emotionally working out a change. Depending on the type of person you are, it may help to talk to someone you trust about how you are feeling, to help you process the feelings and come to accept the new circumstances.
One thing that you may want to do if the game has not ended yet is to end it with a note of celebration or conclusion. Basically, end it well in a manner that celebrates not so much the campaign but the shared experience of it. A final climactic epic battle, perhaps, followed by a moment to remember all that had gone before, or some such.
You'll DM again. Soon the itch will return and you'll find a way.
I DM'd a group in Middle School, moved, DM'd a group in High School, joined the military, DM'd a group at Lackland in Tech School, got stationed to Edwards AFB, DM'd a group there, Got stationed to Korea, DM'd a group there, got sent to Qatar, DM'd a group there, got out of the military and went to college, DM'd a group there, moved again, DM'd a group in the new city, got employed, introduced co-workers to D&D, DM'd them, joined D&D Beyond, DM''d a new group, then started DMing a PbP.
There's groups everywhere, you just have to look for them. ;)
sorry to hear about what's happening. First thing to recognise is that you're experiencing grief. This happens a lot for various reasons, but the important part is that you understand that, and process it properly, e.g. 7 stages of grief, etc. Essentially, you are emotionally working out a change. Depending on the type of person you are, it may help to talk to someone you trust about how you are feeling, to help you process the feelings and come to accept the new circumstances.
One thing that you may want to do if the game has not ended yet is to end it with a note of celebration or conclusion. Basically, end it well in a manner that celebrates not so much the campaign but the shared experience of it. A final climactic epic battle, perhaps, followed by a moment to remember all that had gone before, or some such.
This is some really fantastic advice! Well said.
I'm also sorry to hear your friend passed away; I hope that you and your friends will be ok.
I moved out of my home country this year to pursue a new career. That led to me also having to leave behind the group who I DMed for over 5 years. Those guys were my best friends, and I was very sad to go knowing that the place I'd be going would have a near 0% chance of finding another group to play the game with. I've been living abroad for about six months and its still a huge bummer not getting to play anymore. So far, I've tried two things: first, I started watching more DnD Live Stream games. Maybe I don't get to play, but it can be really fun watching other people play and getting involved with a community of fans. Critical Role has great production value, as does the official D&D YouTube/Twitch crew. My personal favorite is Court of Swords with the Roleplay crew on the ItMeJp Twitch channel. Second, I tried getting involved in some Play-by-Post (PbP) games here on DDBeyond. I did a lot of PbP when I was in high school, so I thought I'd see how relevant it was for 5E. There's a pretty small window to join games here when someone posts a recruitment thread, but if you're willing to run a relatively standard game, you'll get many people responding and wanting to play. That being said, PbP is a pretty different experience from regular play, so consider this just a recommendation, but it's understandable if you're not that into it.
I kind of get where you're coming from. My main group, the second one I played with and the first one I really enjoyed, and DM'd for, imploded several years ago. I did not actively seek out a new group for a while, just kind of aching from the fallout of one particular lost friendship. It took time to get back into it, but I found a group mostly through accident a couple years later.
Give yourself time to grieve. Get back into it when you can, because there's nothing like this game, or DMing. You could find a group anywhere. I went to a college club activity and hit it off with a bunch of random nerds. Then my future wife was invited by a party member to join the third campaign with that group, and the rest is history.
I guess my main point is that you can find players anywhere if you go searching or just stay open to the possibility. Maybe you just haven't met some of your greatest friends yet.
First comment is absolutely right, this is the grief. It's understandable to feel this way,it's healthy to acknowledge it, and it'll take time. Grief like this can seep into everything, including the game. Don't feel bad about it though, it means your friend and the time you all spent with them was special and important. Move through it at your own pace.
Talk to the group. Tell them how you feel about your friend and the game. Tell them how you still want to play and that you don't want the group to disintegrate over this. Ask for their opinions and listen to them. Chances are they are mourning just like you and could use the help. If you can all move through mourning the loss and celebrating his life together, I'm sure you'll all find the desire to play together again. Maybe you'll need a new campaign to get that fresh breath, maybe you'll finish the other before moving on. In any case, be there for them and let them be there for you. Doing that will make everything else make sense and work out, even if it's not the way you'd plan. Good luck to you and yours. Hope your friend's spirit is with you all as you get through this.
If, however, your group still disbands, and you have trouble finding new players near you, there are other options. Check out Roll20 or Fantasy Grounds where you can play online. In their forums they have directories for groups you can join, as a player or a DM.
"Orcs are savage raiders and pillagers with stooped postures, low foreheads, and piggish faces with prominent lower canines that resemble tusks." MM p245 (original printing) You don't OWN your books on DDB: WotC can change them any time. What do you think will happen when OneD&D comes out?
If, however, your group still disbands, and you have trouble finding new players near you, there are other options. Check out Roll20 or Fantasy Grounds where you can play online. In their forums they have directories for groups you can join, as a player or a DM.
Hey everyone. Name is Spirit. I've been DMing for nearly a year now and from the looks of it my group is about to break up due to pretty much real life stuff. I understand all this but it's the first time I've ever had to deal with something like this. On top of that the news comes after we're close to starting a new campaign and the rather sudden passing of one of out players, rest her soul. I guess I'm just asking those who have had groups break apart if there's any tips on how to deal with this as a DM cause I feel pretty heart broken. I love my players and I love this game but I don't think I'll ever be able to DM again because I know so few people who would be willing to even give it a try. Can someone help give me some advice?
Hi there,
sorry to hear about what's happening. First thing to recognise is that you're experiencing grief. This happens a lot for various reasons, but the important part is that you understand that, and process it properly, e.g. 7 stages of grief, etc. Essentially, you are emotionally working out a change. Depending on the type of person you are, it may help to talk to someone you trust about how you are feeling, to help you process the feelings and come to accept the new circumstances.
One thing that you may want to do if the game has not ended yet is to end it with a note of celebration or conclusion. Basically, end it well in a manner that celebrates not so much the campaign but the shared experience of it. A final climactic epic battle, perhaps, followed by a moment to remember all that had gone before, or some such.
You'll DM again. Soon the itch will return and you'll find a way.
I DM'd a group in Middle School, moved, DM'd a group in High School, joined the military, DM'd a group at Lackland in Tech School, got stationed to Edwards AFB, DM'd a group there, Got stationed to Korea, DM'd a group there, got sent to Qatar, DM'd a group there, got out of the military and went to college, DM'd a group there, moved again, DM'd a group in the new city, got employed, introduced co-workers to D&D, DM'd them, joined D&D Beyond, DM''d a new group, then started DMing a PbP.
There's groups everywhere, you just have to look for them. ;)
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Spirit,
I kind of get where you're coming from. My main group, the second one I played with and the first one I really enjoyed, and DM'd for, imploded several years ago. I did not actively seek out a new group for a while, just kind of aching from the fallout of one particular lost friendship. It took time to get back into it, but I found a group mostly through accident a couple years later.
Give yourself time to grieve. Get back into it when you can, because there's nothing like this game, or DMing. You could find a group anywhere. I went to a college club activity and hit it off with a bunch of random nerds. Then my future wife was invited by a party member to join the third campaign with that group, and the rest is history.
I guess my main point is that you can find players anywhere if you go searching or just stay open to the possibility. Maybe you just haven't met some of your greatest friends yet.
First comment is absolutely right, this is the grief. It's understandable to feel this way,it's healthy to acknowledge it, and it'll take time. Grief like this can seep into everything, including the game. Don't feel bad about it though, it means your friend and the time you all spent with them was special and important. Move through it at your own pace.
Talk to the group. Tell them how you feel about your friend and the game. Tell them how you still want to play and that you don't want the group to disintegrate over this. Ask for their opinions and listen to them. Chances are they are mourning just like you and could use the help. If you can all move through mourning the loss and celebrating his life together, I'm sure you'll all find the desire to play together again. Maybe you'll need a new campaign to get that fresh breath, maybe you'll finish the other before moving on. In any case, be there for them and let them be there for you. Doing that will make everything else make sense and work out, even if it's not the way you'd plan. Good luck to you and yours. Hope your friend's spirit is with you all as you get through this.
#OpenDnD. #DnDBegone
Sooo much what JCAUDM said.
If, however, your group still disbands, and you have trouble finding new players near you, there are other options. Check out Roll20 or Fantasy Grounds where you can play online. In their forums they have directories for groups you can join, as a player or a DM.
https://roll20.net/
https://www.fantasygrounds.com/home/home.php
"Orcs are savage raiders and pillagers with stooped postures, low foreheads, and piggish faces with prominent lower canines that resemble tusks." MM p245 (original printing)
You don't OWN your books on DDB: WotC can change them any time. What do you think will happen when OneD&D comes out?
"Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both" -- allegedly Benjamin Franklin
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